http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2803524/Student-jailed-slapping-sleeping-woman-face-penis-friend-filmed-phone.html?ito=social-twitter_dailymailUK
Daily Mail- A university student who dreamed of becoming a solicitor has been jailed for slapping a woman in the face with his penis after she fell asleep at a house party. The judge only needed to ask one question. You had one job Sir, one job! That question is 'were her shoes on?'. Oh, they were. Shocker of the millennium. Sorry sweetheart, rules is rules. You pass out shitbombed at a party you get what's coming to you. It could have been as innocent as a Sharpie'd cock on your cheek or as disrespectful as a sweaty scrotum on your forehead. You can't prosecute that. It's not sexual misconduct. There was nothing sexual about that. Just teaching a lush a lesson. Be careful where and how you pass out. Trust me, I would know. Without doing much research I can say the worst sentence a guy has ever gotten for penal to facial contact with another guy is a week long black eye. Is feminism dead? I thought we were all equal now. You pass out with your shoes you instantly become genderless. It's the age of the 'rape culture' isn't it? What are broads doing passing out at house parties? Where were this girls' friends? Aren't drunk college girls supposed to operate on some sort of buddy system. Can't just pass out by yourself all willy nilly. She's lucky all she got was a cock smack. Worse shit happens at college campuses on a daily basis. Maybe next time she'll be a little more careful. This isn't all on her though. Come on man. If you're going to mushroom stamp a chick you can't get video taped doing it. That video can only make it through so many circles before someone gets offended. Only reason this chick is traumatized is because it's on tape. If it wasn't she probably wouldn't even know it happened. No harm, no foul. P.S. Nothing nicknamed 'mushroom stamping' should be '9 month prison sentence' illegal. It's not like any females, outside of the porn community, ever consensually agree to literally take one in the face. Shake it off, pun intended, and move on.
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I wasn't mad after the loss to Washington. Taking 3 out of 4 on a season opening road trip is nothing to shake a stick at. They also hit about 600 posts (rough count) that game. I wasn't even mad after the loss to San Jose. They fought back hard. Had they capitalized on a couple chances in the first forty minutes then it is a way different game. Last night though? Last night pissed me the fuck off. Same shit, different season. Blown leads happen, but they happen way too often under this coaching staff. It's not even the blown leads that kill me, it's putting your players in the position to blow leads.
I like Peter Deboer. I was glad he kept his job. He is a great coach. When it comes to X's and O's he is great at getting the most out of the talent he is surrounded with. When it comes to personnel choices is may as well be Helen Keller. In fact, I think Ms. Keller could create better defensive pairing by picking out of a hat. Is there no way we can get someone that makes better in-game player decisions. I know it's the logo on the front that matters, but when we are tied with 90 seconds to go, or in OT, the names on the back are pretty imperative. Fuck it, let's go list form… -Glad Larsson played. He is a better player defensively than Gelinas, although they both have their shortcomings. Did he have a couple turnovers? Yeah. However, he was Nicklas Lidstrom compared to the 'Abortion Pairing'*. Can we stop treating him like he is still 18? 12 minutes of ice time while Salvador and Zidlicky were awful all game is inexcusable. Let the kid sink or swim. Especially if the team is going to sink anyway. Rather have some young legs attempting to keep us afloat. -* The Abortion pairing. Salvador and Zidlicky. The pairing that should have been killed before it ever came into existence. A product of unprotected decision making. What the fuck was that? Zidlicky is the biggest risk taker on the defensive end. So you paired him with the guy that is too slow to clean up after an aging tortoise? Zids is very high risk/high reward, and we need offense from the back end, but sweet Jesus can we at least give him someone who is, at the very least, handicapable. Can't even begin