PFT- Jay Glazer said on FOX that the 49ers are deeply concerned with Kaepernick’s decline as a player, which started last season when he struggled before getting benched, then got even worse this offseason when he lost significant muscle mass when he couldn’t work out following multiple surgeries.
“Regardless of politics or not, he has a very, very big uphill battle to make this team,” Glazer said. “I’d be shocked if he’s on the 49ers by the time this season ends. It has nothing to do with political views whatsoever. He lost a ton of weight this offseason, had three surgeries, couldn’t work out, lost that double threat, that size-speed ratio. No political views, he just hasn’t been effective. He’s regressing as a player. I’d be shocked if he’s on this roster by the end of this year. He may not be on it in the next two weeks.” Wait...what!? A player that has reportedly fallen further and further behind his mediocre competition in his battle to become starting quarterback might get cut? A guy that made more headlines off the field than on the field might be out of a job? That can't be right. I would have thought that creating a divisive, racial charged dispute and drawing an endless amount of negative attention to a team whose season doesn't appear to be too promising would be a sure fire way to lock up a roster spot. After all, Tim Tebow took up baseball so I can't think of anyone better to fill the league-wide void as the shitty player that is only consistent in creating distractions. Since when is that not an imperative role on the final 53? Seriously though, Colin Kaepernick might be a genius. If he had any inclination that he was going to be released anyway then he might as well create a controversy on behalf of an entire race of people. You get cut for being a lousy quarterback then you're just considered a unemployed has-been, but if you get cut for being a lousy quarterback that happened to be proactive (relatively speaking) in the fight for equality then you're basically the modern day Malcolm X. Colin Kaepernick might not have much of a future in football, but he just changed the entire narrative of his career. No longer would he be a one-season wonder that washed out of the league, but a human rights activist that was martyred out of the league. The latter might not be anywhere close to being the truth, but - factual speaking- it's not entirely false. If Colin Kaepernick gets axed you could easily argue that the pseudo-commendable disturbance he created mere weeks before the season started is at least a little responsible. For someone that went from being one of the most promising young quarterbacks in all of football to a bubble player, you can't ask for a much better excuse for your termination than your self-promoted position as a African American spokesperson.
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LBS- In an interview with NFL Media’s Steve Wyche, Kaepernick admitted he is taking a stand against the United States.
“I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses Black people and people of color,” he said. “To me, this is bigger than football and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder.” “This is not something that I am going to run by anybody,” he said. “I am not looking for approval. I have to stand up for people that are oppressed. … If they take football away, my endorsements from me, I know that I stood up for what is right.” Bravo Colin Kaepernick, Bravo! You can say what you want about the largely un-American narrative he's promoting, but don't you dare argue that he didn't find a new and original way to stand up - metaphorically speaking, of course - against discrimination in this country. If four of the NBA's most accomplished, decorated, and respected athletes speaking together as one on stage at an internationally broadcast award show didn't raise awareness of the plight of the African American then it's clear that someone was going to have to get a little creative. I didn't think it was going to be the backup quarterback of a team that is projected to downright dreadful, but hey - sometimes big things come in useless packaging. I suppose you can argue - given his position on the depth chart - that by riding the pine and sulking throughout the National Anthem he actually didn't do a single thing differently then he would have had the game started. Still, if the plan was to exhaust all options to put end to prejudice in this country then he really fell on the sword by doing nothing. You know what they say, sometimes the best action is inaction. Not sure that applies when you are sending an anti-nationalistic message on behalf of an entire race of marginalized people, but - as a white male - I'm not at liberty to say that it doesn't either. And who knows better about oppression than someone who was raised by two white oppressors...err...I mean, parents. Seriously, if anyone understands what it's like to be held down by the white man it's the person that got tucked into bed by him. I'm almost certain the black community wouldn't have picked someone else to make a spectacle of themselves on account of their rights. The guy who was blessed with loving parents via adoption, a free education via scholarship, and millions upon millions of dollar via ONE good season of professional football is the perfect poster boy for the oppressed. No chance that squatting in defiance of the nation that's awarded him a strong support system and a lifetime of financial security comes off as disingenuous. If I know anything about worldly cultures it's that the country that is the single biggest culprit of institutional racism is also the one that "claims" to give Colin Kaepernick freedom, so you're goddamn right he's going to do everything he can to change that by...sitting on his ass? P.S. I'm not saying that Colin