Andrew Hawkins Mocked The Ridiculous Celebration Rules Following His TD, But Don't Tell The NFL That

Cody Kessler to Andrew Hawkins... That's an 11-yard @Browns TD! #NEvsCLE https://t.co/sFwGdtfeld

— NFL (@NFL) October 9, 2016

I envision the entirety of the NFL's "brain trust" sitting in the war room discussing ways to get the league's ratings back up - by conjuring up new rules that make it increasingly hard to watch, of course - when this touchdown took place. I imagine the room erupting in applause when Andrew Hawkins mechanically bent down and placed the ball on the ground before robotically pacing his way back towards his teammates. Roger Goodell proclaiming "see, we are finally getting through to these players!". Some lowly intern/servant filling up a glass of champagne for every single self-serving asshole at the roundtable that is too out-of-touch with what the fans actually want to see to realize that they were being mocked.

Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised if the Cleveland wide receiver received a gift basket in the next weeks. At the very least he should be granted a year long exception from being the focus of some completely fabricated conspiracy theory that the commissioner has the undeniable right to set in stone. Obviously he was just parodying how nauseatingly meticulous taunting penalties have become, but in the process he gave a pretty solid blueprint of exactly what the NFL hopes to achieve by fining every player that thrusts his pelvis at the air. There was nothing genuine about that celebration, but - as far as Goodell and his minions are concerned - it was fairly educational. Act like you are nothing more than an athletic cyborg and you won't be forced to pay the piper for having a personality.  Not sure how that attracts viewers or increases employee satisfaction, but it definitely does bring literally everyone else together in their hatred for an outlandishly ridiculous disciplinary process.