You know, I can't help but think that Sam Hinkie would rather it be this way. After being strong-armed out of both the job he made infinitely easier and a league that was fearful of his tactics, any retrospective credit would just be disingenuous anyway. Plus, all the praise one man could possibly ask for can be seen in the form of imitation, which - I remind you - is the sincerest form of flattery. Listen to one Adam Silver press conference, and it's impossible to ignore the fingerprints that Sam Hinkie left on an Association that can no longer treat 'The Process' like a punchline. The NBA's tanking issue is overrunning it to the point that its commissioner has had to speak publicly about something as ridiculous as premeditated and prolonged periods of losing in professional sports. Sam Hinkie fell on the sword by doing what any good GM should do by being ahead of the curve to expose a vulnerability in the system. It certainly wasn't the most virtuous of strategies, but the fruits of its labor can't be disputed now that they are all finally beginning to ripen at a rapid pace. There's no shortage of copycats going out of their way to crap in the same litter box, and that says all you need to know about the building of an insanely promising team that will long outlive its original architect. If a national television broadcast that knows far better than to give Bryan Colangelo credit for the roster of rising stars that he largely inherited wants to conspicuously skirt around the name that's apparently considered taboo in NBA circles then so be it. His absence from any conversation about the upstart Sixers' success is obviously inexcusable. However, it actually rings louder than the goddamn Liberty Bell to anyone not financially incentivized by a league that killed a career that lives on through an entire city that bows before a man that shall otherwise remain nameless. I hope any and all NBA affiliates continue to keep Sam Hinkie's name off their lips, for I'm sure he'd rather go down in history as a martyr than as just another axed member of management.
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SportingNews- The Niners GM said Monday the team is still gathering information before they come to a conclusion whether Reuben will remain with the team.
“The gravity of these charges has not been lost on us,” Lynch said, via NBC Sports Bay Area. “We take it extremely seriously. We do feel like patience is the right approach right now. We’re gonna learn things through this legal process. "I do want to be abundantly clear that if these charges are proven true, if Reuben did indeed hit this young lady, he will not be part of this organization going forward.” ------ Incredible. Just incredible. Sometimes you think these brilliant NFL minds are too compartmentalized and therefore liable to making each and every moral sacrifice that gives them even a slightly better chance to win football games that they can't remember the requirements of being a half decent human being. That's why it's so refreshing to hear from a General Manager that has a zero tolerance policy regarding the employment of players, no matter how young or talented, that are serving significant time behind bars. Considering the 49ers invested such a high draft pick in a player like Reuben Foster that proved to be more than worth it on the field, it couldn't have been easy to promise that they won't continue to pay him a substancial chunk of change from a restricted sum of money while the only field he's seeing is more accurately described as a yard. I can't help but feel like John Lynch has earned himself a standing ovation. Not only agreeing to cooperate with a legal process that has determined that - if guilty - a enigmatic linebacker will spend the next decade+ in jail, but also being stern enough to refuse to do business with said linebacker as his (potential) indefinite sentence for hitting a woman denies him his athletic prime? In a word, heroic. The truth is, John Lynch is in a tough spot so I have absolutely no idea what I would have preferred him to say. I just feel comfortable making fun of what he did actually say since promising the contract termination of someone who, in all likelihood, would be looking at long term incarceration is just about as soft of a hard stance as swearing off marshmallows for lent. LastWord- In one of the most bizarre stories in college tennis–or college sports in general–the Arkansas Razorbacks women’s tennis team schedule Tennessee State six times on Sunday. It was a grueling full day of tennis, with the first match beginning at 8:00 AM and the final match concluding around 9:00 PM. Arkansas prevailed in all six, jumping their record on the season to 16-16 from 10-16. Reaching a .500 win percentage was extremely significant, as a team must be at least .500 to be selected to play in the 64-team NCAA tournament beginning on May 12th.
