Chargers Players Trying To Urge Their Fans To Come Next Season Speaks Volumes About How Bad Things Have Gotten
Welp, it looks like the relationship between San Diego and the Chargers is going to end how nearly every long term relationship ends...one year too late. Just look at these tweets. "Fans got what they wanted"? "The stadium better be packed"? Chargers players do realize that they are the ones that tried to leave, correct? Not sure welcoming themselves back in a threatening manner is the most advantageous move.
Trust me, I know that the support in San Diego sucks. Even their home games look like away games. That's why this situation reminds me of a girl breaking up with her loser boyfriend thinking she deserves better. You know, the recently single chick that goes out and plays the field for awhile only to come to the conclusion that she's not exactly an All Star in her own right. The one that just decides that it's easier to get back with her ex-boyfriend, but slaps him with an entire index full of unrealistic expectations in the process. Yeah, that always works. Pretty sure retread relationships have a lower success rate than stripper relationships. I don't mean to shatter Keenan Allen and Melvin Ingram's hopes and dreams, but NOTHING changes when you get back with someone you have had a falling out with. Doesn't matter how honest the intentions are, inevitably everyone just reverts to being themselves. A return to San Diego was the Charger's backup plan for a reason, so it would be silly for them to expect it to be different this time around. Especially if they are already going into it with a decidedly negative attitude and under the assumption that it's temporary.
BSO- Rivers compared the Clippers forward to Richard Nixon while attempting to explain the “forgiveness” per Ben Bolch of the Los Angeles Times:
Rivers said Griffin had expressed remorse in conversations with the coach and his teammates. Griffin also has resumed speaking to Testi, Rivers said, though the coach did not know whether the longtime friends had reached an agreement that would avoid a legal entanglement.
“He feels awful about it and he’s let everyone know that,” Rivers said of Griffin. “That’s all you can do, man. You have to forgive people at some point. I believe that. We built Richard Nixon a library.”
I never thought I would ask this, but is it possible that Doc Rivers could learn a thing or two about using examples in the media from D'Angelo Russell? Jesus Christ Doc, you are supposed downplay Blake's transgressions, not accentuate them. We are going to bring up people that we now celebrate, but were widely slandered for their past mistakes and you picked Richard fucking Nixon? The goddamn WaterGate dude? The guy that was such a crook that he felt it necessary to stand up in front of the nation and declare that he wasn't a crook? I don't think having a library being built in your honor really counts as a triumphant return. Do people even go to libraries anymore? I thought that's what the internet was for? Going the presidential route and not bringing up Bill Clinton was a huge miss. The guy had one of the most publicized sex scandals in history and he's about to become the First Lady. Now that's what I call a revival! Is this really the best you got, Doc? What, was "Christopher Columbus has a day" taken? If you are going to illicit the help of historical references then the Civil War was a layup. Two members of the same "team" (America) going at each other's throats? Blake Griffin is basically what the South was, and I think we've done a pretty job of accepting them with all their flaws. Maybe not the best analogy to use while working in a predominantly black business, but far more accurate then Richard Nixon's defamation and subsequent book collection.
In reality this whole situation was just two friends that probably got drunk and definitely got stupid. Don't let the results of the altercation determine how you feel about it. Blake Griffin fucked up. I'm sure Matias Testi wasn't completely innocent either. Whatever the case may be, it doesn't need to be analyzed from the same perspective of one of the most famous instances of organized crime in this country. Mostly because Blake Griffin should be setting his goals a litttttle bit higher than having a building full of literature with his name on it.
It's not just praise that be to the most high, it's criticism as well. Doesn't matter if we are talking about the most highly regarded religious figure, most highly skilled NBA talent, or -apparently- the most highly disappointing draft pick. Not cocky at all DeAngelo, not cocky at all. Just you, LeBron, and Jesus suffering from the crippling weight of expectations. Might as well just find the nearest cross and get it out of the way now. Technically he's not wrong. If you are going to rationalize why people are knocking your game then you might as well choose two of the most accomplished people in history -whether that history be athletic or theological- to do so.
