Source- Don Thomas is a longtime regular at the Hooters in Roswell.
But it's not the beer or the chicken wings that bring him back. Instead, it's the generosity of one of the waitresses.
"Mariana had only been here a short time," Thomas said. "I just barely knew her when she made the offer."
"I said, 'Well I have two kidneys, do you want one of mine?'" said Mariana Villarreal, a waitress at Hooters.
"My reply was, 'I will accept it,'" Don said.
Mariana doesn't know Don outside of work. But she feels a higher calling.
Her grandmother recently passed away from kidney failure.
I think most males realize that as soon as they step foot in to a 'Breasturant', as the sexually inhibited feminists like to call them, we are pretty much labeled as perverts. Not like the 'taping a mirror to your shoe' level of pervert, but like the regular amount of pervert. Pervert on a novice level, if you will. I know that, you know that and Don Thomas knows that. That's why he has taken it to the next level. If you going to be viewed as such there's no downside to going back on a regular basis. Sure, the Hooters regular might be viewed as bit creepy, but if everyone else is thirsty than the females will probably flock to the table that has the drink order they know best. Perverts need friends too. Why not go back and be the sounding board for a waitress that spends all day getting hit on?
You know how some guys befriend girls in hopes of playing the long game. Maybe the girl is seeing someone else, and the guy is just waiting out the inevitable breakup? This is the sickly old man version of that. While the desperate 20-somethings are trying to sneak out of the friend zone and into some drawers, Don Thomas is just looking for a new kidney. Pretty genius if you ask me. There's no downside to being the nice old man in the corner table, but who knew it could save your life? Everyone and their mother knows why Donnie boy keeps going back to Hooters. Sure the beer is cold and wings are tasty, but age is nothing but a number. No man outgrows the joy experienced by gazing upon some supple bosoms. When Mr. Thomas says he goes back for "the generosity of the waitress" we all know he is talking about her generous display of cleavage. Turns out Mariana turned that line of BS into a self fulfilling prophecy when she decided to offer up an organ. When they said that healthy sex drives are key to a longer life I don't think this is what they were talking about, but I'll be damned if it isn't just as efficient.
That's the happiest a Hooters waitress has ever made someone...
BSO- A Catholic priest from California was found guilty Friday of sexually assaulting a sleeping woman aboard a U.S. Airways flight.
Father Marcelo De Jesumaria was convicted of abusive sexual contact by a federal jury in a three-day trial after a female passenger woke up to find his “hands on her breast, groin and buttocks” in August, NBC Los Angeles reported.
The woman reported the assault to the crew of the Philadelphia-to-Los Angeles flight, allowing federal authorities to meet De Jesumaria at the gate.
I'm not exactly legal expert, but I have heard about a little concept of reasonable doubt. Excuse me for my skepticism, but can I get a cross examination in? How does one twisted priest grab a breast, the groin and the buttocks all at the same time? Boom, lawyered. No, but seriously, I have been looking for ways to get a little more handsy in the bedroom and this guy has it down to a science. Are we sure this isn't a simple case of mistaken identity? We sure this lady didn't get molested by a fucking octopus? I juts can't see a way this guy was getting a grab of all the goods unless he's extremely proficient with this feet.
Listen, this isn't a laughing matter, and I'm sure this women is having a hard time dealing with this traumatic event. However, in the court of law it's important to have your story straight down to every single detail. She may have won this one, but she might not be so lucky next time. Plus, you should probably remember where this creeper's hands were when you woke up to his beaming grin. If there is one single moment that should be engrained in your head that would seem to be the most likely of them.
P.S. I don't think we should give this priest a pass or anything, but maybe reduce his sentence a bit? After all, he molested a grown woman instead of prepubescent boy. There's something to be said for that. Looks like we are trending upwards if you ask me. Compared to the sexual misconduct of those he associates with he is basically a saint. He's more of victim of bad company than anything else. Sexual assault is like an occupational hazard in the Catholic church. Two years ago this guys would been entering The 'Phile High Club.
Metro- Tahera Ahmad, who works at Northwestern University as director of interfaith engagement, spoke last night of the ‘disgusting behaviour’ of the airplane staff.
She was on a flight last night and asked for an unopened can of Diet Coke, which the attendant refused to give her due to the airline’s apparent policy.
Ahmad then noticed the same attendant giving an unopened can of beer to someone else, and confronted her.
According to Ahmad, the attendant said: ‘We are unauthorised to give unopened cans to people because they may use it as a weapon on the plane.’
She then allegedly gave the Muslim woman a can of Diet Coke, which she immediately opened so Ahmad didn’t ‘use it as a weapon’.
Shocked, Ahmad turned to her fellow passengers to ask if they had witnessed the ‘discriminatory and disgusting’ incident.
One of them told told her ‘you Muslim, you need to shut the f**k up’, as he also believed that she could use the can as a weapon.
You know, it really sucks when the facts of the story get in the way of your the preconceived angle you had already taken upon reading the title. I suppose even admitting that is a little racialist in itself. Regardless, I was all set to say that it's wrong to blame the airline for discriminating against a Muslim woman. All set to compare this situation to being biased against a female comedian. Sure this woman may be innocent, and the hypothetical comedian could be funny, but it's not our fault that we were skeptical. They should blame their predecessors for the stereotypes that have been perpetuated. Like they say, stereotypes do exist for a reason.
