Clippers- DeAndre Jordan made a move, drove to his right, then finished with his right hand on a baby hook. Then, he did it again, and again.
Everyone knows the Clippers’ center can dunk, and he did that with ferocity Monday night against the Suns, but the left-hander also regularly made drives he said he would’ve never even tried months ago, often finishing with his right. “I’ve tried for the last two years to convince him to shoot free throws right-handed,” said J.J. Redick, completely seriously. “I really have.” Redick then listed a bevy of reasons for that, explaining that Jordan jumps off his left foot, which is something most right-handed people do. More obviously, there’s what Jordan showed off Monday night while scoring 17 points. “He shoots every single jump hook – and tonight, running hook – with his right hand,” Redick said. “He finishes around the basket with his right hand. He’s really good at it.” “He’s left-handed, but…” head coach Doc Rivers started, before cutting himself off. Maybe Rivers isn’t sure. Ask Redick, and he’d say Jordan’s better with his right. Anyone watching Jordan throw out the first pitch at the Angels game this summer would probably say the same, as the center delivered a strike while tossing the pitch with his right arm. Somebody get a watchful eye on Mark Cuban immediately. That man can't be trusted around any type of rope or blunt objects for the next 24 hours. First one of the best rebounders and finishers in basketball slipped though his hands in free agency, then Adam Silver said he has plans to alter the rules regarding intentional fouls, and now DeAndre Jordan has learned that he's actually right handed?! He just doubled his on-court value and he didn't even have to do anything other than start shooting with the correct hand. Can't believe we didn't notice this before. Spent all this time thinking that DJ can't make a foul shot because it's impossible for him to put touch on the ball with his big ass mitts, and it turns out it was just the wrong big ass mitt. Just using his freakishly large, unquestionably clumsy left hand to palm a basketball like King Kong palmed his human girlfriend when all the skill and finesse has been in his right hand the whole time. Laugh all you want, but Happy learned how to putt, and I am pretty sure that means it's not impossible that DeAndre just learned how to create offense. Maybe he's not ready to start commanding double teams in the post quite yet, but he appears ready to contribute on the offensive end without his hand touching the rim, and that's a stark improvement from his first 7.5 years in the NBA. Don't tell J.J. Redick he's not prepared to take up a career in coaching when his playing days are over. Don't tell him he's nothing more than a deadly accurate three point shooter. He just did what no coach before has been able to do. He diagnosed the problem with one of the worst foul shooters in the entire league. Sure, all he did was make a blatantly obvious observation, but he was the first person to make that blatantly obvious observation. That's got to count for something, right? It might seem ridiculous that J.J. Redick is sincerely telling another player which of his hands is dominant, but can you tell me the last time you have seen DeAndre Jordan confidently nail a running skyhook with his left hand? Didn't think so.
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John Tortorella Coach's Challenge Failed, So Now He Wants Coach's Challenges Gone From The Game2/23/2016 Yardbarker- The NHL coach’s challenge was introduced this season to help overturn incorrect calls made by referees. Columbus Blue Jackets bench boss John Tortorella isn’t too impressed with the results so far, and after losing a challenge in Monday night’s 6-4 win over the Boston Bruins at TD Garden, the veteran head coach wants the entire thing scrapped all together.
“I think we should get rid of it,” Tortorella told reporters after his team’s victory. “I think we should just get rid of it. And let the refs make the call, because if we spend two or three minutes and a coach wastes his timeout to try and get the call right, and we still get it wrong, then why have it.” The call Tortorella was upset about came in the first period when it appeared Bruins winger Loui Eriksson made contact against Blue Jackets goalie Joonas Korpisalo with his right skate. Eriksson was in and around the crease and received credit for the goal after the puck deflected off his leg and into the net.A good goal was ruled by the referee, and Tortorella couldn’t believe goalie interference wasn’t the ruling after he challenged the call. “I wanted my timeout back, quite honestly,” he said. “And listen, I respect the referees, it is a really tough job, but I thought this was for that reason to make their job easier. It gives them a chance to look at it again, get some information from hockey ops (in Toronto), but to get that one wrong it’s just beyond belief to me.” And people say that John Tortorella is quick to wear out his welcome because he's a bitchy, temperamental asshole everytime he doesn't get his way. Ha, WRONG! He's just looking out for the good of hockey fans everywhere. Sure, this little outburst coincidentally comes after his coach's challenge failed miserably and left him with a goal against and no timeouts remaining, but I have reason to believe that was simply a coincidence. If this play had worked out in his favor he would have been just as happy to speak on behalf of abolishing a rule that is no more than a half of a season old. It's not about what's best for the Columbus Blue Jackets, it's about what best maintains the integrity of the sport. It just so happens that not only did this borderline call go against John Tortorella, but it went against everything that is fair and just. We should ignore every single time the coach's challenge successfully corrected the outcome on the scoreboard, because in my estimation that's not nearly enough to balance out the one instance in which an oft-whiny Head Coach felt he was done a grave injustice by a decision that could have gone either way. P.S. Definitely made the wrong call, and I would have been up in arms if a similar play had gone against the Devils. P.P.S. I don't care because it went against John Tortorella. Fire & Ice- There have been times that Eric Gelinas has been frustrated before during his three seasons in the NHL with the Devils, but the 24-year defenseman admits right now is “the worst it's been.”
