You just know Vince McMahon is sitting in a dark room being eaten alive by the fact that the XFL failed. Just kidding, he's more than likely just counting his money by the millions and approving weak, overdone storylines for the wrestling fans that still remain to mindlessly follow along with. Regardless, the point remains, if this is what the Arena Football League has turned into, it has to occasionally bother him that his extreme football league was a one year flash in the pan that failed to produce anything of significance other than a sweet nickname ('He Hate Me'). I knew no one was watching Arena football, but I thought it had still held some respectability as a semi-pro league. When did they start allowing players to not only do intricate 2 minute touchdown celebrations, but also announced said celebrations for them? I guess you have to do whatever you can to gain viewership when your competition, if you want to call it that, is the most monumentally successful professional sports organization in the world. Hey, I'm not hating. Back when I watched wrestling 'The People's Elbow' was the single greatest 15 seconds of my entire week. Might fall down the Youtube rabbit hole of old WW(F) videos from the glory days later. How could I not? This Jones character had the perfect amount of flare. The 'Rock Bottom' was a little bit haphazard, but Arena football fields probably aren't all that forgiving. Going to give him an A+ for the idea, and a B- for the execution. Simply can't forget to take off the elbow pad before flinging yourself against the ropes. The lack of elbow protection is what takes an extremely time consuming, boring elbow drop to 'The People's Elbow'. Everybody knows that. Also, shame on the opposition for sitting idly without giving someone a Stone Cold Stunner. Jeez, have a little respect for yourselves. And now, a compilation of the most flamboyant, least efficient, finishing move in wrestling history...
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NBC- Authorities say a cyclist will be fined and could have to pay the full cost of extinguishing a 73-acre fire he inadvertently set in the foothills of Boise, Idaho, when he tried to burn his toilet paper after, well, relieving himself in a ravine Wednesday. The cyclist, who wasn't identified, thought he was doing the right thing by disposing of the soiled paper so he wouldn't be littering, the Boise Fire Dispatch Center said Thursday. But an ember flew into some dry grass and quickly spread out of control. "I guess when you gotta go, you gotta go," Carrie Bilbao, a spokeswoman for the federal Bureau of Land Management, told NBC station KTVB of Boise. But "in these fuel types, it's not a good idea," she said. The fire center said human waste should be buried or removed from fire-prone areas. Or, as the fire dispatch center put it, "pack it in, pack it out." Sigggh, we have all been there. Well, maybe we haven't all literally and metaphorically defecated all over everything 'Smokey The Bear' stood for, but we have all thought we were being creative only to have it handsomely backfire. Who hasn't had to say "in retrospect, that was very stupid" at least a couple of times throughout their life. You just know this guy shit in a ravine and thought he was a goddamn genius for lighting his toilet paper on fire after the fact. Probably thought he should be applauded for not littering. Would have never imagined that it would result in him paying 73 acres worth of damages. I have a strict rule when it comes to being inventive with fire. DON'T. Just last week, I tried to light a candle (insert gay joke here), and the wax was too far down for the lighter to reach the wick. Why not shape a paper towel into a point, light it on fire, and use that to light the candle? I'll tell you why not, because I almost turned myself into 'The Human Torch' which in turn resulted in a burning mass of toilet paper in the middle of my kitchen floor. Luckily my apartment isn't filled with dry, highly flammable brush or I might be paying out the ass for a decision I thought was good at the time as well. The last person that thought fire and poop was a great combo was a fictional movie character that was a raging alcoholic, a borderline retard, ate paste, stole his shirts from 'Frank', and had to go through the entire school system twice. Let's let that be a lesson to all of us. Stick to using fire for only it's intended purposes. If this cyclist from Idaho has taught us anything it's that you are just as likely to end up looking like an idiot as you are an innovator. Let the heat dropped in the safety of a ravine in Boise be left in a pile to steam and simmer in the sun, instead of spreading it's aftermath as far as the eye can see. If you have to choose between two crimes, deciding to litter is always the safer bet. Yahoo- A South Carolina woman whose teenage lover shot and killed the woman's brother-in-law instead of her husband who was the intended target, will serve life in prison, and the teenager is expected to plead guilty, the prosecutor in the case said on Friday.
Karlita Phillips, 41, was sentenced on Thursday after being convicted of soliciting a minor to commit a felony and accessory before the fact to murder. She had hoped to cash in on more than $500,000 in life insurance money by having her husband, Dale Phillips Jr., killed, said Greenwood County Solicitor David Stumbo, who prosecuted the case. But the teenager she hired to kill Phillips, Tavirous Settles, who was 16 years old at the time of the 2013 murder, mistook Phillips' brother, Jamil, for the target and shot him dead on the front porch of his parents' Abbeville, South Carolina, home. Both Jamil and Dale Phillips were living with their parents at the time. Settles testified against Karlita Phillips at trial, telling a jury that she promised to pay him $13,000 out of the life insurance money if he killed her husband. He also testified he and Karlita Phillips were involved in a sexual relationship. It is the most unique case I've ever prosecuted," Stumbo said in an interview. "I've never had one that had facts like this. They killed the wrong guy." See, this is why you never hire a boy to do a man's job. Hit-Boy isn't a real job title. The only hit-boy I have ever heard of is producing multi million dollar records for Kanye West. He's not out there getting underpaid to do some housewife's dirty work. Honestly, I am having a hard time deciphering if the bigger mistake is stepping out on your husband with a 16 year old or hiring him to kill said husband. I guess the former resulting in a life sentence makes it dumber by default. However, hiring a 16 year old to do anything is pretty much always a bad idea. I can't imagine a 16 year old kid was doing a much better job than her husband of throwing it in for a minute or two then prematurely leaving a cess pool on her back. The only benefit of sleeping with a post-pubescent child instead of your husband is that he is ready to go again a few minutes later. I doubt the sex is any better, it's just more frequent. If you are going to cheat at least make sure you get the desired results of cheating. Listen, the only reason 16 year olds get hired to do anything is because they work for dirt cheap. When you hire someone that's two years removed from middle school you accept the fact that you are going to get a half assed result in turn for a half assed paycheck. That's just how it works. You think Tavirous Settles was paying super close attention when he shot the wrong Mr. Philips? Hell no. Shit, he was probably mid-text when he did it. How can you make sure you are killing the right person if you have to worry about snap chatting yourself doing it? You wanted the execution to be executed correctly then hire someone that is going to demand more than a measly $13,000 out of a $500,000 insurance