You think being a savior is a quick process? You don't just walk in off the street and get applauded before proving yourself. Jesus had to get people white girl wasted on water and cure cancer with his fingertip before people started to believe. LeBron has two championships and multiple MVP awards and he still hasn't substantiated his greatness enough for the city of Cleveland. You can say a lot about DeAngelo Russell, but don't say he doesn't have confidence in himself. Comparing the criticism he's faced as a rookie point guard on a terrible team to the criticism that LeBron James* faces for constantly letting down his hometown? Comparing his trials and tribulations to the skepticism Jesus has endured for allowing AIDS to become a thing? He must have some big plans to fail on a much larger stage. You don't publicize that correlation unless you have the intention of living up to it. Let's hope the Lakers can crawl out of the basement sometime in the next decade so that DeAngelo Russell has a chance to justify his analogy and becomes more widely condemned just like those who have attempted to persevere before him.
*You think LeBron James is more flattered to be compared to Jesus, or insulted to be compared to DeAngelo Russell? Stupid question. He probably just thinks that DeAngelo Russell referenced him twice by different names.
Andrew Ference Just Reminded Hockey Fans That Hockey Players Don't Need Reminders On How To Play Hockey
CBC- "Sometimes I get the puck right in front of the other team's net. Their goalie falls down, I'm all alone and the net is wide open, and I think, 'What do I do now?'"- Andrew Ference
The most unfortunate aspect of this video is that every true hockey fan can see the sarcasm in it. It's funny because we can all relate, but it's depressing that we all have to. Sometimes I feel like the fans in attendance that scream "shoot! shoot!" whenever a player on their team has the puck within 50 feet of the opposing net are spreading some sort of epidemic. Like they are exhaling stupidity on the row in front of them every time they try to yell a command at a player hundreds of feet away from them. It's gotten to the point where it seems like an overwhelming majority of those in attendance have been infected. Infected by the idiocy of the uninformed. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all my fellow hockey fans. There are far too few of us -especially in the United States- to be blackballing one another for the manner in which we root for our teams. That still doesn't excuse behavior that is nothing more than uneducated and nothing less than ignorant.
I'm not saying it doesn't make sense. Out of the four major sports the one that the least amount of fans have played is hockey. That's not as much of an indictment on the sport as it is a simple fact. Everyone grows up knowing how to shoot a basketball, or throw a football, or kick a soccer ball, but all you have to do is a watch a round of intermission entertainment to realize that properly shooting a hockey puck is an acquired skill that a large majority of the people in the building don't have. It's not to say that other sports aren't as complex, but everyone knows the basic concept of a pick-and-roll or a slant pattern, whereas the intricacies of cycling the puck are far more foreign to the casual fan. I suppose that leads certain people to believe that putting a puck on net through traffic is more effortless than it actually is, but it shouldn't be to the extent that half the building is pleading for it in unison. It's probably the most egregious act of negligence that takes place at professional sporting events, and if you don't believe me then just ask the guy that made a satirical viral video solely at the expense of a portion of people that pay his salary.
P.S. I was at a game one time and the group sitting around me was particularly adamant about shooting the puck so my friends and I just started responding to their cries by yelling "pass it around a lot!". Poor bastards probably still haven't figured out they were being made sport of.
I Don't Give A Damn About Wisconsin Women's Basketball, But Their Coach is Dropping Words To Live By Out Here
I really don't have all that much to add here. All in all, it was a pretty solid rant. Certainly got my attention. She made some great points. Steph Curry definitely has his tireless practice routine to thank for how far he is come. Shooting IS all about repetition. Women CANNOT dunk. I did have some mild criticisms though. First of all, "ass" packs more of a punch than "butt". Secondly, going the 'get off my lawn route' in terms of social media only makes her less relatable to her players. Lastly, women can make every jump shot they take from now until 2035 and it's not going to get more people to watch or pay attention. Whatever, that's not the point.
The point is that "you ain't gonna get it on the pillowcase" is an absolute gem. A certified platinum expression. Unless we are talking about pinkeye and errant sperm, no truer words have ever been spoken. Is that a saying? Has it just avoided me all 29 years of my life? If she just came up with that right now then she needs to trademark it before I do. This might not be a milestone accomplishment for Bobbie Kelsey, but she just became my favorite women's college basketball coach (other than C. Vivian Stringer). I don't know if there are too many times in my life when I will get to use that phrase, but you can bet your ass I'll be taking advantage of every single one of them. Might just start calling my friends during the dead of night until they pick up and telling them they ain't gonna accomplish their goals on the pillowcase. Nobody has ever napped their way to success. Never forget that.
