Don't get me wrong, it was pretty awesome to watch Tony Hawk - who was only 4 years from being born the last time the city of Cleveland won a championship without LeBron James - pull off the same (then unforeseen) trick he did exactly 17 years prior. It was even more awesome watching him do it knowing that his son - who was just a kid at the time - was there to consciously witness it in all it's glorify as a someone old enough to truly appreciate the accomplishment.
All that said, this just proves what I have always known about Tony Hawk - and that's that the guy simply doesn't age. I know that seems weird to say considering he looks every day of 48 years old, but as far as I can remember he has always looked 48 years old. His immortality might be the best kept secret in all of sports - never mind just extreme sports. 2016 Tony Hawk looks like 1999 Tony Hawk threw in a little bit of 'Just For Men' solely to throw people off his scent. Call me a conspiracy theorist if you want, but people that are a hop, skip, and jump from an AARP card don't simply grab a skateboard and do 2.5 full rotations through the air on it. As far as I am concerned Tony Hawk is still the 31 year old dude with thinning hair that's spent too much time baking in the Cali sun. That's the only way he could be accomplishing feats of athleticism that make far more sense coming from a person his son's age. He should take this as compliment, but there's no way that 17 years separates these two guys...especially when there has only been a minuscule drop-off in ability...
Mike Trout Ate Dirt Rounding Second After Teasing Astros' Jose Altuve For Doing The Same A Day Earlier
My favorite part about this sequence of events is that NONE of it takes place without Jose Altuve unceremoniously swimming into second like a kid without his floaties for the first time. There's just no way that Mike Trout trips doing something he could probably do in his sleep without making fun of someone else for doing it first. I am not even saying this has anything to do with karma. I am saying that once Mike Trout saw Jose Altuve turn base running into a chore he became incepted by the previously foreign thought that base running could - indeed - be a chore. There's not a doubt in my mind that Trout came barreling around first, caught a glimpse of Altuve, and immediately started saying to himself "don't fuck this up, don't fuck this, you can't fuck this up". Everyone knows that's when you are the most likely to completely botch a fairly routine task.
Mike Trout hasn't consciously paid a lick of attention to where his feet were in relation to the bases since he was hitting off a tee. It's been second nature to him since he was eating orange slices in the dugout. That's why he ended up on his knees faster than a gold digger backstage at a Kanye show as soon as he started calculating steps and mentally preparing himself for a moment he's never actually thought of as a moment. Let yourself get tricked into thinking something is a bigger deal than it is and you're more likely to come up small. Obviously I don't see this as more than a one time thing, but it's pretty much the same concept that turned Chuck Knoblauch from a productive infielder to a guy that required a first baseman with Wilt Chamberlain's wingspan.
You know what they say, hell hath no fury like a scorned women. Especially a scorned women that came crawling back completely vulnerable looking to find closure by opening her legs. That doesn't excuse this girl's homophobic messages or her general misconceptions about simultaneously being bisexual and monogamous, but it does explain why she was so quick to exhibit it on someone that seemed pretty mild mannered throughout the entire interaction.
I actually don't even think this woman has problem with the gay community, I think she just dug into her bag of weapons looking for whatever words would cut the deepest. Rationality and acceptance be damned when a 21 year old girl is just trying to reciprocate the pain of abject rejection on the person who caused her that pain. The fact of the matter is that women are mental terrorists that will say anything to make you question your self worth even if all you've done is indirectly and innocently make them question theirs. Maybe this girl is living in a previous era with her views on homosexuality. However, I have reason to believe that she's just a lonesome chick looking for some decent dick that felt insecure because she put herself out there on the feeblest of limbs and didn't know how to respond when it went crashing down to the ground under the non-existent weight problem that she continually claims she's in the process of solving. There's just no doubt she was on the precipice of a full blown hysterics when she tried to take a trip down the old roster to provide a quick fix for her loneliness and this guy incidentally pushed her over that edge. Unfortunately he provided her with the ammo when he did, and she didn't hesitate to fire off a barrage of discriminatory insults that were better left in a previous decade.
