Hawaii Became The 5th State To Construct A Bill To Ban Gay Conversion Therapy...Wait WHAT?!?1/28/2016 Pink News- Hawaii has become the latest state to bring forward plans to ban gay conversion therapy.
Lawmakers on the islands have introduced a bill that supporters say will protect LGBT teens from serious harm. The legislation contains a number of proposals – including making it illegal for teachers or counsellors to try and change someone’s sexual orientation and bans advertising that promotes the same. Della Au Belatti, a Democratic member of the House, who introduced the bill, said: “These children, these teenagers are quite vulnerable.” Opponents have said parents should have the right to decide if they want to seek treatment for their children. Republican representative, Bob McDermott, said: What if I want to steer my kids to the rich life of being a heterosexual, and as a parent, I don’t have the right.” Hawaii is the fifth state to bring in legislation behind California, Oregon, Illinois, New Jersey and the District of Columbia, which ban it for minors. I don't want to be crass, but doesn't this kind of undo all the good will that we built up by making gay marriage legal? Dammit guys, we were on such a progressive path until we tried to send kids to the doctor to trick them into vagina. Is this just something I can Google and get directed towards a bunch of offices in my locality? Shouldn't this be some underground practice that takes place solely in dimly light abandoned warehouses? I feel like labeling yourself a "Gay Conversion Therapist" is pretty bad for business in 2016. I guess the people that are so desperate to exercise the dick demons that have overrun the minds and bodies of their sons and students are willing to pay a pretty penny to do so. Honestly, this has all the makings of some backdoor deal between the Supreme Court and the Conservative Homophobes of America (CHOA). "Okay fine, they can get married, but only under one condition. We get to take all the unmarried homosexuals that are too young to think for themselves and try to zap the gay out of them before it's too late". I'm not exactly convinced of the effectiveness of mentally augmenting the sexual orientation of a group of people, so I doubt it's making too much of a difference. It's not like you can just wave an oversized watch in someone's face to hypnotize them and all the sudden they are salivating at the next pair of tits that crosses their path. At least I don't think that's how that work. I suppose I could be wrong, and isn't it better safe then sorry? Something tells me that the vast majority of the people undergoing this procedure aren't doing so on their own accord. It's the ones being told they are tainted by their attraction to the same sex. I think there should be a general rule of thumb for people that go to a shrink to change their behavior. That behavior should be one that they deem harmful to themselves, not one that their parents, teachers, or counselors deem harmful to their fascist ideal that every sexual relationship should be able to naturally produce a child. In a way, I blame the homosexual newlyweds. They got their legal matrimony and just took off into the sunset leaving behind those that might want to enjoy the fruits of gay marriage in the future. They hopped on the lifeboat of widely accepted homosexuality and left all the women and children behind to suffer the chilling fate of drowning in the heterosexual expectations of their peers. I am happy that Hawaii is trying to become the 5th state to lend a hand, but it kinda feels like the other 45 are getting a free pass. Oh well, until then it's "Hawaii: We'll Keep The Light On For Ya"...
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Uhhh, what the hell is Dennis Wideman still doing on the bench? Hey Calgary, maybe want to grab a trainer and get the guy back to the locker room? You can't just full on nail an oblivious referee from behind, casually take a seat on the bench like you're ready for your next shift, and then apologize after the period. You have to have a good reason and "my head was down and I didn't see him" doesn't count as a good reason when you extend your arms and bury an official face first into the ice. Especially when you would have to be blind, deaf, and dumb not to catch him in your peripheral. One of two things happened here. Either Dennis Wideman was dazed and confused, or he took out his frustrations from the original hit on one of the guys that failed to see it happen. Either way, he needs to at least pretend his brain is scrambled. In fact, if he's not concussed and he is really committed to the team then he would sneak back down the hallway and slam his head into the wall until he started seeing double. Jesus Dennis, have a little respect for you profession and make a team official beat you over the head with your own helmet until you don't even know what city you play in anymore. If there is anything that the NHL takes more seriously than physically abusing officials, it's head injuries. Better to fail concussion protocol and sit out a couple games with a mild brain bruise than get suspended for 15-20 games and forever paint yourself as the guy that tried to give a linesmen scoliosis. I guess I can give him credit for his postgame explanation sounding sincere, but his effort to get out of the way of an on-ice official appeared to be anything but...
Everything You Could Possibly Need To Know About Rutgers Basketball Captured In One Short Video1/28/2016
What? You think I am going to apologize on behalf of my alma mater's basketball team? You think I am going to clown them for looking like they hit the pipe too hard and feel asleep at the wheel mid game? Hell no. Rutgers isn't winning any Big Ten championships in hoops anytime soon. The only 'Big Dance' they are partaking in resides in the basement of some off campus apartment. National Invitation Tournament? Thanks, but no thanks. Definitely won't be receiving any 'Save The Date', but even if they did the Scarlet Knights probably wouldn't even RSVP out of apathy. They aren't worried about silly little things like winning college basketball games. That's not in Eddie Jordan's job description. He is preparing his players for the next level. Sure, there is only a microscopic chance that even one of them every even gets close to sniffing a D-League team, but you can bet your ass they will be properly groomed if they do. Won't have any idiots jumping in to grab rebounds after the first of two foul shots. I hope potential recruits (that will undoubtedly choose to play elsewhere) were watching, because all that video showed me was that Rutgers Basketball has it's players best interests at heart. No, you don't show up to the banks expecting to win any basketball games, but you'll learn the most basic rule difference that exists between college and the pros. The whole idea of the 1 and 1 is stupid anyway. It takes a real next level head coach to teach his players not to abide by it, and that's exactly what happened here. How do I know, you ask? Come on, what seems more likely, strategically turning the ball over or all five players on the court failing to realize that it was live in the first place?
