Is It Crazy To Think That Austin Rivers Is A Better Player When He Only Has One Functional Eye?4/30/2016
I don't mean to tease Austin Rivers here. Okay fine, maybe I am having a LITTLE fun at his expense, but it's all out of love because I truly respect what he did last night. Not only did he sustain an NHL playoffs-esque injury in the NBA playoffs, but he came back and contributed a hell of a performance in helping a battered Clippers team compete to the bitterest of bitter ends to their season. He could have very easily packed it in, but he actually came back out on the floor looking like a goddamn cyclops possessed. That's why I have to question whether he really needs that second eye to be successful. Anyone that knows anything about Austin Rivers knows that his career to this point has primarily been plagued by an irrational amount of overconfidence. As a friend of a friend once put it, "he plays like he is the best player in an AAU tournament". Honestly never heard a more accurate interpretation of an athlete's game in my entire life. Austin Rivers biggest problem isn't that he doesn't have the talent to be productive in the NBA, it's that he doesn't have the talent to be the best player in the NBA. By all prior indications that's exactly the prototype by which he has tried to model his game and it has resulted in relative failure. That, however, wasn't the case last night. I know it's a small sample size, but one-eyed Austin Rivers can finish at the hoop. One eyed Austin Rivers takes what the defense gives him. One eyed Austin Rivers takes smart, in rhythm jump shots. One eyed Austin Rivers makes tear drops. One eyed Austin Rivers finds the open man. One eyed Austin Rivers facilitates on the offensive end without letting his effort slip on the defensive end. To put it simply, one eyed Austin Rivers is a hell of backup point guard. Two eyed Austin Rivers forces up off balance shots, takes flat footed threes, has as much touch inside as DeAndre Jordan at the foul line, and probably hasn't accumulated 8 collective assists since January. In my estimation they are just drastically different players. I am not saying that Austin Rivers has to look like he just walked off the set of 'Creed' to be at his best, but it might not be the worst idea to keep an eyepatch on the Clippers bench just in case he starts to play a bit over his pay grade. Impossible to be cocky when you only have half your vision, and taking the 'over' out of Austin's overconfidence appears to be what transformed him into a capable floor general last night. 
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On the surface, I loathe everything about Purple Shirt Guy. Actually - scratch that - way deep down in my soul I loathe everything about Purple Shirt Guy. How could I not? He's the type of person that shows up to a sporting event wearing something absolutely obnoxious for no other reason than to stand out. He's the type of person that does everything in his power to interact with athletes and interject himself into a game of which he is strictly a spectator. He is the type of person that doesn't know when to shut the fuck up after someone CLEARLY gets the best of him. You would think that the combination of those three types of people into one single person would just make me hate him that much more...and it does. I would never want to be friends with this dude. I never want to have a beer with him. I can't even think of anything more agonizing than simply sharing a section with him. That said, I can't help but respect his actions last night. Nothing he did was admirable, but the extent to which he did it absolutely was. If you are going to be the aggressively outspoken attention whore in the Hornets headband, purple button-down, and plaid dress pants then you have to do so through good times and bad. If he had just slumped back in his seat after Dwyane Wade nailed an absolute dagger of a shot right in his eyeball then he would have proved that the irrational amount of narcissism that someone has to have to get in a pissing match with a professional athlete was all a front. It's one thing to scream insults from the fifth row where you are basically untouchable. It's another thing to nearly go nose-to-nose with one of the best players in the sport over the last decade and repeatedly demand that he retire. To confidently stand there and berate someone that can murder you with one single punch as that person is crouched over with his eyes piercing straight through your skull AND not piss you pants?! I don't care if he knew there was no chance that D-Wade would lay a hand on him. He still showed an amount of testicular fortitude that drastically surpassed what I would expect from someone that goes by the name 'Purple Shirt Guy'. Just because I don't like any of the roles that he fills doesn't mean I can't appreciate his undying dedication to them. 
