Simply put, if you can't appreciate a referee becoming completely unaware of his surroundings and shouting expletives at a player whose initial comment would likely have the LGBT community planning a protest and/or make him think long and hard about the safety of his family then we will never be sitting together at a bar. There's just something inherently hilarious about an official temporarily losing his wits and dropping multiple fuck you's for the whole worldwide web to hear without even saying "earmuffs" first.
In fact, I wish it was something that happened more. I'm certainly no referee apologist or anything, but I do think it would be mighty therapeutic for them to be given the ability to say whatever they want to everyone in the building once a game. I suppose the "beauty" of this soundbite is the novelty of it, but how great would it be for a zebra to hop on the mic after having his original call - that was booed relentless - upheld and asking the attending audience "now will you shut the fuck up?". With all the incessant bitching that John Tortorella does, wouldn't it be nice to see his proverbial punching bag finally get a chance to punch back? I'm pretty sure I just went down a rabbit hole in which I suggested that the NHL start to include WWE-style promos for the most maligned guys on the ice, but I'm also pretty sure I'll stand by it until one is directed at me.
Does Dillon Brooks Have What It Takes To Make Us Forget The Most Egregious Flop In Basketball History?
You're probably going to scoff when you read this, but I genuinely believe that Dillon Brooks just potentially gave us a look at the first ever career defining flop.
I know that sounds silly because we are talking about a guy who not only orchestrated an NCAA tournament win over Duke, but managed to get personally singled out by their coach in the process. All things considered, it takes a special kind of talent to become the target of Coach K's "impeccable teachings" (AKA underhanded scoldings) when you're not even on his team...
That said, it's going to take a lot more than one visit to the 'Elite 8' at the expense of the most hated team in college basketball to make me forget a flop so egregious that it even came with it's own encore. That last "fish out of water"-like jump just put this act of obvious embellishment in the record books that Dillon Brooks actual performance is simply not eligible for yet. I sincerely hope that this kid has a heroic 'Final Four' run in him, because - at the risk of putting a cap on a 21 year old's potential - the six seconds of research I have done doesn't exactly show him showing up draft boards. I'm not saying it's impossible for him to put a dive so exaggerated that it made a mockery of the art of mockery in his rearview, but I am saying the it's not going to be easy to have a more memorable moment than the time he appeared to get his ass punked by a ghost. I don't know if he needed anymore motivation to become a successful NBA player, but the direct association of his name to that embarrassing clip just provided it to him.
Coach K. Had His Players Over...So He Could Ban Them From Wearing Duke Gear And Using The Locker Room
LBS- According to a report from ESPN’s Jeff Goodman and Dana O’Neil, Coach K called a meeting at his house Tuesday night — the day after Duke’s 84-82 home loss to NC State — and informed his players that they have been temporarily banned from using the school’s locker room.
They have also been forbidden from wearing any Blue Devils apparel around campus.“He wasn’t happy,” a source told ESPN. “Especially after the loss to NC State.”
Sources told Goodman and O’Neil that Krzyzewski has instituted similar bans in the past to send a message to his players and that they will not be lifted “until they start living up to the standards of the Duke program.”
The players reportedly held a players-only meeting after Coach K dismissed them from his home, and one person believes dramatic motivational tactics are not going to solve the problems of a team that has lost three of its last four games.
So - in essence - some old, crippled guy who is regulated to his own couch called players over to his house only to chastise them and inconvenience their lives when they got there? With all due respect to the elderly, that sounds a lot like what my grandmother does when she guilts my dad into coming over only to make him mow the lawn, touch up the shrubs, and tell him he doesn't do enough to help upon arrival. Now granted, Grandma's coaching resume looks like the college transcript of a Duke one-and-done next to that of Coach K's, but that doesn't mean his broke-back bitching seems any less disingenuous when it's done from the La-Z-Boy he hasn't left in weeks.
There's no doubt that Mike Krzyzewski is one of - if not thee - best college basketball coach to ever stand on the sidelines. Is he good enough to be making outrageous demands from the sanctity of his living room while failing to fulfill the promise he made to recruits that could have gone literally anywhere else in the country? I can't say I know for sure, but I do know that anyone that has been pushed around by an authority figure that is currently providing them no compensation - financial, intellectual, or otherwise - in return would argue "fuck no".
