Huffington Post- Father-son projects are a great way to bond with your children, teach them life lessons, and, apparently, make millions of dollars.
At least, that's the case with EvanTubeHD, the adorably fun YouTube channel that an 8-year-old boy named Evan started with his dad three years ago. In his videos, Evan demonstrates and reviews the latest toys and video games for kids. His father Jared, who runs a photography and video production company, helps bring the reviews to life.
I don't want to come off as angry and bitter. With that said, FUCK this kid. So after doing some simple addition this kid can basically retire by the time college rolls around. At that point he can just apply anyway for the alcoholism and bitches, and not worry about a thing for the rest of his life. Sure, reviewing toys will probably become creepy by the age of 12-13. Who cares? By then he will have made far more than any pre-pubescent little shit ever should.
Reviewing toys? What in the actual fuck? At the age of 8 toys are either cool or not cool. That was the extent of my toy reviewing abilities at that age. Shit, that is the extent of my toy reviewing abilities now. Yes, I'm aware that I could simply add to his millions of page views and find out how informative his reviews are, but I refuse. The second I lay eyes on this kid I'll think about his bank account and launch my laptop into oncoming traffic.
Know what makes me the most mad about this kid? He found something that he loves doing and that makes way more money than it should….by the age of fucking 8. Most people don't find that in their entire lifetime. It is equal parts refreshing and annoying to see the smile on this kid's face in the above picture. Ear to ear smile while working. When's the last time you had that? FUCK.
Eight years old and richer than all of us. That is supposed to be reserved for child actors. Then they grow old and the fact that they were taken advantage of kicks in. They do a bunch of drugs, fuck up their lives, and end up broke tweaking off meth in a New York City alley way. That's the give and take of being rich at 8.
Meanwhile, this kid's situation doesn't even have a downside. He can just stop reviewing toys when puberty hits. I hope this kid ends up broke somewhere in the future. It's only fair to the rest of us. Can't just be a millionaire before you even get an erection and live the perfect life.
Lion's Tight End Joseph Fauria Sprained his Ankle Trying to Stop His Dog From Peeing
Yahoo- Lil' Rufio, who appears to be a Husky puppy, caused his owner to suffer a sprained ankle and miss game action. Fauria is still in a walking boot from the dog.
So I am not sure what the Detroit Lions training staff is doing, but its fair to say it is not their jobs. First Stephen Tulloch's ACL explodes while celebrating, and now Fauria hurts himself because his puppy can't hold it. What? These guys are professional athletes. The most athletic specimens on earth. How do they keep hurting themselves doing normal people shit.
Do we have to hire people to do normal everyday shit for every Lions player? Like no one is allowed to reach for the top shelf, or take a pan out of the cupboard, or make their own coffee and go for a morning walk. No normal people shit for this team. Maybe they should just sleep in the locker room for the rest of the season. They are better at staying healthy doing the most rigorous and physically draining activity on the planet. However, you put them in their own home and they are more injury prone than Joe the 280 pound plumber who hasn't seen his dick or feet seen 1982. Just totally does not register with me.
Then again, he's more than likely lying. Goddamn contract stipulations…
Daily Mail- A Polish veterinary student who stitched the words 'I Love You' onto the skin of a dog and then posted the image on Facebook to impress his girlfriend is under investigation by university staff.
The fourth year student from the University of Warmia and Mazury in Olsztyn - a city in north east Poland - is believed to have been involved an operation on the dog, before using a large number of unnecessary stitches to spell out a message to his girlfriend on the animal's stomach.
Of course. Of course it was a fucking Polish University. This move is so Polish it hurts. If this happened in the good ol' US of A this moron would have been in a padded cell already. A move this dumb is strictly common place in Poland. It's as Polish as kielbasa on a Sunday afternoon.
What was this dude thinking? Aren't veterinarians considered doctors? Aren't they supposed to have some level of intelligence to have the permission to cut open another living thing? This person has to get kicked out of school. At the very least has to choose a a new major. Maybe a few courses in 'Living and Breathing' or 'Rational Thinking 101'.
Who is this girlfriend anyway? Why is he trying to impress her so badly? Dude, get her some flowers. Sure they cost more, but there's nothing romantic about reading some half assed 'I love you' stitch job off a dog's back. Come on man, that's what Hallmark's are for. You keep stitching 'i love you' on living things and you are going to put a cliche driven card maker out of a job. If the girlfriend actually liked this move then that raises more questions then it answers.
Not at all surprised this person was caught on social media. Probably did it just so he could post it on the internet. 'Look everyone, I love my girlfriend, and I'm doing great in school, and ohhh shit…I'm kicked out'. Nice work schmuck.
Oh man, this is the perfect 'if dogs could talk' scenario. Like, the dog was probably under anesthesia and hardly felt this right? I'm sure he's pretty happy he is alive and kicking after surgery. Can you imagine though? This is like waking up hungover and your friend is smirking at you while you are asking why your back is sore. Come to find out he tattooed a smiling penis on the swell of your back. If that dog only knew he has become a pawn for the sole purpose of pleasing this guy's shitty girlfriend. Lord knows if he could comprehend that this dude would already be dead with bite marks on his neck.
P.S. 'What's so unethical about it? He's learnt to sew in order to help and is just showing his skill.'
Lock 'em both up, Swallow the key. we can't trust these two out in the world around other people and living things. God help us all if they ever reproduce.