There are just some things in life that you can't possibly know that you'll enjoy watching until you watch them, and monitor lizard-on-monitor lizard combat is one of those things. I actually sighed when this video stopped. I didn't even get to see who won. I mean, I could hardly differentiate between the two animals. I guess one is noticeably bigger? After awhile they both kind of just blended together. That doesn't mean I couldn't appreciate the level of competition though. That doesn't mean I wanted to see the feed cutout while the bout was still tied up. It's not like there is a 'Giant Lizard Fighting' section that scrolls across ESPN's bottomline. As much as I loved that I think it would have been better off unseen. Now I'll always wonder how it ended. Whoever filmed this should be ashamed of themselves. It's like videotaping a drunken altercation between two college bros. Neither cares about their surroundings, and it's really more of a wrestling match than a fight, but that doesn't mean you stop recording until one party is unconscious. Whatever. I only got to see two minutes and a half minutes, and there was no evidence of a conclusive victor, but I think we can all agree on one thing. It was more entertaining than Mayweather-Pacquiao fight.
This Man That Got Shot In The Chest Is The Coolest Customer In The Getting Shot In The Chest Business
Love this guy, absolutely love him. Just treating a gun shot wound to the chest like it's not a threat to his life, but a minor inconvenience to his daily routine. Probably says a lot about his lifestyle that a bullet in the sternum didn't even make him flinch. Whatever, that's not the point. The point is that he ain't even trippin' though. People just want him dead, no big deal. Impending death to him is what an accidental fire alarm to any one of us. He's just got to do a little house check, see if his son's okay, and make sure everything is under control so he can go back to living his life. It's not going to stop him from having a couple late night cocktails and heading out to the street for a celebration smoke. Another day in the books baby! Feel free to empty all your chambers through Devon's back window. Ain't no petty wound going to change how he goes about his day. He probably had the same reaction to getting shot as he would have had to spilling his drink, hitting the wrong button on the remote, or getting a cramp in his toe. That familiar "ahh dammit, not again" response. Oh well, you have to keep your cool in high anxiety situations like someone trying to murder you in cold blood with a deadly weapon, and there is no cooler customer than Devon Hawkins.
h/t Daily Dot
Sometimes you just have to give these guys a pass. Their job is to sit there and form original thoughts for hours on end, and from time to time they are going to trip right over a sexual pun. It's happened to the best of us, and we generally aren't expected to put together up-to-the-second updates while a microphone and dead air are staring us in the face. That's why I can overlook instances when I hear "lay the wood" or "stuck him from behind". Mostly because it's my juvenile sense of humor that makes them funny, and not the way the announcer is saying them.
Not this time. That was so blatant I have to question whether it was intentional. "I'm comin' IN...YOUR...FACE" isn't even a pun. That phrase doesn't belong anywhere near a basketball court. If you cut that saying from the broadcast and pasted it into a porno it would fit seamlessly. I mean, all of it. The build-up, the enthusiasm, the sincerity, the speed, the volume, the tone, the delivery. It was all too perfect not to be on purpose. If that line was written into the script of a basketball parody it wouldn't even get laughs because it wasn't even subtle enough to be considered innuendo. Now don't get me wrong, I still laughed out loud, but don't you dare tell me that wasn't Greg "Special K" Kelser motive. This guy is an former NBA player with a motivational speaking background. He's far too experienced to drop something that off-color with that much authority by accident.
I'll say this, if the prolonged use of marijuana could do for me what it has done for Bill Walton I would start smoking six bowls a day. I swear he lives the most carefree, happy life on the planet. Unfortunately, I don't have a professional basketball background, nor an ability to blabber on about anything and everything while I am high or Bill Walton would be my role model. The dude just made driving to Temecula, scooping up fucking dirt, and rubbing it all over his body look like the most fun thing on the planet. I don't know what my plans are for the weekend, but I would love to see if Bill is down for some edibles and a mud bath. I hope no kids were watching this broadcast because if they think that a little bit of weed can turn you into Bill Walton then they are all on the verge of sitting on their couch eating cold pizza and staring off into space for 20 hours a day. I am always amazed by people that can function in the real world stoned. I barely have the use of motor skills after a couple of puffs, and Bill Walton is just sitting there jabbering his way through a basketball broadcast talking about God knows what. He's like the most energetic pothead in the history of the world. It's like whatever strand he's inhaling is laced with cocaine. If I thought the results of his drug use were replicable I would have already started walking in his footsteps, because there isn't a single person in the world that enjoys life more than Bill Walton.