P.S. If Michigan had any integrity they would have insisted that Rutgers be able to take the ball out. Penalizing them for negligence is like disciplining a deaf kid for a false start at the Special Olympics. A well coached deaf kid, that is... I know what you are going to say, the NBA has been top heavy (or bottom light depending how you look at) for years. During any given season there is only about 5-6 teams that are an actual legitimate threat to win a championship. I would agree with you in the sense that seeing a team win this often isn't unforeseen. My point is that watching a team win like they have been feels foreign, even in an era where the great teams are far and away better than the average teams.
The Warriors have reached this weird stage where they are must watch television if you appreciate incredible basketball, but unwatchable if you appreciate competitive basketball. They are KILLING teams. Turning professional basketball games into three quarter (at most) affairs. Steph Curry has sat out the entire 4th quarter in just under a third of their games. Think about that for a second. Nearly 33% of the time the best player in the world doesn't have to see the floor for the last 12 minutes. Not even for a second. The Warriors have outscored their opposition by ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY SEVEN over the last 5 games. That's an average margin of over 25 points, and includes only one win by less than 20. The sickening part is this has occurred during what most would say is a tough part of their schedule. Matchups against the Cavaliers and Spurs were appointment TV, and they were the shortest appointments I have ever scheduled in my entire life. Doctor. Dentist. Shit, I usually just get a quick buzz and a shapeup and my hair appointments are longer than the amount of time the Spurs and Cavs lasted with the game still in doubt. It's a good thing that Steph Curry is a man highlight reel that brings a little action to the table, because they certainly don't bring any drama. If anything these games would be considered comedies by the time the falling action kicks in and we approach the end of the proverbial film. The Spurs are only three games back with 36 games to go and -barring injury- it couldn't feel like more of an insurmountable deficit. Forget wins and losses. To say the Warriors are the best team in the NBA by record alone would be to dismiss the absolute pummeling they have routinely put on their opponents. LBS- While speaking to reporters on Wednesday, Newton was asked about some of the scrutiny he has faced this year both on and off the field. He believes it has something to do with the color of his skin.
“I’m an African-American quarterback that may scare a lot of people because they haven’t seen nothing that they can compare me to,” Newton said, via Jonathan Jones of the Charlotte Observer. “Whether you win, lose or draw, people are going to talk,” he said. “Now the true fans — they know what’s up. They’re going to be supportive whatever happens. … But people are going to judge and have their own opinion on certain things that I don’t have control over nor does anybody else.” As ESPN’s Robert Flores noted earlier this year, no one seemed to care when Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce broke out a flamboyant end zone dance. Flores believes that is because Kelce is white. You could argue that Newton is a superstar and Kelce isn’t, which is why Cam finds him. Pretty much exactly what I have said before. Cam Newton -despite currently being the best and most enjoyable quarterback in football- is a polarizing figure because he doesn't fit neatly into the box labeled "NFL quarterback" that people keep trying to stuff him in. Look at the reasons people criticize him. They claim he dances too much like 90% of the players in the NFL don't cut a rug after scoring a touchdown. They claim he celebrates every first down like he's the first player to get up smiling and point towards the opposition's goal line after putting his body on the line to extend a drive. My favorite criticism? He's a quarterback and quarterbacks shouldn't act like that. Find me another quarterback that willingly takes the amount of hits that Cam does to make plays. Name me another quarterback who is also the best running back on his team. Let me help save you some time, there is none. Cam Newton is the first of his kind, and for some reason that scares the shit out of people. A black quarterback dominating the league at damn near two positions and shamelessly celebrating in everyone's face as he does it. People may be comfortable with black quarterbacks. They may be comfortable with mobile quarterbacks. They may be comfortable with flamboyant quarterbacks. They may be comfortable with successful quarterbacks. It's becoming readily apparent that some aren't comfortable with the embodiment of all those different quarterbacks in one player. His play has been unbelievable, his entertainment value has been off the charts, and most importantly, he's done it while winning all but one game. There literally isn't one single reason to hate Cam Newton other than the fact that he is foreign to you, and he should be foreign to you, because when he's at the top of his game he's unlike anyone else we have seen before. Well, what do you know? It turns out a team that suffers from a talent deficiency can't just show up for 10 minutes and expect to come out victorious. Doesn't matter how many games they've won in a row. Oh well, they had to learn somehow, right? Turns out their shit does -in fact- stink. If we are being honest it's probably one of more abhorrent smells in the entire NHL. When the Devils play badly it will leave you pinching your nose and breathing through mouth like no other, and I would have been better off without nostrils for the large majority of two periods last night. After an incredibly promising start the Devils were flatter then my 7th grade girlfriend. Bobby Farnham got robbed. Adam Henrique got robbed. Travis Zajac got robbed. Pretty sure the puck bounced over Joe Blandisi's stick -on what would have been an easy tap in goal- and into the Devils defensive end for the remainder of the night. To call the final 40 minutes a bumpy ride would be to imply that there were any relatively high points whatsoever. It's like they just decided that they had already thrown their best at Marc Andre Fleury, and whatever they had left in the tank wasn't good enough to get by him. They played like a pitcher that gets knocked around in the first inning and can't recover for the rest of his outing. They must have forgotten that if there is one goaltender in the NHL that can makes changeups look like 125 MPH fastballs it's Marc Andre Fleury.