policy. You get what you pay for in this world, and I'm pretty sure the going rate for homicide is far more than 5 figures. This woman deserves every second of her life sentence. Partially because she is responsible for the wrongful death of an innocent bystander, but also because her screening process on potential employees is absolute dog shit. Christ on the cross lady, this is America. If you want a job well done for pennies on the dollar you hire a Mexican, and preferably not a Mexican that's still getting used to having hair on his balls. P.S. Even Facebook can tell the difference between a couple of family members. If Tavirous Settles couldn't then that's probably an indictment on the amount of information he was given by the sloppiest orchestrator of hired murder the South has ever seen. NJ.com- Two former Division 1 college basketball stars were arrested in an undercover prostitution sting Friday evening, authorities said. Myles Mack, 23, and Fuquan Edwin, 23, both of Paterson, were among 13 people caught up in the prostitution sweep, the Passaic County Sheriff's Office said. Passaic County Sheriff's Office spokesman Bill Maer said Mack and Edwin were in the same vehicle Friday evening when they allegedly offered to pay a law enforcement officer who was posing as a prostitute for sex. Mack was the passenger and Edwin was the driver, he said. Both men were charged with soliciting prostitution. What an indictment of the basketball program at my alma mater. As if there weren't already enough signs that Rutgers had A LOT of work to do to be considered a contender in the Big Ten, now our best player for the last 4 years can't even get laid off his athletic resume? Myles Mack has been the sole reason to suffer through a Rutgers basketball game for as long as I choose to remember, and he can't even get free, consensual sex out of it? I thought that was the only benefit of playing basketball at Rutgers. It certainly isn't to gain notiriety or pursue a career in the sport. We are talking about a player that decided to stay even after Mike Rice beat him in dodgeball and called him a 'faggot'. Who would put up with that if they weren't, at the very least, swimming in the panties of horny co-eds after practice? You trying to tell me that Myles Mack loved the game that much? If that were true he would have picked a better basketball school than Rutgers. Jesus Christ, get it together Myles. You're giving our school a bad name. Frank Kaminsky is like the ugliest guy on the planet and he probably doesn't even have to open his eyes to wake up in some strange pussy. How can we achieve the level of success in the sport that Wisconsin has if our only player that was worth a damn is resorting to paying streetwalkers for sexual satisfaction? I bet we just lost half of our recruiting class off this news alone. This sad, pathetic mugshot just erased every productive thing he did on the basketball court during his time on the Banks. I highly doubt this story is what Mark Morrison had in mind when he wrote 'Return Of The Mack'. At first I was inclined to blame Fuqua Edwin for this. You are only as responsible as those that you chose to associate with, and if you hang around with someone from Seton Hall long enough you are bound to flush your reputation down the toilet sooner or later. The exchange of money for shameful orgasms is undoubtedly more of a Seton Hall thing. However, the fact that these two were comfortable enough with each other to agree to getting a prostitute makes them both equally as guilty. Think about that for a second. Even if you wanted to go out with friends and compensate filthy women for being the canvas to your unborn children, who says it out loud?! There's a stigma that goes along with paying for sex. It's generally pretty frowned upon, especially amongst athletes in their early 20's. I would think soliciting a hooker is a one man operation. One of those things that you do and DON'T tell your friends about. You know when you watch a porn with an extremely questionable plot and you feel that wave of shame wash over you as soon as your done? Now imagine watching that porn with a friend. That's the equivalent. Two ex-college basketball players literally standing there facing each other with their dicks in their hands hating themselves. The bottom doesn't get much rockier than that. Everyone has their own vices, but if your vice is corner dwelling whores, then maybe it's best not to have company.
(Twitter account was deleted, above is the breakdown of what was said...or the English translation anyway)
Because how do you shed your reputation as a locker room cancer without taking to social media pretending to be someone else and attempting to tarnish the image of all your ex-teammates? That's definitely the best way to find a new job. Who doesn't want to play with a guy that's one front office decision away from exposing every single skeleton in their closet? Does Junior Galette think that when he got cut by the Saints that he got cut by literally every single member of the Saints organization? I understand attacking Sean Payton, and even the Saints beat writers to a certain extent, but I fail to see what Zach Strief's cheating ex-wife or Drew Brees arm strength have to do with Junior Galette. I highly doubt Keenan Lewis or Cameron Jordan were stacking their jerseys on Sean Payton's desk protesting Junior's employment in some ass-backwards, reverse 'Rudy' situation. Generally speaking, football players aren't the most squeaky clean group of people. You lose the trust of an entire NFL locker room then why would another NFL locker room trust you to keep their undoubtedly questionable practices on the hush? The fucked up part about this, other than the social ramifications and the damaged reputations, is that Junior Galette just spent a year doing and saying the dumbest possible things a professional athlete possibly could and he got rewarded with damn near $20 million over the course of that year. Why would he change his ways now? Being a moron has been extremely profitable for him thus far, he has no motivation to clean up his act. This list contains a couple of scathing accusations. Kenny Stills and Kenny Vaccaro, who has a child, being a couple of sword fighters (not that there's anything wrong with that). Zach Strief walking in on his wife cheating and getting flack for it. Sean Payton being a raging alcoholic that treats prescription pills the same way Marshawn Lynch treats Skittles. I'm not exactly a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure that's what those types like to call 'libel'. How's that for an allegation Junior? Can't imagine that's a smart thing to get involved in while you are waiting for the other shoe to drop on a inevitable suspension for beating a woman with a belt, but what do I know? I'm not the millionaire here. I would imagine there is some truth to some of things Galette tweeted, but that doesn't mean it's his place to tweet them. Now, it wouldn't surprise me if Sean Payton was a big drinker. Doesn't mean I believe that he is stumbling around Saints facilities shit faced. Kenny Stills and Kenny Vaccaro may be a little suspect in their behavior. Doesn't mean I think they were playing tummy sticks postgame. Much like everything else Galette said in this social media tirade, it's probably greatly, greatly exaggerated. It's going to be very interesting how this all shakes out, but until then we will just keep taking everything he says with a grain of salt. Enjoy taking advantage of those first amendment rights Junior, but don't forget; A fool and his money are soon parted. Mostly because legal fees aren't cheap, and Junior Galette is about to be blitzed by them. Hope he's got a good financial manager, because attempting to ruin co-workers lives is the fastest way for your career to end up in a bodybag.