There's silly rumor going around. It may be rooted in truth, but it has certainly been exaggerated in the wake of the Saints deciding to draft a wide receiver in Round 2. That rumor is that Drew Brees can continue to be one of the best quarterbacks in the league while surrounded by subpar playmakers. I blame the success of players like Marques Colston, Lance Moore, and Willie Snead for the spreading of that rumor and making it seem like an actual reality. Do I think that Drew Brees makes his receivers better with his accuracy and ability to throw them open? Yes. Do I think the Saints offense would run smoothly while depending solely on the three rostered wide receivers they had before yesterday? No, I do not. Brandin Cooks made huge steps in his progression last year, but he's still a player whose stature hinders him from winning 50/50 balls and leaves him better suited as a #2. Willie Snead was a pleasant surprise that undoubtedly fills a role, but that role is a complimentary piece to the offense, not a focal point of it. Last but not least you have Brandan Coleman. As someone that has watched him since the start of his college career I can comfortably say that Brandon Coleman will always be a better player in theory than in practice. Want a reality check on the state of the Saints receiving core before yesterday? They worked out Robert Meachem - yes, that Robert Meachem - earlier this week. While we are on the subject of Robert Meachem, the only thing that he and Michael Thomas have in common in that they were high picks that happened to be drafted to the same city at the same position. Meachem was added as a luxury to an already superior offense, but Michael Thomas fills a need on one that struggled mightily at times last season. Forget that the Saints had a top 5 offense last year. That ranking was aided greatly by garbage time yards that came while playing catch-up to the hundreds of points that Brandon Browner and company spotted any and all opposition. The fact is that there was many a time where a lack of talent on the outside had Drew playing from his backside, and the addition of Michael Thomas immediately addresses that problem. People far more knowledgeable than I had him ranked a first round talent. Many more people far more knowledgable than I had him listed as the most technically sound pass catcher in the entire draft. Michael Thomas is a long receiver with dependable hands that runs precise routes and has the ability to create after the catch. He's not going to wow you with his speed, but he plays faster than his 40 time and he's shown the ability to go up and make plays while covered. Essentially he brings a skill set that the Saints haven't had since Marques Colston was in his prime. Bottom line? He's instantly fills a glaring hole on this roster. Is it a hole that could have been filled later in the draft? Possibly, but to act like this acquisition was nothing more than Sean Payton adding another toy to a flawless offensive arsenal couldn't be further from the truth. 
The funny thing about the 'best player available' philosophy is that fans always love the idea of it...until it returns a player that doesn't play the position that they - from their couch - feel is the team's biggest need. I'm not saying I am not worried about the Saints lack of talent at the guard position, but after grabbing a first round caliber ballhawk in the late second round I am much less worried about their secondary. To act like Vonn Bell wasn't a necessary addition to a team that gave up a record setting amount of touchdowns last year is ignorance at it's finest. I truly believe that Kenny Vaccaro can be the player he was his rookie season, but to this point he's been as consistent as my hungover bowel movements. With what I have seen on the field so far there is no amount of old Bills highlights can convince me that Jarius Byrd is any more dependable than a meth addict baby sitter. It was so easy to convert on third down against the Saints last year that I am pretty sure teams just winged it on the first two downs. They were about as adept at creating turnovers as Eli Apple if given a pie crust and bushel of his namesake. Von Bell brings instincts, range, and - buckle your seat belts - dependable hands to a last line of defense that couldn't catch a cold standing naked in a wind tunnel. Just because he isn't going to be protecting Drew Brees from 300 pound defensive lineman doesn't mean he (along with Sheldon Rankins and Michael Thomas) doesn't provide an immediate upgrade to this team. Yes, part of me is concerned that they haven't done enough to address the offensive line (that part of me just cringed as they just picked up another defensive lineman in the 4th round), but I don't think you can be upset when your top three draft picks will likely get significant playing time at positions that could surely use significant help. Obviously the draft is always a gamble, but I think the Saints played their cards right on this one. Nothing more you can do now then wait until September and let the chips fall where they may.
I can't tell you that I was sitting there before the 12th pick in the NFL Draft hoping that it would be Sheldon Rankins. I would be lying if I said I didn't see visions of Myles Jack flying around the middle of the field blanketing the hundreds of tight ends and running backs that preyed endlessly on the Saints defense last year. Of course the thought of picking up a big play wide receiver like Laquon Treadwell to compliment Brandin Cooks briefly crossed my mind. The reason being is simple. I don't have to answer to anyone if the Saints first round pick is forced out of the NFL in three seasons with reoccurring knee issues. If the Saints defense flat out embarrasses itself again I'm the one pointing the finger at their decision to go offense in the first round, not the person taking responsibility for it. Is an interior defensive lineman the "sexiest" of draft picks? Of course not. However, the more I read on the one that New Orleans just acquired to help anchor their front seven the weaker I get in the knees. I won't pretend that I know the intricacies of playing in the trenches, but I also won't pretend that I don't know production. 111 tackles? 83 pressures? 26.5 tackles for a loss? 14 sacks? All over the course of the last two years from a position whose primary job responsibility isn't putting the quarterback on his ass? The scariest part about those numbers is that it wasn't until they were in the rearview that he made his biggest statement by completely dominating the best of his collegiate competition at the Senior Bowl. I don't know if he was the most talented player on the board, but the kid can clearly play and he can play at a position the Saints have been negligent in filling. He's not the biggest guy in the world, but he brings speed, athleticism, and - most importantly - an interior pass rush to a defense that often left opposing quarterbacks enough time to do their taxes before they were forced to throw. You can't ask for much more out of a defensive draft pick than a solid resume, a high ceiling, versatility, and - sadly enough for this current Saints team - the ability to actually tackle people. Sheldon Rankins looks to provide all of that and provide it in bunches. Since a draft analysis can't truly be a draft analysis without a comparison, the name I have seen mentioned the most often is Aaron Donald. Without placing the entirety of the world on his shoulders, that's not bad hypothetical company to be in. From Doug Farrar's fingers to God's ears to the opponent's backfield...