In actuality, last night was a reminder of much, MUCH worse days. Days when the Devils would control the game out of the gate, fail to score, and fall victim to some unbearable brand of hockey the rest of the way. Obviously this team is very different then the teams of the Peter De-bored era, but you certainly couldn't make the distinction last night. You want to spin that stinker into a positive? Treat it is a reminder of how far this team has come since last year. Use it to appreciate where they currently are in the standings. The Devils -just months after fully committing to a rebuild- are in a position to potentially make the playoffs. The postseason is a pipe dream if they continue to play as they did against the Penguins, but if the Devils have been good at one thing this season it's avoiding nightmarish scenarios. It obviously wasn't the greatest final scene before the All Star break, but don't forget that this movie has a much happier ending than the ones we have grown accustomed to. Big Story- Central California thieves have made off with nearly $50,000 in prized bull semen.
The San Francisco Chronicle reported Tuesday that 3,500 units of high-grade semen were snatched from the back of a farmer's pickup truck in Turlock, California. Most cows are artificially inseminated and there's a robust and valuable market for bull semen. The victim says genetically superior bulls produced the semen. Police believe the thieves didn't know what they were stealing because they also siphoned gas from the farmer's pickup. The semen was stored in special tanks full of liquid nitrogen, which can leave the thieves with frostbite or cryogenic burns if handled improperly. Hey, how about keeping an eye on your prized bull semen? Bet if you asked these bull's how they felt about their future children being transported on the back of an open bedded truck they would be PISSED. Hell, there are broke assholes cuming in plastic dixie cups for $100 a pop and they have their own cryogenically sealed banks. Meanwhile, the unborn babies of the most physically gifted bulls in California are so poorly protected that idiots who suck gasoline out of pickup trucks are stealing them by accident. If that's how you treat prized bull semen then how do you treat second rate bull semen? $50,000 right town the tubes. Talk about a wasted money shot. I don't know who did this, but I would think that every matador within a 100 mile radius would have to be a suspect. They don't seem like the brightest bunch. Someone needs to call that dorky white chick form 'Criminal Minds' and have her run a scan of the local hospitals for matadors with burnt hands. That will surely narrow the pool of those potentially responsible for this. I almost feel bad for the culprits. They finally steal something valuable and they have no discernible use for it. Imagine if they actually break into it? Would certainly give new meaning to the term "sticky fingers". Just a bunch of petty thieves walking around with badly burnt cum hands covered in unborn super bulls. Just a worst case scenario for all parties involved. That's why you got to treat that bull splooge like liquid gold. God, this would never happen with horses. All that hard work for nothing... I have said it before and I will say it again, I don't know if the Oscars are racist. I'm just not knowledgeable enough about the film industry to make such an egregious claim. I'm sure there is a hint of subconscious prejudice considering the fact that the people responsible for nominating movies and their actors are pretentious, old white people. Tough to expect them to really embrace the idea of a predominantly "black" movie -like 'Straight Outta Compton' for instance- when they likely don't even understand what the fuck they are watching.
I digress. My point is that black people -that aren't nominated for awards- refusing to go to a show that they think is racist plays right into the notion that that show is racist. Say the Oscars selection committee does discriminate against people based on their skin color. Wouldn't they be pretty excited to look out over an entire crowd -that will be full regardless- of caucasian people? I hate to break it to people like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, but if the Oscars are racist then their decision not to go isn't a boycott, it's a blessing. If they really wanted to make a point they should show up dressed like 'Black Panthers'. Maybe run up on stage Kanye style and proclaim that the Academy doesn't like black people. You can't consider something a boycott if it has no discernible effect on the product that's being boycotted. The Oscars aren't a less popular or profitable event if no black people show up. Leaving an entire amphitheatre of people to bask in their winter wonderland of whiteness just allows them to continue being blissfully ignorant to the absence of those of a different skin tone. African American actors can't claim white privilege when their pride -and in Will Smith's case, subjective jealousy- is giving the whites the privilege of celebrating amongst themselves.
— Blake Griffin (@blakegriffin32) January 27, 2016
LA Times- Matias Testi would appear and Jordan would invariably ask the assistant equipment manager to fetch a piece of clothing or maybe some lotion. Testi faithfully retrieved the item, even if he did occasionally dawdle or mutter something under his breath.