You have a bunch of high profile prospects that chose to go play basketball in CaucasianVille, North Carolina under the pretense that they would benefit from the tutelage of a 'Hall Of Fame' coach, access to surreal facilities, and a bunch of free shit that would make them more likely to have meritless recreational sex. Instead they got some rat-faced curmudgeon ranting and raving, instituting a goddamn lock-out, and establishing a dress code all while doing absolutely nothing of note to help his struggling team. Christ, there are college football coaches setting fire to 'Letters Of Intent' hours before National Signing Day and even they are questioning Coach K's professional conduct. I'm all for using symbolic gestures to inspire a team, but how about trying a more tangible gesture first...like wheeling your ass down to Cameron Indoor and doing the job you get paid handsomely to do. Either that, or butt the fuck out until you can.
P.S. And spare me with the holier than thou "standards" of the Duke program. Grayson Allen is out there grabbing, pushing, hitting, kicking, and tripping everyone he encounters like a middle child fighting desperately for his mommy's attention, but this team was only deemed punishable when they started losing? That's not called having "standards", it's called having a superiority complex.
Reporter: "You always hear about guys in the zone. What's it like to be in that zone and have that moment two games in a row?"
Waiters: "I love that moment. You can never shy away from that. I just feel though, like — one of my favorite quotes is, uh ... I forgot it already. One of my favorite quotes. But yeah, man, you just can't be afraid to take them shots."
Honest to the God that he's clearly somehow summoned, this quote is so perfectly fitting that if it came from anyone other than Dion Waiters I would think it was a joke at Dion Waiters' expense. You could try to explain the Miami guard's recent hot streak by saying his confidence has always been otherworldly (literally a product of his own personal fantasy land) or with some simplistic cliche like "shooter's shoot" if you so choose. However, the fact of the matter is that there is one distinct quality that is responsible for both his recent heroics and a postgame, absent minded, non-quoted quotable...
His unbelievably short memory.
See that guy who just had the testicular fortitude to hit back-to-back game winning daggers from well beyond the three point line? Yeah, well that's the same guy that went from a promising 4th overall pick to the bottom of an insanely lucrative free agent barrel by managing to chuck his way out of an offseason sweepstakes that saw Matthew Dellavedova financially secure himself for life. If he had even an ounce of a recollection he wouldn't feel comfortable taking another contested jump shot for the rest of his career.
Of course he's not a treasure trove of Instagram quotes. If he could remember cleverly pieced together sayings that resonated with him then it's safe to say he would be able to remember that he's a career 33% three point shooter who has spent the last few seasons making fans plead "no! no! no!" while flatfootedly catching kick out passes two feet beyond the arc. Dion Waiters probably couldn't tell you what he had for breakfast this morning, and that's his gift and his curse. That's why he's been happily standing alone on Waiters' Island incapable of realizing that people only begrudgingly visit. It's why he can't recall any of the ridiculously ill-advised shots he's missed in the past that would make a self aware person hesitate with the game on the game. It's why he has no brilliant phrase to explain why - fortunately for him - he simply hasn't been himself lately.
Heinz Isn't Running A Commercial During The Super Bowl, And Is Instead Giving Their Employees Monday Off
Uproxx- Heinz, of ketchup fame, doesn’t want us to fight through the day anymore. They’re on a crusade to give all of us an extra day to recover after the Super Bowl with a new national holiday which they’ve cheekily titled Smunday. To support this push, Heinz has decided to forgo their usual Super Bowl commercial this year. Instead they’ll use the $5 million they saved on a 30-second ad to give their office employees the day off. They’ve also launched a Change.org campaign to ask congress to consider making the Monday after the Super Bowl a national holiday — if they reach the 100,000 signature mark.