Kaepernick's views on race in America were formulated by some combination of white guilt and the evening news, but I'm not saying they weren't either. It would certainly make sense with the attention-starved, immature way he chose to take aim at an important societal issue... If I really wanted to overreact I could probably put this team in a pine box. After the abortion that was last night's game this should probably read like a eulogy instead of a season preview. Spoiler alert: It's not going to. Mostly because I know no middle ground between eternal optimist and suicidal pessimist, and I have no interest in writing about the Saints from the highest of ledges before their season even begins. However, it's also because I had no grand illusions of this team being a reincarnation of the 2000 Baltimore Ravens. I have been as encouraged by the improvement in the defense throughout camp as any other Saints fan, but by no means did I think they were set to become anything more than a middle-of-the-road unit. That would be a monumental jump considering last year's effort that could have featured Benny Hill playing on loop as it's soundtrack. Newsflash to the cynics blindly bitching from inside the sanctity of their proverbial paper bag: Even average units can look bad against offenses that have savvy veteran quarterbacks, the best wide receiver in the league, the most versatile running back in the league, and a proven offensive line. I'm supposed to act like weeks of evidence - including promising defensive efforts against the Patriots and Texans - didn't mean dick simply because Antonio Brown beat an UDFA corner over the top when he had no safety help? C'mon now. Let's put the razors away and root ourselves in reality. Now, the offensive line that looks as cohesive as a rail of blow in a wind storm? That's a different story. Watching excessive talent at the skill positions go unused because Drew Brees is legitimately running for his life brings on a feeling of hopelessness that might just get you to plug your toaster in next to your tub. Andrus Peat looks so large and immobile that he's probably earned himself a visit to the glue factory. The best improvement that Zach Strief made over the summer is that he aged one year closer to retirement. The "1 yard and a cloud of dust" runs and the comically quick check downs to running backs have the potential to make me switch to "the hard stuff" before halftime. All that being said, the Saints still have one of the best quarterbacks in the sport and a head coach that is nothing if not an offensive wizard. I didn't want to start the season by getting on both knees, putting my hands together, and desperately pledging my allegiance to Breesus despite circumstantial evidence that even he can't overcame his protection, but I'll be damned if that hasn't worked before. I'm certainly not screaming "10 and 6" from the mountaintops as loudly as I was during the blissful euphoria that is the beginning of training camp, but I am also not holding this team's head under water before it has a chance to prove whether or not it's going to sink or swim. TMZ- Jennifer Lopez broke up with Casper Smart because he snubbed her by passing on a fancy Hamptons charity event in favor of hanging with his boyz at UFC 202 ... TMZ has learned.
Sources connected with the former couple tell us ... J Lo told Casper it was super important for him to accompany her to Ron Perelman's Hamptons fundraiser Saturday night benefiting the Apollo Theater. Casper wasn't having it, because he desperately wanted to watch the Conor McGregor/Nate Diaz fight in Vegas with his friends. Casper had a great time in Vegas, hanging with Kanye and UFC announcer Bruce Buffer. J Lo, we're told, was enraged and ended the relationship ... no discussion -- simply, we're done. Here's the funny thing ... Casper was telling people at the fight he was going to NYC Sunday to meet up with Jennifer, who was there filming a show. He had no idea being a no-show Saturday would end things. This is as clear an example of false advertising as I have ever seen. Classic case of women saying all the right things to trick the object of their affection into a long term commitment. How can I possibly put this break up on Casper Smart? He entered into this 5 year union under false pretenses. It seems pretty clear - to me anyway - that despite what she says in song, Jennifer Lopez's love DOES cost a thing. Not only does it cost a thing, but it costs like the coolest, most invaluable thing ever. Front row tickets to the one of the most intriguing UFC fights in recent memory?! Whose foolin' who "Jenny from the block"? Those rocks that you got seem much more characteristic of someone that would pick a formal, uptight gathering over an awesome sporting event and then take a stand when your significant other doesn't. Sometimes I just need to see stories like this to figure out if I am capable of the compromise and sacrifice that it takes to be in mutually beneficial relationship. Sometimes I think "gee, I would do anything for love..." and then J-Lo demands that her boyfriend pass up ringside tickets with Yeezy for some "fundraiser" where a bunch of old white people not-so-casually flaunt their wealth under the ruse of a "good cause" and I think "...but I won't do that". Not for the sake of Ron Perelman whose name reeks of "slime ball Hollywood exec". I'm sure that ass is capable of things that I can only dream of, but it's not capable of curing the FOMO incurred from passing up an opportunity to watch two grown men bludgeon each other to a bloody pulp with fists of fury. Especially when the alternative is get into a public argument with a Spanish woman from the Bronx when you get caught constantly sneaking off to a bathroom stall in a snooty Hampton's banquet hall to watch the fight on your phone. Odell Beckham Singing 'Sexual Healing' While In A Hot Tub With A Teammate Is A Curious Decision8/26/2016