The primary reason Arkansas scheduled this unreasonable day of tennis was their incredible run of matches toward the end of the season. They finished the regular season an unimpressive 7-15, with a 3-10 mark in conference. However, this may not be as bad as it seems; they play in the SEC Conference, which boasts five of the top ten ranked teams in the country. They entered the postseason SEC tournament as the #11 seed out of 14 teams. Arkansas also finished the regular season strong, defeating #35 Tennessee in their final match. They proceeded to play by far their best tennis of the season at this point, winning three consecutive matches en route to the semifinal. The road to the semifinal included victories over #19 ranked Auburn and #7 ranked South Carolina. In the semifinal, they were able to put up a decent fight against #9 Florida, though they did not come out on top. Similar to the NCAA basketball tournament, the selection committee (at least unofficially) tends to have recency bias, with an emphasis on postseason tournament play. Arkansas likely felt that with these impressive wins to finish off their year, they would have a legitimate shot to play in the NCAA tournament. However, they still were only 10-16 on the season, and needed to get to .500 by Sunday, April 22nd, the last day of the season. It is difficult to tell what prompted this scheduling, or how it came to be. Arkansas was eliminated from the SEC tournament on April 20, and scheduled and played the first match soon after at 8:00 AM on April 22. They had to find a school nearby who could host Arkansas on short notice, and most importantly was willing to play six matches in a day and lose all of them. Most likely, money was the main factor. Sports such as college football and basketball bring huge revenues to universities, but smaller sports like tennis rarely charge for admission and generally operate at a loss. Tennessee State could have had a struggling program financially, and was offered a significant amount of money from Arkansas. This is not illegal, as large schools pay small schools to play them often in many different sports. It would also be a win-win for the schools, as Tennessee State’s women’s tennis program will be well funded, and Arkansas not only has a chance to make the tournament they believe they deserve, but will also make additional money from their postseason play. If money was the reason for this match-up, it makes sense from both sides and follows NCAA rules, though it may not be the right thing to do. Why did Arkansas have to travel to Tennessee to do this? Why not just host a nearby school? Well, the Arkansas athletic department has an odd rule. They view all smaller in-state schools as rivals that they refuse to support, so Arkansas won’t give them money by playing them. Because of this rule, which spans all sports, the Razorbacks had to travel to Nashville to face Tennessee State. --------- Here's the thing. It's impossible to hate on a women's tennis team for exploiting the most obvious of loopholes, because taking advantage of vulnerable parties that desperately need funding is so engrained into the fabric of the NCAA that it's billionaire executives might as well being laying their heads to rest under the comfort of a quilt made of profit-bearing technicalities. Sure, financially incentivizing a lesser school to schedule 1/5th of a season's worth of matches in a single day just prior to the deadline is an outrageous example of cheapening the hard work of countless others. There's no doubt that leveraging your way into the playoff bubble with money more so than merit theoretically compromises the integrity of college sports. Fortunately for the young, racquet-yielding ladies of Arkansas, you can't compromise integrity that's never actually existed in the first place. Which brings to light my only issue with this move. Seeing as it makes the NCAA look even more mind-numbingly stupid than they make themselves look and sets a dangerous precedent that would require them to put forth an actual effort to fix, isn't it fair to suspect that Arkansas wouldn't exactly be the apple of the selection committee's eye after trying to blatantly circumvent a broken system? Giving themselves the slightest of chances at a National Championship was certainly worth the old college try, especially with a pro-SEC bias potentially working in their favor. Still, this whole situation seems as though it's daring a dictatorial organization to stick too tightly to their own idiotic rules when they typically only do so to cause student athletes undeserved harm as opposed to offering them undeserved help. It's still worthy of a touché, but I'm skeptical as to whether it will be worthy of an invitation to the dance.
I'd say that embarrassment is probably the appropriate feeling for Jeff Garcia to have following that interaction, though I don't think the impetus for it should be his own overreactive response to being told that his former employer offered him a public appearance that they no longer has the rights to. That's a bad look for the Buccaneers, not for the journeyman quarterback whose last significant stop on his career path just happened to be in Tampa Bay. Therefore, if I were Jeff Garcia, I would instead find myself chagrined by the fact that an organization gave me a non-existent cameo only after hand-feeding an outspoken tropical bird his own damn day as the show-runner...