To the uninitiated it might have resembled a mild hazing ritual, but there was always a playful undercurrent between Testi, Jordan and teammate Blake Griffin. Their relationship felt like something out of the buddy comedy "Entourage," with Testi playing the role of the relative nobody along for the ride with his celebrity friends during dinners and other outings. That friendship unraveled Saturday when Griffin repeatedly punched Testi during an altercation at a Toronto restaurant, resulting in a broken bone in Griffin's right hand that is expected to keep the All-Star forward out for an additional four to six weeks at a time when he had already missed a month because of a quadriceps injury. Would you look at that, this story really care together perfectly. Okay well, not for Blake Griffin, Matias Testi, or the Clippers, but it definitely came together perfectly for me. Turns out this was just an emotional eruption between friends. That doesn't make Blake Griffin right. He's a professional athlete that lives a blessed life, and he can't be compromising that by injuring himself fighting with team employees. Seems like an easy enough agreement to adhere to. Make millions and don't punch people half your size. Blake Griffin should be ashamed of himself. He let his temper get the best of him -again- and it has resulted in another 6 weeks (at least) on the bench in a suit. He deserves all the criticism he is undoubtedly receiving and hopefully it helps him to change his ways in the future. With that said, the fact that these guys weren't just friendly but actual friends makes this story far more relatable. Friends fight sometimes. That's nothing new. Generally there is a decidedly smaller difference in organizational power between two people that choose to engage each other physically, but that doesn't mean the same dynamic isn't at play. You spend the better part of a year interacting with someone you're close with and that someone is bound to piss you off. The friendship that exists between an equipment manager and a professional basketball player is unlike any that we have experienced. If your friend gets on your nerves you just don't call him for a week or two. If Matias Testi pisses off Blake Griffin, or vice versa, he has to hop on a private plane with him and begrudgingly cater to all his wants and needs. Nothing creates animosity like a master/servant relationship, especially one where the parties know each other so well. If you don't think Matias Testi knows exactly what to say to get under Blake's skin when he feels like he is being taken advantage of then you are outside your mind. It doesn't justify Griffin's actions. There is no doubt he looks like a moron, and he should feel like a moron too. However, if you can't understand what it's like to want to punch a close friend then you've never truly had a close friend. BSO- Tommy Clark, an inmate at the Niagara County Jail, chucked a hot plate of macaroni and cheese at another jail inmate back in April and on Monday was sentenced to 3 years in prison for the heated pitch.
Clark burned the other inmate on the face, neck and knee, according to The Buffalo News. He pleaded guilty to attempted second-degree assault, a felony. Forgot the fact this guy burned another inmate's face so bad that it was declared a felony. I don't care about all that. Second degree assault isn't second degree assault when it happens within prison walls. In fact, any crime committed against another criminal while in jail should not be considered a crime at all. It's really more of an occupational hazard. If prisoners were held to the same standards of the general public then they would all be serving life for endless counts of sodomy, so no, I don't care about the victim in the case of the thrown mac-n-cheese, I care about the mac-n-cheese. This guy deserves every second of his additional sentence. Reason being? The entire purpose of a sentence in the first place is to make convicts appreciate a life of freedom. Jail doesn't stop a criminal from being a criminal, it's an attempt at scaring him away from future criminal activity. By all accounts, Tommy Clark thinks the penitentiary is a walk in the park, so let's see how he feels about it more than a 1,000 days later. Nothing speaks to his indifference towards prison then his decision to frivolously launch what may potentially be the only edible meal he is served all week. You think this is a game Tommy? You think every day is mac-n-cheese day? Don't you realize that you're looking forward to 6 days of unrecognizable slop? This is exponentially worse than a kid throwing his slice at his friend on pizza day, and that would NEVER happen. If Tommy Clark doesn't value mac-n-cheese as much as a 5th grader values a food that he eats bi-weekly then the cell hasn't done it's job yet. That won't be the case a couple years down the line. Just wait until he's a year into his additional sentence. Bet he won't be throwing digestible food at that point. He'll cherish each and every single goddamn bite. When he begins to do that, and only when he begins to do that, he should become eligible for parole. That's when he will truly realize how harsh of a punishment he was served, and hopefully it will be enough to keep him from future acts of wastefulness -or crime I suppose- in the future. A Restaurant In Rome Has Banned Children Under 5 For Being 'Little Uncontrollable Terrors'1/27/2016 Telegraph- La Fraschetta del Pesce, situated close to Rome’s historical centre in the capital’s eastern Pigneto district, is a popular family-run restaurant serving fresh fish caught by the owner’s son.