Look, I have said a million times that I don't care if Odell Beckham lives an "alternative lifestyle". In fact, without digging through the archives I know I have said that he would benefit greatly from coming out of the closet he may or may not occasionally pop his head out of. The guy clearly values having a certain level of celebrity, and an All-Pro wide receiver that happened to be gay would legitimately be the biggest superstar in the world. No joke, ODB's popularity would tombstone pile drive Bieber's and Beyonce's through the core of the Earth if he officially changed teams. There is not a doubt in my mind that is true. Obviously, I don't know what he prefers in the bedroom, but the only reason it's even a question is because he keeps doing shit like this. Staring at multiple male asses, acting like an infant when someone uses a homophobic slur towards him, and now posting a video of himself singing a seductive love ballad as his teammate slowly and passionately rises from beneath the surface? I truly don't give a fuck what Odell Beckham does away from football, but he can't keep pulling this crap and then storm away in a huff when people give him the "are you (insert feminine mannerism in place of the 'G' word)?". Either be openly gay and do things people assume to be characteristic of a gay man or be straight and laugh at the people who call you "gay" when you do pause-worthy things, but you can't be an overly sensitive homoerotic heterosexual with a lousy sense of humor. That, I refuse to except. P.S. How mad is Dominque Rodgers-Cromartie that Odell posted that? One thing to get yourself caught up in a ridiculously public debate about your sexuality, but getting a teammate involved? Inexcusable. I know the title of this blog reeks of resentment. Quite honestly, it probably should. While the eye rolling that takes places when I watch an Ilya Kovalchuk KHL highlight isn't entirely a product of him leaving the New Jersey Devils high and dry just two years into a FIFTEEN year contract, the fact that I felt compelled to write about it more than likely is. You see, I have long been over the early "retirement" that sent the Devils careening into a deep dark path of irrelevance that eventually led to a full blown, long overdue rebuild. Full disclosure, the fact that said rebuild has gone so flawlessly - to this point anyway - plays a major part in that. Still, I understand that Ilya Kovalchuk indirectly did the Devils a favor when he decided to flee to his homeland because the longer he stayed the longer he risked landing them in salary cap purgatory with his - apparently inevitable - "homesickness". Does part of me despise watching Kovy succeed in Russia because Russia isn't located in Newark, New Jersey? Yeah, of course. However, another part of me - a bigger, more "mature" part of me - hates seeing him succeed in Russia because Russia doesn't have any NHL team. It just eats at my overly competitive soul watching a player that's capable of greatness do triple axels to celebrate hat tricks scored against communist beer league benders. It leaves me looking at the sky when he's splintering ankles with inside-out moves that should legitimately be prohibited when playing against such an inferior level of opposition. Ilya Kovalchuk - now assisted by Pavel Datsyuk - is basically running train to the tune of 7 point games and treating each one of those points like it occurred in the waning seconds of a Game 7. I was as big of fan of his outlandishly cocky stickhandling as anyone else. The clappers so thunderous they could turn the lights out will always have me jumping out of my seat. Even the overly enthusiastic, not-so-borderline obnoxious cellies are one of my most guilty pleasures. It's just that none of it seems right when it comes at the expense of second rate talent. It's feels like the equivalent of LeBron windmill dunking on D-Leaguers in Summer League and then spiking the ball on their chest as he roars in their face. Still incredibly impressive, but in a way that's nowhere near as admirable as it should be. I say this as someone that rebuked every rumor of an NHL return and stated - again and again - that I don't want Kovy anywhere near the Devils if it did come to fruition, the NHL would be better off with him than without him. This doesn't happen often, but I am (relatively) speechless. It's not because I am shocked by what Marshawn Lynch wrote on the back of this shirt. Hell, I honestly wish he had been a little harsher on this kid who undoubtedly he thinks he's the funniest person on the planet for putting a Patriots shirt in front of a player that lost to them in the Super Bowl and not getting punched in the face in the process. Instead, I am speechless because I am running out of ways in which to praise Marshawn Lynch. He's just the realest of the real. Living, breathing proof that in an age where political correctness has run rampant you can still say whatever the fuck you want, whenever the fuck you want and not worry about the repercussions. The only time 'Beast Mode' holds his tongue is when others actually want him to use to rattle off a million different cliches, and there's something so, so refreshing about how his 'IDGAF' attitude has resulted in damn near universal adoration. Who - other than bitter, old journalists - hates Marshawn Lynch? He just directed an expletive at a douchebag on the back of that douchebag's shirt and said douchebag is without question going to frame it and put it on his wall. Marshawn Lynch's personality is starting to resemble his running style, just an unstoppable force that you can help but appreciate amongst a bunch self-censoring sallies that are too soft to "run through a ma-fucka face" when the situation calls for it.