Let's Clear One Thing Up About These Capitals Fans Chanting Prejudice Nonsense At Penguins Fans4/29/2016
First of all, big shoutout to the Washington newsroom. Nothing enables drunken buffoonery quite like the local media deciding to interview opposing fans at a home playoff game. I actually have a better idea for next time. Instead of asking the Penguins fan about his travel just spray him head-to-toe with lighter fluid and hand the degenerate Capitals fans a book of matches. That's the only logical step as far as I am concerned. More importantly, let's not pretend that this was a group of of idiots chanting "you are faggots!". It WAS a group of idiots, but it was only one idiot that chanted a discriminatory term and luckily that chant fell flat on it's face faster than he will when he stumbles out of the building. I don't even feel comfortable criticizing this kid, because I know that in that moment - when no one else came remotely close to repeating his chant - he felt like the lonliest person on Earth. Just look at him. He put everything he had into that insanely clever cry for help and something inside of him died when it fell on deaf ears. You see how he goes silent immediately after and starts stroking his beard? It's a good thing he wasn't standing atop a bridge or he would have immediately dove off of it. Sure, he eventually continued yelling, screaming, and flashing derogatory hand gestures, but he loathed himself to his very core while he did. He should (and will) get berated up, down, and around the internet for dropping a HARD 'F'. However, while we go to great lengths to embarrass him and his friends on public forums, let's do so knowing that he that he was likely the biggest victim of his own insensitive attempt at a chant. 
 NYDailyNews- The Dolphins just added another layer of mystery to the wild Laremy Tunsil saga.
The Dolphins announced that Tunsil had an allergic reaction and would not appear as scheduled Friday afternoon in an introductory press conference in Miami. Instead of canceling the presser until Tunsil was well enough to face the media, the Dolphins held an awkward media session with just head coach Adam Gase, GM Chris Grier and ex-Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum, now the Dolphins' football operations boss. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Call this move suspect if you want, but if you think for one second that the Dolphins were going to let Laremy Tunsil step in front of a microphone about 12 hours after indicting an entire college football program of illegal paying it's players you are clear out of your skull. That's why it's such a relief that the chef accidentally slipped those cashews in his stir-fry last night, am I right?!? Trickle a little peanut oil in the wok and BOOM! No more press conference. Absolutely hilarious that the media was like "well, let's reschedule when his itching stops and his swelling subsides", and the Dolphins front office was like "Yeaaaah, no. We'll do this one without him". Very subtle on their part. Can't say I blame them. I'm not sure if there is an amount of prep time I would need before comfortably letting Laremy Tunsil face the media, but if I had to guess it would be well over the amount of time it takes to recover from about 13 allergic reactions. You dodged this bullet Dolphins. Now you just have to find a way to shield him from a near impossible interrogation for the rest of his career. Can't be too difficult. It's not like he left that many tough questions unanswered. Just got to keep feeding the kid hypothetical nuts and have him hypothetically bed ridden until training camp starts up. Hopefully by then the media will have forgotten the most excruciatingly unforgettable draft night in NFL history. — Myles Jack (@MylesJack) April 29, 2016 I feel for the kid, I really do. It was almost sad watching him dunk this basketball to "prove" that his knee is 100% healthy. I actually feel more skeptical of his long term health after seeing this video because - all things considered - that wasn't too damn impressive. Was that his last ditch attempt to get scouts to believe in him physically? If so I would feel no more comfortable taking Myles Jack in the second round than I did 5 minutes ago. It's really pretty depressing. Myles Jack easily had the skills to have walked on stage and shook the commissioner's hand within the first hour of the draft, and he's out the next day desperately trying to think of a way to showcase his strength in a body part that could be compromised by one unforeseen hit. Obviously he is a superior athlete and jumping up uncontested to slam a ball in a hoop isn't a measure of how well he will hold up with a vulnerable knee in the most violent of contact sports, but what the hell else is he supposed to do? He must feel so hopeless right now. A Top 5 talent that fell clear out of the first round over something that he has absolutely no control over? It's not like he's Laremy Tunsil who just apologized in hopes of slowing his descent down draft boards. Myles Jack literally can't do anything but sit there, wait for an opportunity, and maybe throw the occasional video of him doing something athletic up on social media. He lost out on millions upon millions of dollars because of a hypothetical surgery he might have to undergo in his future. Now, I don't think that these NFL teams are making a mistake. First round picks are far too valuable to waste on injury prone players that play a position as physically taxing as linebacker. That said, it's almost impossible not to pity this kid's position while watching one of the most gifted football prospects on the planet make a relatively run-of-the-mill basketball play to prove his worth. 