I don't know, just seems a bit emasculating that the former professional athlete is unsure of his place in the Draft Day lineup of gimmicky guest spots, while the parrot has his itinerary pecked in stone, don't ya think? I don't know what the results of reshuffling will be, but it kinda seems like the best case scenario for Jeff Garcia is that he fills the role of opening act for an animal whose most redeeming quality is it's increasingly annoying ability to repeat after me. Seeing as that would bruise even the most sturdy of egos, I can't really get mad at Jeff Garcia for lashing out, even if he should be used to getting treated as an afterthought at this point. ESPN- A Bay Area reporter who covers the Golden State Warriors has been caught on tape taking a security staffer's jacket after a team practice last week in San Antonio, The Athletic reported Monday. Mike Shumann, a sports anchor of KGO-TV in San Francisco, is visible on the tape, which ESPN has reviewed. Shumann appears to take a jacket belonging to Ralph Walker, the Warriors' director of team security, as he walks out of the AT&T Center. Several Warriors players were upset over the incident and don't want it quickly dismissed, The Athletic reported. Shumann is a former wide receiver for the San Francisco 49ers and longtime TV reporter in the city. Meanwhile, the Warriors have an agreement with KGO to provide exclusive interviews with players, interviews that usually have been conducted by Shumann. The Athletic reported the players are now refusing to do those interviews. A spokesman for KGO on Monday issued the following statement to The Athletic: "We are taking these allegations very seriously and conducting a full investigation. As a matter of policy, we do not comment about personnel matters." Shumann apologized to individual Warriors players, and The Athletic reported he was sent home from San Antonio after the incident. Shumann was not part of the station's postgame show Sunday night. ---------- I got to be honest, while intentionally snatching another man's coat is almost always a terrible decision, I can't help but feel like we need to see this jacket before making a fair assessment of exactly how senseless it was to swipe it. I don't know Mike Shumann, but - considering he targeted the outerwear of the Warriors' Director Of Team Security - I don't exactly take him as the type that's measured enough for for a life of crime. Therefore, there's reason to believe that he's a first time offender that would have long been busted if he'd always had his eye out for the belongings of others. I guess what I am really trying to say is that there must have been something really special about this damn jacket. Was it team issued? A limited edition? Maybe it wasn't Warriors affiliated at all. A gorgeous goose-down seems unlikely to be necessary in San Antonio during April, but it seems likely to be necessary in turning a reputable reporter into a robber. Perhaps it was suede, or leather, or some other expensive material that was enticing enough to widen the eyes and sticky the fingers of a longtime local media member that compromised the access of his entire network in the name of looking good while staying warm. Not that any of those scenarios make the act of stealing it any less stupid, but risking both the reputation of yourself and your employer for a windbreaker that has 'Ralph' stitched on the front and 'SECURITY' screen-printed on the back would definitely make this extremely odd occurrence even more stupid than it is on the surface. Here's to hoping this jacket was as life-changing as Jerry's, if only because risking your livelihood for less would truly be inexplicable... According To Kevin Durant, He "Accidentally" Liked An Instagram Comment Hating On Russell Westbrook4/24/2018
I know, I know. 2017 called and they want their headline back. Unfortunately, they are just going to have to share, because Kevin Durant's fragile psyche apparently knows not the turn of the calendar. We're coming up on two years since he divorced himself from Russell Westbrook and he's still rifling through the cess pools that are internet comment sections to stay up to date with the prevailing sentiment regarding a relationship that may as well have ended a decade ago on the sports watch? Seeing as the Thunder are getting taken to the woodshed by a far less talented team, I think it's safe to say that Kevin Durant is winning the breakup in a blow out, and yet - somehow, someway - he is still finding ways to make himself look like a loser. I know the obvious joke to make is that he thought he was back on his burner account, but I have no choice but to believe that's exactly what happened. I'm going to ignore the fact that an Instagram comment wouldn't even be visible to him while scrolling his timeline, because that would be too easy of a takedown of his explanation. Instead, I remind you of how difficult it is to like an Instagram comment. You basically have to squint to see the little heart icon next to the senseless stupidity of largely anonymous strangers, so excuse me if I have a hard time believing that a professional athlete's finger just so happened to slip all the way across the screen and pinpoint a highly specific one unintentionally. He's long lost the benefit of the doubt when it comes to the haphazard use of social media anyway, but that nonsensical defense isn't doing him any favors. Now, that doesn't mean he's not 100% right in saying there's no story here, but that's only because this is merely an additional chapter to the internet autobiography of a thin-skinned superstar who was never, ever built to be the bad guy.
At first glance, I couldn't help but think that this quote regarding a hockey team's talent level was unnecessarily perverted. As someone who is no stranger to the occasional explicit analogy, even I had a tough time following along with the type of disjointed logic you'd expect to hear from someone that was distracted by the erectness of their dick in their hand. That said, if Craig Leipold truly believes that stumbling upon pornography is as painstaking a process as selecting the right mix of players for an extensive Stanley Cup run then it's no wonder he can't stop making everything about sex. We are talking about a guy that brought both the Predators and the Wild into the NHL as expansion teams. He's got damn near 20 years of ownership on his resume and nothing more than two woeful second round appearances tightening his belt. If his inability to navigate the x-rated area of the internet is at all comparable to his lack of familiarity with anything that might be thought of as a championship caliber team, the poor bastard has probably been walking around chalked full of more doomed semen than the Titanic for the last two decades. If his grasp of adult entertainment is anything like this grasp of title contention then the only thumbnails he's clipped are out of the sexual frustration one might experience by depositing mental images of their wife in their spank bank. Hell, it's amazing his freshly unemployed GM survived this long while answering to a superior whose boner has long been ready to be relieved by a banner ceremony.
