“That’s a bunch of BS,” said the younger Rivers. “That’s just Baby talking … I’ve heard Baby say to me multiple times, ‘Oh man, you know why Doc is so good, Doc is so great.’ And then now he’s saying bad things about him. It’s a huge contradiction. And I don’t have a problem with Baby, me and Baby have always been cool, but it makes no sense to what he’s doing. “Whatever he has between him and my pops, and you know Pops said the jokes about his weight and stuff like that,” continued the Clippers guard. “But let me ask you something. If someone is constantly out of shape, late, don’t remember plays, how the hell are you supposed to play? I don’t know where that even goes with the team. And that has nothing to do with him coming at my father. I really don’t care, that’s between him and my pops. “But as far as him talking about me being my coach’s [son], that’s never had a play on the team,” Rivers said. “I’ve earned every stripe I’ve gotten, earned every playing time. That’s just him talking out the side of his neck. I don’t even understand where that comes from, so I’m not even paying that no mind.” (Via LBS) ------- I really wish I could feel bad for Glen Davis because Austin Rivers really picked all the low hanging fruit (that his instigator would still need a step stool to be able to reach) by basically calling him fat, lazy, and stupid, but he had to know he was at risk of those insults when he ran his mouth about the NBA's only current father/son duo. I mean, when you're a (former) professional athlete with a 2 inch vertical and a size 42 waist you really have to know when to pick your battles. Simply put, inter-locker room resentment is just far too much of an intangible when you're a guy that has 30 very tangible, excess pounds weighing you down. I can't possibly know whether or not 'Big Baby' was just living up to his nickname with his criticisms of the working relationship between Doc and Austin Rivers, but I definitely do know that he was largely not in charge as the poster boy for players that appear to defy science every time they make it back down the floor without needing an inhaler. I wasn't in the Clippers locker room trying to get a read on how the players reacted to the presence of the coach's son, but you didn't exactly need binoculars to get a read on the measurables of the athletically limited big man that ate his way out of the league by the age of 30. I don't even want to be superficial here, but I think I have to side with Austin Rivers here simply because the proof being in the empty packages of pudding makes him an target. Well, that Glen Davis' continued unemployment.
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And somewhere out there, a friend or family member of the Penguins' fan with the backwards hat threw his (or her) phone at an inanimate object after watching this clip of the girl that potentially took their seat unintentionally rooting against the home team. That man that had to reach over to keep his significant other from embarrassing them as a couple is a man that was guilted into giving up his extra seat for love, and serendipitously we were able to watch as he spiraled helplessly into a hopeless place. Just minutes into the opening game of the finals, and that poor bastard was already reminded of how stupid he was when he thought "eh, it can't be that bad. I'll just give her my old Malkin jersey and hope she doesn't ask too many questions". Right move for his sex life. Wrong move for his Stanley Cup sanity. I can't even begin to imagine the heights his irritability reached when Predators knotted the score and he was asked "how come they never go down to that end of the ice?" during the 33rd minute of 37 shotless minutes. Thank God the Penguins pulled one out despite themselves or I'm not sure that relationship should have survive the ride home, because playoff puck is stressful enough without having to explain jersey colors to someone who is merely a fan by association. 
A group of NBA superstars teaming up to give themselves such a distinct advantage in contending for a championship that it bordered on being a likelihood? Huh. Where have I seen that before? 