 Sporting News- While other players want the NFL to loosen its grip on marijuana use, Hall of Fame wideout Jerry Rice believes there should be stricter rules. "I really think it's a behavior thing," he said Wednesday on "Sway In The Morning" when asked about players currently in trouble for testing positive. "I think also there should be more rules implemented. I mean (it's) very critical." The NFL is already one of the toughest sports leagues when it comes to its marijuana policy. Only recently did the THC threshold change from 15 nanograms per milliliter to 30 ng/ml. For context, MLB's threshold for THC is 50 ng/ml and the World Anti-Doping Agency, which deals with the testing of Olympic athletes, is at 150 ng/ml. The NBA has remained at a 15 ng/ml threshold, but commissioner Adam Silver has said the testing isn't the highest of his concerns. Rice believes in doing things "the right way," adding, "You have to be a professional on the football field and off the football field." He says there are "some sacrifices you have to make" as a professional athlete, and that includes quitting bad habits. It's about damn time someone said it. With everyone running around acting like marijuana is some harmless, recreational substance that people occasionally use to relax, we needed a person like Jerry Rice to step up to the plate and go to bat in the war on drugs. There's entire regions of our fair country legalizing the stuff and we are just going to sit around and act like the best a multi-billion dollar corporation can do is ban their employees from smoking weed? Pathetic. It's almost like the NFL doesn't care about the long term health of their players. Threatening them with nothing more than suspensions that increase in length every time they are caught? You think losing out on their livelihood is going to stop athletes from hitting the pipe from time to time? Punishments for inhaling the fumes from naturally grown plants need to be far harsher if we truly want to deter that type of behavior. The NFL always tries to talk about the integrity of the game, but where is the integrity of the game when all they done to rid their league of pot is institute randomly administered drug tests that measure even the smallest trace of a foreign substance in a person's urine? How can an athlete truly motivate himself to drop all his bad habits when the only things at stake are his league-wide reputation and the longevity of his career? People actually want to LOOSEN the reigns on getting high?! Why don't we just grease the tracks and let them slide vein first all the way into their inevitable heroin addictions? Next thing you know they'll be trying to tell us that certain narcotics actually put the body at ease and can be beneficial to people whose job it is to repeatedly hit massive human beings at breakneck speeds. Yeaaaaah, OKAY! As far as I am concerned the only sticky-icky-icky substance that needs relaxed regulations in the NFL is the one that helps you catch footballs, right Jerry? 
I am usually not one for conspiracy theories. They are usually too outlandish and inconceivable for my tastes. That being said, if Roger Goodell is really going to try to tell me that he had absolutely no knowledge of the Laremy Tunsil situation while it was taking place then he is CLEARLY trying to hide something. Literally the entire world knew about the Laremy Tunsil drama. The internet was blowing up with every joke and crying Jordan face you could possibly imagine. Every team in the building was undoubtedly talking about the pros and cons of taking him as he slipped down out of the top 5. Even the networks were doing their best to cover it without accidentally mentioning the word "weed". Yet the guy in charge of the entire league - whose only responsibility is to take a card from a team executive and read a name off of it every 10 minutes - was "too busy" to listen to the ONLY actual news that was circulating during HIS draft? That sounds just about as unbelievable as a multi-billion dollar organization claiming they couldn't get their hands on an elevator surveillance video in which an active member of said organization knocked his girlfriend unconscious. Obviously I am not comparing this to the Ray Rice incident at all, but there is precedence to say that Roger Goodell isn't telling the whole truth when he claims he doesn't have knowledge of something he should easily have knowledge of. What else could have been taking up his time behind the curtains that he was oblivious to literally everything going on around him? I'm not going to accuse him of hacking Laremy Tunsil's social media platforms, but is it that out of bounds to say that he might have had something to do with it? He said it himself. Situations like that are "what makes the draft so exciting" That's an actual quote. About the NFL Draft. The most boring event in all of professional sports. He's exactly right. A picture of a player smoking a banned substance through a gas mask and having his text messages - indicting his former University of shady business practices - leaked are the only things that make the draft exciting. If DeflateGate has taught us anything it's that when there isn't actual football to be played, Roger Goodell will do ANYTHING to keep the NFL exciting. 