Steve Smith Sr. is an Absolute Gem
After 13 years I am finally allowed to say it. I fucking love Steve Smith. I have held my tongue for over a decade. As far as I can remember Steve Smith has made a living beating Saints defensive backs like a dead horse. I am finally free of the biannual beat down and able to express what I truly feel in my heart. The Saints were rumored to be interested in Smith over this past offseason and I am not going to lie, I instantly went from 6 to midnight.
I don't know how people can hate Steve Smith. False. I take that back. The reason people hate Steve Smith is the same reason I love him. He talks that shit, and he most definitely walks that shit. Rough around the edges? Sure. Winning any popularity contests? Fuck and no. However, he is a 5'9 wide receiver that physically dominates his opposition. Stiff arms, fights, wrestling matches, you name it. He won't back down from anyone on the field, and he won't shut up off of it.
I've heard people say that "good players talk about how good they are, great players don't have to". Something along those lines. Well that is clearly not true. Example #1: Steve Smith. Smith isn't afraid to tell people how great he is, he isn't afraid to tell people how good they aren't, and he wasn't afraid to let the Panthers know that they should be afraid. Sure he had a semi-lucky catch and run on a long touchdown Sunday. You got to be lucky to be good. Regardless, the 35 year old torched his former team to the tune of 140 yards and 2 touchdowns.
While he may not always, or ever, be a true professional. He is a true competitor. A little ball of hate with the testosterone levels of a raging bull. He's not afraid to run his mouth or hit you in the mouth, and has the willingness to beat you and beat you down.
It almost feels wrong doing all this talking for Steve Smith Sr. The right way to do it is to let him tell you, and show you, himself. Enjoy…..
I don't even know how the Panthers cut him after all these plays. Didn't need a psychic to predict he was going to go off when he faced his former team. The last thing this man needs is more motivation. Tough as nails and spent an entire career trying to prove himself. Let's get to the good stuff. Panthers fans, close your eyes….
Damn Carolina. Worked by your 35 year old ex stud wideout. Good call on letting him go. Hit em' with the mic drop….
Hate. A word I am all too familiar with. I hate a lot of things. Shit, I hate a lot of people. Definitely hate more people than I like, without question. That's part of the reason I like sports. A small part, but a part none the less. The ability to irrationally hate people I don't know comes along being a sports fan. It's what rivalries are founded on. It's what makes the wins more special, and the defeats more gut wrenching.
Watching what used to be the most heated rivalry in all of sports turn into a mushy love fest over the weekend made me absolutely sick. I have made my feelings on Jeter known. In short, great player that does not deserve anywhere close to the dick kissing the entire league is giving him. Boston not only honored Jeter (a concept I have no issue with) but they all but held a parade through the city for him. Bringing out Boston greats and the like, you would have thought it was a retirement ceremony for one of their own.
I get why it is was done. Fenway Jeter shirts increase profit. All sports franchises are greedy and money hungry. More so in baseball where, in a salary cap free league, that money can be put directly towards the success of the franchise. I don't like it, but I get it. Red Sox fans giving him a standing ovation and sporting Jeter shirts is where I draw the line though. Have some self respect. Booing Jeter sends the same damn message. People don't boo bad players. They should have stood on their seats and booed the loudest any fan base has ever booed. That would have been the ultimate sign of respect to what Derek has accomplished over the course of a storied career.
This is why I am not a baseball fan. Too many 'unwritten rules'. Too much respect for the game. When did baseball become golf? America's game my ass. As Americans we constantly bicker, and hate, and shit all over each other. That's why football is really America's game. You think Boston is throwing a parade for that mouth breather Eli Manning anytime soon? Fuck. And. No. Hockey? You think Lou Lamoriello would ever put the name of a legendary New York Rangers player on a product being sold in the Prudential Center? The concept of either is absolutely laughable. I want to celebrate the accomplishments of 'my' players and my players only. When Mark Messier retired and subsequently cried I was laughing so hard that I cried along with him. When Henrik Lundqvist retires I will probably throw a kegger in my backyard and piss on clothing that bears his name. That's what rivalries are about.
I checked the pulse. The Red Sox/Yankees rivalry is DOA. It's a damn shame too. Watching the Red Sox win 4 straight in 2004 and breaking the hearts of Yankee fans everywhere was about as much fun as I have had watching a sport I don't care about. Have the championships let Boston forget the years of pain Jeter and the Yankees were responsible for? It's like throwing an engagement party for your ex wife.
People call me a Jeter hater and I understand why. Jeter, however, is not one of the many people I irrationally hate. I am just over saturated with this retirement bullshit. It's not the person I hate, it is the situation. Jeter has done nothing for Boston. NOTHING. So, excuse me for thinking they owe him NOTHING in return.
Rest In Peace Red Sox/Yankees. I'll never forget….
Now we get selfies and Boston Jeter shirts. Fuck 2014.
Wow, shocker. I fucking hate Scott Gomez. He's a pompous little shit who fell off after unceremoniously leaving the Devils for the almighty dollar. Professional sports are a business, but leaving for the cross river rival and then running your mouth about the Devils organization is decidedly not part of the business. Well Scotty got his big contract and lasted about a third of it because he was awful. Just like every other New York Rangers high priced free agent he failed miserably to live up to his contract status. After a failed stint in Montreal, as well as Florida and San Jose, Scotty Gomez is back on a tryout basis with the Devils.
Recently Scotty had an interview declaring he is the same player he once was. Basically blames lack of talented line mates for his regression as a player. Let's be serious Scott. You didn't score a goal for an entire year. To say you are still the dynamic player you were while winning Stanley Cups with the Devils is beyond delusional. Just shut up and play.