Look, I know there are differences in what the Warriors were able to do in adding one of the best scorers to ever grace the planet to a roster that already won 73 games and was one low blow away from back-to-back titles and what the Celtics did by acquiring Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen. I'm aware that the two additional pieces of the original 'Big 3' didn't come from rival organizations and that they were traded to Boston instead of signing there in free agency. It's true that the franchise that benefited from their partnership was basically in the polar opposite position of Golden State prior to it coming to fruition. However, it's also true that Paul Pierce's crowning achievement served as a blueprint for what eventually grew into Kevin Durant skipping town to play patty cake with the team that took his lunch money. The Boston Celtics unintentionally cracked opened Pandora's Box, so I don't need to hear Paul Pierce sit there and whine about the villainous group that came into existence via a more egregious adaptation of the championship collaboration that he holds near and dear to his heart. Kevin Durant could have and should have been playing in last year's NBA Finals with the Oklahoma City Thunder, but - to continue the playground analogy - he got punked for his Jordan's in front of the sports world. He did take the easy way out by joining the "bad guys", but who is to say that stockpiling elite talent at the expense of parity would have become this big of detriment to the league's watchability if it weren't for the team that did it first? From a fan's perspective these NBA Playoffs were absolutely dreadful, but while I hate what Kevin Durant did, I can't - in good conscience - say that it's anything other than a better version of what Paul Pierce benefited from. It's a copycat league, so the team that created this prototype is at least partially responsible for creating this monster...even if that prototype wasn't originally founded on the lack of competitive spirit that we saw last summer. Erik Karlsson Wished Health Upon Sidney Crosby In The Handshake Line, Annnnnd The NHL Edited It Out5/31/2017 
Actual conversation: Revised NHL version from their Facebook page (occurs at end of video): You know, you really have to give it to the NHL. The people running the league might be some of the shadiest people on the planet, but at least they stay true to themselves. Sure, they ignore the inherent dangers that their product presents, and they go out of their way to pull the wool over their fans eyes despite that wool having so many holes that you might mistake it for whatever flawed list of rules and regulations govern the concussion protocol. However - with everyone begging for consistency after watching the officials turn the first game of the Stanley Cup Final into their very own "Choose Your Own Adventure" - I think we can give the league credit for their stringency in covering up any and every admission that playing a contact sport at high speeds on razor sharp pieces of steel is hazardous to the health of the participants. Just consider what was muted from that conversation. One guy, who played on basically half of a foot for well over a month, checking up on a guy that had to sit out a game during a tightly contested series against a rival two weeks earlier due to a brain injury. THAT is what we - as fans - were so at risk of hearing that someone had to go in and carefully edit it out. A professional athlete wishing another professional athlete health and happiness in his up-and-down marriage to the unpredictable game of hockey. Intentionally masking the fact that the players care more about each other than the league that employees them certainly makes it seem like Gary Bettman and the gang have a guilty conscience, but I'll be damned if they won't go to impressive - albeit easily unearthed - lengths to paint themselves as innocent bystanders. They may treat the fans like they have the short term memory of a mid-50's Sidney Crosby, but it's for our own good. After all, how could we ever take pleasure in watching if we knew the aches and pains of the guys that damn near wear them across their faces as a badge of honor during this time of year? 
AwfulAnnouncing- One of the most blatantly inappropriate behaviors from an interviewed player in some time came at tennis’ French Open Monday, where 21-year-old French player Maxime Hamou grabbed Eurosport reporter Maly Thomas while she was trying to interview him and started kissing her head. Hamou was already out of the tournament after losing 6-3, 6-2, 6-4 in the first round to Uruguay’s Pablo Cuevas, but Tuesday saw the French tennis federation announce that his accreditation for the rest of the event was revoked following his “reprehensible behavior.”
------ I know it's exceedingly dangerous to think everyone is on the same page in regards to any potentially inappropriate act in the year 2017, but I think anyone of sound mind with even the slightest of interests in equal rights can agree that this was not okay. I don't want to paint with a too broad of a brush here, but kissing anyone anywhere without their consent is usually not going to work out in your favor. Never mind when you do so multiple times in under a minute while "working" in a professional capacity. Maxime Hamou legit had the look of a guy that presumptuously sauntered up behind an unsuspecting freshman at a frat house, and he did so on television in broad day light. To be that tone deaf, disrespectful, and threatening almost requires an amount of intoxication that one can only find at the bottom of a bowl of grain alcohol-infused punch. I almost hope that the handsy 21 year old is a lush that tried to drown his disappointment in the liquor of his choice, because it that's how he acts while sober then he's going to a be red dot on a computer screen before he's even old enough to rent a car. As someone that didn't understand a single word that was said during that "interview" I don't want to tell the French tennis federation how to handle their business, but they probably should have scheduled their boy for about a dozen workplace harassment seminaries while revoking his accreditation for putting a reporter in an aggressive, sexually charged head lock. Good News, Alcohol Was One Of The Only Drugs Not In Tiger Woods' System During His DUI Arrest5/30/2017 
FoxBusiness- Pro golfer Tiger Woods disclosed to the Jupiter Police Department a variety of prescription drugs that he may have taken after he was arrested for a DUI while asleep at the wheel of his car.