Say it ain't so Tim, SAY IT AIN'T SO! A prejudicial view on players of a nationality that happen to have a well documented past of fleeing the country to go play at "home" mid-contract? Disgraceful! How could you place a firm limit on the amount of guys on your roster that aren't fully dedicated to remaining in the league that currently employs them? Franchise stability be damned, I think all organizations need more Russians. That way the inevitable defection rate plays a major role in deciding which teams are good or bad year in and year out.
It's just an absolute crime against humanity that talented players - who are known mostly for their selfish mindset and defensive ineptitude - are being trivialized solely because of the region of the world in which they were born. I can't believe knowledgable people whose job security is predicated on winning are letting their anti-Russian bias hold them back from doing so. When are we going to let go of the antiquated notion that stereotypes and generalizations exist for a reason and stop letting them influence the multi-million dollar decisions that General Managers make for the sole purpose of suppressing Russia's presence in the National Hockey League?
We shouldn't be blaming players like Ilya Kovalchuk for demanding absurd contracts and then flaking on them 2 years in due to homesickness like the cabin dork at summer camp. No, no, no. We should be blaming the people in charge for having organizational plans that project more than 6 months in advance? Those are the jerks that are really holding the Eastern European man down. Maybe one day the NHL - and more specifically the Buffalo Sabres - will realize that it's no longer gay pride that needs to embraced, it's communist pride. That would be a real 'Miracle On Ice'. Let's hope they eventually hammer and sickle that point home before the streets run red with blood of the forward-thinking.
P.S. Suck it Soviet Union.
Nothing Would Make Me Happier Than Finding Out This Cavaliers Fan Actually Snapped His Ankle Beyond Repair
Seriously, someone needs to do a little digging and give me an update. I just don't think I will be able to sleep at night without clarification that this asshole is putzing around on crutches for the next few weeks. I need to know that part of the video is real simply because he did such an incredibly piss poor job of hiding that the rest of it was staged. Even if we ignore the fact that the game started at 8PM and it looks to be no later than 1PM in this video it's still irresponsibly unrealistic. A dude who is such a big Cavaliers fan that he starts tearing the house apart immediately following the conclusion of a 5 decade Championship drought wasn't even invested enough in GAME 7 OF THE NBA FINALS to watch it straight through without dipping in the pool during commercial breaks? I mean, do we even have to talk about how unnecessary the nervous towel bite is considering the game was already decided once LeBron hit that free throw well before the buzzer?
If you are going to try to fool the viewing public then at least pull the wool a little bit over our eyes. We want to believe everything we see on the internet, but this guy and his ridiculously unlucky wife made it impossible with a home video so fake that it makes LeBron James personality seen genuine by comparison. I hope this was a real injury and I hope it never heals, because it's people like this that are stealing our online innocence and indirectly calling into question our intelligence.
If you think I am familiar enough with the general disposition and temperament of a European futbol manager then you are a pretty lousy thinker. It's very possible this type of behavior is a common occurrence for Antonio Conte, but I have reason to believe (my own personal sense of hope) that the flawless boot that kickstarted (pun intended) a voice compromising rant was as spontaneous as it gets. It's for that reason that I found this 6 second clip of a grown man acting like a toddler to be so awe-inspiring. It's not the fact that a soccer coach kicked a ball across the field, it's the fact that he made it look so natural while so clearly enraged. Simple tasks became far more difficult when the person doing them has been frustrated to the point of lashing out physically. There's no doubt that a mild mannered Antonio Conte makes this play with ease, but the fact that he was a slight tick in blood pressure away from a heart attack exponentially increased the likelihood of him whiffing and/or falling directly on his ass. Just a flawless transition in every sense of the word. Didn't even wait until the ball made contact with his foot before he began screaming some indecipherable epithet towards the official. A multi-taskmaster of the highest order if I have ever seen one. I'm assuming the guy knows how to coach too, but all that matters to me is that he can simultaneously bitch, moan, and "Bobby Knight". We need more guys like Antonio Conte in sports.
Not for nothing, but the fact that a random wasted dude can just run up and start giving Colin Kaepernick backhanded compliments for the better part of two minutes might actually be the surest sign that he is - indeed - NOT Cam Newton. I'm not exactly sure where this interaction takes place, but kind of feels like there should be a security guard or an entourage present anywhere that Colin Kaepernick can potentially get backed into a corner and berated by a guy in a short sleeve button-down and a bow-tie. I know he sucks at quarterback now, but I still think he's earned that most negligible level of celebrity.