Gelinas has been a healthy scratch for the last six games and, after remaining on the ice for some extra work at the end of today's practice, didn't sound optimistic about his chances of getting back in the lineup Tuesday night against the Rangers. “After an hour and a half practice, I'm guessing not,” Gelinas said. “I felt like, besides the Rangers' game over there, I had some good games,” he said. “I don't know how many games I played in a row (10 total) and then just that one (bad) game and I'm back out for probably seven. It is frustrating.” Gelinas said he has “not really” received any explanation from the coaching staff during the time he's been out. “I guess (head coach John Hynes) likes the way guys are playing,” Gelinas said. “I don't know. I wish I knew.” “I hear positive things that they (the coaches) see progress and stuff, but then nothing changes,” Gelinas said. “So, it is frustrating.” “It's not really in my control, but I know it is coming,” Gelinas said of the trade deadline. “I don't know what the team's plans are or anything. I guess we'll see in six or seven days.” Gelinas said he has not asked for a trade. “It's in their hands, really,” he said. “If they still want me, we'll see.” "The one thing I can say is I want to play. That's for sure," he said. "That's pretty much all I can hope for. We'll see, I guess.” Okay fine, technically he is just frustrated by the fact that he's not in the lineup, but the reason he's not in the lineup is because of his inability to play hockey at the NHL so we are pretty much saying the same thing. Must be super confusing for him though. Can't imagine I would see where the coaches were coming from if I were him. A 6'4, 215 pound defenseman that's about as physical as an actor in a softcore porn? A guy with one of the hardest shots in the league that can't manage to put it on net or generate any point production? The most turnover prone defenseman of all eight that John Hynes has at his disposal? The guys whose pinches are more untimely than getting woken up for school during a wet dream? HOW IN THE WORLD IS THAT GUY NOT GETTING MORE OF AN OPPORTUNITY!?!? He'd doing everything short of playing good hockey on a consistent basis to get in the lineup. I don't understand how his physical attributes -that he doesn't come close to using effectively- aren't enough to win him a regular spot as a third pairing defenseman. Can't believe the guy that has the defensive acumen of James Harden and whose awareness with the puck is offensive in more ways than one isn't an absolute shoe-in. It doesn't make sense that the player that needs to be more closely regulated and monitored than an AIDS patient isn't lacing them up every single game. I know it seems like John Hynes is massively overachieving with this group of players, but with a guy like Eric Gelinas sitting in a luxury box you really have to question if he any idea what he is doing. He's got his very own Fulton Reed sitting upstairs in a suit as the Devils struggle to score goals. Doesn't he know that art imitates life? Doesn't he know that one super hard, super inaccurate slap shot is all it takes to succeed in the NHL? After all, it did transform one group of ragtag kids that can't skate into league champions in no longer than 90 minutes... CBC- Nothing has been going right recently for the beleaguered Montreal Canadiens and their fans.
A one-month-old baby was hospitalized after being hit in the head by an errant puck following an open practice on Sunday afternoon at the Bell Centre, according to a post on Facebook by the infant's mother, Valérie Meloche. The incident was said to have happened when the team was soft-tossing souvenir pucks to their young fans after practice. "Unfortunately, one of the fans who caught a puck thrown by P.K. Subban was just a month old — and she caught it with her head," explained Meloche. According to Meloche, the baby named Beatrice was knocked unconscious and given CPR on site before being taken to the Montreal Children's Hospital in critical but stable condition. She was monitored for a concussion, but is expected to make a full recovery and has since been released from hospital. I guess this is finally it. I have avoided boarding the P.K. Subban hate train for this long, but I have to draw the line somewhere and he has given me no choice. It's one thing to extravagantly celebrate a goal, or shamelessly embellish contact, but when you start pegging newborns with vulcanized rubber I have to cut ties. Turns out all those taped gestures of good will were just a cover for his undeniable hatred of toddlers. Showing up to play street hockey with kids? Dressing up as a bus driver before surprising them at the rink? All just a way for him to hide how much he disliked their younger, smellier siblings. P.K. Subban is only for the children as long as said children can go to the bathroom on their own. You're just not deserving of respect in his eyes until you are old enough to sit in your own seat. You want P.K. to appreciate you as a fan? It's very simple, grow up or get concussed. You know how much criticism he deals with on a day-to-day basis? The last thing he needs is to hear more whining and crying. You wanted more attention baby Beatrice? Well, you got it, but you probably should have let your hands fully develop first. In all seriousness, I am glad the kid is alright, because the people that really deserved a hit to the head is her parents. Not saying you can't bring a baby to a hockey game, but sitting just a few rows from the ice probably isn't the smartest idea. Especially if you you plan on ignoring everything that is going on around you as players soft toss pucks into the crowd. Aren't women supposed to develop motherly instincts once they have children. Hey Meloche, where were you on that one dipshit? How about nurturing your child instead of holding her up like your standing on the edge of 'Pride Rock' as blunt objects are whizzing by? At least pretend to put your 1 month old's well being in front of our own while you're in public, because P.K. Subban is already dealing with enough unjust blame from his head coach to have to start worrying about where he throws his souvenirs. LBS- The NFL scouting combine takes place this week and each year around this time we hear of unique stories of players chasing their dream of becoming a professional football player. This year, that story belongs to Jordan Murphy.