So let me get this straight, people are actually praising this woman? For what exactly? Being self aware? I'm not going to get into every ridiculous criticism she had of her own generation. It would be silly to try to argue with a woman that thinks the polar opposite of Kim Kardashian is a shitty Christian quarterback. I will say that she is the best representation of what people really think is wrong with millennials. The girl that's sitting in her car - in what looks to be a parking lot - reading a clearly pre-written rant off of a script is going to tell other people that they need to contribute to society? The chick that is so self important that she thought she needed to get her thoughts out to the world via a rehearsed two minute video on social media is going to claim that other people spend too much time online? The girl that's whining and crying about every little thing that 20-something's don't do is going to say that other people need to take more action? Little heads up you narcissistic twat, you're apologizing to past generations - that had their own fucking issues - on our behalf when we should be apologizing on your behalf. That was the most millennial way possible to apologize for being a millennial. It had everything. Hypocrisy. Arrogance. Ignorance. Judgement. Stereotypes. Generalizations. And best of all - it took place on the internet for everyone to see! This woman is essentially being applauded for denouncing everything about herself. Do people not see that? She didn't change the world. She just acknowledged that she too is contributing to it's downfall. Far be it for me to sit here and act like what she said is honorable when all she really did was tell the world she's a self loathing bitch. 
Obviously this is an exaggeration. A player with the size and skill of DeMarcus Cousins will never be out of the league. Shit, there are MULTIPLE teams that are going to VOLUNTARILY offer up max contracts for Dwight fucking Howard this summer, so I don't think that a player that makes Dwight Howard look like a useless bum has to worry too much about job security. That being said, he does have a point. The very same actions that get DeMarcus T'd up at a moment's notice are the same actions that get completely ignored when they are done by a likable player on a lovable team. Draymond Green never has a shortage of words for the officials, and let's just say he's definitely given the opportunity to earn the technicals he does receive. I am not going to sit here and say that DeMarcus Cousins is being persecuted because he has created this image for himself, but he is definitely officiated more harshly than almost every other player in the league. He can't even throw a hand up in protest without a whistle blowing in his direction while Draymond Green is actively chasing referees down the court without acknowledgement. When you're a guy that has a very public, ongoing spat with your head coach and looks miserable at all times you pretty much invite that type of controversy, but that doesn't mean he has to be happy about it. Not when Draymond Green uses his oft-bubbly personality and his spot on a winning team to often go without penalty. They are both two extremely talented, overly emotional guys. It's just that one is in a situation where his emotion is a pivotal part of a championship contender, and the other is in a situation where his emotion is of detriment to a volatile team that can't possibly win without him. Again, it's DeMarcus Cousins' fault he's perceived as a dickhead, but when it comes to on the court transgressions he isn't all that different from Draymond Green.
In case you have been sleeping since 7:30 last night...