More importantly, I think we can all relate to how Colin Kaepernick felt in this moment. You don't have to like him as a player or as a person to understand just badly he wanted to scream in frustration as a drunk dude kept forcefully repeating the same idiotic opinion over and over and over again. You don't have to think he's ripe for a comeback season to feel his pain as he actively restrained himself from punching the guy that kept touching his shoulder for no reason directly in the face. You don't have to believe that he has a skill set that remotely resembles Cam Newton's to pity him as he had to pose for a picture - he wanted no part of being in - for upwards of 45 seconds. You don't have to think he's anything more than an egotistical douchebag to think that he deserves better than getting caught up in drunken debate - with no real direction - whose winner is decided by volume. I personally believe that Colin Kaepernick is a flash in the pan that thinks wayyyyyy too highly of himself, but I'll sympathize with ANYONE that's ever been the sober person stuck amongst a group of drunks because we've all been here before...
Is It Totally Out Of The Question That Johnny Manziel's Lawyer Texted The Associated Press On Purpose?
TMZ- Here's a shocker ... the lawyer who accidentally texted a reporter A BUNCH of sensitive information about his client Johnny Manziel ... is off the case.
It was one of the most epic screwups ever ... attorney Bob Hinton said he didn't realize he was texting an AP reporter when he fired off info about the QB's drug problems, hit-and-run crash and domestic violence case.
-- Hinton said his team are seeking a plea deal in the Colleen Crowley domestic violence case ... and that the D.A. is "very interested in working with us to arrive at some agreement."
-- Hinton suggested Manziel would be in trouble if one of the terms of the plea deal included drug testing ... saying, "Heaven help us if one of the conditions is to pee in a bottle."
-- In the text, Hinton also refers to a receipt from a Dallas head shop called The Gas Pipe -- suggesting Johnny spent $1,018.77 at the shop, which sells everything from pipes to bongs and other stoner stuff.
-- Hinton also said there was "conflict" as to whether Johnny actually went to police after his alleged hit-and-run crash Monday night.
I will never, ever claim to be a legal expert. That's why I am not sure what Johnny Manziel's - now former - lawyer stood to gain from intentionally texting a media outlet and making himself look a completely incompetent buffoon. That said, I have no other choice but to believe he figured he'd be better off going that route and giving himself the opportunity to get out of defending a client whose life path resembles that of a flushing toilet.
There's just no possible way you can send such a detailed, incriminating text to the wrong person, never mind the wrong multi-national NEWS AGENCY. It sounds crazy - and also super illegal - for a lawyer to tank his own case just so he can dismiss himself, but it's sounds way more reasonable than someone who passed the bar accidentally texting FOUR bullet points worth of information to an entity that has his worst interests at heart. I am, in no way, claiming I am above texting the wrong person from time to time, but I also not completely negligent when sending one that could effect the lives, careers, or relationships of myself or others.
Am I really supposed to believe that this timing is coincidental? Bob Hinton just so happened to write a damning, novel long text to the worst possible person on a Friday afternoon, enjoyed his weekend, and then quit first thing Monday morning? Those are the actions of someone that simply does not give a fuck anymore. Someone who can no longer tread water under the steady waterfall that is Johnny Manziel's negative news cycle. Someone who would rather compromise his reputation by looking like an idiot and subsequently withdrawing his services than by defending someone who is probably casually committing a misdemeanor as we speak. Think about how many times you have woken up to a laughably idiotic Johnny Manziel story in the last 6-8 months. Now imagine waking up and having to think of a way to excuse every single one of those acts. Poor Bob Hinton probably suffers from night terrors. I bet he doesn't even know the difference between reality and a nightmare anymore. Who could blame him for feeling compelled to turn his back on the worst defendant of all time? Of course it doesn't sound logical, but maybe going this long without throwing a moron - that doesn't know how to use Uber - under the bus has actually drove the man insane.