I am like any other fan. Scott Gomez is an asshole. I wish nothing but ill will upon him. I hope he drowns while ice fishing in his hometown of Alaska….unless he makes this team. If Scott Gomez makes this team and contributes I will plaster a fucking poster of him above my goddamn bed. Thankfully I still think the chances of that happening are very, very low. As much as I would like to string him up in downtown Newark and throw rocks at him I will support the shit out of him if he helps the Devils win. Does it feel right? No. That filthy little mexican left on shitty terms and I wanted to stick a pipe bomb in his smug little mouth every time he opened it for years after. Whatever though. Petr Sykora left on bad terms and was a contributor to a Stanley Cup finals run in 2012. If Scott Gomez is wearing red and black and playing in the finals in 8 months I'll tattoo his shit eating grin on my ass cheek.
I appreciate the reception Scott Gomez got in his first preseason game back in New Jersey. I hope Devils' fans boo him incessantly until he proves he is a key cog in helping the team win. Winning cures all Scotty. Just do your part and that selective memory of the fan base will kick in. Until then, play in Newark traffic. Because HEY, if your years since leaving the Devils prove anything, YOU SUCK!
Less talky, more…...
CNN- "Love is a concept invented by poor people. Love at first sight that sends shivers down your spine is a fairy tale, and it doesn't last forever. Such infatuation must be transformed into a selfless form of love, empty of possessive expectations, for any relationship to endure.
If we are allowed to admit that, then think of the possibilities. Traditional relationships are based on possessiveness and selfishness. As I look at the future of traditional relationships, I see divorces, heartbreaks and broken families."
There's a lot at play here. Let's start with this guy Brandon Wade though. It's not all that difficult to portray a high level of success and intellectuality to a woman dude. You're problem is you lack personality and a sense of humor. Basically your mother told you to focus on getting rich and successful because you weren't much to look at and/or talk to. There's nothing wrong with that, but let's not blame everyone else for your previously unsuccessful dating life. Society isn't responsible for your inability to communicate your qualities (money) to women without sounding like a douche.
On to the more pressing matter. Does this guy have a point? Eh. I think he does, but he has a very self righteous way of getting it across. Maybe 'love is for poor people' is the incorrect way to put it. I think a more appropriate wording would be 'love isn't for the filthy, stinking, disgustingly rich'. There is definitely a middle ground between someone being poor and someone making 250k annually.
There is no doubt relationships have changed in the recent years. It is the reason why there is an increasing number of single 30-somethings. The societal pressures of finding a life partner that once encumbered previous generations are now gone. There are pros and cons to this though. In one sense it helps us focus on ourselves before we focus on an 'us'. In another sense everyone is so goddamn narcissistic and selfish (myself included) that it is difficult to find someone who makes you want to change that.
I choose to take a more rational approach than Mr. Wade. I don't think the entire concept of love is dead. I also don't think life is a romantic comedy. I fall somewhere in the middle. However, the divorce numbers don't lie. People get married for the wrong reasons all the time. Most of these stem from insecurity. That could be financial insecurity, emotional insecurity, or just the basic fear of being alone. Social norms lead you to believe that life is supposed to happen a certain way. Dating, marriage, house, kids. The truth is everyone is very different and the common family structure isn't for everyone.
This may all be true but lets's hope the future of dating and love isn't everyone meeting up dressed in masks looking for a sugar daddy or a side piece. That's a little overly cynical, even for my tastes. Sure, it is probably tough to maintain a monogamous relationship making over 250k a year. If I was rich I would fly as solo as an indian guy on an airplane. However, for us normal folks finding love isn't an overly optimistic premise.
This guy makes a few solid points. You should be able to live life how you choose and find a life partner that accepts you that way. However, I refuse to sit here and think that love is only for poor people like it is top ramen or one-ply toilet paper. He seems like a very smart guy, which really begs the question of why he had to start a website to turn money into pussy? It's not exactly as difficult as turning water into wine.
P.S. If a bunch of rich 40 year old dudes want to find some gold digging strange do they really have to take to a website to do it? Maybe society is going down the rabbit hole. Women and men can't even be morally corrupt perverts and whores anymore without a computer….
P.P.S. "Believe it or not, my first kiss didn't happen until I was 21." Yeah bro, we believe you. With that combover and those designer glasses I am surprised '40 Year Old Virgin' wasn't a documentary.
Green Wave Meet A Scarlet Tsunami
Nice little ho-hum vintage Gary Nova game against inferior competition. 4 TD's and 290 yards through the air. Yeah, it was Tulane. But this is Gary Nova, and I will take that any day. A team that was picked to finish at the bottom of the division is favored against Michigan this upcoming week. Who would have predicted that? Rutgers is at already at the win total that most people expected them to finish the season with. The cupcakes are over though. Michigan may be terrible up until this point, but you never count out a team with the history of the Wolverines.
Couple things from the game. Desmond Peoples and Justin Goodwin filled in admirably for the injured Paul James. The James injury may hurt us against stiffer competition down the road (Wisconsin, Mich St., Nebraska), but for now the depth is really showing itself. If you are going to have to deal with a devastating injury, it is good it came from a position of strength. While neither player boasts the big play potential of James, both are able to allow their blocks to develop and hit the hole with speed. From what we have seen in their careers both players are stellar pass catchers out of the backfield as well.