to fathom what the thought process was behind having them on for an offensive zone draw in OT. - I love Stephen Gionta. That's why Deboer's obsession with him drives me to drink (more). Great 4th line WINGER. Hasn't won a faceoff since the Clinton administration. I could count his face-off winning percentage on a T-Rex hand. Let him get 4th line minutes like he should be. I don't need him out there with the Elias line with 90 seconds left. Inexcusable. You play to WIN the game. That's playing not to lose, and we see how that turned out. Like I said, I love Gio. However, when I see him put in positions where he is doomed to fail it makes me resent him. - The Devils were the home team last night. That means they got last change. That is supposed to be a positive. When I saw Zubrus and Clowe step on the ice after Chris Krieder I SCREAMED 'FUCK'. This isn't in retrospect. I literally asked out loud 'why are they on the ice together?'. I love both their games, and they fit in well in the system. I do not want to see either of them in a 4 on 4 situation, especially not together. - Jordin Tootoo. I hated that I knew he was going to make the cut. Absolutely hated it. Why are we stuck in the 90's every fucking season? You don't need a fighter. You need toughness. Tootoo has all of one scoring chance on the season. It was last night, and he fell all over himself trying to get to a rebound. He's awful. Give me Gomez. Give me Ruutu. Give me fuckin' Josefson, and I HATE Josefson. Anyone that can skate and adds any semblance of 2-way play to the lineup. - Laughing out loud at Brunner being scratched to start the season. He has been all over the ice seen he has been in the lineup. He's not the most defensively sound player in the world. He doesn't serve much purpose on a traditional 3rd or 4th line. But he can make plays and create offense. Something the Devils desperately need. - Anyone that thinks Schneider has been an issue needs their fucking head examined. In fact, we should just go full ISIS and chop it off. Has he had some goals that he wish he could have back? Yes. But he is the very least of our worries. I thought we were headed in the right direction with the personnel decisions when we sent down Harrold and Bernier. My God. I have never seen so many head scratchers in my entire life. P.S. Seversen makes me tingle below the belt. Never seen a young defenseman so calm and poised in both ends. It's like the first time I heard the Beatles. Kid is making Petey look good. He's going to turn into an absolute gem. P.P.S. Rangers fans, you still haven't won anything. So with all due respect…... http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/beer-pong/beer-pong-shooting-765402 The Smoking Gun- After getting vanquished in a beer pong match, a group of sore losers opened fire early yesterday at a Texas house party, wounding a female reveler, police report. I've been apart of few scuffles post beer pong games. One resulted in a lemon pepper shaker exploding everywhere. One resulted in a broken window. One resulted in my roommate leaving his own party and going off the grid. I am trying to imagine if that same roommate came back with a 9 milli and started wildly shooting up our apartment like Yosemite Sam. Yup, can't imagine a game of beer pong ending that badly that gunplay seems appropriate. I've pretty much lost in everyday possible to people I have both liked and hated and never had the urge to kill. I guess the first red flag is that this kid had a gun on him in the first place. I would like to say I would never fire a gun because someone is leaning too much. However, I have never played the game with a gun on me so how would I know? I have definitely muttered the phrase 'I wanna kill that kid' while playing pong. Granted it was hyperbole, but still. What if someone just gave my drunk ass a gun? Might give new meaning to the term 'death cup'. Kind of weird he just shot aimlessly at the whole party. A shooting over a beer pong loss seems like it should have a more direct target. Classic case of not knowing the people at your party. Maybe don't let the guy with the rap sheet longer than the beer pong list on the table. Maybe check if he has a weapon upon entering the door. I know it's Texas, but come on. Is this normal down there? People just rocking heat on their waist to keggers. Seems a little over the top, even for the south.