Annnd that's how you know you've cornered the market on a specific condiment. Imagine running a company that was so goddamn stable and dominant over it's competition that they looked at Super Bowl ad space with a straight face and said "how could creatively marketing our product to hundreds of millions of viewers at once possibly help our bottomline?". I guess I should have realized that Heinz can just play by it's own rules since the worst meals I have ever had were accompanied by far-too-sweet Hunt's Ketchup and the soon soured relationships with the people that had it in their fridge, but I can't say I saw this coming. Creating far less work for themselves one day and keeping employee satisfaction at a damn near orgasmic level by giving staffers the ability to hate themselves in peace the next. I already ate lunch, but this news makes me want to go find something to put the preeminent brand of artificial tomato paste on, because my ketchup snobbery has finally been validated by something other than a blatantly superior taste.
P.S. I suppose you could argue there's an obvious disconnect between human condiments saying their company isn't running a commercial during the Super Bowl during their company's commercial that's entirely about the Super Bowl, but mus-you-be-a-tard in the punch bowl? Let them 'relish' this advertising opportunity instead of outing it as the blatant pandering to society's desire to drink heavily through dusk on Super Bowl Sunday without worrying the dire consequences that lie on the other side of the alarm clock.
BRB, Getting Goggles Permanently Affixed To My Face After This Basketball Player's Eye Left His Head
No. No, no, no, HELL NO! If you haven't already watched the video above then save yourself the second hand trauma, because it'll probably give you the urge to wear a fishbowl over your head for the rest of the month. Some will painfully remember the Kevin Ware incident and say this isn't even the most gruesome injury they've seen on a basketball court, but I'd rather be looking at compound fractures of every bone in my body than be looking in two completely different directions as I felt my goddamn eyeball outside of my face. I haven't played pickup hoops in far too long, but I think it's time I either announce my retirement or go full "Horace Grant". Either way, Coach Taylor can suck every inch of my dick because I'll take the loss if it means I don't have to give my 'full heart' in rebounding a ball with 'clear eyes' ever again. There's no shortage of ball shriveling deformations whose viewing will shoot you straight into the fetal position, but none more so than a grown man turning into the most detailed of Halloween costumes.
If You Don't Feel Bad For This Baby Caught Doing A 'Let's Go Rangers' Chant Before Bed Then You Have No Soul
This video begs the question that sports fans have spent their lives wondering but have been too ashamed to ask out loud - can you want someone's life to turn around for the better while simultaneously hoping that it spirals horrifically into decades of despair?
I don't have the answer for you, and - to be quite honest - my uncertainty is putting me in a pretty tough spot. On one hand, when I'm not sitting within shouting distance of them on airplanes I try to wish babies nothing but the best. On the other hand, if I don't toss this particular baby out of a 757 from 31,000 feet after it kicks my seat for the 37th time then it's destined to grow up to become an insufferable asshole with a superiority complex that not even the most thorough of therapists could spot the origin of.
I think I have no choice but to pity him. I really want this kid to live a full life, but I just don't see a reality in which that is possible. When he's old enough to actually understand hockey instead of just parodying it's most commonly used chants he'll need to be told retrospective tales of a majestic, almost mythical man they called 'Henrik' whose fans ran him out of town after they wasted the entirety of his prime like a husband who files for a divorce once his wife's biological clock strikes midnight. By the time he gets a "big boy bed" he'll want to hide under it forever, because this poor child's championship window will be boarded up and the walls will closing in on him faster than if he were living out the first half of the movie 'Room'. I don't want this kid to grow up bragging about a championship that was won when he was still swimming around in an untapped scrotum. However, the only alternative is accepting the painful truth that the Rangers were the 'DUFF' that wasted it's good years flirting with success while success kept going home with the cuter guy at the bar and that might have him jumping in front of oncoming 7th Avenue traffic.
He's an adorable kid, but I hope he stays in that crib for as long as possible because there's a harsh world beyond those gates and I think the all-too-rare, self aware Rangers fan would tell him it's an unforgiving one. Can't even take a shit on his own accord and - when it comes to his sports happiness - he already needs Doc Emrick to tell him "IT'S OVER!!!"...