P.S. Who even criticizes a player like Marques Colston? All the damning remarks in that list, and calling Marques Colston "washed up" may have been the meanest one.
It's been a rough offseason Devils fans. Sure, there has been slow, but steady progress made towards icing a hockey team that more accurately fits the modern style of play in the NHL. However, the strides made in personnel have done little to fill the void left in our hearts by the changing of the guard. Out are the days of Marty Brodeur, Scott Stevens, and though this still doesn't feel true, Lou Lamoriello. In are Ray Shero, John Hynes, and a host of other people for which we still rightfully remain skeptical.
Well, I don't know about you, but the signing of Adam Larsson to a long, cap friendly deal did as good of a job as a signing could do in lifting my spirits. Is that because I bought his jersey two months into his tenure in New Jersey? Maybe. Is it because it finally gives Adam Larsson a chance to flourish as an imperative part of the future of the franchise after being stick under Deboer's iron fist for whatever reason? Absolutely. Is it because I have an irrational hard-on for defensively responsible, smooth skating, right handed defenseman with incredibly vision? Well, I think that question was descriptive enough to make it rhetorical. Regardless, much like the eerily similar Henrique signing two years ago, locking Larsson up for over half a decade shows that this team has a vision. If Larsson's career trajectory continues to stay on the incline then that vision might just be 20/20. If his play last year was any indication, he should grow seamlessly into a first pairing defenseman amongst a host of other young, up and coming defenseman. That's what this team has always been, and with the way the prospect pool is currently stocked, that's how this team will continue to operate. A defensively responsible team built from the goaltender out. As crazy as this seems, Adam Larsson is a veteran defenseman compared to anyone else on the Devils blueline not named Andy Greene. His improvement in play comes at the perfect time. A time when he is about to bear the burden of many more responsibilities. Responsibilities that I, and apparently the Devils, feel he is ready for. There have been many Octobers I have been more anxious for, but there is still a lot to get excited about this upcoming season. Adam Larsson's potential is one of those bright spots. Clarion- NBA forward and Starkville native Travis Outlaw is under “investigation for a possible scheduled narcotics violation,” multiple law enforcement officials said Friday.
According to three sources, Outlaw, 30, is being investigated for receiving “approximately a pound or less” of marijuana in the mail in the Golden Triangle. The officials asked that they and their agencies not be named at this time. The investigation, which reportedly began as a joint effort, is currently taking place in Oktibbeha County, the law enforcement officials said. Outlaw has not been arrested, according to records at the Oktibbeha County Jail. Wait just a damn minute here. Is this frowned upon? Is this not okay? Is Travis Outlaw not allowed to receive his weekly weed fix via UPS Priority mail? I got to plead ignorance on this one. Seems completely legit to me. Now that automatic bill pay exists, drugs are pretty much the only useful thing that can come in the mail. It would certainly put me in a better mood than a bunch of shitty advertisements for local businesses. Wasn't the spreading of anthrax done primarily through the parcel service? If they were the accomplice to biological warfare for an extended period of time I think we can let Travis Outlaw have a pass on his 'glaucoma medication'. Shit, people receive a lot more questionable shit in the mail then a drug that is already legalized throughout half of this country. There's a website where you can buy actual gorilla feces by the pound and send to your friends as a prank, and we are worried about Outlaw's Cannabis Cup winner? The guy is in South East Asia for fuck's sake. Give him a break. I don't even think Travis Outlaw could survive San Francisco without being as high as a kite, never mind an entirely different country. Here's my issue. Shouldn't we be investigating the guy who sent Travis Outlaw the marijuana, and not Travis Outlaw? I highly doubt that package came with a receipt. I'm going to go out on a limb and say the guy packing up marijuana and shipping it across continental lines doesn't have an elaborate invoice system. If there is no paper trail can there still be a legitimate investigation? If that's the case can I just start shipping coke and ecstasy to a bunch of people I don't like then notify the authorities? As they say, keep your friends close, and your enemies locked up for unknowingly receiving your narcotics. Seems like a pretty bullet proof plan to always stay ahead of your competition. How long ago did this happen and how did he get caught? As far as I am concerned the statue of limitations is up as soon as all the drugs are gone. Get to smoking Trav, you've got some evidence to bury. Yahoo Sports- Speaking at the press conference introducing (and, in DeAndre Jordan’s case, re-introducing) new Clipper players on Tuesday, Smith dropped a Latrell Sprewell-like statement that did not go unnoticed by Orlando Sentinel columnist David Whitley:
"At the end of the day, you know, I do have a family," he said. "So it is going to be a little harder on me this year. But I'm going to push through it, you know." One word: Hero. Absolute hero. Pushing through all the trials and tribulations that come with damn near a $7 million dollar salary. What a family man. As blue collar as they come. Working the hard hours to bring home the bacon and feed his family. He's basically the 6'9 professional athlete equivalent of 'Joe the Plumber'. Fuck you Josh Smith. Every time I think I can't hate him more he nails like 35 threes in a quarter to knock the Clippers out of the playoffs, or he's sounding like he dropped out of 3rd grade in his Clippers introductory press conference, or he's rubbing his 7 figure salary in our face. Josh Smith was so bad he got fired from the Pistons. THE DETROIT PISTONS. I can't even name three players on the Detroit Pistons. I'll be damned if I am going to feel sympathy for a man that's getting paid $5.5 million dollars a year until 2019 to NOT play for one of the worst teams in the league. Yeah, I realize that Josh Smith thought he was going to be making double what he will be this year, and that probably sucks. However, what the fuck are his spending habits that $7 million is a struggle? Josh, listen up and listen clear. Everything short of making Floyd Mayweather your financial manager, or having unprotected sex at a Dwight Howard-esque rate, and you should be juuuust fine. I promise. I realize the comment may be taken out of context, but you don't get compassion from me when you are a bench player and two organizations are paying you millions of dollars at the same damn time. I don't care that athletes make more money while taking a shit than I do in a year. I understand that, but I certainly don't want to hear them talk about it like it's a burden. If his jump shot and lack of offensive ability are any indication, Josh Smith very well may have 99 problems, but his bank account definitely ain't one. BSO- Hot 97 host Nessa had been dating 49ers Aldon Smith as recently as April, but has spoken lately during her radio show that she was dating a new guy and was going to see over the weekend (also said she was nervous about it so she didn’t go #2 while with him, which was TMI).