In the probable cause affidavit, first obtained by The Palm Beach Post, Woods said he has prescriptions for four drugs, Soloxex, Vicodin and Torix. He also listed an anti-inflammatory drug Vioxx, but noted he had not taken the drug in over a year. Vioxx, which was manufactured by Merck (NYSE:MRK), was pulled off the market nearly 13 years ago after allegedly being linked to cardiovascular issues. ------------ Whew, here I was thinking that Tiger Woods knew the danger he could have been to other drivers when he got behind the wheel, but nope - he just had an inexplicably bad reaction to a handful of pills that undoubtedly resembled the prescription equivalent of a mixed bag of Skittles. What a relief that it wasn't alcohol that was that was to blame! Those gosh darn side effects. You just never know when they are going to creep up and bite you in the ass at the worst possible time. Especially when there's three (maybe 4, but who is counting?) different lists of them that could come into play to counteract each other. I mean, seriously....who would have guessed that taking multiple painkillers would leave someone woozy and at risk of an untimely nap? Jeez, now that I know that Tiger Woods didn't negligently wash down his drug cocktail with a beer I almost sort of feel bad for him. He's not a criminal that knowingly swallowed a pharmacy before hopping in what basically amounted to a high velocity death contraption. He's just a victim of modern medicine and the problems that result when you try to talk advantage of everything it has to offer....at the same damn time. Poor guy. There better be some doctor out there that loses it's license after such a gross act of treating an adult like responsible adult. Someone needs to admit fault, and I'll be damned if it should be the guy that left the house looking like he either got repeatedly hit over the head with a bottle of one of the only substances not in his system or fell victim to another golf club. 
Breaking News: We have received a live feed of Ilya Kovalchuk playing with the testicles of all-too-forgetful New Jersey Devils' fans... 
Look, this "news" should be taken with a grain of salt because the "source" is a the board chairman of a championship team in a league that's failing financially who also received an unforeseen boost in popularity from the unexpected return (defection) of an NHL superstar turned mercenary. I am not going to overreact to a couple tweets from a biased party and pretend I know what's going on in the head of a guy who is historically as keen on what he truly wants as a fully erect male standing in the middle of a room full of diverse, half naked "escorts". Truthfully, no outcome other than Ilya Kovalchuk pulling on a New Jersey Devils' jersey come October would surprise me. That's why being disappointed in seeing that he might head back (Far) East to open himself up free agency next summer should only leave you feeling limp if you allowed the cocktease of all cockteases to get his silky mitts to the cup-less place where they feel most comfortable. Obviously I would prefer to get something useful out of the guy that emptied out the cupboard before abandoning the house, but acting as if Kovalchuk - of all people - would do right by the organization that he already bent over the barrel? That's like expecting your ex-girlfriend to un-fuck the guy she cheated on you with. As a scorned lover of all things Ilya, this "report" is something you should have seen coming. If it comes to light that it was fabricated from nothing more than Medvedev's dream sequence then the Devils fans should treat the news that their former $100 million dollar man is finally making minuscule payments on his 15 year promise as the cherry on top of their summer sundae. Until then, we shouldn't let ourselves be seduced by someone that has proven to love nothing more than the chase. 
— Troy Timpano (@timpanoo) May 29, 2017 I suppose an apology was in order after Troy Timpano instincts kicked in and he used the more destructive end of his stick as a javelin in an effort to expedite this unmistaken message: "get the fuck out of my face". After all, the cameraman whose lens almost had it's all-seeing eye poked out was just innocently doing his job to the best of his abilities. What good is capturing the thrill of victory if you're not going to shoot it in sequence with the agony of defeat? That was a moment that needed to be broadcasted to a viewing audience that undoubtedly took a morsel of sadistic pleasure in seeing melancholy athletes at their most exasperated. That said, if you are going to be so intrusive in your undying search for a shot that manages to present every ounce of pain - by the teardrop - in HD then you should probably understand the risks that come with doing so. Troy Timpano was definitely in the wrong for having an uncanny ability to read the trajectory of the camera in trying to destroy it, but when you're a try-hard at your job then the people who are seen in a less than flattering light because of it are inherently prone to lashing out. Generally that concept doesn't result in equipment that's worth thousands upon thousands of dollars getting slashed as if it had crashed the net with reckless abandon. However - as someone who has temporarily died inside due to sports - I can sympathize with a kid whose attempted destruction of property was the result of human nature. The Stanley Cup Final Is Underway, And...Oh Look...Here's Everything That's Wrong With The NHL5/30/2017 
Well folks, the Pittsburgh Penguins shot totals may lead to believe otherwise, but it's been 60 minutes of gameplay and I already resent the Stanley Cup Final. I know what you are thinking, and you're wrong. I am not going to go on some long winded diatribe about how the NHL's rules allowed for their biggest game of the year to be slowed to a snail's pace by what felt like 800 wholly disputable replays. I'm not going to bitch and moan that - while supposedly trying so desperately to increase scoring that they've considered stealing FIFA's used nets - the league whose relative success comes despite itself spent a relative eternity squinting at a half inch worth of ice only to retract a goal that was scored two change of possessions later. Nope, this play right here - that wasn't even deemed problematic prior to the institution of painfully counterproductive offsides challenges - is not what has me ready to throw my hands up at the incompetence of the NHL...