Leonte Carroo. What a fucking stud? What else can be said? This guy is going to demolish the receiving touchdown records at Rutgers. Catches absolute everything, just a joy to watch. Call it chemistry from high school with Nova. Call it Carroo making Nova look good. I don't care what you call it, as long as it continues. It would be nice to see Nova get some more players involved on offense with the meat of the schedule coming up, but I can't blame him too much for going back to the well.
A defense? What?! Listen, by no means am I saying they are world beaters, but it's a hell of a a lot better than what we saw against Washington State and Howard. Holding Penn State to 13, limiting Navy's high powered rushing attack, and stifling Tulane were all a welcome change to the first few weeks. Sometimes it is easy to forget how young this defense is, and it should only improve going forward.
My god, Kemoko Turay. What an absolute freak. It is going to be fun watching this guy for years to come. He has all the athletic ability in the world and seems to be catching on quickly when it comes to instincts. Especially considering his limited football background. Hopefully we see more plays like the ones below...
This Michigan game kind of scares me. Going to have to run the ball effectively, limit Gary's throws, and avoid turnovers at all costs :ahem Mr. Nova:. Would be nice to see the defense continue to improve and maybe force a turnover or two. The special teams just has to continue to be the special teams. Block kicks, It's just what we do. Maybe we can decide to actually block for Grant on a kick return, Lord knows he is itching to take one to the chopper.
Above all, we need a Penn State-esque turnout from the Scarlet Knight faithful. I want ears bleeding in Piscataway. Got to get our first Big Ten win somewhere, and wouldn't it be nice to get it at home against a team as storied as Michigan.
The season started, we were up 10-0 on the Falcons, and I was like….
Now I'm like….
I wish I could tell you what happened in between. It has all been a blur. All I know is the Saints are 1-3 with a lone win over a Minnesota in a game Adrian Petersen didn't play in and a game where they lost their starting quarterback. I'm not sure if there is a 'good 1-3', but this certainly is not it. In fact, last night's loss to Dallas was as bad as I have seen a Sean Payton coached team ever look. 2007 and 2008 were mediocre years, but they also had mediocre talent. 2012 saw their head coach suspended for the season. Sure they looked awful against the Seahawks in Seattle last year but who didn't. This was the Dallas Cowboys with a depleted secondary and they made the Saints look like a High School team.
I have seen the Saints absolutely suck defensively; See 2012's abysmal record setting defense. I thought we were done with that. Rob Ryan turned that unit into a top 5 defense last year. If anything, this years group has more talent than last years. My brain has been running around in circles all day and can't comprehend what I watched last night. It's not that they missed tackled, it looked like they weren't even trying to make them. Demarco Murray had more holes to choose from than Channing Tatum at a sorority house. Literally walked into the end zone untouched several times. Sometimes you have those back breaker plays where a player rips through 6 of your defenders for a first down after being bottled up. If memory serves correctly, I believe Dallas has about 160 of them in the first half alone.
A front line that boasts Pro Bowler Cam Jordan and Junior Galette (24.5 sacks combined last season) has been non existent. Akiem Hicks was poised for a breakout season, now he looks like he's poised for his 3rd run at the buffet line. The secondary was supposed to be stellar. Jaruis Byrd and Kenny Vaccarro were supposed to be one of the best safety tandems in the league. The only person who has been remotely close to covering anyone all season has been Keenan Lewis.
And that's just the defense! The offense has been all but a guarantee since 2006. Continually tops in the league. The Saints put up all of 0 points in the first half. Colston dropped balls. Graham dropped balls. Brees forced a bad interception deep in his own territory and was off a large majority of the night. The only player that looked remotely interested in playing was Khiry Robinson. If you think the Saints run the ball sparingly in close games, just wait until they are down 24 before you can blink. Going off memory alone, the Saints could have had 3 fumbles last night, all by receivers. It got to the point where I would have rather had them slap passes into the grass instead of catching them then instantly turning it over.
I don't even know how to continue. They were bad in every single facet of the game. Sure they had a play here or there, but there is no particular thing they did even satisfactory last night. Those nights happen to teams sometimes. I'm not denying that, but they shouldn't happen to 1-2 teams that were supposed to be primed for a Super Bowl run. It's not that they sucked last night. It's that they looked like they didn't care that they sucked. NO emotion. NO fire. From the head coach on down to the long snapper. Since 2006 I have never been absolutely embarrassed of this team, and last night I 1000% was.
Watching the second half of that game compares favorably to my Sunday night meals. Sure, I know nothing good is going to come out of that 4th slice of pizza. Sure, I'll inevitably feel terrible. That's how I felt as the second half kickoff happened. I thought, 'I can't believe I am going to watch another 90 minutes of this garbage'. Sure enough, besides some meaningless touchdowns it was just as bad, if not worse. The Saints crawled to within 2 scores before putting Brees on the bench in 4th and 9 and pulling this dead rabbit out of the hat….
No words. Just absolutely no words.
I read the Saints message boards because apparently I hate happiness. They are littered with people blaming Brees, Rob Ryan, the offense, the defense. The fact is the problem starts at the top. Everyone is responsible in their own way, But Sean Payton better get this ship afloat quickly or he might be looking at the unemployment line. The entire team and coaching staff looked disinterested in finishing the game by halftime, and that is simply unacceptable. I don't expect 19-0, but I do expect a team that wants to win. I still think I am going to wake up and it will be Sunday afternoon. That couldn't have been a real performance.
Figure it out boys, the Who Dat Nation deserves better!