That's what I WAS going to say. You know, until I found out that this whole ordeal stems from a flight attendant denying a Muslim woman a fucking can of soda. Come on United Airlines. Veil your racism for me, one time. You got to pick and choose when you are going to judge a book by it's cover. Can't just go around pissing on every novel that's got some suspicious illustrations. Maybe give her a little pat down at security, but denying a can of Diet Coke? Everyone knows that Pepsi products make better shanks. Look, it's never right to assume that a Muslim individual is a terrorist. However, if you are going to do so you need to have a better screening process. I at least need the presence of an unkempt beard before I start denying innocent people their basic human rights. Don't waste your generalizations on a relatively good looking woman with a a purple tapestry draped over her head. Save it for the guy that looks like he has had his grooming privileges revoked for the last 5 years. It's never a good time to say "Yo Muslim, you need to shut the fuck up", but if you are going to say it have a little something to fall back on besides her headwear and skin color. For instance, a grimy ass beard.
Washington Times- A Colorado charter school refused to let a class valedictorian deliver a graduation speech in which he planned to come out as gay, prompting criticism from activists.
Evan Young, 18, said he agreed to make some suggested changes to the speech he planned to deliver on May 16 at the commencement ceremony for Twin Peaks Charter Academy High School in Longmont. But he refused to remove the disclosure about his sexuality, the Daily Camera reported Thursday.
“My main theme is that you’re supposed to be respectful of people, even if you don’t agree with them. I figured my gayness would be a very good way to address that,” he said.
In a statement, the district said the first draft also included ridiculing comments about faculty and students and was condescending toward the school. School attorney Barry Arrington said in the statement that a graduation speech is not the time for a student to “push his personal agenda on a captive audience.”
So the popular viewpoint on this story is going to be that this Colorado Charter school discriminated on a kid for his sexuality. Took away his big moment strictly because they don't respect his lifestyle. Well, you know what? Fuck those people and fuck this kid. Hey Evan, this is a graduation, not a gay pride rally. It's not that school officials have a problem with which genitalia you prefer in and around your mouth. They just realize that a day that is a celebration of everyone's accomplishments isn't the place for you to swallow all the attention. At least there's no question about his sexuality, because this is the biggest 'look at me' move in history. I know you homosexuals like to talk about everything from a gay perspective, but how about you just talk about things from a student perspective. After all, this is ceremony is to celebrate your educational triumphs and not your sexual conquests. If you wanted to walk straight out of the closet and onto a stage you should have waited until you started your career on Broadway. Pretty sure there would be backlash if a heterosexual valedictorian went up there talking about how much respect he has for all the pussy he's been crushing. If you want to talk about something that separates you from the rest of your peers how about you talk about your intelligence? It's 2015 man. It's easier to find a gay dude than a smart person. I could probably hand pick 5 gayballs from my balcony, but I would need a city wide search crew to find 5 people that could pass the GED without studying.
You know what is worse than this kid trying to turn his graduation into a self promotional video on santorum? The fact that he is the type of person that ruins the surprise party. The type of kid that tells one person too many. If you wanted to come out of the closet via a school wide speech why would you tell the administrators? It's not like they are going to pull you off stage once you get into your exposé on "acceptance". They aren't going to withhold a diploma from the valedictorian. You want to come out of the closet then you kick that shit down. You don't slide a note under the door asking if it's okay first. That's the biggest crime in all of this. It wasn't a spontaneous display of gayness. It was a calculated way for him to chastise his classmates and teachers while painting himself as praiseworthy and courageous.
P.S. Hey Ev, we already knew bro...
Here's the thing. This guy definitely represents pretty much everything that is wrong with the world in a one minute video. However, it is funny. Actually, it's HILARIOUS. Whether you hate the Rangers or some of the overly pretentious people that call themselves Rangers fan or not, you absolutely have to laugh at that video. With that said, you don't have to feel like you are laughing at a person that you loathe. I absolutely refuse to believe the person that I just watched give that interview exists in society. What are there chances someone that absurd got selected to speak on national television? The guy that I watched grab his chain mid-interview, and talk about paying for a $4,500 dollar ticket in all 'Benjamin Franklins' is not a real life person. No person that incredibly preposterous is sober. Alcohol would be the only excuse that someone would have to be that fucking obnoxious.
Watching that interview is basically the same thing as watching a parody video on YouTube. That guy was like the 'Saturday Night Live' version of a pompous, bombastic Rangers fan. It was a self promotional video. Was it exaggerated? Yup. Was it douchey? It was basically the personification of the word. That's the point. I highly doubt that's the last we have heard of Will Rouse. He's a persona that doesn't exist behind closed doors. The character he just played in front of the entire nation is perfectly sculpted to be a character on a reality show that people love to hate. For fuck's sake 'Jersey Shore' consistently had like a billion viewers and this guy puts their entertainment value to shame. That's why it is okay to laugh. You aren't laughing with him. You are laughing at him. You are laughing at what he represents. If by some slight chance that I am wrong you have full reign to tee off on this guy if you run into him in public. You have my full blessing to steal his chain and take him for all his hundreds. Until then he's just another person using a fabricated personality to go viral for the first time, and I got to say, he did a hell of a job.
P.S. "Benjamin Franklin's is killin' the gammme" is an A+ line, and if you aren't jealous that you didn't come up with it first then you aren't being honest with yourself.
Form: C- We'll blame it on the angle. Some people still don't know how to capture a person's good side these days. It's a tragedy really.