In fact, it's not even the officiating that - while not as overtly biased as people would like to make it seem - let it's temporary one-sidedness completely swing a game in favor of the team that had next to no business winning it. I'd love to tell you that the two minute minor for (almost) interfering with a player that forgot, if only for one second, how to skate is what had me sitting on my couch repeatedly slamming my head against the back of the wall because - by the NHL's own admission - that's not a surface deemed solid enough to cause head injuries. It would be way too easy to say that the 5-on-3 that was the result of James Neal's repetitive refusal to think before he acts should have been brought to a premature end by the elbow of a player whose "continuation" bred inconsistency that left a shorthanded team more vulnerable than Marc-Andre Fleury's ever-so-stabbable back. This sequence of events could be, and should be, what had me angrily putting down my beer too quickly only to have to clean up the ensuing foam...
Now granted, everything you just saw allowed an increasingly hatable team - that more often than not gets the bounce (i.e. call) they need - to win a game in which they spent more time going shotless than the friend that agrees to come off as long as you don't peer pressure him into drinking on your birthday. There are rebellious Mormons that took more regrettable end-of-MDW shots than the Pittsburgh Penguins last night. Yet, here we are talking about how they are inexplicably up 1-0 in a series they appeared to be so absent from that the man tasked with keeping them away from the cookie jar must have fallen asleep on the long arm of the law of averages...
So yeah, maybe the NHL's insistence on stepping on the foot of it's own product is what should have me feeling daze and confused this morning. However, what really has me lost in the clouds is having to try to explain an inexplicable game the morning after abusing my brain cells with so much alcohol that I think beer vendors should face supplemental discipline from the Department Of Writer Safety. Honestly, there's probably a better chance of that happening then the NHL going three whole periods without making it's under-appreciated fan base understand why it's growth is more stunted than my current motor skills.  TheScore- Speaking on Sportsnet 590 in Toronto on Thursday, the New Jersey Devils forward commented on what it was like to watch his former team - the Edmonton Oilers - qualify for and win a round in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, and whether he was rooting for them to lose Game 7 against Anaheim.
"I wouldn't say I wanted them to lose, but it was nice to finally see them maybe get eliminated," Hall admitted. "It's a tough thing to describe to people. I think there's been enough time that's passed since the trade has happened that you finally just kind of - it is what it is now, and I'm a Devil, and I'm excited to see what we can do next season." ------ Despite what an internet coalition of extremely confused Oilers' fans - who have somehow pinned an entire decade of futility on the back of a 25 year old who was one of the few bright spots on a terrible team - might tell you, there is nothing wrong with this response from Taylor Hall. In fact - after having his name sullied all throughout Western Canada - I encourage this type of spite from a guy who has been casted as the scapegoat in the revisionist version of recent history. Obviously I would rather him be taking pleasure in the successes of the New Jersey Devils, but I'm glad he found some solace in the disappointment experienced by a team whose fans decided - upon his unrequested departure - that they didn't appreciate him. I'm happy he went the "I didn't want them to lose, I just didn't want them to fucking win" route. Considering the retrospective rubbish that has been hurled at his reputation, he - at the very least - reserves the right to say "all the best...but not really at all". Hell, I wish he sent them a postseason postcard that said "break a leg, literally". Political correctness be damned, because it's nothing more than human nature to want to want limit the goal differential while in the midst of losing a breakup, Plus, you'd be a little vindictive too if the city you proudly busted your ass on behalf of was using hindsight to hold you accountable for not having the transformative talent of someone who quickly became the second-best player in the entire fucking world. 