I think this means I'm out of the game. I mean, I only really play with friends at tailgates now. But me, beer pong, and 2014 no longer mix. I think the problem is the generation of kids that grew up with honorable mention trophies aren't used to losing. Think about it. They grow up playing sports being told how great they are, even if they suck. Drinking games don't work like that. Losing a beer pong game is a pretty emasculating situation, and the addition of alcohol obviously doesn't help. You win and stay on or you get the fuck out. No pat on the ass. No reassurance of how awesome you are. I refuse to risk my life by being super good at throwing a ping pong ball in a solo cup of beer. Can't do it. Won't do it. Mom Offers to Pay 'Cool Black Kids' To Befriend Her Son And Prevent Bullying Via Craigslist10/21/2014 http://elitedaily.com/humor/mom-posts-craglist-ad-seeking-cool-black-friend-bullied-son-gd/806872/ Elite Daily- One concerned New Orleans parent wrote a Craigslist post asking for “cool black kids” to befriend his or her son. The kid is the victim of cruel teasing and has trouble fitting in at school.Best intentions in mind, the parent hopes the boy might be a bit more protected with a few black friends to take him to the movies and out for pizza. At $15 per hour, the job pays well. This is easily the most logical way I have seen with how to counteract bullying. This needs to go viral right now. After reading this story I decided to look into the ways that 'professionals' are teaching kids how to 'beat' bullies. They are telling kids to use humor. If the kid was at all funny he wouldn't be getting bullied in the first place. Know what's funny? A cool black kid standing up for you and beating the bully's face into his brain. I could laugh at that for hours. I get why they tell kids to use humor, but that doesn't mean it works. Nothing pisses off a bully more than outsmarting him. Fists beat wit every single time. They are also telling kids to tell the bully to stop calmly. Is that real advice? If I was kid that was getting bullied and some adult told me to do that I would squirt my Capri Sun right in their eye ball. Gee, what a promising concept. Just tell the bully not to bully. Can't argue with that rationale. Know what works better than that? Having a bunch of cool black entourage and being popular. Suck my black associated ass bully! I'm not advocating paying for your friends., but sometimes you have no choice. What the kid doesn't know won't hurt him. You gotta do what you gotta do to keep your kid safe, even if it costs you $45 an hour. That's Parenting 101. Black kids are cooler than white kids. That's just a well known fact. Hopefully at some point they actually become 'cool' with each other and Mom can stop paying them. Until then, hopefully he picks up on a some cool kid pointers while it lasts. My advice? Buy the most obnoxious velour sweatsuit you can, it worked for me. Sneaky funniest part of this is how the kid reacts when a bunch of black kids come up to befriend him out of nowhere. I don't know how that exchange would go, but it would without a doubt be hilarity at it's finest. P.S. Don't tell me the economy is in the shitter when you can make $15 bucks an hour to babysit a nerd in New Orleans and all you need on your resume is 'black' and 'cool'. Best case scenario…. Worst case scenario...
http://www.people.com/article/kings-slava-voynov-suspended-nhl
People- The NHL suspended Los Angeles Kings defenseman Slava Voynov indefinitely Monday after the two-time Stanley Cup winner's arrest on suspicion of domestic violence. I see exactly what happened here. Cultural misunderstanding. Voynov is Russian. They don't have rules in Russia. I'm pretty sure their 'laws' are just loose guidelines. You can't beat women over here Slava. I know you've only been here a few years. America is all about keeping your hands to yourself, especially these days. I think part of the problem is Slava isn't fully incorporated into the American way of life. He's been watching the wrong futbol. Really, it's probably the city of Los Angeles' fault. If they had a damn football team, Slava would probably have been more interested. He probably would have been watching while 20% of the NFL got suspended for beating their wives and girlfriends just months ago. Way to go LA, and you call yourself a major city… Russia is communist. Equality for everyone over there. Except the gays of course. I bet beating a woman is only as bad as beating a man over there. He probably thought he was dealing with a misdemeanor at worst. Plus, everyone knows Russian hockey players are soft. They couldn't hurt a fly. I would be much more scared of a Russian woman, they are bad ass. You ever heard a Russian woman's accent. Sounds like she would cut your balls off at the drop of a hat. They take resting bitch face to an otherworldly level. Pretty coincidental since Russia basically is a different world. It's different over here Slava. American women are less skilled in self defense, especially in LA. This is on the commissioner. You have to teach your players American traditions. They don't know that you can't whip out a 5th of vodka while walking down the street. They don't know that you can't physically discipline your women. I mean, definitely a smart move on Bettman's part, given the ringer Goodell has been put through. However, I bet it took Gary an hour to explain to Voynov how what he did was wrong. Probably just stared blankly back at him like a lost puppy. America is a melting pot, we have got to make sure we are all on the same page. Hit opposing forwards, not women. http://elitedaily.com/news/world/crazy-girlfriend-badly-scratches-boyfriend-blanket-fight-photos/804396/