The new guy? Smith’s teammate Colin Kaepernick. How do we know this, well you can thank some fans of Kaepernick and Chipotle. While taking a pic with Kap, they gave the photo credit to Nessa confirming they were all together. A little more background checking confirmed they are indeed seeing each other, but nothing too serious at the moment. I am going to assume Smith is cool with it. Hey, I know it takes a supreme amount of confidence to play quarterback in the National Football League. You really have to believe in yourself to make split second decisions nearly every snap to avoid getting your skull crushed by superhuman athletes. However, If Colin Kaepernick has enough confidence to be the next man up inside Nessa after his teammate Aldon Smith than he is more of a man than I would have ever given him credit for. Racial stereotypes aside, well not really at all actually, but Aldon Smith has to have a two foot dick. He could probably kick his feet up and use that thing as pogo stick. Aldon Smith literally does not give a fuck. He's been on the verge of getting bounced from the league like 100 times already. You really have to be carrying around a hammer head in your drawers to continue to act so recklessly despite a multi-million dollar contract. I'm not sure if penis size indirectly correlates to intelligence, but I would imagine the blood flow that it takes to fill up Aldon Smith's third leg could leave him a little bit compromised in terms of decision making. Okay fine, this blog went a little bit off the rails, but here's the bottom line. It's hard enough to sleep with a person when you interact with someone that they used to sleep with. It's even worse when you start using the term 'dating' (though I use that loosely considering their profession). It's downright impossible when Colin Kapernick has to look the reason his girlfriend is so loose literally directly in the eye on a weekly basis. That's a level of security that not even Riker's Island has attained. Either that or it's downright naivety. In the atmosphere of a professional locker room I find it hard to believe that two of the biggest stars on the team dating the same girl mere months apart goes over without an endless myriad of jokes. Better turn up those 'Beats By Dre' Colin, because you are about to be on the ass end of more inappropriate jabs then your girlfriend's baby maker. Someone get Kaep a personal shower in the facility before he brings a plugged in toaster into the team showers. I don't know how this is going to play out, but I gotta tell ya, I am pretty psyched to find out. Yes, I am disgusted that Lou Lamoriello is holding up a jersey of a team other than the New Jersey Devils. Yes, It makes me want to vomit that he is smiling while doing so. However, this isn't about me, or the breakfast I am about to lose on behalf of this photographic abortion. This is about what this picture represents. This isn't Lou. This isn't what Lou does. Lou Lamoriello never, and I mean never, has been one to celebrate himself. The age old adage of "play for the logo on the front of the jersey, not the name on the back"? I am pretty sure those were Lou Lamoniello's first words. I'm like 95% certain of it, as a matter of fact. Those words should be trademarked with a little 'LL' at the bottom right every time they are used. I wouldn't be surprised if he got them tattooed on his asscheeks while in a drunken college stupor. That's why watching Lou Lamoriello holding up his own name, while partaking in this shameless, overdone ceremony doesn't sit well with me. It's like breaking up with a long time girlfriend and then seeing her post an Instagram picture of herself hiking with the new guy she is seeing. Bitch, you don't hike. Who the fuck are you kidding? Don't change who you are to satisfy others. Lou is not a person that should ever compromise the principles that he has spent three decades instilling in every single person that has come in contact with him. He certainly shouldn't do it for that pussy Brendan Shanahan, or that miserable old curmudgeon Mike Babcock. Fuck them. Fuck Toronto. Fuck Canada. Fuck 'em all. Motherfuck 'em all... Don't get added to that list Lou. Don't give in to the extravagant bullshit that comes with being amongst the Toronto media. Don't sacrifice what makes you one of the greatest General Managers in sports history. If I can't look up and see you in the press box every game I at least want to be able to remember you as a man of integrity, and this picture couldn't be farther from what you represent. Don't become somebody that I used to know... P.S. Yes, I am overreacting.
P.P.S. No, I don't care.
There aren't many times as a football fan where you are satisfied in your favorite team's decision to parts ways with a player as productive as Junior Galette. Well folks, this is one of those times. As much as I have loved Junior Galette over the course of his tenure with the Saints, the amount of stupidity he has shown off the field has left his net worth to this franchise in the red. A year ago I couldn't have been happier that the Saints extended Junya for another 4 years. At the time he was worth every cent of that $40 million dollar contract. His growth from an undrafted free agent to a premiere pass rusher in the NFL was exponential and his salary finally reflected as much.