NY Daily News- The doctor who inspired the movie "Concussion" has his own verdict in the O.J. Simpson case.
Bennet Omalu believes Simpson may have sustained brain damage in an 11-year pro football career that preceded his celebrity and the disgrace that followed his 1995 murder trial. Omalu stated his theory in an interview with People magazine.
"I would bet my medical license that he has CTE," says Omalu, referring to chronic traumatic encephalopathy, the degenerative brain disease found in scores of former NFL players.
Omalu, a forensic pathologist portrayed in the film by Will Smith, said Simpson fits the profile of the disease, which can be definitely diagnosed only posthumously. Victims frequently exhibit erratic behavior, along with mood swings, violent tendencies, inability to concentrate and depression.
"Given his profile," Omalu told the magazine, "I think it's not an irresponsible conclusion to suspect he has CTE."
This poor guy. By all accounts, he's a pretty smart dude. Head injuries in the NFL aren't exactly a task that an unintelligible person would take on. Unfortunately, he's pretty much became a complete parody of himself. Sure, it's mostly Will Smith's fault for trying harder than anyone has ever tried at anything to emulate his accent, but his opinion on O.J. Simpson certainly isn't doing him any favors either. Hey Bennet, are you sure you don't have CTE? I don't want to question your advanced degrees or anything, but maybe find another wagon to hatch your reputation to other than that of the career criminal.
I am not saying it's irresponsible to say that O.J. Simpson has CTE. He played running back in the NFL for 11 years. If his brain didn't degenerate a little bit then I would question it's existence. What is irresponsible is implying that a couple concussions are the difference between a former athlete living a normal life, and a murderer with a rap sheet longer then that snooze-worthy 'Concussion' script. Something tells me if O.J. Simpson was a quarterback that wasn't constantly bashing his head into oncoming defensive players he would still be making the penitentiary his permanent residence. A couple head-to-head collisions don't transform a good-natured sweetheart into a ten-time felon (not including the time HE GOT AWAY WITH MURDER). Furthermore, people with advanced CTE might have the potential to kill, but they certainly don't have the wherewithal to get away with it. People with advanced CTE might have the ability to write a book, but they don't have the ability to write a book that completely mocks the justice system. You know who else suffers from erratic behavior, mood swings, and violent tendencies? Sociopaths. I don't think that makes them and the concussed one and the same. The Juice may have been squeezed, but there was still enough pulp floating around up there to know right from reprehensible.
P.S. CTE? Still a better excuse then "the glove don't fit, must acquit".
TWC- A man who received a haircut at a Hudson Avenue barber shop Wednesday morning thanked the barber by pointing a gun at his head.
Rochester police responded to Clippers on Hudson around 11:30 a.m. A barber at the shop says he cut the man's hair and when he was finished, the man pulled out a gun, made everyone lay down and then robbed the employees and customers of their cash and wallets.
No one was hurt. Anyone with information is asked to call 911.
On the surface, this seems like a genius move. Checks all the boxes of what you would want out of a place you're robbing. Small area where you can keep your eye on everybody. Preoccupied victims. No where to hide. You can command the entire room from one exit. Most importantly, it's a cash business. No paper trail, no problem. What could possibly go wrong?
Well, I think that kind of depends on how the haircut went, because every time I have sat down at a barbershop I have divulged my entire life story. It's like sitting down alone at bar with a bartender except you actually leave looking and feeling better than when you went in. At the very least this guy had to tell his barber his name and occupation, no? Unless he lied about it which is the legitimately the most sociopathic thing I have heard today. There's a certain code to the barbershop, and it includes telling the truth in the chair. If this disrespectful prick completely fabricated his history while he was getting a hot shave then he didn't just jeopardize the barbershop fiscally, but he compromised it's sanctity. On the other hand, If he did tell the truth then were only one barber's memory bank away from having a pretty detailed description of this guy's entire existence, and no barber has ever forgotten a single thing I have ever told them. Not to mention he knows what this guy looks like down to one misplaced hair. Hope he's not a local, or he's as good as busted. At the very least he's out a place to get a decent hair cut at a reasonable cost, and that in itself is priceless.