I gotta say, the final years of Vince Carter's awe-inspiring career have left me with mixed emotions. It's tough to see 'Half Man, Half Amazing' become someone that is realistically 99% average. I would be lying if I said that I didn't find it mildly depressing that I always forget that the superhuman, athletic freak once known as 'Vinsanity' is still in the NBA until the all-too-rare instances in which I tune in to a Memphis Grizzlies matchup. We all selfishly want to see the players that wowed us for so many years go out on the top of their game, and Vince Carter couldn't reach the heights he reached when he was jumping over 7-footers mid-game if you lent him the world's largest ladder.
That said, it's plays like this one that totally makeup for every second of the 81 games and three plus quarters in which Vince Carter is now largely irrelevant. If he could promise me one 360 layup or monstrous posterization a year I would legitimately crowd source Vince Carter's contract well into his 50's. It's absolutely preposterous that a man who was mere hours away from 40 years of age decided to attempt a full revolution in the air before laying the ball in off the glass, never mind the fact that he successfully did so. The smile and sense of nostalgia that a highlight that he used to complete with regularity gave me is well worth watching him ride the pine as the consummate role player. As long as he's still capable of one defiance of gravity per season, I hope Vince Carter keeps flashing that casual, all-too-recognizable smirk from the active roster until he's legally a senior citizen. Happy birthday VC, you're truly the gift that keeps on giving.
P.S. Is having a jaw dropping highlight reel that's over three and a half minutes long despite being made up of only layups one of Vince Carter's most impressive career accomplishments?
Well damn, that attitude adjustment came so quick that it should really look into buying desensitizing condoms. Seriously, LeBron changed his tune so fast that it made 13 year old me trying to shut off the DMX when my parents got home look slow to the dial. I guess I don't blame the guy. It's safe to assume that his previous motivational strategy didn't take when his whiney rant after a loss to the Anthony Davis-less Pelicans wasn't even able to inspire his team enough to beat the woeful Sacramento Kings at home.
I will, however, go on record as saying I'm stunned that calling out the teammates that were instrumental in his legacy defining championship run and implying that they weren't good enough to do so again wasn't able to rally them behind him. Shocker of all shockers, really. Who knew that a professional basketball team wouldn't appreciate having their "leader" run to the media and incessantly bitch about their lack of talent? Can't believe that essentially calling their offensive contributions worthless - in a game in which they scored 122 points - didn't make them want to work harder in his honor. I thought proud, successful athletes would become more united by a flat out dismissal of their collective abilities so I guess you do learn something new everyday.
Oh well, some might say that it's insanely contradictory for a person to claim that a roster featuring three all stars isn't skilled enough for his liking one day, and then bark back at a reporter that the NBA "isn't fantasy basketball" the next. Those people just don't understand that when time is of the essence you might have to start sounding like an obnoxious, selfish hypocrite while in search of the fire that is going to reignite your struggling team.
HA! Get it?! 'D'...as in defense...but also as in 'dick'?! Ya know, like a penis? Am I doing a bad job explaining this? Why aren't you guys bent over at the waist and trying to find your breath after being crippled by laughter?
Look, I'm not mounting my high horse and acting like I am above even the most elementary of sex humor. You give me an opening and I won't hesitate to shove a "cock" in there to completion...of the conversation. I'm just going to need my innuendo to be a little more subtle and a less common before I go giving Dwight Howard the laughs he so desperately desires. It's not that I refuse to give credit where it's due. It's that after watching this clip I think the list of people that deserve credit includes every professional basketball player that's mentioned 'de' within the construct of a game and had the self awareness to understand that their too damn tall to be picking at the low hanging fruit. As far as I am concerned, this is just further proof that Dwight Howard is the type of guy to explain your joke to you without even realizing it. In essence, he's an insufferable try hard whose sense of humor would have you finishing your beer quicker because it looks to be about as natural as his post moves.
And seriously, how many times was he going to go back to the well? I know this is kind of on Dennis Schroder for being a more forgiving audience than a girl on a first date that is trying to avoid awkward silence, but if I were that reporter I would have whacked him on the nose with the microphone like it were a newspaper and scolded him. I'm all for immaturity, but it's a hell of a lot more funny when it's not as ridiculously transparent as Dwight Howard's fake ass smile.