This is obviously just a report, but it's a report that actually makes a little more sense than the assumption that everyone (myself included) was running with. That assumption being that his step dad - that sued him the day prior - was responsible for all of this. Still not totally out of the question that the guy whose ass he beat wanted some revenge, but it would be a little silly to do so if he was trying to make the most of his lawsuit. To put it simply, a step dad has more to lose from his step son dropping 7-10 spots in the draft then a fired financial advisor does from an ex-client dropping 7-10 spots in the draft. Something tells me that Laremy Tunsil wasn't using the most intricate of passwords so I guess it's not out of the question that whoever did this just guessed his birthday and immediately started posting. However, if there is anyone he would just straight up give it to it would be the guy in charge of his money. Especially since, according to those text messages, he didn't have all that much of it to begin with. His biggest mistake wasn't even disclosing his password or using the same password for EVERYTHING, it was potentially firing a guy that knew about his financial situation when his financial situation was so clearly being aided illegally. Let this be a lesson to all future NFL draft picks. Don't take video of yourself hitting bongs and if you're going to trust a guy with your money then trust him forever, because the lengths he'll go to to ensure your wealth will only be surpassed by the lengths he'll go to if you jeopardize his. Especially if you jeopardize his after he put up with all your suspensions and allegations and before he really got his true payday for doing so. Of course this could just be the Miami Dolphins trying to paint a Picasso out of human feces, because if there is anything I know about family issues it's that they generally aren't temporary. Saying it could be the work of a corrupt adviser is quite possible a little wishful thinking on the part of the franchise that just burned a first round pick on a guy that the rest of the NFL almost immediately wiped off their draft boards. h/t YardBarker 
You know what University Of Washington's biggest mistake was? Publishing this. Not because any of it is untrue, but because it was basically an invitation for uptight lunatics to act like it undid women's suffrage, reinforced racial stereotypes, and is responsible for the downfall of society as we know it. I don't even know if there was a way to truly circulate this in 2016 without someone making sure it reached the internet, but the fact that it did is my biggest criticism of UW Cheerleading program. The list itself? Seems pretty fair to me. Maybe they shouldn't have used an anorexic white girl that looks like she about to dry heave because he hasn't eaten in 3 days as the visual, but I think it sends a brutally honest message - it ain't always dandy to be the eye candy. Here's the thing, body shaming is going to happen in cheerleading. If we want the "sport" to be "played" at it's highest level then it's going to require girls that fit a standard of beauty that 'Dove' commercials don't want you to know about. Better to hurt some feelings virally than have a bunch of overweight girls in loose fitting t-shirts with visible tattoos show up to get ridiculed in front of a crowd. Body shaming is to cheerleading what concussions are to football. Unfortunately they are part of the game. We can do our best to cut down on it, but at the end of the day it's a risk you have to take if you want to participate. If that's "what's wrong with America" then it's what's always been wrong with America because there has never been a demand for uglier, heftier cheerleaders with more clothing. Is that superficial? Yes. Is it shallow? Of course. These girls didn't sign up to cure the world of it's injustices. There's no depth required when all you're trying to do is dance around half naked on the sidelines in front of a bunch of drunken coeds at college sporting events. God forbid University of Washington was nice enough to release an outline beforehand so that the girls knew how to do so most efficiently. h/t Uproxx Laremy Tunsil Just Got His Twitter Hacked Moments Before The Draft, And The Results Could Be Better4/28/2016 
Listen, I am not exactly 'Anonymous', but I don't think assuming that this had something to do with his step-father - who literally sued him yesterday - would be too large of a jump. It's either that, or he's got multiple EXTREMELY spiteful people in his life. Step daddy must really not give a fuck about a potential payout, because dropping a bomb like this on the heels of a domestic dispute charge creates the perception of wayyyy less 'character' and wayyyy more 'issues'. Just saying there's undoubtedly A LOT of chatter and A LOT of disagreement in war rooms right now. Obviously I don't think this video was taken yesterday, but even allowing something this stupid to happen a HALF HOUR before the draft starts is a terrible, terrible look. I guess if I am Laremy I just pray that the WiFi in the building is awful, but something tells me he might not be so lucky. Either way, I know who Laremy Tunsil won't be giving a hug to before he steps up to the podium - which might be later rather than sooner depending how serious front offices view physical altercations with family (whether in defense of his mother or not) and hitting a gas mask bong harder than a training camp sled. P.S. Really he's just super unlucky that the only position the Cowboys are stacked at is offensive lineman, or Ezekiel Elliot would still be waiting by the phone. UPDATE: I don't think that's how this works Laremy...
SECOND UPDATE: Classy move by step-dad to wait until after he was picked by Miami to BURY his school too... 
This is quite the hit to people that don't believe in fate. Nature just happened to call while Caitlyn Jenner was being filmed - totally unknowingly of course - walking past the building owned by the man that just last week offered up the use of his women's room to her?!? Coincidence my ass, that's just divine intervention at work. I don't want to be a negative Nancy here, but this also proves that Caitlyn still has a little Bruce in her, because if there is one thing I know about women it's that they only have to piss when it's super inconvenient. I'm fine with her identifying as female and using the women's bathroom, but that bladder's timing is way too efficient to be fully feminine. Quick question. Is Caitlyn Jenner's support a good thing or bad thing for Trump's Presidential hopes? Obviously it helps him pander to a wider demographic, but it has to make his current demographic's brain hurt a little bit. You just know there's someone out there dressed like a wall telling everyone with a tan to go back to Mexico that just saw this video and feels weird inside. Is the support of one transgendered person - albeit the most famous transgendered person - enough for other members of the LGBT community to vote for a known bigot? Better yet, is the support of one transgendered person enough to make a bunch of homophobic jackasses vote for someone other than Donald Trump? That's a lot of questions, and if there is anything that can bring down Donald Trump's campaign it's more questions. I don't think I am too far off base by saying that Caitlyn Jenner stands a better chance of getting excommunicated by the transgender community than she does of getting them to vote Republican, but Trump is still running for President so I have obviously been wrong before. 