But for the first time, the restaurant has decided that the restaurant will be off limits to young children, describing them as “little uncontrollable terrors”. "Due to some unpleasant incidents caused by a lack of manners, children under 5 are not allowed in this restaurant,” reads a sign in the window of the establishment. Attempting to justify his decision Mr Magliozzi listed a string of complaints against the young customers that have visited his restaurant. “They run slalom among the tables, “ he told La Repubblica. “They throw olive oil on the floor, they upturn the water, they send the salt seller flying across the room, they try to dismantle the furniture, they shout, they cry and above all, they hate fish.” Nooooo! What about the children? Where will they eat it if the don't eat at a stuffy, high-end Italian restaurant in the heart of Rome's historical district? How will they ever know the taste of perfectly prepared salmon if they are forever banished from the trattoria? Their poor, poor unsophisticated palates. Forced to suffer the injustices of grilled cheese, chicken tenders, and french fries, because of some mean, old, child hating ginny that won't let them dine on the finest of seafoods. Give me a fucking break. You know what the irony is here? That this miserable dickhead is actually doing a better job parenting than the parents that are complaining that their children can't eat at a fancy upscale restaurant that undoubtedly doesn't offer a kid's menu. Even if these kids weren't intolerable little assholes upon being seated they surely would be once their mother tried to give them the "oh, it takes like chicken" spiel. No. Tilapia doesn't taste like chicken. Tilapia doesn't look like chicken. Tilapia tastes and looks like something a 4 year would throw a fucking fit over if it were placed on a plate in front of them. A fit that would unquestionably disrupt the atmosphere of an eatery that people pay far too much money to enjoy as is. These parents should thank Mr. Magliozzi because the experience of taking a small child to La Fraschetta del Pesce was bound to be a bad investment. Maybe next time get a babysitter so you can enjoy your high quality seafood without the burden of cutting up your child's and attempting to force feed it down their screaming, apprehensive throat. Although I will admit that this guy could be a little more subtle about his bitterness towards toddlers. Can't imagine what it would have been like to have him as a father. Probably looked a little something like this... Uproxx- Perfumania Holdings Inc. says Jay Z’s failure to peddle his cologne is why sales went straight to the toilet two years after being launched. According to Page Six, Hov’s eau du toilette was the best-selling celebrity fragrance in 2014 and Perfumania Holdings Inc. were expecting sales of $35 million in 2015. Instead, GOLD JAY Z only brought in about $6 million and Perfumania claims it’s because Jay was too busy focusing on his other projects to properly promote the fragrance.
The company says Jay refused to appear on Good Morning America, refused to do a cover story with Women’s Wear Daily and “rejected five prototypes for an 18-carat gold capped bottle designed by Jacob the Jeweler for a customer contests.” In court documents, Perfumania also claims Mr. Carter never made appearances to promote GOLD JAY Z and ducked them for five months in 2014 when they wanted to discuss spin-off scents. Talk about mo' money mo' problems. Jay-Z getting sued for HIS refusal to market HIS product that has HIS name on it. I don't know much about the law, but that seems like kind of a raw deal. You know how rich and famous people have a reputation for having the inability to sustain meaningful relationships? This is exactly the reason why. Seriously, there is only so many things that a person can possibly give a fuck about at one time. This is just a classic case of a man stretching himself too thin. Jay-Z owns a club, a sports agency, a clothing company, part of professional basketball team, a smoking hot wife, a bunch of other business ventures that I probably don't even know about. There's simply not enough hours in the day to go about promoting his own line of cologne. You know how people sign up for the gym with the expectation that they'll go enough to make it worthwhile? Then after about a month they start to justify skipping by telling themselves they are too busy to make it, and that gym membership just becomes a completely unnecessary monthly withdrawal from their bank account? That's what 'Jay-Z Gold' is to Jay-Z. While you are just compromising your own long term health, Jay-Z is so fucking rich that he's compromising his own fragrance that has his name embroidered on the side of it. The potential seven figure return wasn't enough for him to concern himself with. Protecting that sum of money wasn't worth the time obligation it would have required. He's being extorted for $18 million because some company asked him to go on a television show to sell something his brand is attached to and he was like "eh, nah". I toss out bad chicken and I'm pissed off at my wasted investment, and someone asks Hova to put his face on a magazine cover and he's like "fuck it, sue me". Just throwing out his own scent and the solid gold cap that sits comfortably atop it. What a life, what a life. But Jay, THIRTY FIVE millio... Yahoo- The principal of a primary school in northern England wants to impose a dress code — not on students, but on their parents.