The truth is, this is just an old white man doing the most old white man thing of all time by referencing an outdated saying that's overtly sexual in nature for no apparent reason. Any doubt I had as to the validity of that was quelled when I searched for an image of someone who couldn't look more the part. However, it is pretty funny to think that Craig Leipold is staring bafflingly at double anal penetration like it's as much of a structural anomaly as the Minnesota Wild's postseason scoring woes.
You know, it's not so much that all 22 basketball experts employed by a company that fancies itself the 'Worldwide Leader' in not one, but all sports thought the 3 seed would beat the 6 seed that has me astonished. After all, it's not like the NBA prides itself on postseason upsets. Rather, it's how confident the aforementioned experts had to be for not a single one of them to actively play the contrarian to popular belief. I mean, we are talking about a network that keeps the lights on with hot takes, so for not even one of its most trusted minds to think the risk of taking the underdog was worth the reward of professional validation is even more unfathomable than the odds-on favorite bowing out in four straight games. Let's be honest, given the current state of sports media, being right isn't anywhere near as important as being able to tell everyone else they are wrong. So, while I understand not foreseeing Jrue deconstructing the social construct of 'Dame Time' and making a week-long Holiday out of his postseason coming out party, it's pretty insane that there was an open form to bank on far and away the best and most valuable player in the series and - out of nearly two dozen analysts - not one deposited any faith. That's not to say I was sitting adamantly atop the Pelicans perch a week ago, but I wasn't granted the chance to team up with Anthony Davis with an opportunity to say "told ya so" to all my peers on the line.
I think I speak for everyone when I say that I'm beginning to see why Derek Jeter kept any and all of his thoughts and opinions under lock and the key that he was given to the city for being a highly accomplished robot during his time in pinstripes. We are talking about a question from Bryant Gumbel, the man whose "interrogations" are typically so harmless that they were hyperbolically used as a punchline in a Dave Chappelle skit... If whiffing on softballs has a public figure throwing out baseless insults towards the least objectionable of interviewers then being open and honest with the ruthless New York media would have resulted in a two decade long pissing contest that would have flooded the local papers with more waves of bullshit than the narrative that Derek Jeter was the irreproachable epitome of altruism. Let's pretend that trading away all of your best players in a shameless attempt to shed salary and gutting everything that both the franchise and its fanbase held near and dear isn't the very definition of tanking. Even if every single thing that Derek Jeter has done since taking ownership of the Miami Marlins wasn't aimed at losing both games and local interest, his rebuttal to the suggestion that he might not be putting forth the most valiant of efforts in winning both games and fans is proof positive of his guilt. Perhaps he's not familiar with the intricacies of arguing, seeing as he's avoided having a personality publicly since the mid-90's, but lashing out at a question that's not only more than fair but also likely the impetus for the entire segment in the first place is a good way to look delusional in a debate. If you call someone "mentally weak" unprovoked than you might as well be saying it into the mirror, and having 3,000+ plus hits doesn't make someone an exception to that rule. As far as I can tell, Bryant Gumbel didn't state anything that wasn't a fact, yet Derek Jeter responded by taking offense to something that was inoffensive and getting defensive about something that's indefensible. If I listened to that interview while being completely ignorant towards the building processes of the last two winners of the World Series, I'd still believe that Miami was tanking, and it's because their owner - who won multiple championships on insanely talented teams - was obviously splitting hairs, abusing semantics, and dodging questions by playing dumb. The unmistakably high pitch in his voice when he said "I do, I do" when asked whether or not he expected his 5-16 team to contend should be all you need to hear to determine that Derek Jeter was talking directly out of his asshole. That's without even taking into account how much every move he's made has repulsively reeked like the unattended outhouse that Marlins Park has become.