Unfortunately, things went downhill almost before the ink even dried on his brand new contract. First it was allegations of domestic abuse. Then it was downplaying the importance of some of his ex-teammates to the history of the franchise. This offseason it came to a head with accusations of Sean Payton lying about his injury status, a viral video in which his friend can be heard screaming "Fuck Sean" (presumably directed at the Saints Head Coach), and an older video of Galette whipping a woman with a belt before suck punching a random kid on the beach. A summer that was devoted to cleaning up the Saints locker room, and Junior Galette did everything in his power to keep it dirty. Sean Payton and Mickey Loomis were essentially walking around vacuuming and Galette was following behind them knocking shit over and saying "you missed a spot". Sorry Junior, as much as I love your story, as well as your passion on the field, your sacks to headache ratio isn't anywhere close to where it needs to be to remain a fixture in the Saints locker room. He's a talented kid walking an extremely volatile path. I hope he smartens up. I hope he matures. I hope he learns to do his talking on the field. Unfortunately, for Junior Galette and the Saints, that time didn't come soon enough. As great as he has been during his time in New Orleans, releasing Junior Galette is addition by subtraction. Remember these words Junior.... "I mean, c'mon, who are you talking about?" He asked, laughing."The guys that replaced them are better than they were." Galette, of course, was talking about departed veterans like Will Smith, Roman Harper, Malcolm Jenkins and Jonathan Vilma. "Here, the guys that replaced them are better than the guys we had. It's not even close. Across the board," Galette said. "I'll take Kenny Vaccaro any day over any safety. And I'll take (Cam Jordan) over any defensive end. Jairus Byrd over any safety." ...how do they taste?
FROM THE DESK OF
Lou Lamoriello Dear New Jersey Devils' Fans: Since I first joined the New Jersey Devils in 1987 your dedication to the organization motivated me to work my hardest – every day, every week, every year. The nearly three decades I've been with the Devils are times I will cherish and never forget. Together we saw the New Jersey Devils make history. All of the players who were so devoted to winning and New Jersey. All of the employees of the team who shared the same philosophy. The staffs at what was then Continental Arena and the Prudential Center helping to make sure the New Jersey Devils were always a team you would be proud to support. 1995, 2000, 2003 were seasons where we reached the ultimate goal. We all shared a common objective: Excellence. Hearing you cheering for the team on those historic nights remains with me to this day and always will. I am most appreciative of Dr. John McMullen for bringing me to New Jersey in the first place. His desire to win the Stanley Cup for New Jersey was a goal we all shared and were fortunate to achieve – three times. Through all the years, you the fans are an unforgettable part of my New Jersey Devils experience and I am grateful for your passion and unwavering support. I will miss you and New Jersey. Though now a rival, the New Jersey Devils have a bright future. Of that you can be assured. I thank you again for your commitment to what we worked to achieve every year for the last 28 seasons. With deepest admiration, Lou Lamoriello I got to be honest with you. I abruptly woke up to my phone incessantly vibrating yesterday morning. Little did I know it would be to find out that Lou Lamoriello was not only stepping down as Devils President, but also taking the General Manager job with the Toronto Maple Leafs. I didn't really have time to absorb it. I barely had taken a few sips of my morning coffee before I had already published a blog reflecting my feelings on the matter. As all shocking news does, it took some time to really set in. It took some time to go from being a nightmare to becoming a reality. I really didn't understand how painful it would be to see Lou Lamoriello holding up a fucking Maple Leafs jersey until I saw that very thing mere hours later. While it's become common place to see players that are synonymous with certain franchises move on to other teams after long periods of time, Lou Lamoriello leaving just feels so much more heartbreaking than that. It sucked to watch Marty Brodeur play in a St. Louis Blues sweater. It was gut wrenching to hear that Scott Stevens wouldn't be brought back to the coaching staff. All those things are trivial in comparison to the architect of the New Jersey Devils moving on after three wildly successful decades in the organization. All the players and coaches that have come through the the doors of Continental Airlines Arena, and more recently The Prudential Center, are part of Devils history, but Lou Lamoriello created Devils history. It's been awhile since I have had to deal with the loss of a loved one (knock on wood), so I am not exactly well versed on the 5 stages of grief. I can say without a doubt I am in the stage where you blame anyone and everyone associated with your grief. I keep playing games of 'what if'. I want to blame James VanderBeek. What if he wasn't such a goddamn asshole with his money? I want to blame the new owners, Harris and Blitzer. What if they found a less abrupt way to transition this team into a new era management wise? I want to blame Ryan Clowe for having the softest brain of all time. I want to blame Brian Rolston, Michael Ryder, and Damien Brunner for burdening this franchise financially. What if they came anywhere close to performing up to their contracts? I want to blame Zach Parise for leaving just a few months after captaining his team to a Stanley Cup Final. I want to blame Ilya "The Mercenary" Kovalchuk for demanding an egregious amount of money over an egregious amount of years before bolting overseas for an early 'retirement'. What if the core of the 2012 team didn't completely dissipate over the course of 12 months? I want to blame Lou. What if he didn't spend so frivolously on average players in hopes of remaining a contender? So many questions. So little answers. At the end of the day, the result is the same. The Devils just underwent a lifetime of change over the course of one offseason. It's exciting, it's nerve-racking, but above all, it is depressing. No matter where the franchise goes from here it will always be predicated on the one man that just walked out the door. Reading this letter from Lou, which was as classy as it gets, nearly brought a tear to my eye. Whether that was a tear of happiness or sadness I am not really sure. I want to write a reply letter, because anyone associated with this team, or this state, knows that Lou is the one that deserves the thanking. I don't think anyone is ever fully ready to move on. I probably would have only been fully satisfied if Lamoriello had passed away in a desk chair while resigning Scott Gomez to a 3 year contract that would take him to the ripe age of 50. That would have felt like the right way to go out. Alas, sports, much like life, aren't perfect. I just never thought I would be using such a desperate cliche to make myself feel better when talking about Lou Lamoriello. At least I will be prepared if I ever have to write a eulogy. This Election Is Getting More Fun By The Minute: Hillary Clinton Says Black Men In Hoodies Are Scary7/24/2015 The Federalist- Add this one to the “imagine if she were a Republican” files: old white lady expresses fear of young black men, political funeral details to come.