Workout Gear: A++ Light. Airy. Allows for flexibility and atones for underboob sweat. Need his stylist's number, and I needed 6 beers ago.
My favorite part of this video is easily my mental image of how it came about. There's not a doubt in my mind that the person that took this video was like "Hey Rob, Drew just challenged you to the pushup challenge". To which he responded "Alright, alright, give me a minute". Then he crushed like 10 beers in 20 minutes, screamed "action", and here we are. Didn't even bother to take his glasses off. Definitely forgot they were even there. If that doesn't scream 'I got here at 11AM' then I don't know what does. Rob Ryan just doing Rob Ryan things. This being filmed anywhere but a place that served alcohol may have crushed my entire perception of the Saints reckless defensive coordinator. Talk about a crisis being averted.
Don't look past who he challenged at the end of the video either. A gay talk show host that analyzes the behavior of reality TV stars? If Rob Ryan isn't the people's personality then I don't know who is. Every one who has ever been in a relationship can take solace in the fact that even the most manly of men has been subjected to enough reality television to actually enjoy it every so often. Next time the wife or girlfriend flips to 'Bravo' you remember that it doesn't make you any less of a man to watch it. Just make sure you got a full 12 pack on deck. No shame in things getting a little fuzzy. It'll probably help the entertainment value of a bunch of old bi-polar broads hashing out some formulated script to make menopause seem similar to schizophrenia.
P.S. Could Drew Brees' video be any more the polar opposite of Rob Ryan's? I guess they really do attract. Also I am pretty sure that Drew takes like a half hour sabbatical after the birth of every child before he puts another bun in the oven. These kids are multiplying at an inhuman rate...
NY Mag- After receiving an ice-cream cone with not enough sprinkles over the weekend, a woman in Michigan decided to take matters into her own hands — literally — by screaming at a store clerk and attempting to punch the friend trying to calm her down.
The unnamed woman entered a local gas station on Saturday and ordered an ice-cream cone. When the clerk put too few sprinkles on it, she began to throw a tantrum.
"The clerk called police because the customer was upset because she didn't have enough sprinkles," the Mason County Sheriff told M Life.
Her male companion attempted to calm her down, but she began trying to hit him. The two eventually left the store, but the clerk called the police with their license-plate number. They'd already left the area before the cops arrived, though, so no charges were pressed.
Uhh....AND!?! Shouldn't the cops be called to investigate any and every crime? Attempt to tell me that not getting enough sprinkles on your ice cream isn't a crime and I will find the nearest bland ass cup of Haagen Daaz to slam your head into. I am not sure how to characterize this crime, but my best guess would that it's a felony. I'm talking Supreme Court or bust. There is no worse feeling in the world than the last 3 depressing scoops of melted, plain ice cream. It's almost enough to make a man, or woman, not want to get ice cream ever again. It's like the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. A true tragedy. If there was an itch associated with not getting enough sprinkles it would basically be the same thing as a crack addiction. We have placed restrictions on every other mood altering substance in this country, why should a lack of sprinkles be any different?
I know there are probably some people out there asking "how many sprinkles is enough sprinkles?". The answer is that there is no answer. When enough is enough there is no question to be asked. This woman didn't order 5 bites of ice cream with sprinkles. She ordered the whole damn thing with sprinkles. You've got to front load the top. You've got to pack it in on the sides. Anything to ensure that the customer gets all 50 cents worth of sprinkles. Combined the fact that this happened at a gas station and the fact that this woman was denied additional sprinkles and I can only assume this attendant was a terrorist. We are worried about people getting their heads cut off overseas while the real crimes are taking place in our backyard. There are a lot of irrational actions that you can disagree with your lady about, but fighting for her God given right to an infinite amount of sprinkles is not one of them. Memorial Day just passed and we have already forgotten what it means to be a true American.
Listen, I was with you. I spent all offseason asking what the fuck Chip Kelly was doing. Questionable trade after questionable trade. Signing like 4 different quarterbacks that have had minimal success in the NFL. It was all very strange. None stranger than bringing in Tim Tebow, professional sports biggest distraction, and proclaiming that he was brought in to play the quarterback position he has so gallantly failed at in the past. Then I thought, what is the best way to get people to stop focusing on who is going to be your starting quarterback? Why of course, it's getting people to focus on who is NOT going to be your starting quarterback.
The Eagles were going to be the subject of a lot of press this offseason anyway. There would be no shortage of cameras. That's what you get when you trade your starting quarterback, your starting running back, and fail to get the quarterback you so desperately desired in the draft. Why not have those cameras be focused on a 3rd sting quarterback, that will have absolute no impact on the team, instead of a head coach who may or may not have completely screwed the pooch? Why not have Tim Tebow field questions about his faith instead of Sam Bradford having to field questions about his frail ass bone structure, or Mark Sanchez having to field questions about butt fumbles? You sign one of the worst quarterbacks in NFL history and every other move you make before or after that looks moderate in comparison. The Tim Tebow signing is basically like showing up to Comic-Con in nothing but UGG boots. It makes everyone else look normal in contrast. It's like showing up on the set of a Dos Equis commercial in blackface. You may not be the most interesting man in the world, but you'll certainly get the most attention. I don't know what happens with the Eagles when actual football games begin to get played, but I know Tim Tebow will having nothing to do with it. However, may he's not the worst guy to have around to receive the brunt of the attention when your head coach is behind the scenes making more fickle trades than a 10 year old starting his 'Madden' season.