"Some run...some make runways."
Jumpman, jumpman, jumpman, them boys up to something! Nike's slogan is still 'Just Do It', right? Just wondering, because Jordan just DONE it by taking a shot that was far from subtle at one of Nike's biggest earners. There is simply no mistaking the symbolism behind "some run, some make runways" when the person featured in the commercial decided to commit himself to Oklahoma City and use it as the launching pad for the rest of his career. Just coming at the throat of Kevin Durant with the heat of 1,000 suns after he Usain Bolted to Northern California. Hot damn, this upcoming season is going to be so fucking petty and - as a result - so fucking fun. Seriously, what the NBA just lost in parity it has made up for by gaining what can only be considered - by one of it's participants anyway- a blood feud. We are talking about a shoe company taking an unnecessary, Russell Westbrook-esque passive aggressive jab at it's main competitor's main representative and it's not even September yet! Kevin Durant best protect his neck because the amount of subliminal shots flying his way is only going to increase as basketball looms closer. Better get to scribbling "have fun" and "smile" on his kicks, because he's going to need more than one reminder with how much mudslinging is about to take place once the season tips off. The entire competitive balance of the league may be as lopsided as KD's hairline, but the soap opera-like qualities are going to turn it into must watch television. If one pointed, cleverly executed sneaker commercial didn't prove that to you then I leave you with this...
Unbiased opinion? Team USA really can't go wrong in terms of who they start in net during the World Cup of Hockey. Ben Bishop is the most physically imposing candidate, Jonathan Quick is the most accomplished candidate, and Cory Schneider is the most technically sound candidate. All in all, they are three of the best goaltenders in the universe who each have their own valid, distinct argument is to why they should be trusted with backstopping their country in international competition. Biased opinion? Cory Schneider sitting on the bench behind ANY other mere mortal would be the most unAmerican thing to happen since Russia bought up all the PBR's. An injustice so extreme that it could only be considered self sabotage. A crime so egregiously against what this country stands for that it would inevitably lead to the next Civil War. Cory Schneider - after literally dragging an entire NHL team on his back for two years now - needs to be handed the reigns and entrusted with carrying the torch for the United States. Not just because he deserves the opportunity, but because the fate of the Free World is at stake. After seeing these pads, I couldn't be more certain that subjectivity is going to win out here. You simply can't not pledge your allegiance to a man that has every one of the 50 states represented on the equipment by which he intends to defend what this nation holds most dear - it's own net. How could anyone else but the man that bears the flag which we so often salute be responsible for the sanctity of the scoreboard? A tear came to my eye when I saw these pads. A sense of pride to may cold, black heart. An erectness to my posture (amongst other things). If you didn't already think that Cory Schneider was the person to lead us into battle before then you're a flat out communist if you don't believe so now. "And to this ginger, for which he stands..." YardBarker- Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott doesn’t seem like he’s the best at first impressions. According to a report by Albert Breer of The MMQB on Thursday, Elliott caused “some concern” when he arrived to Cowboys training camp overweight at 231 pounds. While that mark was only six pounds heavier than Elliott’s listed playing weight at Ohio State and the 21-year-old is said to have “worked off some of that weight before tweaking his hamstring,” it’s still not a great look. To start, let's take a gander at the differences between Ezekiel Elliott the collegiate running back and Ezekiel Elliott the professional running back... Are we still confused as to why he came into training camp overweight? Dallas drafted a guy whose calling card is his abs - so much so that he showed up the draft with a cutoff button-down - into a league where shamelessly flaunting them is punishable by whatever number of games Roger Goodell picks out of a hat that day. OF COURSE his workout regimen fell off a cliff. How could anyone be surprised by that? It should have been blatantly obvious that the Cowboys needed to hire a guy to help him keep up with his crunches after disappointing him with the news the NFL doesn't allow crop-tops. I don't think it's any secret why people pack on the weight during the winter. There's simply no point in maintaining a tight body if you are just going to throw layers upon layers of loose clothing over it. Obviously that is untrue for someone that was selected 4th overall in the NFL draft and plays a position predicated on athleticism, but a form fitting jersey might as well be an oversized hoodless sweatshirt to someone as vain as Ezekiel Elliott. Put a thinly stretched layer of elastic material over his belly and he starts acting like he's wearing maternity clothes. We are talking about a dude that's been using the appearance of his midsection to inspire him in the gym since the first time he picked up a weight. Did they not think he was going to require a new muse to stay in shape when they took away his primary motivation of catching a mid-game glance in the mirror? Any True Oklahoman Signs This Petition To Change The "City" Of Durant To The "City" Of Westbrook8/26/2016
Medium- Ladies and gentlemen, the great state of Oklahoma has been betrayed. As many of you know, Kevin Durant has left our state, torn out our hearts, and left our beloved Oklahoma City Thunder in depleted shape. All of this after even being offered a cabinet position for the State of Oklahoma. It is because of this heinous action that I believe the State of Oklahoma has a responsibility to change the name of the City of Durant to Westbrook, the man who is loyal, whom we believe in, and who will lead our team to glory. Yes, it is understood that the city Durant was not named after the evil Kevin Durant, but it is just another hideous reminder of what happened to our community.