Hey, the guy's reputation took quite the hit when we all found out he was dating a transgendered lunatic, but I think he just willed himself back into my good graces. Not only because he's embracing all the athletics of the university that he works for, or because he actually seemed likable in this video, or because he was able to distract the opposition into missing two free throws. I think the main reason I just regained my respect for Michael Phelps is because he managed to find a way to wear all his medals in public at once and not look like a complete douche in the process. Think about it. We have seen Michael Phelps perform, what, like three, maybe four times? The guy dominated an Olympic sport for an extended period and -strictly because of a lack of face time- doesn't get talked about nearly as much as he should. A basketball player wins one championship and there are at least 82 regular season broadcasts praising him the next season. Michael Phelps has won 15 gold medals and he probably hasn't even graced my television screen 15 times. It just doesn't seem fair.
Call me petty, but if I were Michael Phelps all I would really want to do is rock my gold all day-every day and remind people just how accomplished I am. The only problem is that it's damn near impossible to do so without coming off as incredibly superficial. Michael Phelps somehow made it happen AND came away from it looking like an engaging, charismatic dude. There's not many times in life when a person can flash all of their achievements -and a vast majority of their sculpted physique- in everyone's face and actually gain admirers. Michael Phelps took advantage of one of those opportunities, and I am sure he'll be glad to know that he now has a fan in me.
P.S. Full disclosure, not totally certain my opinion on this over-the-top 'distraction curtain' technique wouldn't completely flip if they had made the free throws.
Russell Wilson Responded To Getting Called Out For Stealing His Lines Off Google In The Most Russell Wilson Way Possible
Bing? BING!?! With all the reasons there are to hate Russell Wilson, his endorsement of Microsoft products might just be the nail in the coffin of my fleeting respect for him. I can't even believe I stood up for this guy when he painted some clearly recycled picture of his girlfriend's beauty. I am not one for the lovey-dovey bullshit, but at least when I thought he was using Google I could understand someone using the world's most popular website to quickly compose something he wouldn't have had the ability to otherwise. Bing, on the other hand? That's a level of unconventionality I simple cannot endorse.
The worst part is that we should have seen this coming. This is what Russell Wilson does. He's a contrarian cocksucker. He's an nonconformist nerd. The entire world is getting more and more perverted? He decides to reclaim his virginity despite dating an absolute bombshell. Religion is slowly but surely becoming antiquated? He praises the Lord every time he takes a successful breathe. The whole world uses Google on their iPhones? Russell Wilson is furiously looking for answers on the Bing app of his Microsoft tablet. People say chivalry is dead...
...and Russell Wilson is trying to reclaim romance one obnoxiously contrived expression of adulation at a time. It's pretty weird that he and God are besties when he's basically the Devil's full time advocate. Here's an idea Russ. While I am trying to force the taste of puke back down my throat, how about you stop trying so hard to remain outside the box, and actually get inside the one that's desperately awaiting your penetration for a change? At the very least go back to letting your stupid search engine do your talking for you, because the only thing worse than plagiarism is mushy, sentimental dribble.
Fuck This Kid That Won Tickets To The Super Bowl And Can't Decide Whether To Take His Brother Or His Girlfriend
Dude, how about you just save us all some time and take your girlfriend to the Super Bowl? Not because it's the right thing to do, but because that's what you've already decided on doing. I would love to sit here tell you to be a man, take your brother, and cut ties with your overbearing girlfriend. Unfortunately they would just be wasted words, because there's simply no way that's going to happen here. Trust me, I am not the only person that thinks this way. Clearly your brother -who basically won the fucking tickets for you- knows you're taking your girlfriend. He only told you it was okay to bring her because he knew that extra seat was as good as gone the second you started questioning it. Clearly your girlfriend knows she's going, because she wouldn't have been cocky enough to ask for it unless she knew she had the control over you to get it. It's fine man (that's what people say when it's totally not fine, but they have just given up on you as your own, free thinking person). Everyone has a friend like this. The "you know how it is" friend. The guy that can't say no to this girlfriend. The guy that only gets let off the leash when his significant other wants to test out the range on her whip. I just feel bad for your extremely resourceful sibling, because his version of that friend happens to be his pussy ass brother who has more Super Bowl tickets than descending testicles.
