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Two Minutes, Well Worth It

Apparently Justin Verlander Doesn't Have Sex On Gamedays So Please Send Your T+P's To Kate Upton

2/23/2017

4 Comments

 
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FTW-  Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition model Kate Upton apparently didn’t mind revealing some extremely intimate information about her fiancee, Detroit Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander,

While appearing on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live on Wednesday night, a caller asked if Verlander has rules about what happens in the bedroom the night before a start.

“There’s no sex before a game. Absolutely none. And then, also what I just found out is, if he plays too well, there’s no sex after, either. He’s exhausted. Kind of a buzzkill for me.”




​You guy's hear about Kate Upton's buzz? Pretty sad story. Turns out it was killed. Long, torturous death too. Apparently it's health diminished once every five days between the months of March and October then all the sudden - poof - it was deceased. Poor girl. Almost feel like we should all dedicate our next penetrative act to the memory of her sex life as a sign of respect.

Honestly though, this is just Kate Upton's ultra-transparent attempt at telling the world that her and Justin Verlander still do a ton of banging, right? I'm calling bullshit that having 30 (give or take) sexless days per season is a huge deal to a couple that has spent multiple years attached at the hip. Shit, it's probably harder for them to both get in the mood at the same time 30 times per year than it is for them to abstain on days he's set to start. The only reason she's disappointed that she's not getting it when he's up in the rotation is because frowned upon fucking is the best kind of fucking, but you can bet your ass she's falling asleep early when Michael Fulmer is on the mound the night after. The other half undoubtedly lives better, but they don't live free of coital complacency. Especially when one participant wears dad jeans and other participant's weight fluctuates when the tide turns.
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