During a campaign speech on Thursday, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton touched on race, saying that even “open-minded white people” are sometimes afraid of hoodie-wearing black people. “I mean if we’re honest, for a lot of well-meaning, open-minded white people, the sight of a young black man in a hoodie still evokes a twinge of fear,” Clinton said. If this upcoming presidential election was trying to draw in the casual, non-political observer then it's doing a hell of a job. I couldn't give one ounce of a fuck about who our next president is, and I am all-in on these campaigns. First we had Donald Trump basically calling every Mexican a rapist, and now Hillary Clinton is scared of black guys in hoodies. We're like three weeks removed from a Supreme Court decision that completely legalized gay marriage, and the people interested in leading this country sound like they woke up on the wrong side of the Jim Crow era. We are like one live, uncensored presidential debate away from 1960. Be careful how far you set us back Hillary, or not only will you not be able to run, but we'll have to take back those voting rights as well. "If we're being honest..." should never come out of the mouth of a politician. You know the last time I heard "if we're being honest"? I'm going to say it was probably at brunch after about 10 drinks, and right before I blurted out some extremely offensive shit. That's not your job Hillary. We don't want honesty. Lie to me woman. Lie to me! If we were dealing in honesty we would be talking about how you're only a candidate because the progressive nature of society is trying to force feed us a female president. If we are being honest you only have a realistic shot at the candidacy because you used to take dick from a super powerful old white man. See, honesty is hurtful Hillary. Stick to false promises. Did Bill teach you nothing? Lay off African American people that dress for comfort and get to kissing their babies on the forehead. Shit, Bill would have grabbed a black guy and double-teamed an intern before he even thought about questioning his wardrobe. Listen, she's not completely wrong with her statement. In the wrong situation, a black man in a hoodie can be scary. Hell, in the wrong situation, a white man in a hoodie can be scary. If you are walking alone through a dimly lit street the fucking Mexican midget from the 'Chelsea Handler Show' in a hoodie could be scary. Maybe her memory is going, but there was a pretty big story surrounding a black man in a hoodie. Remember? It was pretty much the most racially polarizing case at the time. I don't want to put words in her mouth, but I am pretty sure Hillary Clinton just found the most politically correct way to say "Trayvon Martin deserved it". That's what I heard anyway. At this point I am pretty sure the candidate that does the least amount of talking is the favorite to win the presidency. If the alternative is someone that doesn't understand how fragile race relations are in this country then I'll take a mute in office in a heartbeat. P.S. Whewwww, thank God everyone dressed appropriately... Metro- Liam Edwards, of Chancel Avenue, Salford, was charged with causing racially or religiously-aggravated criminal damage after a number of the round, red stickers were found at a supermarket on Regent Road on 18 February.
On the stickers was the hashtag ‘#BanHalal’ along with the words ‘BEWARE! Halal is barbaric and funds terrorism.’ And Edwards, 29, pleaded guilty to the charges today, but insisted that his protest was against the halal slaughter of animals which he said had been the subject of a documentary he had recently watched. ‘I’m a big animal lover, be it for racial or other purposes I believe it is wrong to treat animals in that way,’ Edwards said. ‘He got involved in a Twitter conversation about halal and maintains that his whole motivation was his concern for the way in which halal meat is obtained and what happens in abattoirs.’ I'll give credit where credit is due. If you are going to be the guy going around smearing the name of entire religions by putting a bunch of stickers on packaged meat then you absolutely have to include the word 'terrorism'. I know, it has nothing to do with his point. The definition of terrorism isn't exactly all that flexible, and it's certainly not durable enough to cover the treatment of animals in the food industry. However, no one is thinking twice about buying some chicken that has 'halal is barbaric' slapped on it. That's not an attention grabber. I'm buying a dead animal to cook, cut up, and shove down my gullet. I'm not exactly one to be judging levels of barbarianism when I am eating something that used to be alive. I don't care if the chicken died of natural causes or was involved in some Islamic rendition of one of the 'Saw' movies. What's done is done. No matter how that poor little guy passed away, he's still going to taste the same after soaking in marinade and being splashed with a spice or two. On the other hand, include the word terrorism and I am all ears. That caters to my undying sense of Patriotism. You want me to bypass some food? Have it remind me of September 11th. That'll make me lose my appetite real quick. Now, with all that said, it's better to not be the guy running around supermarkets tagging meat with he slander of religious ideologies. Isn't there enough outrage in the world? You can't walk down the street without people shoving propaganda in your face at every turn. Are you telling me the grocery store isn't safe now either? That's the one public place I actually enjoy going that doesn't serve alcohol. It's the one place I can be myself. It's a judgement free zone. I just want to get in there, grab a cart, and let my culinary imagination run wild. I don't want to worry about terrorism. I don't care how the Islamic culture slaughters animals. I'm sure those animals are really psyched about your support when they are wrapped in air tight plastic in a frozen food section. That's like throwing a surprise party for your uncle with Alzheimers. It's an unnecessary measure that isn't going to change the result. You want to besmirch the name of Halal then get your ass on over to the factory and try to make an actual difference for once. Just don't be mad at me when ISIS cuts your head off. If we are being perfectly honest, you kind of deserve it. P.S. Look more proud of yourself...you can't. You're 29 dude. Get a hobby. Have a drink. Engage in some consensual sex. If playing with stickers gives you that much happiness imagine what a perfectly cooked hamburger could do...
This is coming from someone that saw 'Jurassic World' on the first night it came out, and to my surprise, actually loved it. However, making a 'Jurassic World 2' is so over the top and unnecessary that I plan on blogging about how terrible it is going to be for the next two years. I am actually full on rooting for it's demise. Remember when the first 'Jurassic Park' came out and it was a groundbreaking cult classic? Remember how awesome it was to see life like dinosaurs interact with actual humans the first go around? Do you remember the followup to that? Of course you fucking don't. That's because 'Jurassic Park: The Lost World' was a steaming pile of cinematic trash. I didn't make it halfway through that movie before I wanted to ship myself to Costa Rica and swan dive head first into a pit of raptors. 'Jurassic Park 3'? I'm going to be completely honest. I don't even think i bothered watching that movie, and if I did, clearly it wasn't too goddamn memorable.