Murphy began his collegiate career at Colorado State before transferring to Colorado after his freshman season. During his four years he played as a fullback and on special teams. Although he did not carry the ball or catch any passes with either school, there was a brief time Murphy may not have thought his days of playing FBS football were over. Back in the summer of 2012, Murphy was in the movie theater in Aurora, Colorado when a man entered and opened fire. 12 were killed that day and several others were injured. Murphy recently recounted the events of the day and they are chilling, to say the least. “We ducked down, we waited a few seconds,” Murphy told ESPN. “I heard his gun click that he was out of ammunition, so we crawled as fast as we could and then stood up at the end of the row to run. I think I attracted his attention because he turned his head to me, took a shot. Don’t know if it was a shotgun or his AR-15, but the bullet hit right over my head, drywall exploded, sprayed on my face, the dust went in my eyes. At that point I’m thinking I’m not getting out, but I’m running along the way, we were getting ready to turn the corner and the bullet just smashed the drywall. They always said the reason I couldn’t play Division I as a linebacker was because I wasn’t 6-2. I’m 6 feet. If I was 6-2, I’d probably be dead because that bullet is in my head.” Murphy was already facing an uphill battle in realizing his dream of playing for an NFL team. To stack odds against him anymore, the fullback is a position that is becoming extinct. That won’t deter Murphy from trying and it absolutely shouldn’t. Well, this is just proof that some good can come out of the most tragic of situations. I think everyone, including Jordan Murphy, would have rather some psycho with a hero complex not opened fire on an entire movie theatre full of innocent people. However, it is pretty cool that a kid -who was mere inches away from an untimely death- gets to live his dream because of it. Look at the NFL doing the right thing for once. Giving a fullback -that would have never had the opportunity to attend the NFL combine otherwise- a shot at extending his playing days despite not having a carry or a catch throughout four years of college football. Maybe his stats don't warrant him being there, but his perseverance certainly does. Are the odds against him to turn this into an extensive NFL career? Absolutely, but at least he has a chance, and that's a chance he wouldn't have had before he was lucky enough to slip out those cinema doors alive. At the end of the day the NFL is a business, and all that will matter is if this kid can perform on the field. With that said, I know there's at least twelve families that will be joining in on rooting for him, because this is pretty much the only positive to come from the deaths of their loved ones at the hands of a coward with an itchy trigger finger. The Comeback- The Wall Street Journal reports the NFL has been ordered to return more than $100 million to the pool of revenue it shares with players.
The ruling found NFL owners mischaracterized $120 million of ticket revenue in the past three years by creating an exemption which kept $50 million of salary away from players. That’s no small chunk of change. The NFLPA filed a grievance back in January after they discovered the revenue when performing an audit of the league’s finances. “They created an exemption out of a fiction and they got caught,” said DeMaurice Smith, executive director of the NFLPA.” The NFL said the ruling was a resolution of a “technical accounting issue under the CBA” which seems like code for ‘we tried to take more money from the players, but were caught.’ The initial dispute was over provisions of the CBA that allow NFL teams to exclude certain amounts of money from players’ share of revenue. Players typically generate that pool from local revenue, ticket sales or sponsorship money, among other things. The NFL can exclude money if it’s generated from the sales of personal seat licenses, premium seating and big deals with corporations – money which is then used to finance renovations and construct new stadiums. According to the Wall Street Journal, the big problem the NFLPA found was the league created another category of excepted money which isn’t part of the CBA. An arbitrator recognized this and ordered the NFL to return the misplaced revenue. WSJ reports since the money is being returned to the shared revenue pool, the NFL salary cap should increase by about $1.5 million per team. Remember that scene in 'Office Space' where the main character introduces the program that can aggregate all of the leftover pennies on the dollar and put them into one account for him and his friends? Remember saying to yourself during that movie "well, this is a good plot line, but there is no way this would work in real life without someone eventually getting caught". Well, the NFL basically just did that very same thing, but instead of skimming a couple cents off the top they were skimming hundreds of thousands of dollars off the top. I'd say that's quite the "technical accounting issue". Hey, I'm sure it was an accident. It's not like the NFL has any history of being money hungry. It's not like they would ever trivialize the well being, financial or otherwise, of their players. Plus, this is more of a practice that is generally reserved for the employees and not the employers. A system used by the overworked and underpaid instead of vice versa. Why would Roger Goodell and the gang put themselves at risk when they have already been greatly rewarded due to the efforts of those beneath them. There's no way that extra category that pooled up to $120 million in ticket revenue was created intentionally. Personally, I blame 'Microsoft Excel'. If that goddamn program was easier to navigate then the NFL would have never missed the last column at the end that was lining their pockets with tens of millions of undeserved dollars. The NFL doesn't think it's invincible. They don't think they are bulletproof. They are just really, really bad at math. Thank God the auditors were there to come in and show them their simply mistake or the amount of money being siphoned into their bank accounts would have never been calculated correctly. Slow down with your conspiracy theories. The NFL isn't greedy, it's negligent. Haven't they done enough to prove that to everyone over the years? So no, I am not going to accuse Roger Goodell of stealing, but I do have just one question for him... A Fan Won His Family Season Tickets By Bashing A Home Run During A Texas Rangers Promotional Event2/22/2016
Uproxx- The Texas Rangers held a pretty cool promotion at Globe Life Park this weekend that allowed fans who put deposits on season tickets the opportunity to win upgraded seats for free. All the prospective season ticket holders had to do was smack a dinger out of the park and the Rangers would take care of the rest.
Of the 20 people who took part in the event, only one was able to actually do it. After a few warm up hacks, Rangers fan Byron Anderson was able to take a ball over the left field wall to score the sweet seats. The homer Anderson’s half-season plan for two tickets into four box seats – valued at $8,500. That’s a big money swing right there. The awesome moment was capped off by Anderson circling around the bases while the PA blasted the song from The Natural, which Anderson says is his favorite movie. One $8,500 swing for man, one invaluable swing for mankind. That right there? That was for the little people. The people dropping $9 on a domestic beer. The people getting extorted for a $7 lukewarm hot dog. The people that pay to show up whether or not the Texas Rangers are in the playoffs or rotting at the bottom of the standings. Sometimes it's just nice to see those people win in the financial column. Let's be honest, this was nothing more then a money grab under the guise of a promotional event. The Texas Rangers didn't expect anyone to actually hit a home run. It was a calculated risk that was done in hopes of weaseling people out of their season ticket deposit early. A calculated risk that inevitably paid for itself, but still. It would have been nice to have a camera on the face of the Rangers owner when he heard the sound of the ball hitting the barrel of the bat, because you just know for a second he was like "ahh shit". $8,500 is a drop in the bucket for a professional sports franchise, but it's still $8,500 that their money hungry management would rather have it's hands on. Not only did this family man get to live what has to be every sports fan's lifelong dream by bashing one over the fence at a major league park, but he got one over on the people that won't hesitate to increase ticket prices for the hell of it or charge $20 for parking. For one season, and one season only, this guy gets to experience a ball game without worrying about how much he has been ripped off. That's a small victory, but since it will likely never happen to you, it's a victory for all of us. Time To Play Doctor For This Chick That Got Her Server Fired After He Made A Fat Joke On Her Receipt2/22/2016 Source- She and her boyfriend frequent Casa Mexicana about three times a week. The servers know them by name.