P.S. We're still winning the Super Bowl.
P.P.S. Please wake me up.
Refreshing really. If you think about, if you aren't in the top 10% of alcohol consumption you can't really be an alcoholic, right? I guess I no longer have to feel bad about the occasional 10 beer Tuesday when I go to a Devils game this season. I would have to go soooo much harder than I do now to hit 74 drinks weekly. That's saying something. Even at the absolute worst I'll have maybe 35 drinks from now to Sunday, and that's on the higher end. I would have to put in SERIOUS work during the week to even get remotely close to 74 drinks.
Not good. I will probably bring this study up 30 times today. Every time someone thinks I have had enough I'm pulling this up on my phone. Chart don't lie. I'm basically a pussy when it comes to drinking apparently. I'm not sure if this chart will help me sleep better at night or serve as a goal. Probably depends on what day of the week it is. All I know is it is probably going to increase the ol' BAC today. After all, I got some red blooded Americans to catch up to. I'm not saying I want to meet all these people that drink 74 drinks a week, but I'm not saying I don't. I could slam down 10 beers and probably feel pretty sober compared to Mary Minivan slugging down a water bottle of vodka while driving her kids to school.
P.S. How much does it suck to be 70% of Americans? Between 0-2.17 drinks a week? Got to be miserable people. There's way to much awful shit in this world to forget about to only be having 2.1 drinks a week. No wonder there is so much damn negativity in society. Jesus, catch a buzz ya damn prudes.
Anyway, bottoms up and happy tailgating. And don't forget, you'll probably have to end up in the hospital to catch up to the top 10% of American drinkers. Go Knights!!!
Clippers New Owner Steve Ballmer to Ban Use of Apple Products by Team and Staff
USA Today- Before he bought the Los Angeles Clippers for $2 billion, Steve Ballmer was Microsoft’s 30th employee and its longtime CEO. Though he officially parted ways with the company in August to focus on his newest toy, Ballmer’s loyalties obviously still lie with the Washington company, which is why he plans on making the Clippers an Apple-free territory.
So in the wake of the Donald Sterling debacle the new owner is going to ban Apple products throughout the entire Los Angeles Clippers franchise. I see nooooo way this could go wrong. Take a franchise fresh off a race scandal and tell them what electronics they are allowed to have. I mean you own the players, right Steve? Why not? You clearly can tell them what to buy, and how to live their lives.
Listen dude, it's 2014. Telling someone they can't own the most popular phone on the planet is one of the most disrespectful things you can tell someone. There are parents that refuse to tell their 8 year old kids they can't have an iPhone. Most of these guys are glued to their Apple products. Their are lines that last hours and hours whenever a new product drops. There are easily more people in this country with iPhones than without iPhones. There is a 0% chance you are going to walk through the door and garner the players respect by taking their phones. Furthermore, It's not even legal. You can't just tell someone what they can and can't have. You can buy them a work phone I suppose. As far as I know, a boss can't tell his employees what to own, no matter how much he is paying them.
I do kind of respect it. Balls of steal. Day one, give me your phones. What is this, military training? Something tells me this guy has an authority complex. It's safe to say the Clipper's players are wary of old rich white dudes at the moment, might want to get on their good side first before force feeding them Microsoft products. A Microsoft phone? Is it 2001? I wouldn't be caught dead in public with that thing. Walk around LA with that thing and you would have homeless people judging you. Blake Griffin will slam dunk that thing through the Earth's core before he's seen texting on that abomination.
Hey Steve, just sit back and enjoy your winning team. Enjoy owning a sport's franchise. Don't over think this too much. If not being a racist dick is rule #1 of owning an NBA franchise then not touching a black man's phone is #2. I can't wait until week two when the players are already piling up their warm up jerseys at center court to boycott Microsoft.
Phil Hughes Turns Down Opportunity to Pitch Over the Weekend and Receive 500k in Incentives
Little background. Phil Hughes has 209 2/3 innings pitched this year. One out short of a 500k bonus that kicks in at 210 full innings. That one out more than likely would have been in the rearview had a rain delay not struck prior to the 9th inning in his last start. Hughes was cruising through batters and there is no reason to think one more out was out of the question. Anyway, The Twins have offered to Phil the opportunity to get that final out this coming weekend. He respectfully declined due to injury risk. They also offered to just pay him the 500k for his magnificent season, and he also turned that down.
Goddamn it Phil. You un-American bastard. When they place money in front of your face, you take it. I don't care that you are guaranteed 8 million dollars in each of the next two seasons. You take that money. Lord knows that, with the best strikeout to walk ratio in MLB history this season, you deserve it.
I hate that athletes make ungodly amounts of money as much as the next guy. However, the only people that make more money than that are the people that PAY those athletes. Whatever takes money out of the owner's pocket is good in my book. The Minnesota twins front office is laughing at you. The general public wants to fucking kill you.
Let's say the Twins didn't offer him the money. Let's say they just offered the opportunity to pitch and earn the money. If I were him I would ask to start the game right now. Who cares about injury risk? I would pitch underhand until someone accidentally popped up. His contract is guaranteed anyway. What are the chances he gets hurt pitching one out? You already outperformed your contract bud, you make the owners' pockets bleed as much as you can.
That's not even the case, The Twins put their hand out with 500,000 dollars in it and said 'take it'. That sets a bad precedent? You now how often the franchise is going to do that? Maybe never again. It's very possible a pitcher never finishes one out short of an incentive bonus ever again. You make me sick Phil. You make every person working a regular job sick. If I find $10 on the ground I turn a blind eye to my surroundings and run. Meanwhile, people much richer than you are trying to give you enough money for a regular person to live comfortably for years.