CharlotteObserver- A short video posted by a Panthers in-house reporter of Benjamin running a single route earlier this week at OTAs got the meme-and-tease treatment, as many in the thread opined that Benjamin looked slow, to put it politely.
Somewhat unflattering photos of Benjamin walking out of practice surfaced on Wednesday drew even more weight speculation and jokes. “A lot was made out of it that was unfair to be made out of it,” said head coach Ron Rivera on Thursday morning after OTAs. “Especially in a voluntary situation. But he’s worked very hard. He’s focused in on what he needs to do and he’s done that." “Now we as coaches need to stay on him to make sure he’s doing the right things.” ------ Unfair? UNFAIR?!? It's unfair to make fat jokes at the expense of someone that's getting paid millions upon millions of dollars to play a position that predicated on speed and athleticism? I refuse to let an NFL head coach shame the general public for body shaming when the body in question is nothing short of shameful. Kelvin Benjamin might not be the most photogenic player in the world, but - while it does add ten pounds - the camera most certainly doesn't add ten seconds to an in-breaking intermediate route....
So I don't need Ron Rivera telling me what level of laughter is appropriate when his playmaker was clearly making bi-weekly trips to the local baker during the offseason. If I want to make light of a wide receiver that is looking shockingly heavy then I will do just that. What are we supposed to get a glimpse of a professional athlete who is one cupcake away from eating his way out of his jersey and rationally discuss the amount of time that's available for him to slim down before the season starts? Yeah, no fucking thanks. He voluntarily showed up to voluntary workouts looking like he spent the last few months volunteering to be the odds-on favorite in hot dog eating contests instead of working out. As far as I am concerned, he basically chose to expose himself to a level of public humiliation that's reminiscent of a woman getting mistaken as pregnant after a particularly gluttonous weekend. No, but seriously. Ron Rivera has either found sarcasm in an ab-less place, or he doesn't know how social media works... Rivera said after Thursday morning’s OTAs session that Benjamin has been “outstanding ... as you guys can see, he looks great out there.”
LeBron James, For All His Basketball Genius, Doesn't Know That We Know That He's Bald As Hell5/26/2017 
Oh? You're "getting there" LeBron? Is that what you're doing... 
Seems like a pretty odd way to describe a scalp that one could easily see from the last row of the 300's. As a follically challenged man myself we need to make one thing very clear, LeBron James went bald a long, long time ago. The only thing that is "getting there" is the self awareness necessary to embrace it. Now, obviously his lack of it isn't surprising since his (understandable considering he's had a camera on him since he was 15) inability to act like a normal person off the court has always been his worst character trait. Still, it needs to be noted that having transparent hair that mysteriously looks a little bit different almost every time he takes the court does not completely rid him of the "bald" label. That probably could have gone unsaid given the "ooooooookay" reaction of his own teammate, but it's clearly something that LeBron James needs to hear prior to the next time he sits in the barber's chair. He may have passed Michael Jordan in playoff points, but His Airness still has the upper hand when it comes to the number of times he's looked in the mirror and seen what literally everyone else sees. 
Oh, come on! As if I didn't already feel bad enough for not feeling totally disenchanted by the more unlikable team advancing to the Stanley Cup Finals on the back of a series clinching, double overtime goal from a guy that somehow managed to make Sidney Crosby's continued employment of him pay off in the biggest of ways. I already sort of hated myself for hoping Cinderella lost her slipper while the evil stepsisters (Crosby and Kunitz) danced on into the night. It's not that I wanted to pull for the franchise that gave their suddenly resurgent, long time starting goalie the rawest of deals after one "bad" period during which the whole active roster decided to play hooky instead of hockey. I simply had to hope the underdog got put down in the name of back-and-forth, two way play that's not predicated on suffocating the skill set of the opponent. I don't want to throw the b-word out there, because it was tough not to feel drawn in by the hottest of hot streaks from a defenseman that somehow dominantly hobbled his way through all three zones to attain his well deserved recognition while playing on 1.5 healthy feet. I don't want to disparage the defensive approach of a team that needed to adopt it - and was crazy successful in doing so - to get as far they did, because the man that served as the last line of that defense has spent all season overcoming something so much more important than sports. That said, the Ottawa Senators - for all their feel good stories (don't worry Clarke MacArthur, I didn't forget about you) - were, by their own admission, just kind of...well...boring. So full disclosure, I wasn't initially the most disappointed person with my eyes glued to the television when that one-timer fluttered in suspiciously close to midnight, but I'll be damned if I didn't regret it after Nicholle Anderson did everything in her power to bring a tear to my eye. Pittsburgh versus Nashville is going to provide us with the more outstanding brand of hockey to end the season, but neither of them can tug on the heartstrings quite like Cinderella and a story that - while not exactly a page turner - feels like it ended a bit too soon.