I am usually against all frivolous petitions that are sure to go nowhere and stand absolutely no chance of reaching the right people or accomplishing the desired goal, but this? This is one I can get behind. If you're a true Oklahoman how can you not signup to change the name of some podunk town when it's current name is representative of the most prestigious athlete to ever spurn your state for - ironically enough - greener pastures? Priorities people! What's more important, honoring some random dude that died a century ago or shedding yourself of the stink of KD? I personally don't know, but I'm sure the 'Yelp!' reviews on Kevin Durant's (now former) restaurant can could give us a telling glimpse into which way the locals are leaning. What's the downside anyway? Confusing the shit out of the 6 people per year that plug 'Durant, OK' into a GPS? Potentially having to alter the battered, nailed up signs of all 9 businesses and institutions within "city" limits? They could probably flip 'Durant Township' to 'Westbrook Township' in no more than 12 hours, and any passer-bys would be none the wiser. I'm sure there's more paperwork to it than that, but one would think that some unheard of municipality in Middle America can do an adequate job governing itself. So it's short sighted and sets a terrible precedence, who cares? You want people to respect you as a sports town then you got to live in the moment and do every petty thing possible to disparage the name of those athletes that caused your fanbase temporary pain by exercising their right to free agency. Even if it requires creating a sarcastic petition and circulating it on the internet. Not saying they are undeserving of their only professional team if they don't follow through on it, but I am saying I can think of sports-crazed region in the Pacific Northwest that would have no problem doing so...if you catch my drift. TMZ- Ryan Lochte's endorsement comeback is underway ... he just signed a brand new deal with a throat drop company ... TMZ Sports has learned.
Lochte will team up with the Pine Brothers throat lozenge company, a rep confirms -- to be the face of a campaign that promotes the drops as "Forgiving On Your Throat." Lochte will appear in print ads and a commercial. Pine Bros. CEO Rider McDowell says, "We all make mistakes, but they're rarely given front-page scrutiny. He’s a great guy who has done incredible work with charities. I’m confident that Pine Bros. fans will support our decision to give Ryan a second chance." Suck it Speedo! Who needs swimwear anyway? Summer is damn near over and the next time anyone you'd want to see in bathing briefs will be in bathing briefs is a cool 4 years away. Talk about a good time for a Olympic swimmer to fabricate a felony and weasel his way out of that million dollar association. So Ryan Lochte lost a sponsorship from the most prominent brand in his sport, big fucking deal. It's not like there is going to be any shortage of companies knocking at his door for representation. It might seem like he's starting back at square one with a second rate throat lozenge company (Luden's = GOAT), but it won't be long before he's cornered the "things that can be shoved in a person's mouth to stop them from speaking" market. The mutually beneficial possibilities are endless! Peanut butter? Salt water taffy? Freshly balled up pairs of socks? Duct tape? Elmer's glue? Literally anything that can temporarily put a halt to him voicing his lack of intelligence is a perfect advertisement-op for Ryan Lochte. An athletic, good looking celebrity that has a pension for saying unfathomably dumb shit without the self awareness to realize his level of incoherence? Can you imagine the wealth of hilarious commercial opportunities at his disposal? Honey suckers that work as nothing more than a placebo for a sore throat are just the beginning. Surely there are more profitable products that can hinder someone from opening their mouth and removing all doubt as it pertains to their stupidity that are in need of a spokesperson. Personally, I can't think of a person more qualified to fill that role than someone that doesn't even need basic acting classes to appear genuinely oblivious to the world around him. A Man's Two Ex-Wives Became Best Friends And Wrote A Book About It Because That's What Women Do8/25/2016 NYPost- “It was the first weekend where my soon-to-be ex had custody of the kids, and I just didn’t know what to do,” says the Atlanta-based mom of two of that weekend. “The house was so quiet and lonely, and I just wanted to talk to somebody who would get it.”