"So there was no reason to have anything like that on the receipt. I noticed on the line where it said customer for our tab, it said, 'X Gordo,' which means extra fat in Spanish," Rummerfield said. "It really hurt my feelings because I have a thyroid disease and I used to be extremely skinny. But my weight is out of my control right now. I take medication for it." Rummerfield immediately confronted the restaurant's manager. "He said it was someone else's tab," she said. But Rummerfield said she got a different answer from the bartender. "I went back to the bar and said, 'Well, why did we pay someone else's tab? Can we get our correct tab?,'" Rummerfield said. "And that's when the bartender proceeded to tell me that he did write that, and he did mean it in a derogatory fashion." Time to clear things up. It's pretty obvious that this joke was made at Rebecca's expense. Am I surprised that a random fat chick in Arkansas knows enough Spanish to realize that 'X Gordo' is an insult? Well, quite frankly I am, but that doesn't make it any less mean. Not completely sure why any one would read a receipt that carefully, but she did and she reserves the right to be angry about what she saw. More importantly, I think this girl needs a second opinion. I have a question you, Rebecca. Did you develop your "thyroid disease" before or after you and your boyfriend started eating at the same Mexican restaurant THREE times a week? Does your "thyroid problem" have some fancy scientific name like "slow metabolism"? That's what this sounds like to me. I think I may have just cured this girl, and it's all because some immature server at a dumpy Mexican restaurant in Arkansas unintentionally brought attention to her "condition" because he just had to get his fat jokes off. Now all she has to do to solve her "thyroid problem" -and in turn stop facing weight discrimination by way of proof of purchase- is to stop preceding every single meal with a basket of tortilla chips. If she stopped crushing an entire bag of 'Tostitos' before the appetizers even got there then I have reason to believe she would be in much better standing health wise. Don't worry Becca, I won't charge you for the consultation, but I will request that you apologize to the fat shamer for getting him fired. He may not have had the greatest of intentions, but it's his elementary sense of humor that inevitably led to your new diagnosis, and hopefully your future recovery. Metro- Adolf Hitler suffered from a condition that left him with a ‘micro-penis’, historians have sensationally claimed.
It was previously revealed that the Nazi dictator may have only had one testicle, but historians now say that the Fuhrer suffered from hypospadias, a condition that leaves sufferers with an abnormally small penis. Sufferers are often forced to urinate out of a hole at the base of their penis, or the underside of the shaft. But in new book Hitler’s Last Day: Minute by Minute, historians Jonathan Mayo and Emma Craigie claim that the Fuhrer suffered from the deformity. They wrote: ‘Hitler himself is believed to have had two forms of genital abnormality: an undescended testicle and a rare condition called penile hypospadias in which the urethra opens on the underside of the penis.’ On one hand, this is nice to hear. After all, Adolf Hitler caused millions upon millions of people an innumerable amount of pain and suffering, so it kind of puts a smile on your face to know that he was also suffering at the time, albeit to a much less degree. On the other hand, making this public is pretty dangerous as well. There is no way to justify the actions of a mass murderer, but if there were to be a way then it would almost certainly be to make him look like a sympathetic figure. Now, I am not shedding any tears for Hitler's genitals, but the dire state of them could have had quite a bit to do with his decision to ethnically cleanse. Without doing too much research I feel fairly comfortable saying that there is a direct correlation between a person's overall demeanor and the size of their dick. That doesn't mean that people blessed with a good sized, fully functional cock can't get angry, but it does mean that they generally don't get "racial and religious extermination" angry. Trust me, I don't want to give the dude an out or anything. However, I can't definitively proclaim that I wouldn't be quick to kill if I had a testicle in my stomach and was forced to urinate through a hole in the base of my shaft and neither can you. So if you are asking me if I would kill baby Hitler then the answer is yes, because every person born with 'hypospadias' (a microscopic penis) should be executed at birth. It's the long way we can make sure they don't commit genocide when they grow older. Adolf may have always had murderous tendencies, but he also always had a schmeckle that was susceptible to enjoying human suffering. The guy was basically hung for the Holocaust. That's why everyone that's born sporting a 'Tic Tac' should be put to rest. Not only for the good of society, but because no one should be sentenced to a lifetime of pissing on their balls (or in this case, ball). We can always measure the length of a person's penis, but we can't measure the amount of anger and animosity that it will cause them, and therefore we won't know if it will reach Auschwitz levels until it's too late. Detroit News- There was no voiding Sunday’s result, though, and rather than ripping his team, the Pistons coach ripped himself for the effort against Davis, who finished 24-of-34 from the field to post the NBA’s single-game high for the season and the best ever at the Palace, topping LeBron James’ 48-point outburst in the 2007 Eastern Conference finals. Davis had 51 points in the final three quarters alone, and later shrugged, “After a while, you feel like any shot you put up is going to go in.”