AJ McCarron's Wife Katherine Thanked The Retiring Brent Musburger For The Time He Made Her An Internet Sensation
When you really think about it, being in the good graces of the smoking hot wife of the Bengals backup quarterback should be one of Brent Musburger's highest honors and I truly don't mean that as a slight to his 'Hall Of Fame' career. It might not put any trophies in the case, but there isn't a better feeling than getting than getting a nod of approval for a job well done from a beautiful woman. Especially when you're an elderly white male that managed to call attention to said beautiful woman on national television without sounding like too much of a creep. Maybe the "whoooaaa" was a bit overboard, but put 99% of those that share a demographic with Brent Musburger behind his microphone in that situation and we're talking surefire sexual harassment.
I mean, if my brother showed up to a family gathering with a broad that looked like Katherine McCarron I would be crossing my fingers that my father held his tongue, never mind having her thrown on a screen in front of him with a bunch of live, dead air to fill. It's a goddamn miracle he was able to wax poetically about her appearance without sounding like he was ready to unzip and wax predatory right in the booth. I remember that timeless moment like it happened yesterday and I remember it being funny as opposed to cringeworthy. He's surely commentated closer games, but flawlessly navigating that situation says all you need to know about Brent Musburger's professional pedigree.
FTW- If McConaughey resembles West Virginia coach Dana Holgorsen in the upcoming movie, there’s a good reason for that…
Via the Austin American-Statesman:
He pauses. “But you know where it really came from? I haven’t told anyone else this. I went to the hair lady, said, ‘It’s this guy’s hair,’ and handed her a picture of Dana Holgorsen,” McConaughey said, laughing uproariously.
As someone who is follically challenged, I can't help but think this goes against some kind of code. In most situations I would get a kick out of a high profile, die-hard fan of one team taking unnecessary pot shots at the head coach of a conference foe that's had their number as of late, but I don't think this is one of those situations. At the risk of sounding like a negligent mother that let her kid get fat and then tried to sue the school when he had to endure some lighthearted ribbing, I must say that seeing someone who hit the genetic lottery pick on a man that fights day in and day out to keep his hairline from fleeing faster than an unhappy housewife that happened to catch the wandering eye of Matthew McConaughey feels like bullying. Call me overly sympathetic if you so choose, but if one exquisite being poking fun of a mere mortal for his lack of biological fortune isn't a prime example of a person exercising their DNA-given superiority for evil then I don't know what is.
Don't get me here. I'm not so biased that I can't admit that "The Dana Holgorsen" is literally thee perfect description for the recession that is now taking place a top McConaughey's head, but that doesn't mean he has to go around spreading that news. Especially since that picture above really pours the thinning on thick in comparison to that of West Virginia's head football coach...
Let's give credit where it's due. Declaring that 'Thursday Night Football' is actually better than the football played during literally any other NFL time slot is flat out preposterous and nothing short of insulting to anyone that tuned in to watch even one game in which teams in bright, gimmicky jerseys tried to overcome the limits of the human body by competing on three days rest. That being said, the commissioner whose actions are so consistently laughable that he's basically become a walking, talking parody of himself did use the word "almost".
I don't know what barometers other than 'viewership' and 'quality of play' are measured, but I would venture to guess that every single one of them is working heavily in favor of continuation of a mid-week game whose sole purpose is to take advantage of the viewing audience's undying love of the sport. I can't even begin to comprehend what advanced analytics Roger Goodell and Co. are using to determine that 'Thursday Night Football' is actually a success, but they must be pretty convincing because they go in complete opposition of the results of the eye test. Maybe they just twitter searched the hashtag #TNF and considered every instance in which a person got bored with bad football and decided to mock it through sarcastic social media posts a victory. With the amount of times I hate-watched Brock Osweiler on a weekday, their product had to shooting through the roof when it came to drawing the ire of the internet.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I can't - no - I won't condone this. Are we really going to start fact checking professional journalists in order to uphold their integrity? Is that what we want, the truth...
Okay, maybe that was a little strong, Honestly, we'd probably handle the truth a little too well. The truth may set us free, but when it comes to sports the truth would likely set us all down for a nap. I'm just saying that we should be careful what we wish for, because without implications, assumptions, and "alternative facts" there would be a limited amount to discuss between Sundays.