— caposa (@Grabaka_Hitman) May 25, 2017 I honestly must have screamed "stop the damn fight!" like 3-4 times before the official felt it necessary to intervene in the defenseless beating of this teenager's face. If that doesn't prove to you just how cold and heartless Mother Russia can be then the much more literal example of an actual Mother from Russia slapping her 100% concussed kid upside the head should do the trick. Putin may have inspired a type of love that comes a little tougher, but I'm pretty sure that poor bastard had already begun the initial stages of CTE before the lady that brought him into this world did her part to take him out of it ASAP. Never mind adding insult to injury, this crazy broad subtracted years from his life span. As if bleeding from 3-5 different parts of his face wasn't enough of a shot to the ego, now this guy has to build his self esteem back up after catching an openhanded left from his own damn mother in front of an audience. I guess the good news is that he'll really know that he wants to be an MMA fighter if he's able to get back in the octagon after suffering that all out embarrassment. The bad news, on the other hand, is that he'll have to find a new striking coach following the inter-household homicide that's going to leave his current one buried in the backyard. However this shakes out, I think we can all agree to hide this story from your local baseball parent that's known to drag his kid off the field by his ear following a strikeout, because lord knows he would feel like Phil goddamn Dunphy by comparison. Don't Tell This Member Of The Atlanta Braves Security Staff That He Doesn't Take His Job Seriously5/25/2017 
Man, how long do you think old wristbands has been waiting for his one shining moment? If I were a betting man I would place a wager that he's stained many-a-bedsheet just dreaming of the day he would get to hop on camera and kick a fan out for interference. You see the hitch in that giddy-up? It's almost like he spent the middle of every prior inning stretching in case someone got a little too anxious in search of a wayward grounder. Those oblivious fans probably thought he was rocking that long sleeve 'Under Armour' in case it got a bit chilly in Atlanta during a random night in late May. Nope. He just wanted maximize the sweat absorption after undoubtedly working himself into a lather enforcing stadium rules. As far as taking the ball from an ecstatic kid is concerned, I can't even really blame him. Sure, he looked like a hard ass tracking down a souvenir that was obtained by illegal means and ruining a kid's night, but I'm pretty sure he only did so because he wanted to put it in a plastic holster atop his mantle to commemorate a job well down. From here on out that ball will be considered his lucky ball, if only because it was a result of preparation finally meeting opportunity. Oh, and also, he's a loser. 
No offense to Chandler Parsons, but I think I felt a little bit worse for the Asian dude that got dragged off his flight mildly conscious with his baby-esque bump exposed then I do for a professional athlete who is apparently too cheap to splurge on a private jet to make sure he gets to his buddy's big day on time. I guess I should respect a public figure for not feeling entitled and living like a commoner, but when that shit backfires completely you have no one but yourself to blame. Chandler Parsons is getting paid NINETY-FOUR MILLION DOLLARS (which he's yet to deserve more than $72 of) by the Memphis Grizzlies, and he's booking flights with United Airlines?!? The very same United Airlines that has proven that they give so little fucks about travel plans that they will bloody medical professionals that have important appointments in the morning? This isn't on them. They have made their lack of consideration blatantly clear. This is on Chandler Parsons for putting his matrimonial attendance at risk with a frugal decision. I think it's fair to ask whether or not he even deserved an invite to his friend's nuptials if all he did to guarantee his arrival was sort Priceline for the cheapest ticket like your average schmuck. If you truly want to be somewhere then you do everything in your power to make it happen. Considering Chandler Parsons made over 22 million dollars icing his knee this year, he could have done a hell of a lot more than act like a sourpuss on SnapChat when thee most predictable inconvenience of all time went against him.  SportsLogos- The teams we were told to expect some changes to are the Boston Bruins, Buffalo Sabres, Calgary Flames, Colorado Avalanche, Columbus Blue Jackets, Dallas Stars, Edmonton Oilers, Florida Panthers, Minnesota Wild, Nashville Predators, New Jersey Devils, and the Ottawa Senators.