After mentally rifling through her contacts, she thought of the perfect person: Valerie Shepherd, her ex’s ex-wife. The two had briefly met at parties over the years but never had a serious one-on-one conversation. “I sent her a message on Facebook, asking how she handled the first time without her son,” says Miller. “Within minutes, I’d gotten a message back, telling me to pack my bag and come over to stay the night.” Five years on, the women are still pals and have paired up for a book, “The Ex-Wives’ Guide to Divorce” . “We barely talked about our mutual ex, Corey, on that first meeting, which is the fact that blew most people’s minds,” says Miller. “Instead, Valerie helped me with divorce and mediation logistics, and helped me see I would be OK.” The girls’ weekend turned into text exchanges, phone calls and even road trips with their kids. “Corey was the catalyst — within seconds we were talking about how complicated certain mediation forms were,” says Miller. This is honestly the most "siggggh....women..." story of all time. There is nothing females love more than bonding over mutual hatred, and nothing makes them more vengeful and scorned than past lovers. If there's one way to make sure two women get along it's by them having shared the same penis. I am not questioning these broads' preference to spend time with each other. I'm not even saying that all they talk about is their ex-husband. I'm just saying there is some inherent connection that the fairer sex develops from taking the same dick. It's the strangest damn thing. They say to truly know know a man you have to walk a mile in his shoes, but it seems the only way to truly know a women is to walk a mile inside of her panties. It's almost as if each failed relationship with a man is like a near death experience to a woman. Traumatic in a way that can only be understood by it's other victims. I feel like it would take 5 minutes for them to cope with the commitment-phobic men of their past if each of those men had an AA-style support group where they all just eased each other's minds by telling eerily similar tales of dates, fights, and sexual experiences gone wrong. Can you ever imagine sitting alone in your house, looking for someone to hangout with, and voluntarily deciding to rifle through a list of people that have fucked your ex-girlfriend? I think I speak for the entirety of my gender when I say that sounds like a goddamn nightmare, and it's something this batty old broad CHOSE to do while basking in the peace and quiet of an empty house. I would have been half naked with a beer in the hand that wasn't placed firmly on my balls, and this chick is scrolling through the mental rolodex of her former competition. I know men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but I'll never understand the proclivity they feel towards their ex's exes on their planet. Maybe they are located just a littttle too close to the sun. YardBarker- Arians, who tested out sideline video in the Cardinals' first preseason game, doesn’t like it at all.
“It helps bad coaches,” Arians told Arizona Central of the in-game video use.” “Defensively, you spend a lot of hours and time on a blitz and a guy can sit there, watch it on tape, show it to his guys and fix it in the first quarter. That’s not what it’s all about.” What? Oh, you thought Bruce Arians was going to be that old guy that just completely denounces technology because he doesn't understand it? C'mon, have you seen his Kangol hat? That man is the coolest customer not in the frozen food aisle. He totally comprehends the benefits that handheld electronics have provided us, he's just aware that they haven't provided him the same benefits. Don't be silly. Of course he knows how to use them, he's just too damn good for them. There's nothing that a video replay can tell Bruce Arians that his eyes already haven't. Who needs gigabytes when you've got brain power? All those other inferior coaches maybe, but Bruce Arians 20/20 vision makes high definition look like the scrambled picture on a fattest of backed televisions. He's not the old man yelling at the cloud, he's the old man condescendingly glaring at the cloud like he already knows it's next move. Mid-game adjustments? He had those built into the game plan two weeks ago! I bet he only has DVR because of his wife, but refuses to use it because he values the promptness and planning required to watch a show when it airs. Probably hasn't used the rewind one button a single time because you should never lose focus if you truly care about something. Sure, he comprehends the concept of convenience, he just thinks it's for weak minded nancies that don't value the preparation that should be necessary to coach at the highest level. Bruce Arians doesn't need to stick his head up a bull's ass to get a good look at a t-bone steak, because he's already bred that bull to produce strictly filets since day one. You can keep your appliances, because the truest student of the game has a mind that's hardwired to understand football better than any machine-reliant man ever could. Believe It Or Not The NFL Is Letting The Saints Wear An Honorary Will Smith Helmet Decal This Season8/25/2016 PFT- The New Orleans Saints lost a key member of the family earlier this year, when former defensive end Will Smith was shot and killed. The team will remember him in a significant way this season.