Elite Daily- When McCall pulled the blanket over him, he allegedly woke to Campbell’s fingernails tearing it, and quite a bit of his skin, away. The fight over the sheets is easily the most underrated worst part of being in a relationship. I get that cuddling and shit is important to an extent. However, when it's time to sleep, it's time to sleep. How have we come up with the concept of smart houses, but we haven't implemented a 2 comforter system for couples yet? It would make things so much easier. Relationships are all about compromising. If there is one thing in the world I will not compromise it is my comfort while I sleep. I fancy myself a respectful man when it comes to female relations, but I will rip that blanket away so fast and not give an ounce of a fuck. The girl could roll off the side of the bed and I would still be out cold. I have never wanted to murder someone in cold blood more than the girl that hogs the covers. I may have to limit the crazy in my upcoming interactions with women. I can't have a girl skinning me like a dead animal every time I pull the sheets away. That is NOT the way I want to wake up. Actually it is pretty much the only worse way to wake up than waking up shivering cold because she stole the blanket. This kid got mauled. Looks like a pack of baby tigers went HAM on his back. I am buying a second comforter tonight. Keeping that shit in my closet for any time a female sleeps over. I refuse to turn into a human pin cushion because some girl can't mind her manners. This guy needs to dump this girl ASAP. If a sheet dispute causes that, I wonder what will eventually happen when he really fucks up. I'm not sure, but I wouldn't rule out the Lorena Bobbitt treatment. http://www.tmz.com/2014/10/20/camron-ebola-mask-selling/ TMZ- If you're looking to stay safe from Ebola in style ... Cam'ron has you covered for less than $20 -- or at least that's what he's advertising. There are very few people, let alone rappers, that can get away with a move like this. I am of the opinion that Cam'Ron, however, tops the list. Some people might say he is profiting off a deadly disease. I say fuck those people. Ebola isn't even a real thing. If Killa Cam wants to pads his pockets off the naivety and gullibility of his fellow citizens that is his right. It's the American dream for fuck's sake. Plus, they don't have to buy it. Save that questionable monetary utilization for myself. Don't want it, need it. Never needed something more absolutely unnecessary in my life. That says a lot considering my past. I have a basketball hoop over my door that has an official glass backboard. If there is one person I am trusting to keep me safe from Ebola it is Cam'Ron. He grew up in the hood. He's survived gunshots. You think he's not going to survive the outbreak of a fake disease? I would rather mouth breathe my way through a quarantined area then walk through Camden at night. Thanks to Killa Cam, I won't have to. I could dance naked in a pool of ebola and come out healthy as an ox. As long as I have my Cam mask. I may buy this thing then instantly start visiting ebola patients. Start giving them hugs and shit. Telling them it will be okay. As long as my muffled voice is coming from behind a visual of a man clad in a furry pink suit I am immune.
Could the picture be anymore perfect? Cam'Ron was the ring leader during the fever pitch of the pink fad. Just literally took it over the top. All pink everythannng. That's why this just feels right. Don't get me wrong. Cam'ron has some fire jams. 'What Means The World To You', 'Ambitionz As A Ridah', and 'Hey Ma' come to mind. However, he is the most ridiculous person in the world. He gets the boosters boostin', he gets computers 'putin, and he gets ebola bolin'. Cam was spitting dumb, nonsensical bullshit before Lil' Wayne was robotrip rapping in some non existent language. He made rhyming nonsense work, and he makes ebola masks work. Can't wait to wear it to the bar. Conversation Starter City, Population Killllllllla!
Welp. Drew Brees can take that loss on his shoulders. What was a very good performance against a very good defense was shot straight to hell with a back breaking interception in the waning minutes of the game. Drew makes 20 million dollars a year for a reason. That reason is to, at the very least, not be the reason New Orleans loses.