Let’s make this clear right away, these changes could be very minor, even as minor as just an already existing alternate uniform being “promoted” to a full-time home uniform (as we know is the case Edmonton). We’re expecting almost all of these to be no more than just a few tweaks to their design. Unlike the switch to Reebok for the 2007-08 season, none of these uniform changes will be accompanied by a new primary team logo. NEW JERSEY DEVILS: I've heard too much about the details of this re-design, the condition of which is that I am not to share any of those details. So, I'm remaining silent here. ------- Okay, so I'm not going to rush to judgment on this. I know I have done so previously, but that's when the season was a lost cause and it almost felt like the new ownership was actively trying to infuriate me by ruining literally the only thing working in the Devils' favor last year. That - quite obviously - being their classic, timeless look. Now that there is no (soul crushing) hockey currently being played in New Jersey, I am much more open to the idea of optimism regarding the alteration of jerseys that are in absolutely no need of an alteration. Perhaps the fact that 90% of re-designs end up looking like visual...uhh..."schmashmortions" of the original should be concerning, but with the #1 overall pick in hand it feels like things are trending too far upwards for the front office to trot out uniforms that look like Satan's used toilet paper. I could be wrong, but - despite the unsettling mysteriousness of that (non)description - something tells me whatever changes are made won't be major or catastrophic in nature. If they are then I reserve the right to say awful, terrible, and potentially regrettable things about every single member of the organization during the moments immediately following their unveiling. Let's hope that's not the case. Not only because it would be nice to keep a sightly semblance of the old guard around, but because that sightly semblance of the old guard is widely considered one of the cleanest looks in the entire league. I Mean This In The Most Respectful Way Possible, It Would Be Fantastic If Tyronn Lue Stopped Talking5/25/2017  TheSportingNews- The Cavaliers coach made a shocking statement Wednesday, saying the Celtics were tougher to defend than the Warriors.
"I don't even think about (the Warriors)," Lue told reporters, via ESPN.com. "We're just focused on Boston. The stuff they're running, it's harder to defend than Golden State's [offense] for me, as far as the actions and all the running around and all the guys who are making all the plays, so it's a totally different thing." Lue said Boston coach Brad Stevens' plays are what throws Cleveland off guard, which is what makes defending the Celtics more difficult. "Like, they hit the post, Golden State runs splits and all that stuff, but these guys are running all kinds of s—," Lue said of Stevens' style. "I'll be like, 'F—.' They're running all kinds of s—, man. And Brad's got them moving and cutting and playing with pace, and everybody is a threat. It's tough, you know, it's tough." ----- Can someone do everyone a favor and shove a sock in Tyronn Lue's mouth? I know that comes across as harsh, but I swear I am just trying to protect him from himself. It's really starting to feel like every original point he offers up in a press conference is original for a reason, and that reason is that it makes him seem like less of a head coach. I suppose I didn't think he was the second coming of John Wooden when LeBron James' hand was up his ass while puppeting him to the promised land, but there's something to the saying "better to be thought of as a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt". I don't want to make it sound like the town drunk could adequately take Tyronn Lue's place, but even the town drunk knows that coaching the greatest, most versatile basketball player on the planet is undoubtedly not "the hardest job in the NBA". He might be getting to the bottom of that bargain basement bottle of vodka, but if you wake up that bum at the back of the bar then even he could tell you he'd rather game plan for the Boston Celtics than the Golden State Warriors. Tyronn Lue might be great at X's and O's, but when it comes to thinking out loud he needs an X duct taped over the O that he keeps spewing nonsense from. Now granted, Brad Stevens is a hell of a basketball mind and I understand the difficulties of prepping for the unknown of a team that lost it's best player. However, they pale in comparison to the difficulties of prepping for a team that has four best players, so maybe don't give that same, thin-skinned team that takes everything personal any bulletin board material. As the most statistically dominant group in the history of the NBA playoffs, I don't think they need anymore motivation to keep their undefeated streak going in attempt to redeem last year's choke job. Especially when it's coming from someone that was gifted the conductor's seat on a train that was already moving full speed ahead when David Blatt got tossed on the side of the tracks mid-championship season. 