“That one’s on me,” Van Gundy insisted. “You’ve got to come up with something. A guy can’t get 59. That’s terrible coaching. Terrible.” See, that's why I love coaches love Stan Van Gundy. He could have very easily walked up to the podium and said that Anthony Davis just had "one of those nights" where every single shot he takes finds the bottom of the net. He could very easily written it off as an anomaly instead of a reflection of his own work, but instead he said what everyone with a brain should have already known as fact. If one player scores more than half of their team's points then the opposing team, and ultimately it's head coach, are culpable for letting it happen. That doesn't make Anthony's Davis 59 point, 20 rebound night any less impressive. He still had to beat his man. He still had to make those shots. He still had to grab those boards. However, to act like the team he did it against couldn't have done anything to make it harder on him is just flat out false. Remember the night Kobe Bryant put up 81 points against the Toronto? Think Sam Mitchell has some regrets, or do you think if he could do it all over again he would continue to single cover one of the best players in NBA history while he was unconsciously hot? If you don't know the answer to that then I would suggest checking with Jalen Rose. Any decent coach knows there is something he could have done differently when he loses a game, and that couldn't be more true when his team allows the opposing center to make 13 field goals from within 5 feet of the rim... BSO- According to the Daily Record, Gareth McGraa said that he had no idea his wife, 37-year-old Jessica McGraa, was working as an escort. The 56-year-old believed that she was selling hair extensions to earn extra money.
“I honestly believed that she was making her money from hair extensions,” the 56-year-old said. “She was a very pious girl—she dragged me to church, even, and that’s not easy. I thought I knew her, and it hurts.” McGraa, who went by the names “Ebony Bianca” and “Kelly West” on escort sites, reportedly advertised as a “classic, stylish, naughty, horny, sexy” escort who promised the “ultimate girlfriend experience” to potential clients for $300 an hour. She described herself as ‘classic, stylish, naughty, horny, sexy’. The site has topless photos of her with her face blurred out. She wrote: ‘My face is covered to protect myself as I’m ultra-discreet. I have my regular job and a private life. Do be polite when you call me.’ If you going to sit here and tell me that you can't sympathize with Gareth McGraa then you are a goddamned liar. I don't currently have a girlfriend, but I have a bunch of life long friends whose jobs I couldn't begin to describe. I mean, I could tell you what field they are in, but I couldn't tell you what they are actually responsible for in that field. I highly doubt I am alone in saying that. So yeah, maybe this guy should have paid closer attention to the in's and out's of his wife's day-to-day life, but he knew she was in "sales" and that should have been enough shared information in a healthy, successful relationship. Unless, of course, instead of selling her fake hair she was selling her real pussy, but this was more of a rare, unfortunate circumstance than anything else. I can't tell you I have had anyone that I dedicated the rest of my life to pass away, but I would imagine it is pretty difficult to overcome. With that said, finding out that your dead spouse was actually a hooker has to be a good thing in the long run, no? Talk about expediting the healing process. Sure, it sucks to find out you've been living a lie, but at least now the truth can set you free. Probably means you'll be crossing your fingers a little tighter during your next doctor's visit, and you'll undoubtedly have irreconcilable trust issues for the rest of your life. Still, it's exponentially easier to get over some lying, cheating whore than it is to get over your church-going life partner. At the end of the day, the funeral of Jessica McGraa would have required a lot more mourning if "Ebony Bianca" wasn't the one laying in the casket. Good News Everyone, The Guys That Made The First Joe Paterno Statue Are Making Two More!!!2/22/2016 LBS- The men who did the casting work for the original Joe Paterno statue are making two new ones in a secret location.
Yesid Gomez and Wilfer Buitrago said Sunday they are hard at work in a secret location creating two new statues without school or family approval. One, they said, would be donated to the Paterno family, while the other would be displayed at various locations to support Penn State. The new model features Paterno holding up a fist in defiance. “Penn State should have given us the courtesy of contacting us when they removed the statue and letting us know where it is,” Gomez told Rob Tornoe of Philly.com. “Instead, they are not responding to us, so we decided to bring the statue back again.” The two men are financing the $100,000 project themselves. “At this point, we don’t have a sponsor,” said Gomez. “We’re not worried about money, we’re worried about making a statement.” I think we have reached the breaking point. I think -against all odds- I am actually starting to come around on Penn State truthers. Now, don't get me wrong. I would never, in a million years, say that I agree with them. I certainly don't respect them as people, and I think society would be much better off if we built some Donald Trump-esque walls around the entirety of Western Pennsylvania. Make no mistake, their connection to reality is still about as loose as Joe Paterno's code of ethics. With that said, I kinda have no choice but to appreciate how much a statue of their long time football coach means to them. I have never cared about anything enough to try to track it down after it was taken from me. My bike got stolen nearly 6 months ago, and it took me all of two minutes to say "fuck it" and hop in my car instead. I still haven't replaced that bike. You know why? Because the chances are that it would just get taken again down the line. So as much as I liked casually wheeling down the road to the taco shop without burning any gas, that $200 bike became a loss above replacement. Meanwhile there are two Penn State fans that are so dedicated to their cause that they are shelling out SIX FIGURES to not only recreate the statue of their morally reprehensible coach that enabled a long standing ring of pedophilia, but to double it's production. Their deceased dictator may have been inherently shameful, but they are going to go broke fighting for his legacy. I can tip my cap to that type of perseverance. You know how quickly these new statues are going to get defaced? Hell, I might take the trip over there to meet them the next time I got a real toilet clogger on deck. That, however, is not the point. The point is that these people stand for something, and that means they won't fall for anything (other than the myth that Joe Paterno was a good person). If pissing away 100K is what it takes to support something you genuinely believe in then I am the one that needs to brace for my fall. Not the people staking their entire reputation (and a good chunk of their bank account) to the memory of a person that jeopardized the physical and mental health of a classroom's worth of children. Yardbarker- Papelbon kicked off spring training by apologizing for choking teammate Bryce Harper in the dugout late last season. There’s a good chance the Nationals told him to do that. They also told Papelbon what not to wear, according to Thomas Boswell of The Washington Post: Later, he walked the Nats’ complex in a cut-off muscle T-shirt with arrows pointing to big biceps covered in jagged tattoos. The shirt said: “Obama Can’t Ban These Guns.” Pap wanted to wear that shirt to the “apology press conference,” but he was talked out of it. Boswell also notes that Papelbon was in charge of the music in the clubhouse at the time, and a country song conveniently entitled “Shut Me Up” was playing in the background while he issued the apology. First of all, I would be remiss not to mention what a comically poor decision it is for the Washington Nationals to still employ an aging, mediocre reliever that did this to one of the best young players in all of baseball... In fact, it might even be dumber than the decision to have him hold a press conference to apologize FIVE months after the fact. I am not PR expert, but I think it would have been a better idea to let that sleeping dog lie. You know, instead of injecting it with a shot of adrenaline.