...Or maybe Chip Kelly really is just crazy
PFT- Smith told Sal Paolantonio of ESPN that Rice, who is not suspended and is eligible to play as soon as a team signs him, would be back in the NFL if teams were willing to give him a fair chance.
“This, unfortunately, is a league that has a history of blackballing players. I find it hard to believe that a player of Mr. Rice’s caliber hasn’t at least gotten one offer from a team to come work out,” Smith said.
The term “blackballing” suggests something underhanded, but the reality is that NFL teams aren’t hiding the fact that they simply don’t want to do business with the man who last year became the poster boy for domestic violence in America. That’s the prerogative of each team, and while the union is free to advocate on Rice’s behalf, there’s not much the union can do about it.
I know this may come as news to a lot of you but when you are an NFL running back there is really no good time to knock your wife unconcious. However, there are certainly times that are worse than others. When you are coming off a terrible season and showing signs of aging is just about the worst possible time you could choose to get caught on video turning an elevator into a scene from Mike Tyson's 'Punchout'. Do I think Ray Rice is being blackballed? It depends on your definition of the term. He's being blackballed in the same way most 28 year old running backs without a lot of tread on their tires are blackballed. Running backs are a dime-a-dozen. Just look at the recent success of underrated free agents. The fact of the matter is if a team thought Ray Rice could help them win even one more game he wouldn't still be on the outside looking in. Look at Ray McDonald. Look at Greg Hardy. Hell, Frank Clark was drafted into this league, by a team that has gone to back to back Super Bowls, amidst domestic abuse allegations.
The main question when it comes to players that have had run-in's with the law is "are they worth the trouble?". That's the question with a lot of fringe NFL players. Was Michael Sam blackballed for being gay or was his play on the field not worth the dog and pony show came with it? Do we really think that Tim Tebow wasn't capable of making an NFL roster at a multitude of positions or was he 'blackballed' because of the media circus that would inevitably come with him? I don't think Ray Rice is being blackballed. I just think he has a much higher hill to climb than the average backup running back. All things considered every single team in the league would much rather have a hungry 21 year old out of college with something to prove than a 28 year old distraction.
Even if Rice were being blackballed. You know who cares? NO ONE. I'm a Rutgers fan. I was a Ray Rice fan. If he doesn't end up back in the league it's on him, not the league. The best way to not get blackballed is by not giving your wife a black eye. Yeah, it was only one incident. No, I don't think Rice is a serial wife beater. However, you have to pay for your sins. If that means you pay with the rest of your career then so be it. With great power comes great responsibility. Don't expect sympathy from anyone else. If this were any other profession this wouldn't even be an argument because no organization would speak out on behalf of a known domestic abuser. Ray Rice may get another shot in the NFL or he may not. It certainly isn't going to happen in May when there is nothing but off the field news to overreact to. Either way, there isn't a team in the league that owes Ray Rice a damn thing, and if he doesn't end up on an NFL roster it has just as much to do with his present abilities as it does his past transgressions.
If Drew Brees And Deuce McAllister Don't Stop Gushing About The Saints Running Backs I Am Going To Need A Cold Shower
"I think he's all-purpose," Brees said of Spiller. "He's got some of the quicks and the speed and kind of that slash element like a (Darren Sproles), but he's bigger in stature like a (Pierre Thomas).
"There's really not anything he can't do."
“I love the corps that we have,” said McAllister. “If those guys are healthy, they can be a dangerous group.” Deuce likened the Saints current running back duo of Mark Ingram and C.J. Spiller to himself and Reggie Bush back in 2006, when that Saints tandem was formed.
Deuce said when it comes to rushing the football on a game by game basis there is a magic number the Saints should strive for. “When you can get to 30 rushing attempts as a group, then you’re talking about having a better chance to win games.”
When a Hall Of Fame quarterback compares you to a combination of two of his favorite targets of his entire career then you know you are doing something right. Pierre Thomas and Darren Sproles? As one? Why run plays for anyone else? I really don't think people outside of Saints fans realize how good the running back core has the potential to be. Ingram is coming off a career year and CJ Spiller might be a better fit for the Saints offense than any running back that has walked through the doors since Sean Payton's arrival. Take a look at who else is on that list and that becomes quite the compliment. While people will look at the loss of Jimmy Graham and Kenny Stills as creating a glaring void in the offense, it's pretty evident the running game is what this offense is being built around. The 2006 combination of Deuce and Reggie as well as the 2009 combination of Pierre Thomas and Reggie is is clearly the prototype that the Saints are trying to emulate. Give Drew Brees protection and he is exponentially more efficient. A strong running game and a young, athletic offensive line provide just that.
I can't read Deuce's statement without letting the word 'we' go unappreciated. The thought that McAllister still views himself as part of the organization is enough to bring a smile to the face of any long time Saints fan. If there is anyone that embodies what it means to be a Saint more than Deuce I would love to meet him. If Deuce loves our running backs then I love them too. Whatever he says goes. He says it run it 30 times you better run it 35 just to be safe. It's clear that I don't know too much about this team based on my prediction last year, but 2015 has the feel of an exciting year. Let's hope the backfield lives up to it's potential, because that potential may be higher than of us can even imagine.
Mandatory Deuce video...
NY Times- A young generation of women is discovering a new brand of sexy in the most unlikely of places: their grandmothers’ underwear drawers.
“Within millennial and Generation Y consumer groups, it’s considered cool to be wearing full-bottom underwear,” said Bernadette Kissane, an apparel analyst at the market intelligence firm Euromonitor. “Thongs have had their moment.”