Now, in a perfect world this name-dropping NFL network correspondent wouldn't go full 'Skip Bayless' and would craft fictitious scenarios in her head whose disproval required more than the most elementary use of a basic human function such as eyesight. However, I'm not going to act like she wasn't trying to do her job just because her performance in doing so ended up being comically crappy. I can appreciate Pat McAfee standing up for the players whose actions are incessantly picked apart in the interest of filling 24 hours worth of airtime, but I can't appreciate it as much as a good story. Unfortunately, the "good" is where this report falters.
Plus, I just can't help but think that we are overlooking the real problem here. Forget about Antonio Brown's alleged "pouting" that was non-existent to the naked eye, because I'm much more concerned with the fact that he couldn't even get open on a running play. What a bum! I'm not trying to insinuate that one of the best receivers in the NFL has lost a step, but if I did then that narrative would make about as much sense as crucifying him for putting his hands in the air like he just don't care who scored his team's touchdown.
P.S. Regardless of this reporter's obvious error in pointing it out, I'm 100% sure there is some substance to this Antonio Brown stuff. We are talking about an obnoxiously public wideout that actually enjoys spending quality time with Odell Beckham. I didn't need to be lied to about a video of him not pouting to believe that he was probably pouting.
Uproxx- Nurmagomedov has formidable #2 contender Tony Ferguson on the horizon at UFC 209, more on that in a sec, but the Russian dynamo shared with ESPN his plans beyond that. First up, graduate from a UFC 209 interim belt to take McGregor’s title and then something hilariously diabolical.
“After I finish [Ferguson], then Conor,” said Nurmagomedov. “And after I finish Conor, UFC will maybe want to make rematch. But I say, ‘No, calm down. You have to stand in line.'”
To get consideration for a fight with Conor McGregor, Nurmagomedov still has to defeat Ferguson at UFC 209. Ferguson hasn’t lost in UFC competition since 2012, but in a chat with Fox Sports, Nurmagomedov didn’t seem to concerned about that.
I have nothing but respect for this outrageously cocky move from Kahbib Nurmagomedov. You see, I always try to appreciate those that are capable of things that I couldn't imagine accomplishing in my wildest dreams. So while the fact that he's going to step into the octagon and go no-holds-barred with one of the most dangerous fighters in the entire sport in hopes of earning an opportunity to face thee most dangerous fighter in the entire sport is rather impressive, it's nothing compared to the fact that he's got a long term plan in place.
Christ, I have a hard time setting a date for the weekend before Wednesday and this Russian dude already has his whole career arc mapped out. I would imagine there might be some disastrous detours on the way, but I envy the forward thinking and this overly confident son-of-a-bitch's mind is like 12 steps ahead of the things that currently matter. If taking it "one game at a time" is a mindset that is conducive to winning then he may very well be doing some serious re-routing far sooner than he'd like, but what he lacks in focus for his upcoming opponent he makes up for in preparation for his inevitable championship reign.
This really begs the question, is it possible that I am closer to having the fighting skills necessary to succeed in the UFC than I am to having the scheduling skills necessary to succeed in the UFC? I doubt it, but I can make a very flawed argument that's true if I used Khabib Murmagomedov's confidence as a case study. I'm not sure I see a scenario where he runs the gauntlet and takes Conor McGregor's belt, but I don't have the 20/20, telescopic vision of the man whose prematurely playing "keep away" with the title that he's nowhere close to attaining yet.
No! Don't do it 'Lyin' Ted'! Don't make me pity Grayson Allen! I'm of the frame of mind that there's no amount of evil that a kid who has developed into the most insufferable version of the prototypical whiney, white Dukie could encounter that would make me feel bad for him. I genuinely believe that he earned every unprovoked act of retribution that comes his way after he's sent more people tripping than the 1960's psychedelics scene. However, being the butt of a Ted Cruz joke in which he makes light of the fact that Grayson Allen looks like the love child of him and whatever elitist, athletic specimen Coach K keeps artificially inseminating every time a loathsome, fratty-looking fuck graduates comes mighty close to making me say "enough is enough".