The Saints have announced that a decal bearing Smith’s number and name will be attached to the helmet of every player. To be honest, I don't really see how this differs from any of the other subtle, commemorative uniform adjustments that teams have had shot down by the NFL in the past. To be even more honest, I don't really care. Will Smith meant enough to the franchise that will don his number on the back of their helmets to be the exception to what has proven - ad nauseam - to a be an absolutely ludicrous rule. I am assuming this has been green lighted because it's impossible to find something wrong with a sticker that honors a fallen peer, whereas a salute to law enforcement could send mixed messages to a league predominantly composed of African Americans that may or may not feel slighted by that very same group of people. Whatever, I don't want to make anything more of this than what it is, and it is a well deserved gesture to a fallen man - and the family that survives him - that was taken from us to soon. Will Smith's presence on the field and in the community is something that every player suiting up for the Saints this season should keep in the back of their minds and the bottom of their hearts. I'm glad that all they'll have to do is catch a glance at the back of any one of their helmets to do so, because - while he'll never be forgotten - he was far too important to the franchise (and the most important people in it) to be gone without recognition. Look, it's pretty clear that Usher played that up for the camera seeing as he was looking directly at it when he started shaking his hand like he was holding a polaroid picture in the 'Hey Ya' video. Still, there's little to no doubt the unexpected strength of Damien Woody's handshake tempted him to do so, and I absolutely love that it did. Nothing says "I'm not just a fat man in a suit" like an extraordinarily firm handshake that reminds the recipient that the person on the other end of it used to butt skulls with the most physically imposing men on the planet for a living. I'm not saying that Damien Woody is out there trying to fracture wrists and break fingers, but I wouldn't even blame him if he was. There's only so may ways to assert your dominance in retirement and hard ass handshakes are undoubtedly the most socially acceptable. You step in Damien's studio you better bring your big boy grip, because he'll be damned if he's letting more notorious people leave without remembering they had a run in with a former NFL offensive lineman. So 'Let It Burn' Usher because you may have a laundry list of hits, but you've never had to repeatedly absorb them from 300+ pound behemoths frothing at the mouth to get to the quarterback like the man that just squeezed you into submission. The Anonymous Scout That Said Tim Tebow Has "No Shot" As A Baseball Player Is A Real Tough Guy8/25/2016
LBS- Katie Strang of ESPN.com spoke with three pro baseball scouts on Wednesday, and all three “expressed serious doubt” that Tebow can play at the major league level. One took it a step further.
“No shot,” a scout told Strang. Another scout has already seen Tebow’s swing on video, and he was very critical of it. “If it was any longer, it would take out the front row,” the scout said. Expressing serious doubt is one thing. Anyone that is being honest with themselves would express serious doubt in someone that hasn't played baseball in a decade (and apparently closed his eyes on fastballs when he did) picking up a bat for the first time since college and swinging his way into a Major League locker room. No shot, however? NO SHOT?!? Jokes that he's so bad it could cause potential fan violence? How can that extremely declarative opinion even be validated if the person responsible for it wouldn't even attach their name to it? Who are you nameless, faceless scout? It's easy to say someone that has less than a 1% chance of making isn't going to make it when you don't have to answer to that claim if he does. I need to know who to shamelessly mock online if God sends down Christopher Lloyd and the rest of the 'Angels In The Outfield' to carry Tim Tebow up through the ranks, and this "expert's" failure to attach his reputation to a fairly common claim has robbed me of that most unlikely of opportunities. Obviously anyone that truly and honestly believes in Tim Tebow's ability to succeed on the baseball diamond is delusional, but the person that thinks defiantly discrediting his ability to do so is something that needs to be said out loud is equally delusional. At the very least this anonymous asshole is pissing on our predominantly sarcastic parade, and at the most he's an unidentified coward that will get to run from his words if they happen to be proven false. Either way, I don't like him, I don't respect him, and it only makes me want to root that much harder for him to be wrong - regardless of how I feel about who he'll probably be right about. P.S. Best almost check swing I have ever seen. He'll have that eye bettered in no time and when he's able to refrain from following through on balls that are 6 feet out of the strike zone we are all in big, BIG trouble...