Data provided by the research company NPD Group back her up. Sales of thongs decreased 7 percent over the last year, while sales of fuller styles — briefs, boy shorts and high-waist briefs — have grown a collective 17 percent.
“I think there’s a widespread misconception that men are into pearl thong, lace contraptions,” said Ms. Javitch of Ten Undies. “To be honest, men are into girls in T-shirts and white underwear.”
“Most women just want something basic for every day that will make them look and feel good,” she said.
Such a feminist move that you almost have to respect it. You may hate feminists for have obnoxious they are and how often they perpetuate fabrications, but you can't say they are stupid. Look at them out out there confusing all their fellow females with a bunch of numbers and math. Of course they were just going to give up and agree. Women are fantastic at letting other people tell them what is fashionable. Oh look ladies, thong sales are down 7% that must mean that saggy ass drawers are sexy! How about that ass backwards correlation? You want to know why thong sales are down? Because the feminist cult is growing. Not growing by a lot. When you take into account the increasing number of women that aren't wearing underwear at all 7% is pretty petty. However slowly, but surely the women that claim everything has sexist overtones are shaping some of the young, naive minds of our youth.
Consider the President's approval rating. Generally speaking there are people that support the President and people that don't support the President. Radical Democrats and radical Republicans. If those two sides are so staunch in their beliefs how come the approval rating changes so much on a year to year basis? It's not like the fulcrum of his campaign has changed. It's not like his fundamental aspects and ideas have been compromised. The reason the approval rating changes is because the people that don't have an opinion start to get influenced by those that they associate with. Read enough anti-Obama propaganda and you'll start to believe that he is the worst President to ever get elected. Same thing with these feminists. It's not that thong wearers are suddenly no longer wearing thongs. It's that the non-thong wearers are so outspoken about their beliefs. The male version of sexy hasn't changed. Hell, the female version of sexy hasn't changed. I know that because writing one biased article about something doesn't make it true. If that were the case women would really be out there fucking guys with Dad-bods. However, if you have a bunch of sexually inhibited feminists screaming loud enough then inevitably some people are going to listen.
Oh well, do you ladies. Just don't be surprised when men aren't chomping at the bit to buy you a beer when they can see the underwear outline in your jeans. I think I speak for us all when I say we aren't all that concerned about the underwear game being flipped on it's head. Chances are that 7% wasn't our target demographic anyway.
BSO- “He had a good year last year, and I got to sit back and watch a lot, and I felt like there was a lot of meat left on the bone.” - Joseph Randle on DeMarco Murray
"Hopefully he can taste some of that meat this year. They’re a good team. Hopefully he can get a chance to run behind that line and do some good things. But I’m not worried about it. I didn’t hear about it until now. It’s not a big deal.” -Demarco Murray on Joseph Randle
Okay guys, timeout. Far be it for me to put myself in the middle of such a heated discussion. I have never exactly been the mediator type, but before we continue can I just ask question? What the FUCK are you two talking about? Meat, and bones, and tasting meat? Thank God these two got scholarships because they are fucking terrible at analogies. I don't even blame Joseph Randle for this. If you aren't expecting the unexpected out of Randle then you haven't been paying attention the last year. This is a professional athlete making a 6 figure salary that stole underwear and cologne from a Dillard's. He is clearly someone that doesn't understand the value of things. That's why he is drastically undervaluing DeMarco Murray and his league leading 1,800+ yards. Joseph Randle would be so bad on 'The Price Is Right' that they probably wouldn't even air the episode in fear of idiot shaming. The only thing worth less than Randle's 500 career rushing yards is his cost analysis.
That's why I got to pin this one on DeMarco Murray. You simply can't get dragged down to Randle's level. When a moron uses a metaphor it isn't meant to be spun in your favor. Start thinking like an idiot and you are bound to sound like one. That's how we go from a statement about Murray not taking full advantage of his opportunities to unintentional sexual references. Now no one wins. I get that Murray was trying to make a joke that happened to fall flat on it's face. We have all been there. I would just advise him to stop wasting his wit, or lack there of, on an irrational, irrelevant kleptomaniac.
NBC- Anheuser-Busch stopped production at its Georgia plant to help those affected by a deadly bout of historic flooding and storms in Texas and Oklahoma, NBC News reported. Instead of making beer, the brewery is producing 50,000 cans of emergency drinking water. The Cartersville brewery produces cans of emergency relief water a few times a year, Brewery Manager Rob Haas said, partnering with the American Red Cross to provide to places in need within the United States. "It's something we're uniquely positioned to do in a very timely period," he said.
What is this a sick joke? The most elaborate flood gag in history? It is well intentioned for sure, but since a majority of Texas is under like 60 feet of water I think I will take this moment to be their spokesperson. Hey Anheuser-Busch, The last thing flood victims want is shitty canned brewery water. I think they have seen just about all the water they are interested in seeing for awhile. You want to halt production? How about building a fucking ark instead. At least that will provide more than 10 seconds of semi-quenched thirst. There are people swimming in their upstairs bedrooms and you are going to give them canned tap water? Talk about a slap in the face. Quick question, what's the alcohol content of this water? How is this doing someone that's standing on their roof any good? You know what I would want during these desperate times? Do you know what Texans want during these desperate times? A good old fashioned domestic beer. A way to feel at least a little bit better. Aluminum flavored water does nothing to help people get over the fact that all their worldly possessions are now no better than pool toys.