I probably could have said this weeks ago as well, but I don't even know how Grayson Allen can look himself in the mirror. He probably can't even pass by a family portrait anymore without having to double and triple check his ear lobes and hairline because his mind is playing tricks on him. I want to say he brought this on himself because I have no problem questioning his intentions when he so much as gets out of bed in the morning. However, I have a hard time making the argument that even the douchiest of college kids deserves a lifetime association with a politician whose face looks exactly like his personality and who keeps going back and forth on whether or not he enjoys being on the receiving end of Donald Trump's golden showers.
This is obviously a pretty old comparison at this point, but I don't know how any of us can continue to truly enjoy it when we know that Ted Cruz let out a crippling cackle that would send shivers up the most sturdy of spines when he called attention to it for laughs on the internet. Can we just continue to encourage opponents to physically bully Grayson Allen while he's on the way to his bench, because that puts more of a smile on my face than letting Ted Cruz think he's funny - even for a second...
Whew, finally an analogy that is rooted in reality. Sports talk has become so juiced up by artificial opinions that it's damn near as anabolic as it is hyperbolic. That's why it's so refreshing to see a completely unbiased party sit down, watch some game tape from an entirely different sport during an entirely different era, run the percentages and probabilities, and analyze the career of a football player who has yet to take a professional snap as it relates to the career of one of the most transcendent basketball players of all time. I'll admit, I was a little hesitant to acknowledge the similarities between a quarterback who struggled with turnovers in the ACC and the unstoppable shooting guard whose picture undoubtedly sits a top the ACC's mantle, but I think I have to defer to the man who admittedly "doesn't know what he's talking about" here.
After all, who would be more familiar with Deshaun Watson's ability to kick in the door to the 'Hall Of Fame' before he even plays a game better than the Head Coach who almost certainly doesn't have an overinflated view of his talents just because of what they accomplished together? How could any franchise go with the nearly unanimous choice of Myles Garrett when his ceiling - due to no fault of his own - will basically be that of Sam Bowie? Why pass up a signal caller whose prolonged success is basically eminent - even though his style is questionable - when the only other alternative is "blowing" your franchise's immediate future faster than Len Bias? I know I'm the same person that thought contrasting one of the most skilled quarterbacks ever in Aaron Rodgers and Michael Jordan was insanely disrespectful to 'His Airness', but a 21 year old that wasn't even thought of as a first round pick until a recent National Championship run? Well, that's a completely different story!
The Saints Have Been Taking Players Off-Site For Interviews At The Senior Bowl And Other Teams Aren't Happy
PFT- Per multiple sources, the Saints have been taking Senior Bowl players off site for interviews. This has been rubbing other teams the wrong way because it takes time to get the players off site, interview them, and bring them back. With limited total time for the interviews, that makes it hard for every team to interview every player it wants to interview.
As one source explained it, many of the players become confused when they are driven away, but they don’t know to say no.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize the Saints were supposed to apologize for making a bunch of college athletes feel more special than they probably are by whisking them away - in their own personal chariot - from the same boring old conference rooms that the other 31 teams are interviewing them in. God forbid Sean Payton and Co. give them a unique experience and make them as though they are truly being courted instead of forcing them into repeatedly answering contrived, formulaic questions from the same damn location like they are trying to speed date their way to a long, successful career with an interested organization. I guess chivalry really is dead these days. You can't even think outside the box - that every other NFL franchise is trying to stick these kids in by quickly swiping through them like they are 'Tinder' matches - without getting chastised by your peers. It's really pretty depressing when you think about it. All the New Orleans' brass is trying to do is display the type of spontaneity that any willing prospect would be stupid not to appreciate and they are instantly accused of consensually kidnapping kids and strong arming them out of their precious time? Is that really how cynical the athletic equivalent of the dating world has become?!?!
Don't know if these other GM's and Head Coaches have heard or not, but envy is commonly referred to as "the fear of comparison" and they are currently looking relatively green while trying to scout amongst the black & gold. I'm not exactly a draft expert, but one would think their time would be better spent trying to figure out how to cast a larger net than by concerning themselves with their competition's craftiness in tossing their reel in a more secluded area of the pond. Didn't think I would have to be the one to explain to a bunch of grown ass professionals that there are plenty of fish in the sea...