To be honest, I'm not sure how valid the argument is that, as of the Top of the 6th inning, the umpire was already "searching for something" that would allow for a no-hitter bid to look a bit more promising. Even if you ignore the fact that most cries of conspiracy in sports make the source of them sound insanely stupid, base path violations - in and of themselves - seem like the most judicious of judgement calls. Therefore, that might not be the hill I'd personally die on when calling into question the integrity of those that officiate me on a day-to-day and pitch-by-pitch basis. However, in the interest of putting myself in Andrew Benitendi's saliva-soaked shoes, let's assume for just one second that the umpire was guilty of letting his desire to be present for an accomplishment that, while impressive, has become slightly less historical given it's frequency influence his decision making. Even if that were the case, I think you've got to do a bit better than artfully dipping a tag on a two-out, dinky dribbler down the first base line to claim your fate was infringed upon by biased officiating. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I don't think I would have cashed in my "the fix is in!" card following a game that I would have lost regardless. After doing a quick run of the numbers and calculating how many games remain, I've come to the conclusion that Andrew Benintendi will, undoubtedly, find himself in a better position to argue a worse call that has a more detrimental impact on his team before the season reaches its conclusion. He's probably going to want to have a semblance of credibility when he does so, and, in my opinion, he just lost that by being an overreactive infant after being denied a meaningless, unearned in-field single in April instead of tipping his cap to an opposing pitcher for an otherwise brilliant performance.
Objectively speaking free of context, the following scene from Bad Boys II is hilarious enough to be deserving of a tribute... That said, if that tribute is a picture of yourself holding a gun with the implication that you'd use it on a relatively innocent teenager in the year 2018 then you accept all the backlash that comes with posting it on public platform. Shit done changed since '03, and that includes the general public's thoughts on humor that involves using firearms in an attempt to guarantee the re-virginization of your already de-flowered daughter. Therefore, the result of wielding a weapon better be a lot funnier than that if you want to share it with millions of strangers who are anything but likeminded. I'm giving a lot of people far too much credit by saying this, but I think we're all smart enough to know that a "touch my daughter and I'll kill you" joke that's clearly in jest and not at all threatening to the people who it's being made at the expense of isn't a trivialization of the tragedies that have taken countless young lives on a seemingly monthly basis. Unfortunately, I'm also giving a lot of people - including a former NFL kicker, apparently - far too much credit by saying that no one is dumb enough to post a picture of themselves holding a pistol without knowing full well that it will be seen as a political statement. Not even living under an actual rock could shelter you from the circular, polarizing arguments about gun control, so Jay Feely would have had to have spent the last 6-12 months doing target practice in a bomb shelter to think that the kickback on his firearm gag wouldn't immediately bite him. Whether or not the gun was being used safely at the time or not is irrelevant, because if Jay Feely wasn't guilty of using a prom pic to push his agenda then he's guilty of being a moron for not realizing it would be viewed that way. If it's the former then an apology was not necessary. For reference, this is how you make a funny regarding gun ownership...
I got to tell you, seeing the Cavaliers blow a 17-point second half lead to fall behind for the second time in their first round series was a bit disheartening. You see, while I originally thought their initial road game of the postseason was a bit early for LeBron to dig into his garment bag of tricks, in building it I was really beginning to think that they stumbled upon a foolproof way to force camaraderie amongst a team that's been together for about as long as summer camp sweethearts. So, you can imagine my surprise when donning matching suits that featured capri dress pants and taking themselves far too seriously in the process had a fleeting effect on their on-court chemistry and ultimately left LeBron to fend for himself down the stretch of a disastrous loss...
As it turns out, using fashion forward gimmicks to desperately coerce cohesion is not a way in which playoff games are won in professional sports. Who knew that identical attire was more likely to make you look ridiculous in retrospect than genius in pre-gamesmanship?!? To be honest, I have absolutely no idea how a team that was basically dealt for at the deadline is supposed to become completely acquainted with each other both personally and professionally in such a short amount of time. I would imagine the difficulty of that very question if what makes the mid-season flipping of rosters so rare. That said, if I absolutely had to guess, I would bet a pretty penny that having a leader that at least pretends to help cover up his teammate's mistakes is more likely to send a message of solidarity than having a leader that makes his teammates walk into an arena looking like they're headed to the foot of an alter...
I know the Cleveland Cavaliers only go as far as LeBron James wills them, but maybe he should worry more about carrying his team than outfitting them. Just a suggestion, but perhaps it would be behoove him to embrace more of his inner-Michael Jordan than his inner-Tom Ford. If for no other reason than because, from a comedic standpoint, looking like the most depressing group of groomsmen ever assembled only adds fuel to the dumpster fire.
I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that the Ravens don't do that thing where they set the market on a middle-of-the-road free agent far too high, sober up to realize the error of their ways, and fabricate a failed physical to avoid a foolish financial commitment. That seems like something you count yourself as lucky to get away with once per offseason, so this offer sheet should be a lot less likely to get revoked than Ryan Grant's contract in the following five days...