I get it. This is a practical decision. A good public relations move. However, practicality goes out the window when your state becomes an ocean. If there is anything I know about Texas it's that they probably consume more beer than water anyway. Plus, water is the main ingredient in beer. It's the best of both worlds. Why don't you just continue production as usual and at least provide these people the buzz that they undoubtedly need. If you can survive a flood you can certainly survive a few days without low quality water, but can you survive a few days without getting drunk on mediocre quality booze? No situation has ever screamed "Damn, I need a beer" louder than being stuck in snake infested waters. I can promise you none of those people are dying for a water.
BSO- Former NFL safety Darren Sharper pleaded guilty in a New Orleans federal court on Friday to three counts of conspiracy to distribute drugs with the intent to commit rape, reports the New Orleans Advocate.
Authorities charged Sharper and another man with distributing the drugs alprazolam, diazepam and zolpidem—more commonly known by the brand names Xanax, Valium and Ambien, respectively—with the intent to commit rape.
I never thought I would say this when Darren Sharper came to New Orleans and transformed the Saints defense into a Super Bowl caliber unit. I never thought I would ever question his will. However, it seems that every extra effort that Sharper put forth on the football field or in the film room was indirectly correlated towards the effort he put towards sexual gratification. I know football is a full time job, but come on Darren. How bad does your game have to be to be a good looking, well spoken professional athlete that has to drug his sexual conquests? I feel like Darren Sharper could have just walked into any bar in New Orleans and pulled his dick out and gone home with at least an 8. Especially after that Super Bowl victory. After 2009 all he you needed was a pulse and a Super Bowl ring and you could have had your way with half the city. Hell, if Darren Sharper smiled the right way at me I would have at least given him a handy. That's how much his contributions meant to the team, the city, and Saints fans. Date rape is for creepy old balding white men Darren. Be better. When you are as good a catch as Sharper you don't have to convince a woman to sleep with you, you just to avoid convincing her not to.
Well Sharp, here's where were at buddy. Instead of just engaging in a little witty banter you have to live a life without your two biggest vices, booze and boners. You are basically going on a worldwide tour pleading guilty to every abhorrent sexual crime under the sun just so you can be the beneficiary of only 9 years in a prison and an erection-less future. Bet you wish you just bought a gal a drink without dropping a litany of pills in it. Bet you wish you just flashed that contagious smile and pointed over to the door. For someone so competitive in all other aspects of life, it's kind of a anomaly that Sharper was the laziest sexual deviant in recent history.
BSO- “Sometimes, it takes certain things to wake you up and [last year] was certainly a wake-up call for me,” Vick told Ed Miller of the Virginian-Pilot.
“I still feel like I can help a football team win a couple of games,” he said. “I see my role as being a mentor first and foremost, a confident quarterback who can come off the bench if necessary in whatever the situation may be and win football games.
“Whether it’s two or three games a year or four or five, I feel like I can put myself in that situation where I can, . . . use the weapons around me, play some smart football.”
What are you talking about Mike? Seriously, what the fuck are you talking about? You were the backup quarterback to Geno Smith. You were the beneficiary of the single most valuable backup quarterback job in the NFL and you pissed it away. Was last year a wake up? Was it really? Did you not expect to get some playing time with Geno Smith starting? If I were Mike Vick I would have prepped for every single game like I was the starter. Sooner or later I would have been right. Vick being surprised when asked to come into last year's game against the San Diego Chargers is like jumping on the 405 at 5PM on a Wednesday and being shocked at the traffic. It's like being the Bulls backup point guard and not having your shoes tied and ready to go when Derrick Rose tears his knee into a thousand pieces. It wasn't a question of whether Michael Vick was going to get into the game, but when. If you can't take a snap and be an improvement over Geno Smith you probably don't serve much of a purpose in the league anymore.
The NFL is a 'what have you done for me lately?' league. It seems that Mike Vick fancies himself a mentor on and off the field. A quarterback whisperer of sorts. I have a question Mike...what the FUCK were you whispering? By the results I can only imagine it was the different positions you were going to put Geno's mother into. If you were the one mentoring Smith then you kind of have to take a little bit of responsibility for the train wreck that ensued, no? Based off last year you were just about as bad of a backup quarterback as you could possibly be. You came in unprepared and sucked, and you helped Geno Smith regress as quarterback. You don't get to have 'wake up call seasons' when you are a 34 year old, injury prone, running quarterback that hasn't proven to be a good locker room guy. You would think he could have killed two dogs with one rope and scheduled his 'wake up call season' during his two year prison stint. Turns out Mike Vick isn't the best at time management. No wonder Geno Smith was late to that meeting last year...
Yorkshire- A motorist who sped through a red light and killed another driver had boasted about clocking 142mph on a motorway journey to Leeds.
Addil Haroon, 19, took a photograph of the speedometer while racing on the M62 and sent it in a Snapchat message to a friend which read: “Leeds to Rochdale 11 mins, catch me.”
In the early hours of the next day, November 9 last year, Haroon drove his Audi A6 hire car through a red light in Bury Road, Rochdale, at more than 80mph and collided with an Audi A5 driven by 25-year-old Joseph Brown-Lartey.
Mr Brown-Lartey was pronounced dead at the scene of the incident at the junction of Sandy Lane.
The impact of the crash was so severe that Mr Brown-Lartey’s vehicle was split in two and police said experienced traffic officers described it as the worst accident scene they had dealt with.