 Uproxx- On Sept. 10, 2015, Christal McGee, 18, took her father’s Mercedes Benz out for a late-night joy ride. McGee pushed the speed of her Mercedes to above 100 miles per hour.” McGee got all the way up to 107 mph (in a 55-mph zone) when she collided with Maynard Wentworth’s Mitsubishi in Clayton County, Georgia. They both, miraculously, survived the crash (as did her three passengers and his wife), but Maynard has permanent brain damage and can no longer work as an Uber driver. Now he’s suing not only McGee, but also SnapChat.
[Wentworth] and his wife are suing McGee — and Snapchat — for negligence. The narrative of that night is outlined in a civil complaint filed in Spalding County court last week, which alleges that Snapchat was equally responsible for the cause of the crash because the company did not delete the miles per hour filter from the app after it was cited in similar accidents prior to the crash. (Via Washington Post) The “Speed Filter” determines how fast a user is traveling using GPS. The app warns, “Do NOT Snap and Drive,” but after the crash, McGee, with blood still on her face, reportedly Snapchatted, “Lucky to be alive.” I am just going to ignore all the legal ramifications of this accident. If I were the family that got rear ended by some spoiled little bitch that was more concerned with bragging about the horsepower of Daddy's car then looking at the road she was recklessly driving down then I would probably sue everyone under the sun too. Hell, I wouldn't even stop at this well-to-do family and it's daughter's favorite app. Where are Steve Jobs beneficiaries at? If his phones are so damn smart how come they can't tell when the owner is in the driver seat of a vehicle that's breaking triple digits on the speedometer? Just saying, without delving too far into the legalities of all this, there is plenty of blame to go around. While most of that blame does fall on this girl for being an idiot (and her father for not getting a vasectomy 19 years ago), let's not act like there wasn't some good that came out of this. As braindead as this girl is and as actually dead as she should be, I appreciate her sending a post-accident SnapChat. That will teach kids to keep their eyes on the road. Imagine sitting at a stoplight clicking through your feed hating yourself for watching your friends and acquaintances take videos of themselves doing the DUMBEST of shit when you scroll from Christal going 100 to 0 REAL FUCKING QUICK! If that doesn't get you to throw your phone on the passenger seat then nothing will. Likely this insufferable brat was just trying to brag that she survived the crash, but I'll be damned if she wasn't accidentally responsible for a legitimate texting and driving PSA in the process. Fuck the "Do NOT Snap And Drive" warning, the picture above is the one the should pop up when you open the app in a moving vehicle.  Metro- A Belgian woman who converted to Islam and moved to Syria after falling for a man she met in a supermarket has warned others about making the same mistake. Laura Passoni, 30, had been working in the supermarket when she met her future husband. It was only when they both moved to Syria that she realised the promises of a better life made by Islamic State were a lie. Speaking to local media she said: ‘I was not forced to become a Muslim, I was persuaded. You just get washed away, like trying to stand against a waterfall.’ She said: ‘I went there voluntarily and willingly, I converted to become a Muslim and then I was radicalised, and I became convinced that the caliphate was only place for me and my family to live. Once I got there though I really got to know the meaning of terror.’ Well now I simply have to see an ISIS pamphlet. If they can put together a welcoming brochure with what little they've been given to work with then they just might be accomplished enough advertisers to get themselves a high paying job at an American firm. Assuming - of course - that they promise to stop frivolously beheading U.S. citizens in the name of Allah. That could be quite the black mark on the old resume. "Interests: Religiously motivated homicide" might not go over too well during the interview process. Whatever, they may not be the most ethical people on the planet, but what good salesman is? Are we worried about talent or morals? Anyone that can interrupt a housewife in a supermarket and successfully pitch her on uprooting her life to become a terrorist is probably only a raise or two away from flipping the script and selling the world on peace. Sorry hunny, but I hope this experience taught you a valuable lesson that everyone over the age of 12 is already supposed to know. The grass isn't always greener on the other side...especially when the other side is a radical Islamic state made up primarily of sand. Probably should have assumed that the "beautiful sand beaches of Syria" is just a fancy way of saying "dessert wasteland". Let's just say that there is a reason there is a lot more people going out then coming in, and it's the same reason why it's financially responsible to buy a house in Detroit. I'm sorry you had to "find out the meaning of terror". It's actually a little known fact that "terror" is the root word for "terrorism". I really wish more people would bring that up so we can avoid situations like this. Who would have thought the promises of an organization whose members are required to keep their faces covered at all times would be broken so quickly? I really want to chastise this woman for being so gullible, but how could anyone avoid giving in to a lifestyle that one 'Google Image' search proves to be grandiose?  