Truth be told, I was at a wedding and didn't see much of the game. My friends, being the gems that they are, sent me texts after the brutal choke job and I quickly realized they had taken the L. I can say this much. The defense showed up. Just by looking at the stats and the drive summaries it is pretty clear they were solid for a majority of the game. The same can be said for the offense. Made a few big plays, and put up a solid 23 points in a game where they were very limited rushing. Dating back to 2009, the motto has always been 'Finish Strong'. The Saints have now blown 3 4th quarter leads and lost all those games in the last few minutes. It's inexcusable. This team is more talented than their 2-4 record. As of now it is safe to say they are soft. When it mattered most, the defense allowed a 10 yard curl route to turn into a 73 yard Golden Taint touchdown. When it mattered most Drew Brees decided to throw yet another telegraphed interception. The clutch moments they used to be so good at have now become a thing of the past. If you had told me the story of that game without using anyone's name I would have bet my life it was a Rutgers' game. I can't have the Saints start losing in true Rutgers' fashion. That's too much for a sane person to handle. I want to send a very big thank you to the Panthers, Falcons, and Buccaneers. The Saints, with only 2 wins, sit only 1.5 games out of first in the NFC South (with a game in hand). The division is still very much up for grabs, despite how poor the team has looked in basically every single game. That is a blessing. Nothing worse than having your team be out of it 6 games into the season. a 16 game season feels like it lasts a lifetime when the games are already meaningless in October. The good news is the Saints were the better team for a majority of the game yesterday. Now it's time for some home cookin'. Get a win next week versus the Pack, and start the climb to the top of the division. The season ain't over yet, no matter how bleak it looks. WHO DAT!?!
"I wouldn't take anything back because I think the five years I was there we were able to make history," he said. "We were part of the first and only team to win a Super Bowl in New Orleans, and that's something that's special." -Reggie Bush
Still miss ya Reginald. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmlTByKgX6w
Yahoo- Prior to the contest, FOX Sports sideline reporter Allie Clifton attempted to discuss as much with Thompson, who responded by disgusting us as much as humanly possible. Yeah, hey, Tristan Thompson, don’t do that.Just because Allie Clifton remained calm and professional and kept a smile following the buss, it doesn’t mean Tristan Thompson wasn’t straight up sexually harassing her. She remained calm and professional because she is a professional – that is to say, she’s doing her [EXPLETIVE DELETED] job. Don’t kiss someone without their consent, ever, and don’t kiss someone without their consent while they’re doing their job. This isn’t cute or funny or meme-worthy. There should be no marginalizing or rationalizing of this. That could be a mortifying thing for this reporter, and Thompson couldn’t be more in the wrong. Just because you’re working with someone of the opposite sex, it doesn’t mean a sly innuendo, pat on the rear, or kiss on national television is in any way appropriate. You want to lay your uneasy flirt game on someone? Wait two hours and take it to a bar. Grow up. The Cavaliers and the NBA shouldn’t slough this off as a preseason giggle-fest. I would be lying if I said I saw the name Kelly Dwyer and didn't have an anti-feminism rant on deck. Then I looked at the picture. Kelly, the overreacting author of this piece, is indeed a man. Bottomline, the fact that he is a man is inconsequential. What matters most is that he is wrong. I am not saying that Tristan Thompson is right. He probably shouldn't have kissed the sideline reporter. One of those situations where if you have to ask if you should, don't. Most likely not worth the backlash you are undoubtedly going to receive. It's 2014. The sexual harassment movement, and the concocted concept of a 'rape culture', have come to a head. People are always going to envision your intentions in the worst possible way. Kelly is being a tad bit ridiculous though, no? I mean, Thompson lightly pecked her hair. That was it, that was all. He responded in a 'disgusting' way? Really? Someone has an ax to grind with the actions of professional athletes. Female sideline reporters are generally hired based on appearance. Obviously they should feel safe in the 'workplace', but they are open to the antics of some questionable characters. If the worst part of Allie Clifton's work week is an NBA player kissing her hair than she is doing pretty well for herself. I would sign up for a 7 foot black man kissing me on the head every day if it meant my day would never get worse than that. This was about as innocent a move as I have ever seen. Thompson didn't kiss her on the cheek and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. He didn't palm her ass or slide her his number. He kissed her on the hair for a half second and ran away like a second grader. It was meant to be entertaining and funny, not suggestive. Is there no happy medium Mr. Dwyer? Is there no difference between a light peck and raping a girl in a back alley? By reading his article it would be tough to tell if he sees one. Clifton handled it professionally, took it in stride, and didn't seem too offended. I'm sure it's not something she wants to happen all the time, but I doubt she had a huge issue with it. The fact that Dwyer wants the Cavaliers or the NBA to take action is nothing short of psycho babble bullshit. Say that out loud to yourself. 'Cavaliers fine Tristan Thompson for kissing sideline reporters hair.' I can barely get through it without laughing. Give it a week or two Kelly. We are bound to have some sexual misconduct by an athlete. Save up your rage for next time. Don't force it on this innocent, meaningless issue. How are you going to respond when some real sexual harassment happens? Were you picketing outside the NFL offices when Brett Favre sent dick pics? Kind of weird that Dwyer has a problem with hair kissing, seeing as he has the look of a certified hair sniffer. Maybe he's just jealous... Well, an appearance like that was an inevitable. Rutgers got taken to the woodshed. Entering into the Big Ten there was a lot of pundits that thought every conference game would be like that. It took until game 7 after a 5-1 start to finally get there. When Braxton Miller went down and JT Barrett struggled in the first few games of the season it looked as though the Scarlet Knights might luck out and face a weakened Buckeyes' team. Barrett eventually figured it out, and their offense has been quite the juggernaut the last few weeks. It showed as they emasculated a Rutgers defense that has been overachieving based on expectations this year.