Today, Haroon, of Essex Street, Rochdale, was jailed at Manchester Minshull Street Crown for six years, said police, after he pleaded guilty at a previous hearing to causing death by dangerous driving and driving without a licence or insurance.
The only bigger crime than snapchatting when you are driving is lying via snapchat when you are driving. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it might take you a little more than 11 minutes to get to Rochdale. Maybe the arresting officer will do you a favor and swing through town on the way to your lifetime in prison. If there was any justice in this world the deceased would be able to send him a snapchat from beyond the grave that just said "caught ya". Hey, I value my life too much to risk it on saving 10 minutes on a single car trip, but to each their own. Would it have killed you to send that snapchat before you put the key in the ignition though? I know it killed someone else when you did it after. I guess it really wouldn't have had the same affect without '142 MPH' in the background. People may criticize this kid, but those people clearly don't know the value of a solid snapchat these days. If someone has to die and Addil has to spend his entire life in prison just so his friends and acquaintances don't have to be subjected to the another 8 second video of him playing with his cat then so be it. I mean, I'm talking about it right now, so you can't say the kid didn't get his 5 seconds of fame.
I'll you what, this kid may deserve to die. He may be the scum of earth, and a complete waste of perfectly good sperm. However, you can't say he didn't find quite the loophole. Can't lose your license if you don't have one to begin with. It's like playing a super long game of pickup basketball. Your points don't really count if there is no legitimate way to keep score. If you are going to commit two completely hazardous moving violations and two criminal offenses at the same time you might as well barrel into the side of a car. That's the fastest way for people to forget about the speeding ticket, the cell phone ticket, the driving without a license ticket and the driving without insurance ticket. You may be spending your life behind bars, but you're doing so having gotten away with four other crimes. All things considered those aren't the worst odds in the world. Hopefully that track record serves you well in the showers, but I wouldn't count on it. At least he has experience driving stick.
Let's start with the facts. LeBron James is currently the best basketball player in the world. He is without question one of the most talented basketball players of all time. From a basketball perspective he is an incredible player to watch. There probably hasn't been another player in league history that is capable of doing all the things that he is able to do on the hardwood. With that said, don't tell me that I can't love basketball and hate LeBron James at the same time. Like it or not, in 2015 being a professional athlete is a 24/7 job. With the accessibility of media I spend just as much time watching LeBron talking as I do him playing. It's not just about how you perform for 3 hours a night. It's about what you say. It's about how you carry yourself. If that weren't the case Johnny Manziel would just be a 2nd year quarterback with a ton of potential instead of an NFL afterthought. There wouldn't have been any debate about who was the top quarterback in this year's draft. Hell, if being a great basketball player was just about what you did on the court then JR Smith would still be a Knick. The fact of the matter is your character matters just as much as your performance. Especially when we are talking about how you are perceived by the fans of a sport. I don't hate LeBron James because of his greatness on the basketball court. I hate him because who he is off the court makes him a difficult person to root on the floor.
Now I understand that I have no idea what it is like to be in the national spotlight starting from the formative age of 14. I have no idea what it is like to be the focal point of every athletic performance I have ever been a part of. However, there is a difference between performing and acting, and it increasingly seems like LeBron has been participating far more in the latter. With age is supposed to come growth, and LeBron's persona has simply devolved with time. LeBron James is absolutely a leader. He has absolutely battled through injuries. Those two things aren't debatable. Regardless, there is one aspect of being tough and being a leader that James has forgotten about. Leaders don't have to constantly talk being leaders. Tough players don't constantly have to talk about how tough they are. Let your play do the talking. Being tough doesn't allow you to crawl around on the ground like your leg is going to fall off in game 3 and be 100% healthy in game 4. I don't hate LeBron for what happens between the whistles. I hate that what he does after the whistle somehow overshadows that.
Five consecutive finals appearances is an accomplishment that deserves praise. However, being the best comes with expectations. If LeBron loses this year he will have won two of those five finals appearances, and two of six overall. That is a disappointment. From a player that has already been labeled one of the best to ever have played the game, we should expect more. Is that fair? Probably not. Are there circumstances surrounding that stat that may have made it more difficult for him? Of course. Focus the discussion. We are talking about someone who has the talent to be the best player to ever play the sport. The greatest of all time. Why on earth would those expectations be fair? In a sport where one player can make that much of a difference we expect the best to reign victorious. We don't want to hear about the times you got to the biggest stage. We want to hear about the times you SUCCEEDED on the biggest stage. The Buffalo Bills made it to 4 consecutive Super Bowls. That is a greater feat then making it to 5 straight NBA finals out of a porous Eastern Conference. We don't need talk about them never mind make excuses for them. They were an all time great team, but they didn't win. That's what people care about. You can't have it both ways. When LeBron wins it's because of him and when he doesn't it's because of everyone else? Do you realize how ass backwards that is? Could you imagine Tom Brady acting in such away? To be the best you don't have to win every single time, but you damn sure have to accept the responsibility when you don't. That's what great players do. That's what leaders do. You can't just embrace those qualities when it is convenient for you. I would love to love LeBron the basketball player, but LeBron James the person is a complete fraud.
Well, It's about damn time. Finally, an honest review. Yelp is so convoluted with people that know the owners of restaurants blindly throwing up 5 star reviews, or people that had one bad experience with a waiter giving restaurants 0 stars despite the quality of the food. All I want is honesty. Is that too much to ask? I just want to know what I am going to get out of a restaurant. No glorification, no beating around the bush. You want to subtract a star for potential death and a couple of bloody bikers on your table then I can respect that, but just make sure I have an idea of what I am walking into.