It was all good just a week ago, wasn't it Lionel? You were arguably the best soccer player in world on the eve of putting a dagger through the heart of every casual American footy fan with a free kick that left even the most patriotic of pupils in awe. Six days later and you're nothing but an internet meme. It's 2016, and life comes at ya fast when you fail. I hope Mr. Messi was able to get a good look at the Curry family during the NBA Finals. At least that way he could be prepared for what awaited him online when he sent a penalty kick so high and wide right that it made Scott Norwood take a deep breathe and step off whatever ledge he's been standing on for the last 25 years. To the victor goes the spoils and to the loser goes the crying Jordan. All you had to do was beat the United States without drawing all the attention to yourself by scoring an eye opening goal at our expense and most American sports fans wouldn't even give a shit that some random Argentinian dude that missed the net by 100 yards with the game on the line. Instead you had to show uneducated futbol fans your best, and it made us feel comfortable enough to emasculate you on social media at your worst...
Defense Against Criticism Of Original Post:
Seeing as I am not a black female that constantly feels devalued by the males for which I share a skin color, I find it exceedingly difficult to get worked up over Kyrie Irving's decision to keep his yacht party "lighter" than a Zeta Psi toga kegger. With the way he performed in the NBA Finals he earned the right to invite every Becky - regardless of the qualifications of her hair - within city limits onto his chartered boat orgy. After all, it's a pretty well known fact that the groupies with the most non-existent of inhibitions generally have the fairest of skin. If I were self respecting black woman I would actually be glad that Kyrie choose a bunch of slutty white girls to dehumanize by passing them out amongst his friends, but that's not what I am here to talk about.
Instead, I would like to say that his defense of a clip that resembled the drunken SnapChat of every "Stephanie" from Seattle to South Carolina actually makes him look more guilty of the accusations he's had levied upon him by those of his own race. An allegation so preposterous is only deserving of a response if it's at least a little bit true. When the video evidence is so damning that it requires a rebuttal on social media then said rebuttal is already sure to be fruitless. All different shades my ass. I saw one black girl on that boat and she looked like she was about to throw herself into the water scuba-style if she got bumped by one more bony, rhythmless booty.
You just know that Kyrie got wind of black twitter going into a complete tailspin, re-watched the video, and knew he fucked up. I don't know whether it was originally intentional or not, but that boat was pale as fuck and Kyrie's decision to claim it wasn't is proof positive that he feels guilty about it. Like I said, I don't care either way, but don't collect all the African Americans in your group and have them pose for a pre-club picture like there aren't already 30 sorority whores eagerly awaiting complimentary vodka-crans and a well endowed entourage in the VIP section. I don't think his guest list was in any way prejudice, but I do think it was formulated with the intent of getting the attendees on their knees in a time efficient manner and therefore it was bound to be like so...totally...basic.
I think this is what we should consider a bad sign for a soon to be NBA free agent. It's not exactly rock bottom considering you can't do much better than Rajon Rondo if you are looking for an enigmatic point guard that can't make jump shots and is liable to use homophobic slurs towards officials. Still, when you are preemptively throwing your name into the ring of the organizational equivalent of a red headed step child then your career could definitely be on a better trajectory.
Let's put it this way, the entirety of every NBA front office is going to be fighting to find a seat inside Kevin Durant's open house while Rajon Rondo is going shanty-to-shanty ringing doorbells and begging for work from the less fortunate. Having your interests be newsworthy is still a positive, but I think it's offset by the negative when that interest is a team that won 21 games and doesn't have a single draft pick throughout a Presidential term that hasn't even started yet. Wanting to be a Net, during what promises to be an era of complete and utter embarrassment, is like waiting until 2016 to register as a Republican. It's one thing to be contractually indebted to a circus, it's another to try to join one after it's already well on it's way to becoming nothing more than a clown show. I would imagine there are D-League players that would need a night to sleep on it before accepting a 10 day contract from Brooklyn, yet - for some reason - there is a 4-time NBA All Star essentially flying self promotional banners over the Barclays Center in an attempt to notify it's occupants of his availability. I suppose it's fitting that a perpetually flawed basketball player - with what can only be described as a personality disorder - is eager to leave Sacramento for quite possibly the only team with a less promising future, but it's definitely not an idea that is rooted in sanity.