That, however, is neither here nor there. I don't want to discuss the Nationals personnel choices. Instead I would rather talk about how they messed up by making Jonathon Papelbon change his clothes. Nothing speaks to the sincerity of an apology quite like doing so in a politically charged tank top that highlights your own vanity, and I say that without a hint of sarcasm. Papelbon is one of the most enigmatic, volatile personalities in all of professional sports. Saying sorry already goes against everything for which he stands. I wasn't going to believe a word he said regardless, but I am definitely not going to believe him if he's standing there in a suit and tie with 'Kumbuya' playing in the background. That's not the type of person he is. He might look like a true jackass trying to atone for squeezing every last breathe out of Bryce Harper's throat while wearing a cut-off novelty t-shirt, but he is a true jackass. Let him wear what he wants and play the music that he wants so at least he gives off the illusion that this long belated public gesture was his idea, because there's not a shot in hell that it actually was. TMZ- It's actually a sad story ... the person who shot the photo is a huge basketball fan and said they noticed the former 1st round draft pick wandering around outside of a Jack in the Box around 10 PM all by himself with no shoes.
When the fan approached him and asked, "Are you Delonte West?" -- he replied, "I used to be but I'm not about that life anymore." We tried contacting West to find out if he's okay -- and even reached out to his old agent -- but we couldn't get in touch with him. The craziest part of this story isn't even that the NBA player formerly known as Delonte West is aimlessly wandering around a 'Jack In The Box' by himself. Maybe I couldn't have predicted that's where he was at the time, but it certainly doesn't surprise me. Fucking the mother of the best player in basketball when your profession is basketball is one of those terrible decisions that leads to a long line of terrible decisions. I didn't know that by the time he got to the end of that line he would be barefoot in the parking lot of a fast food joint, but I knew he wasn't exactly going to be walking off into the sunset. So yeah, It's shocking to see him looking like he just meandered off the set as an extra in 'Breaking Bad', but not nearly as shocking as someone choosing to go up to him for a picture while he does. I don't care how big of a basketball fan you are. I have a strict rule that if someone isn't wearing shoes then they probably aren't safe to approach. If the homeless man that used to be Delonte West was capable of opening his eyes this guy would probably no longer have a wallet, keys, or cell phone. He's honestly lucky he caught him at the tail-end of his high, because I would bet dollars to donuts the man he just took a picture with is carrying at least one form of a shiv. There's a big difference between asking an ex-NBA player to pose for a picture and asking a disgraced ex-NBA player -that would rather be known as a streetwalking bum- to pose for a picture. P.S. Not the worst move for Delonte West to completely disassociate with himself. Just trying to live through his down years incognito, and pick up his birth name again on the other side of them. It's not going to work, but I can at least appreciate the attempt.
It's not just that the Devils are in the midst of a three game losing streak as they desperately try to stay in the mix for a playoff spot. That's nothing new. There have been moments over the course of this season where the losses have mounted and they have somehow managed to weather the storm. What makes this current string of defeats so concerning is that they have come in ways this team -to their credit- has avoided all year. Other than a rather nauseating perfomance against the rival Flyers, the Devils have actually done what they have needed to do to win over the last week. The only problem is that they haven't won. There have been a few things that have allowed this Devils team to so far exceeded expectations. Their tendency to reign victorious when they outplay their opponent is one of them. That changed Friday against the Islanders when they lost a 1-0 game in which their play undoubtedly warranted a more desirable outcome. The most obvious keys to the Devils success have been their ability to win almost every time they score first, and as crazy as it seems, win almost every time they score at least twice. That's what made a 4-3 loss -in a game where they held three separate leads- against the Capitals yesterday so demoralizing.
It would be easy to say that they have deserved better as of late, but you can't do so while ignoring the fact that the Devils have made a habit out of stealing points from teams that have deserved better against them. All things being equal, this team's defense and goaltending allow them to play with anyone. However, things aren't always equal. Sometimes bad bounces go against you, and the Devils have been exorbitantly lucky to avoid those bad bounces to this point in the season. The following plays from this past weekend? The absence of them is what has allowed to the Devils to remain in the playoff hunt, but the regular season is far too long and far too unpredictable for them not to rear their ugly head eventually. It may seem like the Devils have suffered some cruel fates recently, but in reality it's just the hockey Gods balancing things out, because Cory Schneider has left many a team feeling like they were done a grave injustice as well.