I am not saying that Doc Rivers intentionally brought up the untimely death of his mother to get out of a near impossible line of questioning, but I'll be damned if it didn't do the job. What's that? You didn't think the mood surrounding the Clippers could get more somber after finding out that Chris Paul AND Blake Griffin were out for the playoffs? I probably would have agreed with you, but then again - who could have known that we would go from discussing team leaders to fallen family members in a blink of an eye? This reminded me of doing a stop-and-chat with an acquaintance from your past. You try to keep things as casual as possible, maybe throw out a "where are you living now?" or a "how are your parents?", and they respond by telling you they are homeless and haven't talked to their family in years. Well then, probably should have done a better job keeping up with that on FaceBook, huh? Things just went wayyyyy deeper than anticipated here. One second a reporter is simply asking who is going to motivate the team with it's stars out, and the next second he's making one of the most brash coaches in the NBA tear up. Bet he didn't see that response coming. Tired of coaches answering difficult questions with repetitive cliches? Better be careful what you wish for, because what Doc Rivers just said was the polar opposite of "coach speak" and it just rendered the room speechless. Those sheets of looseleaf that were chalked to the gills with pointed inquiries that would undoubtedly amount to an interrogation on the Clippers future? Yeaaaaah, might as well crumble those up and launch them towards the nearest trash can, because that interview just came to a screeching halt. For once the media didn't have to told that there will be no more questions.  Safe To Say Gabrielle Union Was None Too Pleased With Her Hubby Dwyane Not Getting A Call Last Night4/28/2016
"Hey Gabrielle. I was just curious, do you the referees should be forced to hand over a sum of their own personal money after that performance tonight?"
I'll say this, it's good to that know that Dwyane Wade has got himself a loyal life partner. I believe Gabrielle Union is what the hip hop community calls a "down ass bitch" (does that still play? If not I blame Ja Rule). Either way she's riding or dying for her hubby, and since it's 2016 we get to watch the entirety of that excursion play out on social media. So I respect her quoting every single fucking tweet sent to her by a Miami Heat fan, but I don't think I can go as far as saying I agree. Don't get me wrong, the way the game is called nowadays that most likely should have been a foul. I just don't have a problem with it not being called as such. Not when Dwyane Wade - a player that is known for his extravagant flopping - makes no real attempt to shoot the basketball, and certainly not when he does so in a situation where a foul call could completely trivialize the previous 47 minutes and 55 seconds. You want to be put on the foul line for some freebies when the outcome of the game is hanging in the balance? You better earn it in the process of trying to score, and not in the process of haphazardly launching yourself into a defender - who played the situation correctly - and aimlessly tossing the ball in the air. The fact of the matter is that the guy who got the call played pretty solid defense, and the guy who didn't was simply making a desperation play and hoping to get the benefit of the doubt from the officials. I understand the concept of "superstar calls", but when you're someone like Dwyane Wade - who constantly makes the officials look silly after the fact - you have to expect that karma to come back around at some point. Unfortunately for him it happened to be in the waning seconds of a pivotal playoff game. P.S. Props to D-Wade for taking off in 2007 and landing in 2016 with this throw down.....
Remember the NFL Fantasy Files commercials that featured PROFESSIONAL football players doing ridiculously inconceivable things? I guess I didn't realize how old those commercials were until I took a look, so in case you don't know what I am talking about - enlighten yourself. Now that we are all caught up, this 120 pound (when soaking wet) high school senior booting absolutely bombs through goal posts on the other side of the field looks like he's straight out of a cleverly edited NFL advertisement. He's so goddamn far away he needed his own referee for confirmation on whether or not it went through the uprights, and I don't blame him because I almost had to squint my way into a pair of glasses to try to follow that ball all the way through it's landing. I guess there's not much to work on when you're a kicker, but being confident enough to attempt a 76 yard field goal actually might be more impressive than making a 76 yard field goal. Hey, you gotta be mentally tough to be a kicker, and nothing screams mentally tough like popping the top off and lining one up from a full fifteen yards behind midfield.
I don't know if this kid has any interest in the military, but as far as football goes there is no better fit than Army. The team that passes the ball seven times a game, goes 3-and-out so fast you would think they were under strict orders to do so, and was about 5 missed chip shots away from beating their arch nemesis Navy last year? Yeah, safe to say they could use a kicker that feels comfortable kicking from Afghanistan. Hell, he just might instantly become their best offensive weapon...
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