For fuck's sake Phil, if you didn't want the money you could have taken it and gave it to charity. Literally do anything with it but let those rich bastards keep it. Some people may call this a noble move. I call it stupid and, if were being honest, that's putting it lightly.
My Apologies to Derek Jeter
First I have to acknowledge Derek Jeter is a class act. One of the best shortstops ever to play the game. One of the most clutch postseason hitters and players in recent memory. Someone that has, for the most part, maintained a high level of consistency throughout his entire career. Somebody who played for the name on the front of the jersey. Someone that embraced what it means to truly be a Yankee. Someone who always carried himself well and shied away from controversy. Someone who completely embraces what it means to be a champion.
I apologize Derek. I apologize that, for a vast majority of your career, you were not the best player on your team. Whether it Bernie Williams, Paul O'Neil, Tino Martinez…take your pick. They were all better in their primes. I apologize that they out performed you. I apologize that for the latter half of your career you were not even the best shortstop on your team: See Alex Rodriguez.
I apologize that you were rarely a statistical phenom. Sure, the hits piled up, and they always came in big spots. I apologize that baseball is a statistical game. I apologize that 99.9% of the time that's how players are judged. I apologize that I don't think the 'he's so much more than the back of his baseball card' argument holds much water. Especially in a league where every number is analyzed down to the percentage point. I apologize that I don't think a singles and doubles hitter is the best hitter of my generation.
I apologize that I don't care about how squeaky clean athletes are. I root for my teams regardless of who plays on them. I apologize I don't think you are the most innocent person on the planet. I apologize I haven't delivered frankincense and myrrh to your house. You are clearly a more important figure than baby Jesus himself.
I apologize that I think Mariano Rivera is more important to the game of baseball than you. You know him, right? He's only been gone a year. The guy that redefined what it means to be a shutdown closer. The guy who basically invented the broken bat ground out. The guy who was personally responsible for closing the door on a majority of Yankees' wins. I apologize I think he deserved this 162 game dick sucking more than you.
I apologize that I don't think someone that wasn't at the very top of his profession deserves to be showered with gifts. I apologize that I don't think a player that doesn't crack the top 5 of best payers in franchise history deserves the accolades that have been showered upon you.
I apologize that I don't think a walk off seeing eye single in a meaningless game is the perfect ending to a career full of playoffs appearances and championships. I think Ray Bourque and John Elway agree. I apologize that your last game didn't come in the playoffs as it should have.
I apologize that the last year has ruined my perception of you. I apologize for thinking that a living, breathing player should not be wearing a patch of himself for over a month. I apologize that I don't think a player should hold a retirement ceremony with weeks to go in the season. I apologize that I think the two commercials that were ran this season were overdone. I apologize that the last few months have painted you as self indulgent and self centered. I apologize that a franchise that doesn't even have names on the back of their jerseys sacrificed it's tradition by plastering the #2 all over their uniforms.
Mostly, and most sincerely, I apologize that none of this is your fault. I apologize that the Yankees have squeezed every red cent out of the Jeter retirement tour. I apologize that I get mad at you when Yankees fans try to claim you are a once in a generation talent. It's not your fault. You did your job. You did it well. You did it to the best of your abilities. I apologize that you weren't the greatest baseball player I have ever seen. It's not an indictment of you. It's an indictment of the irrationality of your fans.
Enjoy your retirement. I am excited to see what the future holds for the Yankees since they can no longer dwell on past accomplishments of retired players anymore. I look forward to not having to see your face every waking moment of my life.
I apologize that Keith Olbermann has a point….
CBS- Amid a report that the woman who accused college football star Jameis Winston of raping her tried to extort Winston for $7 million, a lawyer for the accuser is firing back, calling the extortion claim "dishonest and distorted."
So was Winston the victim of attempted extortion, or did his lawyer try to pay off the accuser? Does the accuser like to fuck football players, or would she never fuck a 'black boy'? For a very serious matter, the mudslinging that has ensued in this case is absolute hilarity. Just grown ass, highly paid lawyers blatantly talking shit to each other through media sources. Isn't this supposed to be some type of mature process? How am I supposed to take this seriously? It sounds like a middle school mock trial with no teachers present. Did these two used to date? That's the only explanation for ignoring all professional norms and going right for the jugular.
I got to side with Winston on this though. This chick was rocking shorts covered in 50 shades of semen from like 48 different guys. She doesn't sleep with 'black boys' (that statement is straight front the 'my father is an aspiring plantation owner' playbook), yet had a black boyfriend at the time. I trust neither lawyer obviously, but I trust Winston more than this chick. Not because Winston seems like a good person. Rather, I think Jameis is far too stupid to get away with rape. If he actually raped that girl the investigation would have found him guilty in like .5 seconds. He probably would have clubbed her over the head and left semen fingerprints on her back.
I mean, come on. Obviously rape is far too prevalent at college campuses, but I doubt one of the most highly touted recruits in Florida State history had any problem getting laid. That $7 million figure that is being thrown around seems like a ridiculous money grab. Not to mention, the girls lawyer basically responded by saying 'no way, you tried to pay us!'. That's the 'no, you started it!' of legal negotiations. Honestly, I was hoping this case would just go away. However, if they are going to keep slandering each other like high school girls then I will be hanging on every word. Serious matter or not, this back and forth has been ridiculously funny.