Hey, it's a copycat league. That's why we probably should have seen this coming. After all, how could Ben Roethlisberger not prematurely announce that he's thinking about retiring from the NFL almost immediately after his season came to an extremely disappointing end? He basically had no choice but to follow suit after Earl Thomas popularized the idea of collecting sympathy by acknowledging a "possibility" that is absolutely, positively not going to come to fruition. Now, I don't doubt that Big Ben is both physically and mentally banged up, because Big Ben is literally always physically and mentally banged up. However, there's a better chance he sits out the season opener with a hang nail than there he is that he walks away from a team that has arguably the best running back and wide receiver in the sport. I'm not saying that he hasn't considered his future because he would be stupid not to with how many injuries he suffered, but I am saying that it's pretty fucking easy to throw around the 'R' word 36 hours into the offseason.
Not only that, but it's a hell of a scare tactic to use on the team that probably isn't too happy with him after he drove the bus over them on his way out of Foxboro...
“There were missed opportunities whether we didn’t execute well enough, whether plays weren’t made by me or other guys. At times it felt like maybe it was too big for some of the young guys.”
“It’s a little frustrating,” Roethlisberger said. “We talk about how sometimes it’s just one play here, one play there. Tonight we didn’t make those plays. Was [the moment] too big? I don’t know. We need to make every single play in a game like this, in a moment like this.
“Hopefully, this is a learning game for guys to understand this isn’t promised to anybody. Tomorrow isn’t promised. Just to make the playoffs isn’t enough. A lot of guys have been in the league for a long time and haven’t been to any of these. I hope they understand the importance and relish the opportunity if it comes again.”
Roethlisberger was asked if the young players understood the importance of the game during the week leading up to it. “I don’t know,” he said. “That’s a good question. That’s a good question for the guys. I know I did.”
Nothing will put those hard feelings in the rearview of his young receivers quite like threatening them with a full season of Landry Jones throwing them the ball. Causally blaming everyone else for a 19 point loss when you're the one that threw an interception and failed to punch an all-too-important TD from the one inch line can make you the bad guy pretty quickly, but it's impossible to harbor resentment for a two time Super Bowl winning quarterback when he implies that his professional clock is rapidly ticking towards retirement. Personally, I think this is a heaping load of horseshit and that Ben Roethlisberger is way too much of a borderline masochistic competitor to listlessly leave football after getting bent over the barrel and receiving a public colonoscopy at the hands of a bunch of "assholes". However, while I can't definitively guarantee that he'll be back in training camp this summer, I can definitively guarantee that the teammates he recently scapegoated will be waiting with open, indebted arms when he damn near inevitably does arrive.
Zaza Pachulia Is Going Around Slapping People Now, And Me Thinks The Warriors Have Rubbed Off On Him
Excuse my ignorance here, but has Zaza Pachulia always acted like a tough guy or is this a recent development? I should probably know that answer already, but - unfortunately - I don't pay much attention to dime-a-dozen European big men that spend a majority of their career rotting away in Atlanta and Milwaukee so I'm not too familiar with his reputation prior to joining the most villainous team in basketball. This might be a risky proposition, but I think I am going to assume that I would have heard about it if he was going around blatantly slapping opponents upside the head prior to arriving in Golden State.
If that is - indeed - the case then it's pretty clear that we have a perfect example of a man not being able to handle success. One fan vote that was completely rigged for comedic purposes goes his way and all the sudden Zaza fucking Pachulia is carelessly throwing his limbs around like he's Draymond Green. A couple months at the top of the food chain and he's bodychecking Russell Westbrook and standing over him like he's not just roster filler that's being paid the veteran's minimum to grab a few rebounds and get the fuck out of the way. I may not like the Warriors, but at least their "Top Guns" have earned the right to be cocky, insufferable assholes. The same can't be said for the guy that was jettisoned from the Dallas Mavericks only to show up as an extra in an All-Star cast thinking it's okay for him to temporarily assume the role of 'Maverick'.