P.S. Just because...
Let's Hope Devils' Draft Pick Nathan Bastian Is Better At Receiving Passes Than Celebratory Shows Of Affection
Boy, do I look stupid. I was sitting there praising the Devils for their selection of a some barely legal teen who - much like every other prospect with nothing more than a couple of minutes of YouTube highlights - I knew next to nothing about, and he immediately makes me regret it. I'm clamoring on and on about how his familiarity and friendship with first round pick Michael McLeod - who happened to be his linemate just last year - could prove to be invaluable in the future. Meanwhile, he's live on television butchering a celebratory hug/handshake with a person he has lifetime of familiarity with. I was spitting out the cliche to end all cliches by saying "you can't teach chemistry", and Nathan Bastian was simultaneously making it clear that you can unlearn it pretty quickly. Let's hope for the Devils sake that he's better at knowing where to be when his former, and now current, teammate has the puck than he is at PDA's with family members, because that was downright cringeworthy to watch unfold. Might want to work on being prepared for having his name called with all inevitable wealth of individual awards in his future. Wouldn't want a repeat of his rookie performance on a bigger stage than the 2nd round of the NHL Draft...
Oh well, the Devils appeared to have some fun with it...
And I think he'll be able to overcome the embarrassment with his sense of humor...
NJ.com- With nine total picks in the final six rounds of the 2016 NHL Draft, it was hard to imagine the Devils standing pat, and as expected, they made a move, picking up a player general manager Ray Shero originally brought to the NHL.
After making a pair of picks in the second and third rounds, the Devils moved their second third-round pick, 77th overall, to the Pittsburgh Penguins in exchange for right wing Beau Bennett. Shero drafted Bennett when he served as GM for the Penguins.
On the surface do I like trading a 3rd round pick for a player whose injuries are less of concern and more of certainty? No, in most cases I would consider it poor resource management. This, however, isn't one of those cases. This is different. Partially because Beau Bennett is a former first round pick - that Ray Shero is VERY familiar with - that hasn't come anywhere close to maxing out on his potential, but mostly because the new regime has done a great job finagling his way into a wealth of draft picks. Let's just say that my opinion would be very different if the Devils - as of the last calendar year - hadn't focused on making trades like the one that moved them from 11th to 12th in first round and netted them another 3rd round pick. The ability of Ray Shero, in his short time with the organization, to collect assets without purging his roster of the small core of talent they have is what makes moves like this possible. It's a calculated risk that really doesn't leave the Devils with anything less than what they started draft day with.
I'd love to let the biased, subjective fan in me sit here and tell you that Beau Bennett health concerns are in the past and he is going to blossom into a productive player at a position of need. Unfortunately I can't do that, but the fact of the matter is that I don't have to. If it works out, he is a guy that is immediately more talented than damn near everyone currently in the bottom half of the Devils lineup. If it doesn't then the Devils wasted an excess draft pick. Either way, he's got an AWESOME name. There's nothing not to love about the direction the organization is heading in and hopefully this move is just the beginning of an eventful summer.
It's funny how perspective works. As of yesterday morning I would have been thrilled to find out the Devils were going to draft a two way player at a position of need that has been mentioned as potentially the fastest prospect available. Now, all the sudden, I am supposed to be disappointed because my brother - who probably needs to be Bloodline'd - spent the entirety of his lunch break yesterday sending me erection inducing highlights of a player that was never made available to the Devils?
Well, I'll tell you what. I'm not letting it happen. Clayton Keller can suck every inch of my dick. Never even wanted him anyway. Basically has 'BUST' already tattooed on his forehead. I'm far from a draft expert (in fact, I avoid it completely so I don't get infatuated with teenagers that probably won't end up on my team), but if I know anything about this year's crop of players it's that Devils will be glad with the decision - that they never had the opportunity to make - not to draft Clayton Keller. Mark my words.