Business Insider- MacRumors theorizes this "bending" effect could be the result of the phone's size. Since it's so large and thin, it's susceptible to bending with your body as you move. Smaller phones would slide out of the way, MacRumors claims.
You know when all those pretentious Apple loyalists who go out and buy their newest phone every single time it's released, then turn and judge you for having an older model? They are the same people that will probably buy the ridiculous Apple watch. Yeah well, the shoes on the other foot you ostentatious assholes. At least my phone doesn't look like a porno star's penis.
I will never understand people that need the newest Apple device within hours of it being released. I don't even know how the iPhone has changed since the development of the iPhone 4. I had the 4, and now I have the 5, and I have no fucking clue what the difference is. It's smaller, and it looks nicer. Big fucking deal. Also, I had to go out and buy all new chargers. Thanks for that. I finally figured out how to not lose one, and they go and change the plug. I really don't get it though. I held a friend's iPhone 6 and it was monstrous. I felt like I was holding a tablet.
I have no interest in going around with a tablet in my pocket. First and foremost because it is not convenient. Second of all because I don't want the thing I spent a whole bunch of money on bending in my pocket. Why do people go out and buy the phone the day it comes out? The lines are insane. Without fail there is always 5-6 issues that need to be dealt with before it's officially running smoothly. It's the same reason I don't download the new iOS the same day it gets launched. Every single time there is undoubtedly a major issue that I have to deal with, or it takes 9 hours to download, or I look at the phone and can't figure out what the hell I just downloaded because it looks exactly the same. I see no benefit in being one of the first people to have the phone other than being able to say 'I have the iPhone 6'.
So fuck you Apple loyalists. I hope you have to fold your phone open like a MacBook after sitting with it in your pocket for a week. I hope you get blindsided by a cab while holding your tablet to your face texting your friends that you just got the new iPhone. I hope all your money and time is wasted.
Team iPhone 5.
P.S. I will probably download the new iOS as soon as I get stuck in the next group chat that quickly kills my will to live as well as my battery life.
TMZ- Adrian Peterson says he HATED the way his parents physically disciplined him while he was growing up -- but believed it was effective ... and that's why he treats his kids the same way.
AP has been catching a lot of flak for child abuse lately. It's probably being a little bit overblown coming on the heels of the Ray Rice disaster. Really shitty timing for him. On the surface, he looks really dumb for saying he's an 'A+ parent'. However, what the fuck was he supposed to say?
I don't think Adrian is an A+ parent by any means, but I don't think he meant to hurt his child as badly as he did either. My parents never whooped me growing up, but that doesn't mean those that do are bad parents. Maybe he is a bad parent, or maybe he just made a mistake. That's not really the point though. The point is of course he gave himself an A+. You ask any parent what grade they would give themselves and it's an A+. Maybe an A if they are modest. Anything lower than an A and that parent might as well be giving themselves an F. What would you think of someone if you asked them to grade their parenting and they said 'B-'. I wouldn't even know what the fuck that means. I would just assume they are an awful parent though.
Parenting is one of those things where you think you are doing it right, or you KNOW you are doing it wrong. Bad parents can be broken down into 2 categories: Those that think they are good parents and those that know they are bad parents. Petersen falls into the first category. Does anyone really believe Petersen hates his kids? He was raised a certain way. Generally speaking, children take on the parenting tactics of their parents. It's human nature. Whether that is right or wrong is up for debate, but it is a fact. Obviously AP went overboard, and I think he knows that. Let's not act like the actions of Petersen are on par with those of Ray Rice. Don't kill him for physically discipling his kids, kill him for the extent of which he did it.
You can certainly grade him at less than an A+, but I would base that off the criteria that he has a baker's dozen worth of kids and he can't count their mothers on both hands. That's just me though...
Buzzworthy- Scientific studies have concluded that sensitivity to gluten for people who do not have Celiac disease may be completely psychological.
Now don't get me wrong. Celiac disease very much is real. There are people that are truly allergic to gluten and should not eat it. If I had to guess I would say that makes up about 1% of people that are gluten free or claim gluten insensitivity.
If you stand for nothing you'll fall for anything. I stand for eating whatever the fuck I want. Sure, I try to watch what I eat, but I don't scour grocery stores for every label that says 'organic' or 'gluten free'. You've all been sold a huge bag of gluten free bullshit. Got to give these advertising companies their recognition though. Masterful marketing job.
Look at the list above. This is like when you scroll through WebMD when you have a rash and conclude that you have ebola. So if I feel tired after I eat, or get migraines, or feel pain, or get anxious, or have ADD then I am gluten intolerant? That's quite the list. Maybe they should add 'wake up with an erection' or 'have to shit after you drink coffee'. Those are like the only things missing. How did such a bullshit marketing plan go so viral?
The best part about it is that people don't even know what the fuck gluten is. Don't get me wrong, neither do I, but I don't claim it affects my quality of life. You either have a disease or you don't. You can't be like "well, I ate a sandwich one time and felt sick after. So I am now gluten free". Such hippie nonsense. I hope these people know that, while they think they are better than everyone for avoiding something that more than likely makes food taste better, the rational thinking public just thinks they are assholes. Avoid the gluten free asshole at all costs, and if you see him/her in the grocery store 'accidentally' trip them. If you see someone at a restaurant ask the waitress "is that gluten free?" you have been given the green light to, at the very least, kill them in cold blood….or you can just show them this study.