That's because she's tired of them wearing pajamas and slippers when they drop off their offspring at the school gates each morning. Kate Chisholm of Skerne Park Academy in Darlington, 240 miles (385 kilometers) north of London said she acted after some parents wore what she considered nightwear to school meetings. In the letter published Tuesday she asked parents to "dress appropriately in day wear" when bringing their children to school. Chisholm said she wanted parents to set a good example for the students and that it was "not too much to ask parents to have a wash and get dressed." That doesn't seem like too difficult a request to fill, right? I mean, if it was socially acceptable to walk around in public with pajamas on then everyone would do it. That's why I am inclined to agree with this head bitch in charge. We should set a good example for our youth by putting on actual clothes before leaving the house. That line of thinking doesn't seem too outrageous to me. Therein lies the problem, because if there is one thing I know about parenting it's that I am not at liberty to tell ANYONE how to do it. Sure, I manage to put my grownup pants on one leg at a time, but I am just a 29 year old asshole that's only doing a moderate job of keeping myself alive. I am not like the people for which this letter was meant. Those people all have thing in common that I am not even close to having...A FUCKING CHILD. Another person that they have to prepare for life on a daily basis. I struggle to do that for myself, I can't imagine what it would be like if I had to do it for someone that was completely and utterly dependent on me first. I would probably show up to that school barefoot with one eye open, a toothbrush in my mouth, and an extremely awkward erection that hadn't subsided yet. These parents should be commended for putting footwear on, not chastised for it being too comfortable for the liking of someone -who I assume- is a sexually frustrated unmarried woman in her forties. Hey Kate, kick rocks you passive aggressive twat. A parent's job is to get their kid through the door, not make sure they abide by some imaginary dress code when they do. A school's job is to make sure that kid doesn't die for a couple hours a day while occasionally teaching him/her a thing or two. If you don't want children to think it's okay to wear pajamas in the light of day then put it in the fucking lesson plan. Isn't that what the people -whose morning attire you're criticizing- are paying you for? Next time you think about telling people what to put on... Metro- A woman who applied for a job at Poundland said she didn’t get it because she wasn’t very good at drawing. As part of the interview process, Mercedes Cray, 23, was asked to draw four things important to her. She drew a shotgun, her family, a car, and a television as part of the application for the new store in Gillingham, Kent. But she didn’t get the job. She believes that she didn’t pass the test because she’s not very good at art rather than as a result of her drawing a shotgun. ‘I can’t see why I would need drawing skills to work behind a till and they told us at the beginning it didn’t matter if we couldn’t draw. ‘But then they told me I didn’t get the job because I failed that test.’ Let's start with a friendly reminder. This woman's name is Mercedes Cray. Just let that sit and marinate for a minute. I'm not going to blame this random act of stupidity on her parents or her family lineage, but just do what you will with that information, because I felt like it was suspicious enough to bear repeating. I'm not going to stand here and act like a modern day Picasso. If someone asked me to take a seat and start drawing at a job interview for a retail store I would probably get right on up and walk out. Not only because there are plenty of retail stores that don't require illustration, but because I would be flat out embarrassed to put pencil to paper with a judgmental audience. So yes, this woman does have a point. Whatever stoner came up with this hiring procedure either doesn't respect their job or has a fantastic sense of humor.
With that said, this woman doesn't have the right to complain when she gave the single worst drawing interview of all time. Seriously, I could give a more suitable drawing interview blindfolded. A couple with short legs and extensive torsos? A Nissan Cube? A fat back television from 1960? A motherfucking shotgun? Those are the four things that are most important to her? I wouldn't trust that person to live within a 15 mile radius, never mind interacting with coworkers in a place of business. The only thing I would consider paying her to do is staying the fuck away from me. This lady is ripe for the penitentiary. She didn't not get the job because she couldn't draw, she didn't get the job because her drawing basically outlined the life of the world's most disturbed person. I'm pretty sure she drew the only thing on the 'Do Not Hire' list. She decided to let her potential future employer know she's a big gun person, and that's still not the craziest part about her. The craziest part is that she didn't realize she bombed the interview. She thought she was so persecuted for her inability to draw that she sought out the media to publicize her 1st grade doodles. She was so confident that she would be viewed as the victim that she decided to let the world know that she's a 23 year old with elementary shorthand and the hobbies of a broke redneck with a bad eye for cars. Other than her name being Mercedes Cray, I truly don't have a logical explanation for a thought process that incoherent. The Burger King Employee That Posted That He Stole All Their Chicken Nuggets Is A Total Fraud1/26/2016 DailyMail- John Correa, 18, posted the photo to Twitter on Saturday showing bags of chicken nuggets buckled in the front seat of his car alongside the caption: 'Today was my last day working at Burger King so I took all of their nuggets, f*** it.'
The image was retweeted more than 23,000 times, however everything was not as it appeared. Correa, a senior at Braddock High School, who still works at the Miami Burger King told Local 10 that he had posted the picture for a greater purpose. He was reportedly shocked when news outlets began sharing the photo without getting the story straight first. 'I just wanted to bring attention to how easily people are influenced by what they see on social media,' he told Local 10. Correa said that he had taken the photo after his manager asked him to pick up some extra chicken nuggets from another Burger King location. Oh, is that what you wanted to do John? Just showcase the gullibility of people on the internet? Guess you won there. You did get 23,000 retweets. Men lie, women lie, numbers don't. But let me let you in on a little secret, that's not all you did. You also tricked us into thinking you had actually done something cool and funny for once in your life. Good thing we know better now. Know what else you did? You fooled us into thinking that you used to work at Burger King. Good thing you just publicized that you still do. Know what else you did? Proved that not only do you work at Burger King, but you're basically their packing mule. Just getting sent around town collecting and transporting chicken nuggets that you'll never get to bring home for yourself. Strapping them into seat belts and shit so you don't compromise the safety of Burger King's bargain basement value meals. And to think I actually viewed this kid as a hero for taking a stand and at least getting something out of his shitty, unfulfilling job at a fast food joint. Nope. He's still frying up $1 boxes of frozen poultry. Hey, at least he got to pull that sweet prank on us. I'm sure that will make him feel a little bit better as he tries to cleanse himself of the smell of french fries before hanging out with his college bound buddies. TMZ- Check out the $35,000 gold chain Jordan picked up from Avianne & Co. in NYC -- a 14 karat yellow gold chain that weighs in at 1 kilo!! We spoke with Joe Avianne who tells us, "Cameron wanted to buy himself a fat gold chain to celebrate his 10 sacks this season ... as soon as I showed him that piece he said he had to get it." Jesus Christ Cam, I understand trying to enjoy the fruits of your labor, but do you have to walk around with a women's dumbbell around your neck? That can't be good for posture. In terms of weight alone, the fucking guy is rocking an entire jewelry store heist. If that chain was encrusted with diamonds it would have killed half of Africa to manufacture it. That's enough gold to get Simon's attention in 'Die Hard With A Vengeance'. 'City Slickers 3' is just going to be Billy Crystal and the gang hunting down Cameron Jordan's jewelry box. It looks like a fucking boa constrictor compromised entirely of metal links. It's so goddamn big that it even looks oversized when draped across the chest of a 6'4, 290 pound NFL defensive end. What weight class does something have to hit before it stops being viewed as an accessory? I can't even call it a necklace, because I'm afraid it'll jump over his head and beat my ass for insulting it. Hey, I am happy for Cameron Jordan. Despite being on the worst defense in NFL history he actually managed to prove his contract was a worthy investment. I can't say the same for his chain, but let's just hope that it's prolonged use doesn't cause him health problems in the future. You know, like his old buddy Junior Galette..... DailyDot- According to a study published in the journal Royal Society Open Science by anthropologist Robin Dunbar, only about a quarter of the Facebook friends of those who were studied were considered to be "genuine" friends. In a time of crisis, only 4.1 friends could be counted on for emotional support while 13.6 friends would form a sympathy group for you.