In case you missed it....
Annnnddd a week later.....
Ha! And people thought that LaVar Ball didn't know anything about advertising. How does that foot taste Kristine Leahy, because the man who has "NEVA LOST!" don't need no stinkin' women to have a strong target demographic. I don't know the lasting power of using slight, not-so-subtle sexism as a marketing strategy, but - outside of the circumstances from which it spawned - "stay in yo lane" isn't the worst slogan I have ever seen on a t-shirt. If they completely ignore that it's a financial exploitation of a chauvinistic situation then I bet a ton of people will buy it for triple what it's actually worth. Plus, unfortunately for the fairer sex, misogynists have money too. In fact, they probably have even more money to dump on egregiously overpriced sneakers that are still 5.5 months away from being delivered because they aren't wasting it on stupid girls. I would think that catering to all genders would be a wise business plan in 2017, but if you're too much of a big baller to look women in the eye when you speak to them then you might as well direct your campaign at those who also think a lady's most important piece of clothing is an apron. That might be a dying breed in this day and age, but - if Donald Trump's presidency is any indication - then it's a loyal breed that's heavily interested in purchasing merchandise with empty, simplistic sayings on it. An all honesty - while the message is dangerous considering it's background - you have to respect that LaVar Ball is so shamelessly himself. Far too often people end up apologizing for shit they don't feel they should apologize for due to public pressure. LaVar Ball said "fuck that noise" and doubled down by slapping his abject stupidity on a t-shirt. His view of women as less than equal in terms of baller'ing is a little antiquated, but his belief in his verbal vomit is oddly commendable. You know, assuming it doesn't end up coming at the expense of his kids. Rashad McCants Is Claiming That His Fling With Khloe Kardashian Sabotaged His Entire Career5/25/2017  LBS- McCants began dating Khloe Kardashian in the fall of 2009, and he says that’s where his career went off the rails. He told the Charlotte Observer that dating Khloe gave NBA teams a reason to doubt his commitment.
“Without that situation in play, I’m a $60-70 million player,” McCants said. “Easily.” McCants was traded by Minnesota to Sacramento in early 2009. He signed with the Rockets in Sept. 2009 but didn’t end up playing for them. He had interest from a few other NBA teams over the next year, but nothing worked out. He then bounced around with two D-League stints and multiple stints abroad, none lasting for very long. ---------- I'll say this, if we are playing 'The Blame Game' then I'm selecting Rashad McCants first overall as my player/coach and captain. There is simply no one better for the job as a professional scapegoater than the former North Carolina guard that genuinely believes his basketball career bottomed out due to a relationship with a reality TV star. I know it's fun to treat the Kardashian's as if they athletic kryptonite, and there might even be a sniffle (shoutout to Lamar Odom) of truth to that. However, matter of factly stating that a fling with the (then) fat one before she was nearly as famous as she is now got him ostracized from a league in which he would otherwise be a household name takes a deference of responsibility that is unforeseen in professional sports. We are talking about an MVP caliber accusation. When it comes to assigning guilt, the guy that couldn't carve out a spot for himself on terrible teams like Minnesota and Sacramento is the goddamn GOAT. Imagine professional scouts sitting in the stands at D-League games discussing the pros and cons of calling Rashad McCants back up to the big leagues and deciding against it because of his dating resume. Think about some Turkish executive saying "thanks, but no thanks" after finding out via American tabloids who his newest addition was recently fucking. That's basically what the former Tar Heel is implying here. Never mind the fact that the Kardashian "curse" wasn't anywhere near as prevalent then as it is now. Never mind the fact that even an athletically limited white dude like Kris Humphries managed to escape it's post-matrimonial powers to continue playing. Never mind the fact that James Harden got released by Khloe's Kraken-esque claws to become an MVP candidate. Never mind the fact that Tristan Thompson is filling a huge role on the roster of the reigning champs while penetrating that same vendetta-fueled vagina. Someone or something had to take Rashad McCants from being selected 14th overall in the 2005 NBA Draft to getting interviewed about a career that's long been in the rearview only 11 years after it started. He'll be damned if that someone is himself, and he'll go to the grave before admitting that something was his lackluster performance. In a weird way, I can respect that level of dedication to a notion as ridiculous as the Kardashian's being the main reason he couldn't keep up. |
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