Remember in '40 Year Old Virgin' when Paul Rudd's character says he is taking up celibacy, and Seth Rogen's character says that's the first conversation of three conversations that lead to someone being gay? This reddit post is the first post of three posts that lead to him taking his girlfriend. First it's "she's being so selfish", then it's "well, I guess I see her point", then it's "oh, I am gay person now"/ "sorry bro, you know how it is". I can already see the makings of post two in post one. She's a football fan and would love to go? Oh yeah? If she was such a fucking football fan why didn't you call her for the trivia answer when Super Bowl tickets were on the line? You don't know who is right, or you don't even know what right feels like anymore? A woman can only take what you give her, and this guy handed this chick his balls in a vice before he even knew her last name. Just go ahead and take your dictator of a girlfriend. Maybe she'll even let you wear her pants on game day.
h/t Busted Coverage
You know what cures public shame? The same thing that either directly -or indirectly- cures everything else in the world. Cash. Adrien Broner didn't mean to embarrass this stripper, he was just trying to give her solid financial advice. He put money in her pocket, and not just the money that he threw in her general direction when she was bent over with her asshole 6 inches from his nose. Stripping is a cutthroat business. You have to take care of your body if you want to profit off it. Maybe you can't completely cover up the stab wounds, stretch marks, or C-section scars. Those seem like a sunk cost at this point. However, you can take care of your bush, and if you want to earn that extra single then grooming your pubic hair is exactly what you will do. Adrien Broner is a customer in that strip club, and the customer is always right. Especially when he reflects the opinion of most guys in a place of business that thrives predominantly on the desires of men. Maybe he shouldn't critique the talent so callously, but if your biggest problem with Adrien Broner is honesty then I would say your interaction with him is going pretty well.
P.S. I remember a boxer being outed for sleeping with a transsexual not too long ago. Since I get all mediocre boxers confused, I googled to see if it was Adrien Broner. Turns out it wasn't but he does seem to have a pretty decorated/derogatory history of calling all people, places, and things "gay". Not saying he's covering anything up, but might want to keep that little tidbit in mind for the future...
In The Most Predictable Turn Of Events Ever, Gay Couples Have Begun Feeling Unwanted Pressure To Get Married
CBC- Unmarried same-sex couples in Canada feel pressure to tie the knot, according to a recent study by the University of British Columbia.
Researchers from UBC's Department of Sociology spoke to 22 people in Toronto in same-sex common-law relationships, to see if being given the right to marry in 2005 had affected how they see their relationship.
"It was surprising how prominent marriage became in participants' lives," said Katherine Lyon, who co-authored the study with Hélène Frohard-Dourlent.
"Suddenly more people wanted to talk to them about their relationship and getting married," said Lyon, noting this was the case even if the couple did not see their relationship heading in that direction.
According to a press release about the study, LGBTQ couples — lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans or questioning — unable to marry, had built relationships outside of the status quo but now feel expected to conform.
I actually feel bad for the gays. I tried to tell them this would happen. Classic case of carelessness in the wishing process. They wanted holy matrimony (is it still considered holy with that whole God being anti-gay thing? whatever), and they didn't realize that holy matrimony offers far more problems than it solves. Homosexuals had the best arrangement you could possibly ask for. A vast majority of society accepted their right to companionship, AND they didn't have to sign a paper that forever bound them. Why did they need a marriage? Why couldn't they just throw a huge party with all their friends and family, exchange rings, and not be contractually obligated to one another until separated by death? That last part doesn't even sound fun. No one goes to weddings for the ceremony. They could have just held the best cocktail hour of all time and threw a non-stop dance party. That sounds like the gayest time ever. Shit, if I got invited to a gay wedding that didn't make me sit through bullshit vows I would probably double my gift out of appreciation. Homosexuals wanted equality and all they received was the negative aspects of heterosexuality. Congrats, now you get to be miserable with everyone else. Is this what you wanted? The devil you know is better than the devil you don't, and while saying that the continued marginalization of homosexuals is better than the pressures of marriage may sound ridiculous, it might not be totally untrue. Have fun talking about your relationships suckers. You spent all your energy on gay marriage only to learn it was a shortsighted investment. Worst. Stock. Tip. EVER.