Alas, time heals all. A couple decades, a thousand advances in technology, and a new cast later, and all the sudden it makes sense to try out the whole dinosaur theme park again. That's cool, I respect it. It was executed flawlessly. I'll let it slide that the female lead was walking away from a Tyrannosaurus Rex in HEELS. It was a solid enough movie to give you a pass on that. But 'Jurassic World 2'? How many times do we have to see dinosaurs eat an entire island full of people before we realize we probably shouldn't be trying to cage dinosaurs. I got to say. I thought Chris Pratt was better than this. Thought he would just start fucking the hot red head and move to the suburbs like a normal person that just survived a goddamn prehistoric attack. I'm not sitting here trying to debate how realistic a bunch of dinosaur movies are, and I realize this is just a simple multimillion dollar fundraiser for the movie studio, but Jesus Christ. Let a sleeping dog lie. Can't we just let ONE movie franchise go out on a high note? We are like two Jurassic Parks from it starting to resemble 'Sharknado'. If that doesn't put a bad taste in your mouth then the storyline to the next fucking movie certainly will. Okay, first and foremost, I just want to break this down for my readers that are SEC fans. I know that you confederate flag waving weirdos think that black football players shouldn't be allowed to go outside unless it's on the gridiron in front of 100,000 people. I know you probably think Cardale Jones lack of intellect in that last tweet was a sign that you have been right all along. However, he was joking. Get it? Like, he was being facetious? Oh, fucking forget it. It'll take me the next 3 hours to explain to you what that word means. A+ on the return zinger from Cardale Jones. I'm not going to lie. The first time we heard from him on Twitter it was a little bit iffy. Remember this gem.... Well, I got to say that he has really turned it around since then. Getting involved with the #BlackLivesMatter movement and not sounding like a complete moron in the process. Hell, even his choice of celebrities to incessantly stalk on social media was mature. I mean, come on, Ronda Rousey!?! So much more respectable that being the 300th athlete to take a run at Rihanna. This tweet is just the cherry on top though. Nailed the 'Bubba Gump' cadence almost to a T. It's impossible to read that outloud and not sound like a completely uneducated, southern black man.
Now, I know that this Buckeyes fan probably didn't mean anything by that tweet, but that's part of the problem. Cardale Jones won a National Championship in 3 games. He already held up that end of the bargain. I think he has earned the right to express his opinions on social issues. Especially social issues that revolve around race. Seeing as he is a high profile black athlete that might just be a topic that interests him. Sorry if that takes away from his practice time D-Gus, but maybe we can give Cardale a few minutes during the offseason to think on his own instead of telling him what play to run? What that be okay with you? Are you even listening, or are you too busy being hospitalized for that 3rd degree burn? Hall Of Famer Charles Haley Spoke To 49er's Rookies And Told Them To "Act Like The White Guys"7/23/2015 Mercury News- Haley, diagnosed in 2002 as being bipolar, has taken a proactive approach with the 49ers and Cowboys in mentoring younger players. In May, he spoke to the 49ers rookie class about his successes and troubles.
Said Haley: “As far as the rookies, and I know they probably got mad, but I said, ‘Why don’t you all act like the white guys? You never see them in the paper getting high or hitting people. Why don’t you act like that?’ They all looked at me crazy.” “I just did it for the shock value of it,” Haley said of his May speech. “… The hardest thing is these guys, they have an attention span of a 5-year-old. I’m not the most gentle and kind person to sit there and deal with that crap. I’m a little more confrontational. I think I got my point across.” I actually fully endorse this move from Charles Haley. I don't think it's ever right to imply that black players are more prone to crime or other questionable activities than white players. Yes, more black players get in trouble with the law, but that's simply a product of the NFL being a predominantly black league. I don't exactly have the numbers in front of me. However, I would imagine if it was broken down by percentages, all races, colors, and creeds would be very similar in their proclivity to doing dumb shit. To think that black players are somehow more at risk of stupidity than other ethnicities is such a completely antiquated way of thinking that it doesn't belong anywhere near the year 2015, never mind an NFL locker room. With that said, if you want to get the attention of a group of black rookies that's one hell of a way to do it. You don't think these guys have been hearing that they need to make better decisions from every single coach they have ever had from middle school on up? At one point or another, it starts to go in one ear and out the other. It's background noise. You know when it goes from simply being lip service to being a legitimate sticking point? When a 5-time Super Bowl Champion that was denied the Hall Of Fame on multiple occasions, strictly because of his off-the-field actions, stands in front of you and demands that you act like a group of people that has historically, and wrongfully, been viewed as superior to you. When Charles Haley essentially says that any of your transgressions are a poor reflection on an entire race of people, you listen. That stays with you. It's not politically correct. It's certainly not socially correct. But if it makes even the smallest difference in how one player acts over the course of his career it's absolutely worth saying. Whether or not it is rooted in truth is a moot point, because a player's actions will always speak louder than the words of his mentor. All aspects of the NFL are result oriented, no matter how you going about getting the desired results. DailyMail- A night's stay at a New York City hotel can get very pricey. So an Airbnb user is offering tourists a cheaper alternative - a van.