As Engadget points out, Dunbar is the researcher who came up with the "Dunbar number," which theorizes that people can maintain about 150 relationships in real life. In his most recent study, Dunbar gathered 3,375 adults in two samples in the UK. More than 55 percent of the respondents were female, and the average age of those being studied were in their late 30s. The mean number of Facebook friends in the two samples was 155.2 and 182.8. Dunbar writes that one of the main findings of the study is that the samples "provide a direct test of whether [Internet-based social networking sites] allow individuals to have larger social networks than is possible offline because [they] allow one or more of the constraints that limit offline social network size to be circumvented." He continued, "The results clearly suggest that they do not. This result concurs with previous findings for a much smaller sample ... which suggested that heavy users of online social media do not have larger offline social networks than casual users, even though more of these may appear online for heavy users." I've got to say, this is quite the relief. There is nothing worse than unreciprocated apathy, and I couldn't give less of a shit about a large majority of the people I am "friends" with on Facebook. As a matter of fact, the only reason I haven't done a little house cleaning of the newsfeed is because I don't even care enough about most people to click their name and erase them from my life forever. Everyone knows the saying, it's good to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Facebook is an incredible way to remind yourself why you no longer talk to certain people offline. You don't have to worry about what ever happened to your old buddy Billy when Billy is constantly posting racist memes on social media. You don't have to worry about whether or not your ex-girlfriend from high school was the one when all it takes is a quick scroll to see that she's gained 55 pounds and a fiancée. People don't have Facebook so that they can keep up with everyone that they actually interact with in reality. People have Facebook so they can laugh at the lives of everyone they USED TO interact with. Looking back on previous hookups, past friendships, and short lived acquaintanceships serves as a solid way to remember how far you've come from being the overly social, overly accepting idiot you were when you were younger. I know it's like suuuuuper shocking that the amount of time a person spends collecting arbitrary connections on a website doesn't directly correlate to how many real friends they have, but caring about more than a handful of your Facebook friends is for lonely people and absolute suckers. Also, I may just be an asshole, but being genuine friends with A QUARTER of your Facebook friends seems like an absurdly high ratio. I probably wouldn't even attend 25% of their funerals. Kobe Bryant ONce Sucker Punched Samaki Walker IN The Face Over A $100 Bet He Failed To Pay1/26/2016 Yardbarker- As some have suspected, there was a lot more to it than that. Apparently the Lakers used to play a game where each player would put $100 in a pot and take turns trying to make half-court shots. The first guy who made it took home the pot, and there was one day where Bryant won and Walker didn’t have his $100. In an interview with the “Brown and Scoop Show” on Tuesday, Walker claimed Kobe “sucker punched” him over the money when Walker assumed he had a couple days to hand it over.
“It wasn’t even 48 hours, Kobe comes to me on the bus, asking me where his $100 is, believe it or not,” Walker explained, as transcribed by Tom Ley of Deadspin. “Out of all the people, he chose me, which is still to this day puzzling. I told him, ‘Man, I don’t have no $100 on me right now. First of all, why are you coming at me for $100?’ With that being said, I put my earphones back on, and once I put my earphones back on, the most amazing thing happened. Kobe, he sucker punched me.” Could Kobe Bryant have let Samaki Walker slide for a few days? I suppose he could. It's not like he was hurting for money at the time, or ever, for that matter. However, this is Kobe Bryant we are talking about. Does Kobe seem like the "whenever you get the chance type"? This is the guy that has never passed up the opportunity to tell everyone he has five championships. It's not just about winning for him, it's about the spoils that come with winning. It's about having some tangible form of victory he can grasp onto, whether that be a Larry O'Brien Trophy or a cool crisp hundred dollar bill. There's not a single accomplishment in Kobe's career that doesn't have a corresponding keepsake in his trophy case. I bet you he didn't even use all that money he won from his teammates. It's all just stacked neatly in a glass box so he that he can get a deranged amount of happiness from fondly staring at it once his career is over. Kobe has always held his teammates responsible to an absurd degree. Did Samaki Walker think he wasn't going to do the same when he owed him money? You never enter a bet with Kobe unless you have the cash to pay it off. I am actually impressed that he gave him 48 hours before he bludgeoned his eye. Walker shouldn't have went more than 15 minutes without finding an ATM. Kobe might be an overbearing, overreactionary teammate, but that reputation was already well established by the time he was 24 years old. It wasn't about the $100. It was about a bench player testing an All Star's level of authority in the locker room. Kobe reinforced his dominance with the use of physical violence. That's really the only way that is appropriate when someone -who is clearly in the wrong- ignores you and puts their headphones back in.