Micheal McLeod, on the other? I am absolutely stoked to have a guy that - after a few years of seasoning - could solidify the Devils down the middle. I am under no illusions that he is going to end being some transcendent franchise player, but that's not what you look for when you are selecting 12th. He's not going to step into the lineup tomorrow as a point-per-game player that immediately puts the Devils in the playoff hunt, but that's the sacrifice this team made when they ignored a comical lack of talent and battled tooth and nail for every one of their wins last year. I said it while it was happening and I stand by it. The New Jersey Devils organization needed a season of competitive hockey (even if it didn't end in the playoffs) more than they needed a tank job that may or may not have netted them a Top 5 pick. It gave the fanbase hope and it gave the team a future second line center whose acceleration already has me unbuckling my belt, so watch some highlights and get excited...
The Maple Leafs Aren't Happy That Snoop Dogg's Logo For His Marijuana Company Vaguely Resembles Theirs
TheSportingNews- The rapper is catching heat over the logo on his Leafs by Snoop product line. His business features marijuana products such as cannabis flowers, edibles and concentrates, and it opened in Colorado, where the drug is legal.
Snoop Dogg, whose legal name is Calvin Broadus, filed a trademark application for his company with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office on Nov. 17. After seeing the logo Snoop used, the NHL's Maple Leafs decided there were enough similarities with their own logo to object.
On June 8, Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment (MLSE) filed an opposition to Snoop Dogg's logo in order to get more time to consider whether to formally challenge the logo. Christopher Sprigman, an intellectual properties professor at the New York University School of Law, told TSN that MLSE could argue the logos will cause confusion in the marketplace.
Look, I don't know is Snoop Dogg's logo was influenced by the Toronto Maple Leafs. If I had to use basic common sense I would say no - the perpetually faded rapper from Southern California did not go rifling through the emblems of Canadian hockey teams looking for the best way to promote his recreational drug company. Call it a hunch, but I'm pretty sure they both look like leafs because they both represent two different types of leafs. If Snoop decided to go with something that more closely resembled the Vancouver Canucks' whale then I think we would have much stronger copyright infringement case on our hands.
Even in the unlikely scenario that Snoop did watch a terrible Toronto team play this year and subconsciously committed their logo to whatever memory he has left - how could anyone possibly care? It's not like these two brands effect each other in any way, shape, or form. In fact, with the amount of people rocking fitted hats - representing teams with whom they have no connection whatsoever - a loose affiliation with a popular American rapper, actor, and entrepreneur can only boost merchandise revenue. It's not like anyone is giving up their season tickets because they just realized a maple leaf has close to the same amount of spokes as a marijuana leaf. No one is picketing outside the arena because a bunch of stoners in Colorado are walking around in their own personal cloud of smoke. Weed is big business now, and anytime one big business can accidentally associate with another big business - that has a vastly different consumer base - it's good for both parties involved. So grab a seat and take a pull MLSE, because you're currently blowing everybody's buzz.
Well Steve, I guess we are all pussies, because I refuse to believe there will be a single dry eye that's able to watch the entirety of this documentary...
Seriously though, I was fighting back tears just watching a 2 and half minute preview. Just kept looking at the timer at the bottom of the video to see how much longer I had to restrain myself from breaking out in full blown hysterics. This is obviously a much watch for all people. Especially those that - much like myself - dumped a bucket of ice water over their head and posted it on social media without truly understanding what they were "raising awareness" for. ALS is one of the most frightening diseases out there, and that's what makes Steve Gleason's ability to take it in stride that much more impressive. Obviously this film will give people a closer look into the hardships that he has had to - and continues to - face, but it will also provide insight into the strength of his will and the perseverance of his character. Even in his deteriorating physical state he still has the mental toughness of a champion. He embodies the very definition of the word "inspiration", and everyone can learn a lot from taking a closer at how he has handled the inevitable adversity of his condition.
Just don't forget to bring your tissues.
HuffPost- A man in Rhode Island has a big beef with a local restaurant that called him “fatty” on the receipt.
“I was signing my slip,” Dillon Arnold told WJAR TV. “I didn’t really pay attention to it yet, and then I just happened to read it and I saw it in the corner and I was like, ‘Wow,’ and my heart just dropped.”
On the receipt where Arnold’s name should be was this word: “Fatty.”
Restaurant owner Antonio Ambrosio told WPRI-TV that he requires servers to put the customer’s name on the check. “[Writing the name] personalizes their visit. And yesterday an employee wrote the word ‘fatty’ on their check,” Ambrosio said.