Can't say this guy lied to me. Hey, I may die by going to this bar, but I'll probably get to enjoy a decent wing or two before I catch some shrapnel to the chest. See, now that's what I am talking about. It's not just some "food sucks" or "everything is incredible" that spoils the entire rating. I now have an idea of the type of food, the ambience, the service, and what could be improved upon. What more can you ask for? Overall, it looks like a pretty bleak place to eat, but if I do happen to end up there at least I won't be surprised. At least I know upon walking in the door that I need to find the best tables to hide under or the best toilets to stand on. That's invaluable information. Bout time someone had the balls to give it to the public straight, because goddamn it I am tired of having 3 star experiences at 4 star restaurants.
Daily Mail- They gave doctors permission to give his face to Richard Norris, who was horribly disfigured almost 18 years ago when he accidentally blew off most of his face with a shotgun.
It was an operation that transformed his life.
The incredible meeting between Rebekah Aversano, Joshua's sister, and Norris has been filmed for 60 Minutes on Nine.
It was set up partly so that he could thank the Aversano family for 'saving my life'.
As they meet for the first time at his home, Rebekah asks Richard: 'Do you mind if I touch it?'
She does and then steps back in amazement: 'Wow, this is the face I grew up with.'
Norris underwent more than 30 operations to try and correct the damage and restore his features. The long and painful process resulted in little sign of improvement, leaving him depressed and at times suicidal.
'We can definitely see our son in him. Some of the facial features would definitely be our son, so we could see similarities, very much so.'
How do I put this lightly? No, no, FUCK NO. This is not becoming a thing. Hard pass. You get one face, that's just life. You blow it off with a shotgun then you kind of deserve the subsequent depression. This guys looks like the Alien in 'Men In Black' after he takes over Edgar's body. That was a movie. A fictional movie. I refuse to live in a world where I could potentially walk by the face of a dead relative or friend on the street. I don't care if it makes one person feel better about themselves, because the result of scaring the shit out of everyone that knows the deceased is not worth a single individual's feelings.
Let's play a little game of pros and cons...
Pro's- One stranger that you don't know gets a new face that he will probably blow off with a shotgun again.
Con's- You have a walking, talking ghost wandering the streets. Is that not the worst way to mourn the death of a loved one? By throwing his face on an idiot's body? This kids should have had to undergo a personality test before he was granted the face. If he didn't achieve at least 65% compatibility with the dead then he has to keep his own damn face. If you are going to bring someone's image back to existence you better at least makes sure he's worth hanging out with. I can't even believe this woman asked to touch it. I would have found the nearest hill and ran straight for it. I'm literally cool with any other transplant, but science has gone too far. Give a guy a liver or a heart and next thing you now he's trying to take your face. Wouldn't you want the lasting image of your brother's face to be a smiling, handsome young man, and not a some Frankenstein-esque creature? Can't we just let the dead stay dead and disfigured stay disfigured? You don't want to live life with a mangled mug then next time don't stop short of the insurance bullet.
Daily Mail- This is the shocking moment when a window cleaner balancing on a top floor ledge - without ANY safety equipment.
Colin Elliot appears to use only his left hand to cling on to the outside of a third floor flat while wiping the windows with his other hand.
Witnesses said he left the property through the window before carrying out the dangerous task, branding him 'fearless' but 'stupid'.
He said: 'No, I don't use safety equipment - it's not like I do the Empire State Building.'
Mr Elliot said the tallest buildings he works on are three storeys high.
Commenting on those who had questioned his working with no safety equipment, he said: 'It's just from their point of view. I wouldn't recommend they go out on a window ledge.
I understand the concept of being a thrill seeker. I'm not saying I agree with it, or that it's something I am envious of. The most dangerous thing I have ever done is go skydiving with a man that had successfully done it an upwards of a 1,000 times without incident strapped to my back. I do, however, understand that people that don't feel like they are living without some threat of dying do exist. With that said, this window cleaner is literally the worst thrill seeker ever. As far as I am concerned if you intentionally put yourself in harm's way you need to make sure that if harm inevitably does come your way that the impending result is guaranteed death. Imagine a bird knocking this guy of the ledge and falling to a life of paralysis and brain damage? No thanks. Three or four stories is not enough. If I am cleaning windows without a harness we are going at least double digits. This guy seems to think that cleaning windows on the Empire State Building is somehow more dangerous. I would rather do that blindfolded than step on a ledge that doesn't guarantee I see the light when shit goes south. The only way I want to resemble a vegetable is by being buried under the dirt. I have no interest in eating through a straw or depending on others to complete menial tasks. I hope this guy enjoys being the most risqué window cleaner in the world, because disaster waits for no man and the hood of that car below doesn't look all that inviting.
Why is this kid appalled by his actions? No bro. That's not how this works. When someone tempts fate, you root for fate. Especially if you have it on camera. Watching a moronic window cleaner plummet off a building? That's going insta-viral. You're not allowed to be appalled, it's not your life. Now laughing? That's a different story. You are encouraged to laugh. When a person laughs in the grim reaper's face you laugh right on back. The stupidity of others is literally the most humorous thing in the world. The one tragedy in all of this is that when he falls the world will eventually have one less person that it's socially acceptable to laugh at once he gets his wheelchair.