LBS- After the Broncos defeated the Patriots in the AFC Championship Game, Peyton Manning acknowledged that Super Bowl 50 could be the final game of his NFL career.
In a lengthy embrace with Bill Belichick, Manning said this current run might be his “last rodeo.” “Hey, listen, this might be my last rodeo, so it sure has been a pleasure,” Manning told Belichick. First of all, let's just bask in the word choice. 'The Sheriff' telling someone it might be his last rodeo while he plays for a team called the Broncos? Oh Peyton, you sly dog. It's that kind of unassuming humor that will have him cashing that 'State Farm' money long after his retirement. More importantly, MIGHT!?!? MIGHT be his last rodeo? What the fuck is in that chicken parm he's eating? Did Peyton already arrange for his wife to get a new shipment of PED's over the summer? Does he plan on having a bionic right arm implanted surgically in the offseason? Is his intention to actually pass away on the football field? Literally the entire world is treating this as Peyton Manning's swan song, and he hasn't even resigned to it yet? There are millions of fans rooting for the Broncos strictly they are hoping to watch Peyton Manning ride off into the sunset a champion. Every single media outlet has flat out said that this is his last game. Someone tell Peyton, and quick! Wouldn't want him to hold what little he has left back for the future. I know you don't force legends into retirement, but we have to make an exception at some point, right? RIGHT!?! The Broncos had to sit him for half a season just so he could remain upright by the time the playoffs started. He'll need his own personal handler on the field with him by next year. I know he's just leaving the door cracked so that he can return, but that door needs to be kicked shut, locked, and dead bolted. This season was painful enough, even DJ Khaled is cringing at the thought of another one. We have all seen Peyton deteriorate more than we would have liked, I don't need to see him decompose too. Metro- Here’s an alarming fact that’ll wake you up this morning: More than a third of singles admit that they weren’t sober when sleeping with someone for the first time. Enter the world’s first breathalyser-activated condom machine.
The initiative, backed by March, follows research which revealed that the average date involves three drinks for Dutch courage, with three quarters of active daters saying that alcohol makes it easier to date. The machine works by taking a reading after a customer blows onto a panel. It then gives you a rating from teetotal to game over. Condoms will no dispense if you’ve had too many. - 52 per cent of singles don’t think they could have the confidence to approach someone if they are sober - 38 per cent don’t have the confidence to get naked in the bedroom without having booze beforehand -Four in ten (42 percent) recent sexual experiences have taken place under the influence This machine might as well be called "the unwanted pregnancy machine", or the "morning after pill machine" because it is going to be responsible for more aborted babies than acts of sober, consensual sex. You know what breathalyzer condom machines do? They stop people from using condoms. They don't stop people from drinking, and they definitely don't stop people from fucking. Seriously, you think some jackass in a bar is limiting his alcohol intake so that he can get a condom, or do you think he is increasing his alcohol intake so he can justify not using one? 'Johnny Be Good' my ass. Johnny be the father if he's depending on this useless wall mount to keep him safe. Are these stats alarming to you? I know they are alarming to me. Maybe it's personal bias, but they seem farrrrr too low. Who has sober sex? No seriously, I'm asking. 42% of recent sexual experiences happened without booze? FORTY TWO!?! Who knew the Mormon population was so big? I could probably count on one hand the amount of times I wasn't under the influence when first having sex with someone. If you include the morning after when that BAC is still on the up and up then I'm probably counting on a fist. There's literally no reason to first sleep with someone completely sober. People get more interesting after a couple cocktails. People get more attractive after a couple cocktails. People get better in the sac after a couple cocktails. Failing to fuel up is essentially doing a disservice to your sex life, and the sex life of the poor girl that's about to be extremely disappointed. If 42% of sexual experiences happen sober then at least 38% of those sexual experiences are terribly awkward and the other 4% occur between porn stars. I'm not saying you can't have good sex without compromising your liver, but I am saying you can't have good initial sex without compromising your liver. Sounds like the quickest way to making a bad first impression if you ask me. Who comes out the gate putting their worst foot forward? You got to get that good inaugural nut out of the way so you can trick her into coming back for more. Make sure she likes you first before you start penetrating without PED's. Every couple is going to end up having sober, lazy, mediocre sex at some point, but if that point is first contact then it's never even going to have the opportunity to blossom into relationship. P.S. I suppose you could just get a condom upon walking in a bar and save it for when you are wasted, but that requires foresight, and this is men we are talking about. |
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