Ambrosio is very familiar with the employee who handled the order: It’s his 18-year-old son, T.J.
Arnold posted a photo of the offensive receipt to Facebook where it quickly went viral.
Ambrosia fired his son and said the teen is also forbidden to eat at the restaurant.
We're in the circle of trust here, right? You guys aren't to run around telling everyone I'm a bad person as soon as I say what I am about to say? We don't need to shake on it first? Okay, ready...this kid does not look like a 'Dillon'. In fact - as wrong as it is to shame someone for their weight - T.J. Ambrosio, in retrospect, did a far better job naming this kid than his parents did. I know 'Fatty' isn't a particularly common first name, but if it were then this kid's round ass face would be right next to it in the baby books. If you gave Mr. and Mrs. Arnold another chance to name their kid after seeing how he turned out their only two options would be 'Fatty' or 'Billy Bob' (RIP).
Full disclosure, I have gotten annoyed when I have called to order takeout from a loud restaurant or been introduced to someone at a crowded bar and they've misheard my name as 'Robin', but that's because I look nothing like a 'Robin'. This kid exemplifies a 'Fatty'. I just don't think he's allowed to be genuinely surprised when he gets mistaken for one from time to time when he let himself balloon up to the point in which his face resembles the man in the moon. Let's just be honest with ourselves here. This guy looks like we should be sticking a finger in each of his eyeballs, a thumb in his mouth, and rolling his head down a slick wooden lane towards a triangle of pins. Of course this reciept snafu was an obviously attempt by the owner's son to be insulting, but I'll be damned if I am not going to acknowledge that it was a dead-on-balls-accurate one.
Remember the scene in 'Mighty Ducks 2' where Gordon Bombay asks Averman if the team has been training in the offseason, and he replies by saying "you know, I knew we forgot something". I feel like a very similar conversation took place between the commissioner of the CFL and his head of staff when two half-naked fans took the field for what would be considered an eternity in the United States. Security? Ah shit, I knew we forgot something!
Some shirtless dude being knocked into orbit by a fed-up player isn't even the story here. The first streaker - that calmly walked off under his own volition - was wayyyy more eye opening to me.
Who knew you could basically just play in the CFL if you buy a ticket to the game and show up in full pads. Shit, you can come butt-ass naked and get a free tour of the field without fear of retaliation from law enforcement. They say you learn something new everyday, and today I Iearned that Canada treats their premiere football league the same way a bunch of neighborhood kids treat an oncoming car during a street hockey game. The world just stops for every overly impulsive, likely drunk fan that wants to make a spectacle of himself until one of the players - who are apparently in charge of their own safety - jumps into action. Last time I was in Toronto I was flipping through channels and came across a CFL game in which the score was 1-0. It was then that I realized I'll never understand Canada, and these videos just reinforce that belief.
This Girl That Was Fired From A Pizza Joint For Complaining About Equal Pay Learned A Valuable Life Lesson
Metro- Seventeen-year-old Jensen Walcott was fire from her job at Pizza Studio in Kansas City after she questioned her boss about equal pay.
The teenager had started working at the pizza place at the same time as her friend, Jake.
After discussing their wages, Jensen found that Jake was being paid more money, despite sharing the same age, experience and position as her. Jensen had been hired for $8 an hour while Jake was being given $8.25.
Not thinking this was fair, Jensen decided to call her boss to query the pay gap, just an hour after starting her first shift.
After calling her boss, Jensen was put on hold. ‘I was like, maybe when I’m on hold right now, she will just offer me $8.25 and everything is gonna be good but… she didn’t do that,’ she told FOX 4.
‘She said you’re fired,’ Jensen said.
‘Basically just like a 10 second phone call.’
Don’t worry though – Jake got fired for the same thing, too. To avoid being unfair and all that.