Yeah, and? If Russell Wilson was smart he would just admit it. Mostly because there is no way around it. No man that doesn't pride himself on his poetry is coming up with "honey sweet lips that were lilac soft". That phrase is so overly descriptive and off-the-wall that no person -not named Billy Shakespeare- could just happen to randomly piece it together. Russell Wilson is an NFL quarterback, not a goddamn literary love composer. Of course he Googled the proper way to describe a women's beauty. He throws touchdown passes for a living. He doesn't write erotic fan fiction. That's not his occupation -and therefore probably not a part of his particular skillset- so that's why it makes perfect sense that he enlisted the help of a search engine. That's what search engines are for; To teach you how to do shit that you don't know how to do. Whether that be cooking a certain type of food, doing some form of manual labor around the house, trying to sound mildly literate on your blog, or being nauseatingly corny with your girlfriend on Twitter.
Ciara should feel special. When I absolutely have to get something done the right way my first stop is Google. Russell Wilson just wanted to find the most complimentary way to express Ciara's beauty and -according to Google- comparing her lips to condiments and flowers was the perfect way to do so. Search results don't lie. If you can't trust the internet then who can you trust? I think he should be commended for coming up with the "loving and affectionate personality" part all by himself. He took something he found online and made it his own. If I can't respect that then my website wouldn't even exist.
P.S. Super, suuuuuuper weird move for this chick to read a Russell Wilson tweet and instinctually try to bust him for plagiarism. Might be time to get a hobby Natalie Weiner. Ya know, other then online stalking some celibate celebrity couple...
LBS- Missouri football coach Barry Odom announced on Thursday that quarterback Maty Mauk has been dismissed from the program. However, Mauk’s dismissal supposedly has nothing to do with a video that recently surfaced on social media that appeared to show him snorting cocaine.
Odom said that Mauk has been kicked off the team for “violating team rules.”
“I met with Maty Mauk this morning and informed him of my decision to permanently dismiss him from the football program,” Odom wrote in a statement, per Graham Watson of Dr. Saturday. “When I met with Maty back in December, I wanted to give him an opportunity for a fresh start, but I also made it very clear what our expectations would be moving forward. After gathering information and speaking with a number of individuals this week, it is clear Maty has failed to live up to those expectations by violating team rules in recent weeks.”
“As for the video appearing on social media this week, it is concerning, but we believe it is from a long time ago,” the statement said. “However, Maty’s failure to live up to expectations in recent weeks was the reason for this decision.”
Cold. Blooded. That's some spiteful shit right there. SEC-ya later. They could have at least given Maty Mauk peace of mind by dismissing him strictly for getting busted snorting what appeared to be 20% of a rail of coke. Nope. They went with the classic "violation of team rules". They basically said "if we really thought you could help us win then we would explain away the narcotics, but we don't so we are going to use them to rationalize a decision that was pretty much already made". This is like when you want to break up with a girl, but you're too much of a pussy to do it. Then one day she admits to something small like drunkenly kissing another guy, and you use it as a justification to finally dump her ass. Except in that scenario you typically let her leave thinking it was her fault instead of yelling "I have been dying to do this for months!" as she walks out the door. Missouri football isn't just a shitty boyfriend, they are a downright vengeful ex-boyfriend. They don't just want to win the breakup, they want to cause Maty Mauk as much pain as possible as he loses it. Nothing worse then hearing "we didn't have to ruin your college career, we wanted to". How bad of a college quarterback do you have to for a university to be more pissed about your "failure to live up to expectations" than your failure to blow lines behind closed doors? That's a question that only Maty Mauk can answer.
This 90 Year Old Man That Secretly Divorced His Wife 20 Years Ago And Stayed With Her Is A Relationship Guru
Metro- Cristina Carta Villa, 59, had been living an amazing life alongside Gabriel Villa, the 90-year-old man she had been happily married to for 20 blissful years.
Or so she thought, because it turns out, they weren’t actually married. Not for as long as Cristina had thought, anyway. Gabriel had actually secretly divorced her just months after their wedding, in an attempt – it is alleged – to shield his assets.