Therefore, given that I doubt his inexplicable down year is worth (at least) 3.5 million/season to the team that can't blindly bank on the return of a skillset that - in theory - they've already replaced, Willie Snead will most likely be going from the offense that's most likely to efficiently utilize his talents to the offense that's least likely to efficiently utilize his talents. Truth be told, I'm glad that he's getting the money he earned prior to his DUI-ignited disappearance. I'm just a little disappointed that we won't be able to fully tell the extent to which he bounces back while he's playing in Baltimore. Not that I wanted the Saints to reward a recently unreliable slot receiver with $440,000+ per catch that he had last season, but I was hoping he'd either sign a prove-it deal in New Orleans or get a payday from a team that has something that could be described as a proficient passing attack. I'm not sure we'll ever know exactly what plagued him following his suspension, but prior to that he was a trustworthy kid that beat the odds of going undrafted to become a safety net for Drew Brees. Hopefully he's able to get back to doing just that for the Ravens. I have my doubts that he will, because Joe Flacco requires a safety net big enough to trap a humpback whale, but I'd be more than happy to be proven wrong. Maybe Sean Payton has a surprise in store, but - considering the addition of Cameron Meredith - I'd imagine the 'Need IV Snead' is currently less than the price tag. If that's the case then a "goodbye" and a "good luck" are certainly in order, for we'll always have 4th-and-12.
As messed up as it to go out of your way in trying to breaking an opponent's protective piece of eyewear, I'd be remiss if I said I didn't see the humor in it. Justise Winslow causally meandering on up to Joel Embiid's fallen mask as if no one was watching, while presumably whistling to himself, before stomping on like it was a loose dollar that happened to catch his eye is not only a hysterical move, but one that falls in line with the bad guy role he promised to fill...
Unfortunately, I have seen this movie before. Despite the fun he's had in treating it as if it has special powers, I don't think the mysterious mask is what's completed 'The Process'. However, even if it did, how often has it behooved the evil villain to try to steal the magic from an inanimate object? Like, in the history of cinema, no one from Frosty the Snowman to The Mask has ever been defeated by vindictiveness or jealousy, and none of them had a biological skill-set so superior that it would almost have to be scripted. I'm all for trying to get in the head of an opponents, but the 7 foot freak with the mobility of a guard, range that's almost as incomprehensible as his array of post moves, and an appetite for embarrassment probably isn't the player whose skin I would have started with. Justise Winslow messed with the bull and the Heat predictably got the horns, though something tells me they were inevitably getting prodded regardless...
Bardown- During AFC (Alaska Fighting Championship) 139, following the conclusion of a bantamweight match between Elijah Terrell and David Booker, the ring announcer accidentally announced the wrong winner. After correcting himself, the two fighters embraced in the centre of the ring...and then the announcer corrected himself a second time. Awkward!
-------- Steve Harvey, eat your heart out, because this UFC event just got Moonlight'd in a way that would leave Jimmy Kimmel dumbstruck. I'll say this, for as ridiculous and inexcusable as it is to screw up something that's presumably as easy to read as the name above the larger number...twice, I can't help but feel like the right fighter came out on top of that confusion. I don't want to speak ill of this Elijah 'Young Snipes' Terrell character, but when they say that you should be just as gracious in victory as you are in defeat, they don't mean to be equally as overreactive after a win as you would be after a loss. Hell, if anything, going from visible disappointment to extreme elation to undeniable dismay in a 10 second span during the announcing of the result is proof that the eventual loser may have been the worst for its wear. If he even remembered what happened during the fight that had literally just finished then he could have fooled me. For, in one schizophrenic display, he somehow embodied the reactions of all the prospective fathers on an unsolved pregnancy episode of Maury, as if the conception of a unanimous scorecard were as questionable as the pull-out method of contraception. I know that judges can be unpredictable at times, but shouldn't someone competing in a combat sport have some idea of how he fared? Going from "aw shucks" to "YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT!" to "wha-WHAT?!" just seems a bit disingenuous from a self evaluation perspective. Therefore I'd bet my Starbucks that David 'The Coffee Boss' Booker had a much better command of a fight that he straight up laughed at the judgement that he lost.
