Adrian Petersen Says He Wanted To Slap The Taste Out Of Cris Carter's Mouth During His Suspension

SI- On Sept. 17, with the league’s handling of off-field misbehavior under intense scrutiny following the release of the Ray Rice domestic-violence video, the Vikings placed Peterson on the commissioner’s exempt list, meaning he was banned from all team activities—with pay—until his case was resolved. Peterson told himself to let it all go, to pray. But it still bothers him. “I know in my heart there’s not many fathers better than me,” he says. “I’m that father that the kids run to. I’m the father they want to wrestle and play with.”

He stops. Sighs. “Cris Carter, he had so much to say,” Peterson says. “In that stage, if I would have seen Cris Carter, I probably would have slapped the taste out of his mouth.” Another pause, as if Peterson realizes how this sounds. “Because that was the mind frame I was in,” he says. “I wouldn’t have done it. But I wanted to.” (Carter and Dayton did not respond to interview requests.)


I know what Adrian Petersen did was wrong. I don't endorse the injuries he inflicted upon his son. I am certainly not going to vote for him as 'Father Of The Year', even though apparently he thinks he should be in the running. With that said, his undying desire to slap the taste out of Cris Carter's mouth makes me want to reconsider how I feel about him. Not only because "slap the taste out of your mouth" is a hysterical phrase that doesn't get nearly enough play, but because if there is a person that deserves to have one of their five senses physically removed from their disposal, it's Cris Carter. I think I actually like Adrian Peterson again. He served his time. What he did wasn't as egregious as a Ray Rice or a Greg Hardy. I think I am justified in giving him a second chance, and really, how could I not? I have been searching for ways to describe my angst towards Cris Carter since he started working for ESPN, and Adrian Peterson just summed it up in one sentence. I want to slap the taste out of his mouth. Not punch. Not kick. Slap. It's not that I want to assault Cris Carter. It's that I hope by slapping him hard enough the few brain cells he has floating around up there will somehow get shifted into place. The guy is a certified buffoon that doesn't stop talking for long enough periods of time for anyone to think otherwise.

You want to know how much Cris Carter sucks? Think about all the people that were criticizing Adrian Petersen when the fairly explicit photos of his battered son got leaked. I would go out on a limb and say that about 90% of the media was whole heartedly against him. Factor in how many sports talk personalities there are in this country and you figure the number of people with a significant audience that were openly speaking out against Adrian Petersen on a daily basis was easily triple digits. Just for arguments sake let's say there were 200. That's two hundred outspoken people that are paid to be obnoxiously controversial and Cris Carter stood alone as the sole person whose taste buds Adrian Petersen wanted to render fruitless. The whole nation was talking about how bad of a father Adrian Petersen was, and all he could think about was putting 5 fingers firmly across the face of Cris Carter. I may not like Adrian Petersen as a person, but I will be damned if I can't respect that level of animosity towards one of the biggest jackasses in sports media.

We don't respect no women? We don't respect no kids? Tell Me Cris, do we respect no English language?