Someone by the name of Jonathan is advertising a fleet of converted vehicles on the short-term rental app parked at scenic spots around the Big Apple, starting at just $22 a night. He has around 50 Airbnb listings, but some are rooms on wheels. They range from tiny vans for just two people, with a limited amount of fittings, to fully-converted camper vans complete with a kitchen and seating area with room for four people. Guests cannot move the vans, but are the only ones with access to it during their stay. He insists they are in good neighborhoods that are quiet at night and surrounded by restaurants, bars and galleries. Some of the vans even have WiFi inside. There are no amenities, but the spot in Long Island City has spectacular views of downtown Manhattan. I don't throw the word 'genius' around very often. However, if I were to start than this guy is skyrocketing to the top of the list. New York may be the city that never sleeps, but they weren't talking about mass transit into and out of New York when they came up with that nickname. As someone that resided just over the border in New Jersey, and frequently visited the city, I can say with absolute certainty that I would have used these vans at least 20 times if I had known of their existence. A place to sleep without having to step one single foot inside Port Authority? All for the price of one overly expensive New York City cocktail? Done and done. Shit, let's discuss negotiating terms I may just buy one of these fucking thing as a place to stay when I am back East. Sure, it sucks to not have a bathroom or a shower, but you don't need a bathroom and a shower when you drunkenly stumble into a van to fall asleep in the clothes you were already wearing until sun up. Hell, if you need to pee take a step outside, the entire goddamn city is a toilet. Yeah, these vans are probably absolutely grotesque unless they are cleaned on a daily basis, but you get what you pay for. $22 bucks a night to rest your head safely in a strange place in NYC without the potential of getting raped is well worth the price of admission as far as I am concerned. It's much more financially responsible than taking a $50 Uber or cab, and it's absolutely safer than standing amidst 300 homeless people while waiting for your shitty bus to show up an hour late. Plus, it makes a much shorter trip to brunch in the morning. I Can't Decide If Greg Hardy (Yes, That Greg Hardy) Putting Out A Rap Album Is A Good Or Bad Idea7/23/2015
Initial Reaction:
When you have been in the news for the last year for beating your girl senseless, threatening to kill her, and launching her on top of a pile of guns it's general pretty smart to stay out of the public eye. Nothing will remind people how much they hate you faster than seeing you flex shirtless on an album cover. Society has a short memory span. Probably not short enough to ever stop associating you with beating women without remorse, but short nonetheless. It's possible to move on with your career after scathing allegations of the most despicable of crimes. However, if you refrain from jumping right back into front of a national spotlight, it makes it way easier to just think of you as a football player and not a morally deprived scumbag. Counter Point: If you are Greg Hardy you are pretty much a domestic abuser forever. The fact that he used to an Pro Bowl defensive end has already gone by the way side. He's just the guy that took what Ray Rice did and doubled down on it. Until he gets back on the field again and can attempt to make us think of him as a formidable pass rusher he will always just be the coward that hits females. That is, unless, he puts out the worst rap album of all time. The only way to take attention away from how bad of a person you are is to have them focus that attention on how bad of a rapper you are. Let's be honest. At this point in time, a couple million people laughing AT Greg Hardy is far better than what he has been experiencing. Nothing will lighten a mood faster than some good old fashioned terrible hip-hop from a self indulgent athlete. Just ask Ron Artest. People thought he was strictly a goon until he put out a rap album and started changing his name to unattainable societal goals twice a week. Yeah, he was still a goon, but he was a goon you could get a laugh out of from time to time. If bad melodies, terrible punchlines, and a lack of any musical 'ear' whatsoever are enough to make us smile and forget, for even a second, that Greg Hardy is a repulsive human being then this album should be considered a personal 'success'. Final Judgement: I can't believe I am saying this but I think I actually convinced myself that this album is a good idea. Honestly, I think I am just impressed by the amount of social blindness it took for more than one person to approve it's release. That, and I am also extremely intrigued by the content. If your music isn't going to be good, it better be so bad that it's memorable. I don't think Hardy will have too tough of a time reaching such shallow expectations. P.S. Poor DJ Many. Stuck producing a Greg Hardy album. Must be hard out there for a pimp...
DailyMail- The record, which was not intended to be a fully-fledged comedy track, won the 1972 Grammy Award for Best Recording for Children.
'Bill Cosby Talks to Kids About Drugs' is not the only old recording to come back and haunt the entertainer in light of his sexual abuse allegations. The star confessed in a 2006 court settlement that he used the insomnia medication on a recreational basis. At the time, Quaaludes were known as 'disco biscuits' and were routinely abused because they also encouraged sexual arousal. The 78-year-old star is trying to prevent full details of the settlement being made public. So far only excerpts have been released. His lawyers Patrick O'Connor and George Gowen say in a new court filing: 'The media immediately pounced, inaccurately labeling the released testimony as defendant's 'confession' of 'drugging' women and assaulting them. 'Reading the media accounts, one would conclude that defendant has admitted to rape. And yet defendant admitted to nothing more than being one of the many people who introduced Quaaludes into their consensual sex life in the 1970s.' Am I supposed to think that Bill Cosby is a hypocrite for putting out a record warning children of the dangers of drugs? I certainly hope not. He may be a hypocrite for about two dozen other reasons, but as far as I am concerned his need to share his knowledge of drug use means nothing more than he cares about children. Remember health class in like 4th or 5th grade? Where your middle aged teacher from suburbia was lecturing you on how marijuana is a 'gateway drug' and telling you that one cigarette would turn your lungs into a tar pit or one sip of alcohol would make your liver rot from the inside out? No one took her seriously. How could we? She was a sober (major assumption) middle class white woman who had never traveled down that path. How can you be an expert on the dangers of drugs unless you have a vast amount of experience in the field. You know when I started taking drug use seriously? When they paid some former addict to come in off the streets with his left arm incessantly twitching and his right eye that looking like he had seen a ghost. Now that guy was a trustworthy source. That guy could make even the shittiest of kids think twice about inhaling any kind of smoke. He was like the PG version of 'Requiem For A Dream'. That guy could scare a prepubescent Charlie Sheen sober. What other public figure could have made more of an impact on children than the guy that traded in consensual sex for the contents of your neighborhood pharmacy? Sure, we didn't find out just how good a source he was until after the fact, but I'll be damned if I find this tape surprising knowing what I know now. If anything this is an indictment on us. I picture people sitting around during this recording saying "gee, Bill certainly knows a lot about drugs. Weird." Duh, experience is the best education. Why do you think class trips exist? If they really wanted to instill a sense of sobriety in children they would have let Cosby give them all some 'disco biscuits' and taken them to a haunted house. Bet that would have scared them straight. None of this makes Bill Cosby any less of a scumbag, but it definitely makes him a viable educator. |
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