You know what, in being a good enough sport to reprise a character he already looked absolutely ridiculous playing a good 20-some-odd years ago, the actor officially known as Patrick Warburton and cult figure known as David Puddy really hit the nail on the head with one of his signature lines... The New Jersey Devils can, in fact, beat anybody. They damn near proved it in taking down a gauntlet of great teams en route to their first playoff berth in six years. That's why it's a little disappointing that "anybody" currently has a huge upper hand in a series that's starting to look like nothing more than a learning experience. Now, unexpected is something it's definitely not, but I really can't help but feel like the Devils didn't just owe it to themselves to take this thing back to Tampa Bay tied at two, but also owed it to the 53 year old man that gladly painted both his face and his chest in maniacal support of the team. Granted, he probably basked in having both a non-obnoxious opportunity to go topless given his stunning amount of upper body definition. Still, that was a shocking amount of dedication to method acting from someone whose decades removed from having to do it to break into the industry. If for no other reason than it was at least deserving of a win in return, the Devils need to bring this back to New Jersey so Puddy can get his payoff.
Tuesday:
Today:
I want to feel bad for Brandon Marshall, I really do. Sports are the one profession that is liable to make even the most young and promising employee look stupid for thinking he has any semblance of job security. Unfortunately, I cannot feel bad for Brandon Marshall, because - as everyone other than himself, apparently, knows - he is neither the most young or the most promising employee anymore. In fact, he actually makes the recently released and definitely declining Dez Bryant look young and promising by comparison, so acting as if a 34 year old with the dropsies was going to make the Giants chisel their offensive depth chart in stone in April takes an astronomical amount of overconfidence. I don't want to make it sound like I wasn't surprised by this move too, because I absolutely was. After the disastrous third of a season for which he was healthy last year, I was absolutely stunned that New York hadn't already nixed what I wrongfully presumed to be a cautiously optimistic one-year deal. Hell, there might well have been so much hullabaloo about Odell Beckham Jr. that David Gettleman just flat out forgot that Brandon Marshall was still squatting on an inevitable wide receiver vacancy. I bet one of his grandkids stumbled upon that Instagram post and alerted their grandpa to the fact that he forgot to ax his aging pass catcher while asking him for some money for an appetite ruining snack. Okay fine, probably not, but that's the most logical hypothetical I can craft in rationalizing why the Giants held on to Brandon Marshall for long enough for him to feel at all safe about his spot on the team.
UPDATE: Perhaps Brandon Marshall doesn't have a future in the front office...
I don't mean to...ahem...interrupt, but doesn't LeBron James have his very own media company? That he uses to publicly portray his thoughts and opinions on things that either interest him or effect him? And he can do so whenever he chooses, thus making it easier for him to remain clear-headed in having full control of his message? I mean, watching him struggle to find the words for an opposing head coach that was probably mourning the passing of his wife of four decades as opposed to tuning into TNT's postgame coverage was super satisfying and all, but I can't help but feel like there was a more appropriate time, place, and platform for a commiseration than on a basketball court seconds after the subject went from dropping 40+ to being delivered heartbreaking news. Well, well, well....would you look at that?!
To be clear, I'm glad that LeBron James cleared both the air and the name of a reporter in promising that she didn't just drop death on his doorstep during live television, but - somehow, someway - the fact that he already knew prior to the camera rolling then acted shocked when notified on-air makes that whole scene even more awkward. I don't blame LeBron James, clearly he wasn't going to turn down the opportunity to offer his compassion to Pop. I don't blame Allie LaForce, clearly she wasn't going to say no after he had already said yes to giving her a stirring soundbite. Hell, I don't even fully blame the producer for what comes off as an awful attempt at a ratings grab. It's not like there is some obvious formulaic way in which you're supposed to deal with a situation this rare, so - procedurally speaking - I'm not at liberty to say if this was handled right or wrong. I am, however, at liberty to say that, in retrospect, it was handled so uncomfortably that it managed to unite the entirety of the most disagreeable of viewing audiences. I can't imagine there's one person that came away from that interview saying to themselves "that was far more enlightening than it was excruciating!", and that's the bare minimum bar that should be met by the asking of relatively impromptu condolences. No one ever has the words they want or need in the immediate wake of disastrous news, so hopefully TNT - and every other broadcast network, for that matter - learned that the respect to be lost far outweighs the content to be gained. All they got was a rough draft of LeBron's thoughts and prayers, and now were talking about the untimeliness of them instead of the tragic passing of someone who was beloved by both her universally respected husband of 40 years and the rest of the NBA family. My first inclination was to start off talking about the questionable Nikita Kucherov hit that left Sami Vatanen in the locker room, and - unfortunately - that speaks volumes about how ordinary the Devils' effort was in being pushed to within a loss of their offseason. There were certainly things to like about a flawless penalty killing performance that highlighted the work of a depleted defense that was without its most important player for the final forty minutes, but there were just as many things not to like a pitiful powerplay that low-lighted the work of an impotent offense that couldn't get much going after coming up empty on a couple point blank chances. Nico Hischier looked much like his bathroom scale reads and, on first glance, Taylor Hall appeared to fall victim to the Lightning's much more concerted effort to not let him beat them. While I think that considering New Jersey a one man show is insanely stupid, the Devils don't exactly have multiple headliners and their main one wasn't as much of a rockstar as he usually is. Like any top-end team would, Tampa Bay made adjustments that flustered an inexperienced group and coaching staff that's still learning the intricacies of the chess match that is playoff hockey. Now, having their two-way defenseman that, mostly out of necessity, admirably carries their top defensive pairing and mans both special teams units available to them probably could have aided in creating some offense, and for his absence we have Nikita Kucherov to thank...