Rob Bironas Apparently Ran a Couple Off the Road Before Crash That Cost Him His Life
Before I say anything else, Rest In Peace Rob Bironas. You had an excellent first name and I'm sure you contributed to my fantasy team once or twice the last few years. Going strictly off my, sometimes flawed, memory I remember you being a very good kicker. You don't last 8 years with one team by accident. I think the take away here is that is sucks to be an ex-NFL kicker. Especially an ex-NFL kicker that got cut just a year and change removed from signing a 2 year deal worth roughly 3.3 million a season. For those that don't know, that's insane money for a kicker.
I am pretty sure the picture above perfectly encapsulates the look that Bironas had had on his face since he was cut, subsequently costing him millions of dollars. He was a millionaire football player that was counted on 2, maybe 3 times a game and had got to spend a majority of his life hanging around the best athletes in the world. Granted, I would imagine kickers don't usually garner much respect, but he probably had carved his niche into that locker given his 8 year run as a Titan. That sounds like a sick life. Kicker that makes way too much money, and has the least physically exerting job in sports. He probably thought he could be a kicker well into his 40's.
My feeling on this is Rob was not a happy man since the day he got cut. My assumption would be every little thing annoyed him and we was battling some inner demons. The reports of him being 'drunk or on drugs' support that, as well his wife reporting him missing that night. The crash happened a Saturday night. I don't think it was a coincidence that the next day was a football Sunday. It is well know that ex professional athletes sometime have a tough time adapting to the 'real world' after retirement. Sure, the millions of dollars ease the pain, but nothing can replace that thrill of having to kick with the game on the line.
I guess the take away here is that I feel bad for him and his family. It's easy to say he had an easy life. He had plenty of money and had a hell of a career. However, going from having some amount of fame and a fun workplace to jobless and unknown is a big change. Also, never get behind the wheel when your demons will be driving the car.
We won't forget Rob….
So sick. Still don't understand that catch. Part of me still thinks it didn't happen.I guess it kind of didn't because it was called back for a penalty. How is his arm not out of it's socket and laying on the turf? Is he Stretch Armstrong? Did he catch that with his fingernail? Just a damn shame that the best catch of the year won't count in the stat line. The whole bar stood and let out a collective 'ohhhhhhh SHIT' when this happened. Absolutely nuts.
I live by the saying 'go hard or go home'. So I can't really hate on this guy too hard. I'm sure it would have been a really sweet celebration if he was able to finish it. I will never, for the life of me, understand how these well trained athletes hurt themselves celebrating. He jumped one foot in the air, how could he possible blow his ACL into smithereens? Oh well, at least he ended his season on a high note with a sack.
Respect it. I respect it because it isn't an act. Darnell Dockett always sticks to his guns (no pun intended, since Dockett has already famously tweeted about his gun ownership). If you are going to be a moron it is better that you are consistently be a moron, and that is exactly what Darnell does. Also, he is laugh out loud funny. If you can't agree with that then I don't want to know you. Keep it up DD, the world can always use more laughs.
And last, but not least…Because Drew's pre-game speeches always make me feel tingly in my drawers.
New Cuddlr App Allows You to Find People in Your Area to Cuddle With at a Moment's Notice
The Independent- Cuddlr, based on the matchmaking sites Tinder and Grindr, is a sex-free alternative for those who want some human contact.
It is blatantly obviously that the writer of this article either works for Cuddlr or is exceptionally bad at getting laid. Yeah dude, a 'sex-free' cuddle app. Think about how much sense that makes to males. The answer is zero. Zero sense. Cuddling is strictly for pre or post sex. It is part of a social agreement that men and women make with each other. The male side of the contract is that if we promise cuddling, sex is included in the package. The female side is that if they promise to let us penetrate them they will get the no nonsense cuddling they long for.
At first Tinder was just a fun little dating site based on looks, and it has since blossomed in to a full blown hook up app. Now girls know. They are aware that when you message them on tinder you are trying to get directly in their pants. There's no secret. Let's be honest, most of the time men are tricking women into bed. Maybe a white lie here, a white lie there. When women first meet men they aren't thinking they want to sleep with them. That seed has to be subconsciously planted in their brain. When you use Tinder there is nothing subconscious about it. It's too obvious. Does it still work? Sure. However, That's more of an indictment of society than anything else.
The Cuddlr app solves two problems in one and females don't even realize it. The first hurdle in having sex with some strange is not appearing too eager. Desperation is like a goddamn chastity belt. A desperate dude will have a girls' panties drier than the Sahara. Well, when it 'appears' that all you are looking for is cuddling, you seem like the nice guy. The type of that guy that wouldn't be throwing out 'nice shoes, wanna fuck' on Tinder. Whether you are that guy or not is inconsequential.
Hurdle number two is making physical contact with a woman. As men we sometimes miss blatant social cues. It's in our nature. Sometimes we read situations wrong, everyone has been there. Maybe missed an opportunity with a chick that's into you, or made an ill received pass at a girl that wasn't. Well, based on the 'purpose' of this app, physical contact is already implied. Generally speaking if you can indulge in consensual hands-on activities you can get a woman into bed. If you can't that says more about you than the woman. We are all sexual beings. A female may consciously just want cuddling, but if you take relationships out, how many times has cuddling not involved some type of sexual experience? This app quite literally gets your hands on a girl, and it is on you to make the magic happen from there.
The person that created this app is either the biggest prude ever, or a goddamn evil genius. Either way, males will benefit from it's use.