I think the most common narrative surrounding the Devils is that they don't have the top end talent to keep pace, but I'm starting to think that's a bit of a myth. The Devils stinginess on the defense end is enough to make up for their lack of a true superstar. Unfortunately, it isn't enough to make up for a bottom six that is likely better suited for the AHL. The Devils problem isn't that their top isn't heavy enough, it's that their bottom is too light. I love the work ethic that players like Stephen Gionta, Jordin Tootoo, and Tyler Kennedy bring, but when the day comes that those players are forced out of the lineup the Devils will unquestionably be a better hockey club. Seeing them out there late, with the game on the line, against the likes of Oshie, Kuznetsov, and Ovechkin really puts things in perspective. The Devils structure allows them to overcome their talent deficiency, but it doesn't allow them to overcome their depth deficiency. So while it sucks to see them lose a couple of games that they probably should have won, the truth of the matter is that Devils fans have been the beneficiary of celebrating a lot more wins in games they probably should have lost. As Gordon Bombay would say, sometimes a quarter of an inch makes all the difference, and I think we are starting to see what happens when the New Jersey Devils don't get that quarter of an inch...
Charlie Strong Shouldn't Have To Go To Court, Even If He Did Sleep With A Louisville Trustee's Wife2/21/2016 BSO- Louisville trustee Jonathan Blue is going through a nasty divorce with his wife Tracy Blue. It has gotten so nasty that Mr. Blue believes that Mrs. Blue had an affair with former Louisville and current Texas head coach Charlie Strong. He wants a judge to help him prove it. Strong is a “critical witness” to Tracy Blue’s “repeated behavior and activities that are inconsistent with being a role model and responsible caretaker” for the couple’s two teen daughters, according to a motion filed Feb. 19 in Oldham Family Court by Jonathan Blue’s attorney, Ann Oldfather. Oldfather requests Strong produce his cell phones — “for the purpose of downloading all text messages” – his phone bills from 2012 to present, and all correspondence exchanged between Strong and Tracy Blue and with anyone else about her. In addition, Oldfather requests “the Movado watch given” to Strong by Tracy Blue and all clothing and jewelry she gave to him. The motion also requests Strong’s calendars from 2012 to present and all records of his air travel, including tickets and flight confirmations. One movie quote comes to mind when I think about this situation... "The painting was a gift, Todd." But seriously though, isn't "trustee" just a fancy word for "booster"? Pretty sure the majority of this guy's job is to keep the major players in Louisville athletics happy. Well, it just so happens that the only way for this guy to keep Charlie Strong happy was for him to offer up the extramarital services of his life partner. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, but you can't turn around and throw it in his face after the fact. That infidelity was a gift, Jonathan. Those sexts were sent in confidence. They weren't supposed to be brought up years later. This guy just completely compromised the trust required for the trustee position by airing out the shady recruitment practices of his own athletic department. For shame Jonathan, for shame. You brought your wife into the institutionalized prostitution business and now you are going to try to sell her short after you guys have separated? You want to use the fact that she slept with someone else for leverage in splitting your assets? Your wife WAS your best asset and you both prospered greatly from a more accomplished football program when Charlie Strong was splitting her down the middle. Now that I think about it, your hot (and apparently rather slutty) significant other was probably the reason you got hired in the first place. She did her job by keeping the head football coach satisfied. Charlie Strong did his job by getting Louisville to a BCS Bowl Game. The only person that didn't fulfill their obligation to the university is the guy that just jeopardized the well being of the two adulterers that actually did. If you didn't want getting cheated on to be part of your job description then you should have chosen a different line of work Jonathan, but I think it's a little unfair to be bringing it up now.
P.S. Can't believe Charlie Strong broke Rule #1. I guess his 'Core Values' were more of a team thing than a family thing... LBS- “God knows I’m a Hall of Famer,” Bonds said via ESPN’s Mark Saxon at a Saturday press conference where Bonds formally spoke to the media for the first time as the hitting coach of the Marlins.
“I know that I’m a Hall of Fame player,” Bonds continued. “I don’t really need to get into that. I’ll leave that to you guys to make that determination. That’s not my fraternity. “But in my fraternity, in Major League Baseball, there’s not one player that ever could sit there and say that I’m not one. There’s not a coach who ever coached me that says I’m not one.” You hear that baseball purists? It doesn't matter what you guys think. Much like Tupac Shakur, only God can judge Barry Bonds. I suppose the only flaw in that line of thinking is that we can't be sure of God's thoughts on PED's, but I have reason to believe he's a much bigger supporter of the Old Testament of the MLB rulebook. You know, the good old days when the only commandment was to hit the ball as far as you can as often as you can by any means necessary? If God was smart enough to create the world in six days then he has to be smart enough to know that baseball was more enjoyable when dudes were sticking needles in their ass and hitting the ball 550 feet. I bet the Lord loved the Barry Bonds era. If he hadn't already rose from it he would probably be rolling around in his grave as we speak knowing that Barry Bonds isn't in the HOF. It's a shame we lost him just a few thousand years too soon or he would be able to voice his opinion on the matter. He could have convinced some of those angels from the outfield to come speak on behalf of steroid use too. I'm sure a little bit of manufactured strength would have lightened their workload as well. Whatever, so maybe Barry Bonds is never going to be honored in Cooperstown, but at least he knows that he has a spot reserved for him in that illustrious Hall Of Fame in the sky. Everything happens for a reason. Barry Bonds not being immortalized in baseball history is all a part of God's plan. And even if it's not, just let Barry think that it is, because the only role that God still serves in society -other than apparently being an unofficial member of the 'Baseball Writer's Asssociation'- is taking the blame for every non-optimal situation in a person's life. Cam Newton Getting Caught On Camera Smoking In The Club Is The Perfect Cam Newton Offseason Story2/21/2016
Of course. Of course there is uncertainty surrounding Cam Newton. Of course the first non-football news he is a part of this offseason is polarizing. Would we really have it any other way? This past season was littered with segregative storylines about Cam Newton. Is he cocky or confident? Is he arrogant or fun loving? Is he black or "too black"? Is he great for the league or terrible for the youth of America? It makes total sense that it would be would be the dead of February and we would still be bickering over Cam Newton. It was never cut and dry with him before so why should it start now? It's just that instead of worrying about whether dabbing is classless or not, we are worrying about whether he was innocently smoking a cigar in the club, or if he was choking down a clown-sized blunt that would fit perfectly into an intentionally exaggerated scene from 'Half Baked'. I can't say I know the answer, but I can tell you that every person that disliked Cam's antics on the field is surely convinced it's a doobie, and every person that thinks it's a stogie more than likely took Cam's side in an argument this past season. Of that much I am certain.