Honestly, if you had asked me last night then a stoning in the public square would be the only acceptable form of justice, but - having had time to digest the disappointment - I actually don't think the hit was all that dirty. Of course, "dirty" isn't supposed to be the only grounds for suspension, but that's neither here nor there...
At this point, I would be the most annoyed if I were Drew Doughty, for it's clear that the NHL just scapegoated the front-runner for the superlative Most Likely To Deserve It in trying to convince people that they really, really do give star players the same treatment. Seeing as I don't think Sami Vatanen spent two periods in the locker room with a bruised bosum after having his head jerked back in a fashion fitting of a fender bender, I think we've already begun to let semantics decide suspensions. Nikita Kucherov should have been temporarily sent to timeout for no other reasoning than the NHL's own goddamn reasoning. That fact that he's not going to be, during a series that has gotten increasingly out of the hands of the officials, is just another sign that the NHL values its predictable unpredictability over player safety. I suppose it's also of note that someone who knows a thing or two about in-zone coverage decided to examine the lack of it from the player you'd most expect to get picked on during film study...
In turning his full back on one of the most dangerous snipers in the sport while he sat in the slot, Damon Severson basically displayed the situational awareness of someone trying to answer an e-mail while at gunpoint. What he was thinking? Well, much like the logic behind every decision that's forced the Devils to send one of their two most talented defensemen to a luxury suite, the world may never know. Scott Stevens broke down exactly why he's just as polarizing as he is both promising and infuriating. He's just as likely to be brilliant as he is to be braindead, and sometimes being flat out bad is easier on your teammates than being bipolar. That's not to say that one blind box out or one uncalled hit to the head cost the Devils the game. They merely played pretty good against a great team, and - especially when you're not opportunistic - that's not going to cut it in the postseason. They've played their best hockey when their backs are against the wall, so counting them out completely - no matter how bleak things currently look - is a fool's errand. That said, if Sami Vatanen is out for any amount of time and the powerplay and penalty kill don't start clicking in conjunction, then that wall is going to give way pretty damn quickly.
On December 1 of 2017, I wrote a letter to Dan Snyder imploring him to do everything in his power to keep Kirk Cousins. Yesterday, I got a FedEx containing only an autographed picture of Dan himself ?? (h/t Reddit) ------ For what it's worth professionally, which is absolutely fucking nothing, I have never found Dan Snyder more entertaining personally than I do in this exact moment. I'm sure it will be very hard for most of the Washington faithful to look past the fact that signing a 33 year old Alex Smith to a long term deal as a way to save yourself some money on the Kirk Cousins front is just a preposterous way to team build. Those that are able to, however, would have to concede that - intentionally or not - this is an objectively hilarious way to respond to a disgruntled fan. I mean, look at that un-tailored suit, the awkward pose, those fidgety hands, and that smirk that just screams "are we done yet?". That picture looks as though it went straight from a photography studio in a local strip mall that recently went out of business to the doorstep of a fan who deserved whatever came his way after wasting his time pleading with a billionaire via penmanship. I'm sure it wasn't meant to be when it was originally mass-produced and put in the bottom drawer of his desk to collect dust while waiting for the desperate cries of those that want an autograph of an asshole, but that picture is still pure comedy. Whether Dan Snyder truly believes that his signed glamour shot is a worthwhile piece of memorabilia or if he has just enough of a sense of humor to lightly troll the fanbase he's spent the last two decades triggering, he just made me laugh. If I were as self-important as he appears to be then, considering his lack of NFL success, I'd encourage him to move that accomplishment up on his resume. |
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