Hope Solo Received A Six Month Suspension And Then Had Her Contract Terminated By The USWNT8/25/2016
I don't think you will find anyone that will agree that calling your opposition a "bunch of cowards" in the wake of a heartbreaking defeat that sent you home early from a tournament you had every intention of winning is worthy of a 6 month suspension. I was someone that was extremely critical of her butt-hurt bullshit, and even I think that's an excessive form of discipline for such a relatively harmless act. That, however, isn't the discussion we should be having right now, because this suspension/contract termination wasn't about one bitter postgame quote and anyone acting like it is has the long term memory of which ever family member Hope Solo last clocked upside the head. My instantaneous reaction when I heard about this wasn't one of shock. In fact, I liken it to the way I felt when I first heard Tom Brady was being suspended for DeflateGate. Obviously the punishment didn't fit the crime, but - at the time - I was fine with it because the punishment was for so much more than the one crime that essentially acted as the final straw. The Patriots went through 18 months of hell because - right or wrong - the NFL saw them as repeat offenders of cheating, and the USWNT terminated Hope Solo's contract because they accurately saw her as a repeat offender of being a terrible fucking human being. No Twitter, Ryan Lochte - in his infinite stupidity - has nothing to do with this. The USWNT Player's Association and the simpletons claiming that this is some double standard between men and women should be ashamed of themselves. I'd like to give those people a better example of a double standard just so they understand what the term truly means... Remember when Ray Rice and Adrian Petersen temporarily lost their means of income for domestic abuse while Hope Solo was drunk in a police station threatening police officers after beating the piss out of her entire family tree? The fact that she walked away from that incident with nothing more than a slap on the wrist is a double standard. The fact that there are apparently people out there that have already completely forgotten that happened is a double standard. The fact that people think the USWNT owes ANYONE an explanation for taking action against one of THEIR OWN BEST PLAYERS because she's been such a constant headache is a double standard. Any potential double standard she was the victim of is EASILY offset by the one she massively benefited from. If a male professional athlete was cut for a failure to steer clear of trouble we would just label him an ungrateful dickhead and move on. Why can't we do that for a female professional athlete that has a long decorated history of being a loose cannon? I bet people online that haven't watched more than 3 seconds of women's soccer are more staunchly supporting her than her own damn teammates. I don't give a shit if the US Women's Soccer Team suspended Hope Solo for cropdusting her coach because what she's really being suspended for is winning the 'Lifetime Achievement Award' as an insufferable asshole. Anyone that can't see that is probably also too stupid to realize that she'll more than likely be back on the team before they even play their next truly meaningful match.
You see the bend in those tree trunks? The weight transfer in those breakaway bearing hips? The unexpected power emanating from those otherwise soft hands? Wooooo-eeee! I need to see that man on the ice like I need air to breathe. Like I need just onnnnne more beer at last call. Like I need that second slice of mediocre pizza to throughly wash down said beer. I'm not sure I can wait another second for that whiplash inducing speed that - to put it mildly - has been absent from the lineup to come screaming down the wing and snap my head so violently back into my seat that I'll be watching the home opener in a neck brace. I don't know who was holding the phone and taping this but I couldn't have said it better myself. "Oooh sheeeeeeit" is right. The pop off that bat was so shocking I'm pretty sure it made my guts bubble. Quite a contrast to the simultaneous fluttering of my heart. Taylor Hall, with one swing of the lumber, just made me feel all the feelings. Lord knows I'll need one of those handheld fans to keep me from fainting when he laces them up and starts playing a sport I actually care about. Game breaking ability back in New Jersey? I'm going to need an unlimited Xanax prescription to get through this season without having to make a Taylor Hall related hospital trip and you can bet your ass I'll be all smiles in the ambulance. UPDATE:
LBS- Breshad Perriman cut his signature dreadlocks last month, and the resulting effect was a noticeable loss in weight.
“I feel much lighter,” Perriman told ESPN’s Jamison Hensley. “Once I cut it, I weighed myself, and I lost three or four pounds. It was crazy.” This story - much like every all-too-rare story in which an athlete loses so much as a handful of weight without changing his/her diet or stepping foot in a gym - has one distinct loser. I think you know where I am headed with this. That's right. It's the man, the myth, the lard-ass... Now obviously Eddie Lacy slimmed down over this past offseason, but can you imagine how many times he could have saved himself an earful with an instantaneous drop in weight? Look at that big ole head of his. If a scrawny wide receiver shaved 4 pounds of hair off his skull then Eddie Lacy had to have at least 6-7 excess pounds of braids dragging from his formerly peach-shaped frame. I can only imagine he would have gladly traded those in for some peace, quiet, and an extra side order of lo mein when his position coach was breathing down his dreads after yet another disappointing weigh in. There is no shortage of times in which Eddie Lacy would have welcomed a buzz cut after a Kirstie Alley-esque ballooning. He clearly took more verbal abuse than he had to by not scalping himself free of one less tongue lashing. No doubt he could have snuck one more week of binge eating leftover P.F. Chang's past Mike McCarthy when all eyes were on that all to important scale reading. I am glad that Breshad Perriman is finally embracing the beauty of the #baldlife, but shame on him for incidentally showing Eddie Lacy how to tiptoe around scrutiny as a chunky halfback only after he actually put real effort into shedding his baby (back ribs) fat. |
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