As for whether I think it's weed or tobacco? I'll put it this way, I am not here to speak on behalf of Cam Newton's intelligence. He has done some very stupid shit in his past, and for that reason I have to believe he is capable of doing more in the future. So I am not going to lie, this looks pretty bad. Generally cigars aren't smoked in the VIP area of a crowded club while the smoker is dancing along to trap music. The circumstances of the situation -as well as Cam Newton's decision to take an excessive puff- makes it look like there is definitely some recreational drug use taking place. With that said, I simply can't -in good conscience- say that I think Cam Newton is dumb enough to get high while standing up on stage in plain sight of an entire establishment of people whose cell phones are undoubtedly fixated on him. Especially since the utensil he would have been using to do so resembles the final bites of a super-sized, foot long 'Tootsie Roll'. On the scale of subtlety that's only like one step above hot-boxing the commissioner's office, and I refuse to believe that even Cam Newton is that senseless. Clueless enough to put himself in a position where it looks like he's getting stoned in front of hundreds of people? Yes. Dense enough to actually do it? No, I don't think so. YardBarker- According to the New Orleans Times-Picayune, U.S District Judge Jane Triche Milazzo said at a Thursday hearing that the nine year sentence proposed by Sharper’s attorney varies too far from federal sentencing standards. The guidelines recommend that the former NFL cornerback should be jailed for 15 to 20 years. Milazzo said a nine year prison sentence for Sharper would be “inappropriate”, considering the circumstances.
“This court cannot accept this plea agreement,” she said to a standing Sharper, who wore an orange jumpsuit. Sharper entered his plea on May 29 of last year. He had been accused of drugging and/or sexually assaulting nine women in Louisiana, Arizona, California, and Nevada over a five month span between August of 2013 and January of 2014. As he was being led out of the courtroom Darren Sharper was quoted as saying, "what the hell does a serial rapist have to do to be granted some leniency around here!". Fine, you got me. He didn't say that, but he may as well have. Even introducing a plea bargain that would have him serve no more than a year in prison for each of the NINE times he RAPED someone shows that the dude is clearly off his rocker. Hmm, think his lengthy and successful career as a professional athlete has gone to his head? Thinking he could get his sentence reduced after intercepting and spiking women's drinks like they were footballs in half of the continental United States over a 5 month span? Someone get this dude checked out for CTE. No one with a functioning brain could possibly be that stupid. Don't the courts have enough on their plate without having to worry about Darren Sharper's bum ass coming in and asking them nicely to reconsider? I think every time you put forth an unsuccessful plea or fail to get a retrial you should be sentenced to 5 more years in prison. At the very least that would shut up Darren Sharper long enough for Saints fans to forget that he helped win them a championship. Sorry Steven Avery, but I am a selfish man with an undying desire to disassociate a sexual assailant with the Super Bowl he allowed me to celebrate. You understand, right?
"Just heard that I'm about to be unemployed. I just want to personally and humbly thank the city of St. Louis again for all your support over 8 years. I love y'all so much for sticking with me through the ups and downs. I also want to thank our LA fans, and although I may never join you in SoCal, just know that I'll always appreciate you. Bottom line is- this is a production business. No excuses, the last two years have been shit. It's been painful to experience because I care deeply about my performance and my responsibility to my teammates. Before the last two years I'm very proud of what I was able to accomplish in St. Louis. I'm not surprised, but it doesn't make it any easier to leave your family. I look forward to the next chapter. Hungry and a lot to prove all over again. First I'm gonna have a beer. Wishing it shook out differently but eternally grateful, C Long"
I can't say I know too much about Chris Long as a person -or even a player for that matter- but I can now say that I am a fan. Yup, that's right, all it took was one shamelessly open, brutally honest Instagram post for me to like the guy. That really speaks to how poorly a majority of players handle getting unexpectedly traded or cut. I don't blame them. These guys have limited career windows, and I am sure being left unemployed in the fickle field of professional athletics can be stressful to say the least. With that said, you have to give credit where credit is due. Honesty might not always be the policy, but it certainly worked to perfection here. How can you not feel for Chris Long when he puts his heart into a social media caption like that? As sports fan we are quick to judge a player's intentions when they aren't playing their best. Maybe we assume they are happy collecting a paycheck or -ironically- that they don't care as much about the outcome as we do. Well, Chris Long refusing to let people think that his last two, relatively unsuccessful, seasons haven't weighed on his conscious is actual the type of thing more athletes should do if they want a little sympathy when they stink. Sometimes this is all we need to hear... "I sucked. I didn't want to suck, but I know I sucked. I feel bad that I sucked. I love the fans for supporting me while I sucked. I am going to try my hardest not to suck so much in the future, but in the interest of full disclosure, I am going to crack a beer first." That's literally all it took for Chris Long to humanize himself. Just a little bit of candor and all the sudden he's not just a defensive end, but a person. That's not going to silence his critics if he goes elsewhere and continues to struggle, but at least fans of whatever team he plays for next know that he cares. Unfortunately, we can't always say that. |
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