They had met at a friend’s house, and were quick to marry in a New York ceremony in 1994. Cristina left her life behind as an Italian literature teacher at Boston college to be with Gabriel, a lawyer and travel agent more than 30 years older than her.
But it looks as though Gabriel didn’t quite trust his younger wife, and secretly arranged for a divorce in the Dominican Republic.
According to Cristina, she had no idea that this had happened – and she had not consented to the Dominican divorce.
He hired lawyers to represent both Cristina and himself and blamed ‘incompatibility of temperaments’ as the reason behind the divorce, Cristina claimed in a Manhattan Supreme Court lawsuit, according to The New York Post. She only found out about it in November when a tax bill arrived for their Manhattan home and her name wasn’t on it.
All hail Gabriel Villa. A man that understands what it takes to remain in a happy, fulfilling relationship. Look at that smile. You don't think that man knows he pulled a fast one and it likely added decades to his "marriage"? Being contractually obligated to one person for the rest of your life is the quickest path to resentment. It's not even the shared finances or the long term commitment to an individual that destroys marriages, it's the idea of it. Men don't need to be free. They need the peace of mind that comes with the fictitious feeling of freedom. It's pretty much the same reason that single guys will continue to fuck one girl for months at a time, but refuse to put a title on it. They think there is no going back once you take the next step in a relationship.
Guess what guys?! Gabriel just changed the game! You can let out a little slack in the ball and chain as long as you are clever enough to do it without your significant other noticing. No harm, no foul. What Cristina doesn't know won't kill her. In fact, her inattentiveness was probably to her benefit. Gabriel's old, rich ass was probably a terrible husband. Always taking out the frustrations of feeling trapped out on his much younger wife. Getting in fights over the most petty of disagreements that were secretly products of his desire to rid himself of the perceived shackles of matrimony. I bet this relationship became so much better for both parties involved once he unknowingly became her boyfriend again. Get mad if you want Cristina, but he did this for you. He did this for both of you. He's a 90 year old man. He needs far too much TLC to suggest going your separate ways. He was never going to leave, he just wanted to know that he could at a moment's notice. Most people that walked down the aisle with each other can't say the same, and that's why most of those people are divorced and hate each other's fucking guts. Sure, he took her name off the deed and she is likely going to inherit jack shit once he inevitably croaks, but if her main gripe is the money then she's only reinforcing her ex-husband's decision not to leave her any.
BSO- “I played defense so I don’t like when guys celebrate with dances and stuff. You know who I like the way he celebrates is Peyton. He kind of gives the guy a handshake and goes back to the sidelines. I think that’s a great celebration right there. You don’t see him dancing. You don’t see him doing all of that stuff. Even when he gets a first down he doesn’t do anything.” - Brian Urlacher
"Gee, that Peyton guy. Really love how he just gives a guy a handshake and goes back to the sidelines. I mean, its probably because he hasn't scored his own touchdown since his days at Tennessee, but that's not the point. Sure, the most impressive thing he does on the football field is command the line of scrimmage, but you just have to appreciate how he never pats himself on the back after a well timed 'Omaha'. I just wish everyone was like Peyton Manning. An understated quarterback that needs a rocket up his ass to get out of the pocket and doesn't have enough rhythm to even contemplate dancing. Did you know that he doesn't even celebrate when someone else -that he passed the ball to- gets a first down? Just gives a little head nod and slowly hobbles 15 yards down the field so the play clock doesn't run out before he gets to the huddle. That's a great celebration right there."
I knew the hair would change him, I just fucking knew it. Bald Brian Urlacher would never say this. That Brian Urlacher would LIVE by the "if you don't want him to celebrate then don't let him score" philosophy. He would have realized that his job was to go out there and shatter chest cavities, and if a player was able to avoid his wrath then they should be entitled to celebrate their continued health. Hey, at least he acknowledged that there are other eccentric players in the NFL that dance after a positive play. I guess the 'He Man, Cam Newton Hater's Club' didn't read him their handbook yet, because I am pretty sure ignoring the effervescence of every other player in the league is like the first rule of Cam Newton hating. I guess I am glad that Brian Urlacher hasn't yet gone full 'middle-aged white suburban dad', but he's certainly trending in that direction. Especially if he keeps asking for the "classic conservative" at his local salon.