And there you have it folks, the simplest of reminders to pick your battles. Is it right that a girl with the same qualifications as her male coworker was making 25 cents less per hour? No, surely not. Is it worth it to complain about it to your FEMALE boss when you are being paid minimum wage to sling pepperoni? I think we all know the answer to that. There's a bunch of women out there facing real life discrimination. Women at the top of their field struggling to match salaries with the wealthiest of men. Smart, talented, and educated women repeatedly banging their head against the glass ceiling. Meanwhile, this 17 year old broad is standing on the concrete floor crying about equal pay when the only requirements of her application process were that she have 4 limbs and 5 senses. Guess what Jensen, you don't matter. Jake doesn't matter either. The reason you both got canned isn't because you uncovered some injustice in the payroll, it's because you don't speak unless spoken to when you are making less than $10 dollars an hour. Maybe Jake got offered a higher wage because he knows to just shut the fuck up and do his job instead of being the high maintenance cashier that asks too many questions. Ever think of that sweetheart? You want to right a wrong? Have Jake buy you a gum ball or two after your shift, because oppression isn't oppression unless it's costing you more than a 'Happy Meal' per week.
PuckDaddy- Tony X. sprang into popularity this year as the newest fan to the great sport of hockey and more specifically the St. Louis Blues. He was so popular (by NHL standards) that he was asked to attend to the NHL Awards in Las Vegas as a guest of the League.
At 5:19am PT time, Mr. X tweeted out a picture of a Southwest ticket.
Sources close to the event were under the impression that Tony X's flight was cancelled. The same sources have been unsuccessful at getting in contact with Tony X today at all. They don't know if he made it to Vegas.
On the broadcast, host Will Arnett and model Erin Heatherton spoke of Tony's absence and introduced the hashtag #TONYMIA. Many assumed at first it was some joke by the producers of the show and Tony X would emerge at some point.
UPDATE (11 a.m. on Thursday):
“Missed my original flight out of St. Louis at 6 a.m. Next flight they could put me on that had with seats wasn’t until 1:55 a.m. getting into Vegas at 3:30 p.m. [which was] was minutes. before the show. So I left drove home after a few hours, went to sleep and overslept that flight so basically I [expletived] up. Didn’t even make it to Vegas. Terrible day. I feel terrible. Sorry everyone”
Ha! Missed his flight, huh? I guess people believe anything these days. Okay fine, that's a patently false statement. However, it is apparent that the exceedingly white hockey community - that was desperate to use it's token black twitter fan to fill airtime - will believe anything these days. Hand me the tinfoil hat if you so choose, but who many people do you know that have missed a free flight to Las Vegas, never mind TWO free flights to Las Vegas? I know plenty of drunkards that have missed flights HOME from Vegas, but no one is cutting it close when they have an all expenses paid trip to Sin City. Well, no one except the guy that has basically become a show pony for the NHL.
I'll tell you exactly what happened here. Tony X. was sitting at the airport - ticket in hand - about to board a plane to quite possibly the most boring award show there is, and he had a flashback to how he was treated when he was gifted a ticket to a St. Louis Blues game. He thought about having to look down at his seat to make sure there wasn't a camera there before sitting down. His name incessantly flashing up on the JumboTron like he was a circus act. The obnoxious amount of interview requests. The way he couldn't take a piss without someone offering to hold his dick. That's when it hit him...
That free trip to Vegas sounded all well and good when he accepted it, but the inevitable attention he would have gotten as an average guy ( that just so happens to be funny and black) sitting in a fairly tame crowd would have been a goddamn nightmare. The NHL - and specifically the Blues - were able to make a spectacle of Tony X. when he was at a playoff game for Christ sake. How much worse do you think it would have been if he were sitting in the audience as a bunch of awards - whose recipients were all but a forgone conclusion - were given out and a bunch of Dad jokes were being made? I don't want to make any animal/black people comparisons, but he basically would have been the human equivalent of the lion that walks around inside the glass enclosure as MGM.
Listen, I loved the guy's tweets just as much as everyone else did. I appreciated gaining another hockey fan too - especially when that fan happens to African American. That said, can the NHL act like they've been there before? Yeah, when I say "they" I DO mean black people, and when I say "there" I do mean a hockey game. Nothing makes a person not want to show up like badgering them to show up, and nothing makes a normal dude feel more awkward than gaining an unforeseen amount of notoriety based solely off the color of his skin. At this point Tony X. is like the NHL's version of the albino alligator that gets it's own tank at the zoo simply because it looks different. Has the exact same expression too...