I wanted to be mad, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I hate that defeatist attitude. However, if you told me Rutgers would be 5-2 going into Nebraska I would have signed up for it in a heartbeat. In fact, I think next week's game is a much bigger litmus test than Ohio State. At this point it is clear that Ohio State and Michigan State are the class of the Big Ten. Everyone else kind of falls in the middle. I have a fair amount of confidence facing every other team left on the schedule with the exception of the Spartans. A good showing against Ohio State would have been nice, but maybe a nice ass beating is something this team needed. At least this years smack downs are at the hands of OSU and not Houston. Honestly still just happy to be in a conference where every game is a must watch. Yeah, I definitely talked myself into thinking Rutgers had a chance this past Saturday. That's just being a fan though. Rationality and fandom are far from one and the same. I wouldn't have it any other way. I always want to think my team is going to win. Like this Saturday for instance. Can't wait to show up to Nebraska and leave those corn fuckers in tears. That boy Abdullah ain't gonna know what hit him. Hope they learn how to throw a forward pass in the next couple days, because that Rutgers run defense is nicccce (sans last game, aberration). I don't want to make too big of a deal of this because it has very little effect on the outcome of the game. However, Urban Meyer going for it on 4th down twice while in field goal range up 30+ is an absolute joke. I don't like the term 'classless' because I think class is overrated. I will call it unnecessary though. I know the opposing view is that teams have to win by as many as possible to impress the playoff committee. Sorry, but I just don't believe that Ohio State is making the 4 team playoff based on 4 more points in a blowout against Rutgers. Like I said, not the biggest deal, but if Urban Meyer gets hit by a bus I probably won't shed any tears. http://www.baltimoreravens.com/news/article-1/Steve-Smith-Quits-Twitter-Explains-Why/7142ece3-13e6-4c9b-99e1-046ce41af86a
Baltimore Ravens- “I’ll kill you on Twitter, so I had to stop,” he said. “Somebody will say something inappropriate to me, and my wife said I wasn’t being a very good example for my kids.” Yeah, internet courage is a funny thing. Anyone could have it. I will tell you what though. I would be shaking in my boots tough talking Steve Smith on Twitter. He said 'I'll kill you on twitter'. What he meant was, 'I will fucking find you, and when I do, I will kill you in real life and brand your IP address on your lifeless body.' I don't know, that's what i heard. Anyway, how is Steve Smith 5'9 and in the top 10 of NFL players I would NOT fuck with? Maybe it's because he has knocked his own teammates out on more than one occasion. Yeah, that's probably it. I always wonder how athletes do it. I guess the money and fame helps. However, imagine checking your twitter to like 2,000 insults daily. You would probably snap at some point. It kind of sucks. No one is tough anymore. Social media has ruined everything. I would say 99.9% of insults happen over the internet. You can't fight the fair one over the world wide webs. Granted I have made about 1,000 insults over the internet today alone so I guess I am a hypocrite. Whatever, I digress. Just keep Steve Smith the fuck away from me. I feel like he would kill someone over not holding the door for him. Fucking guy makes Chuck Norris look like a male field hockey player. I bet he's made hundreds of people cry into their keyboard. My man can shit talk with the best of 'em. http://elitedaily.com/news/world/bachelourettes-beware-two-male-strippers-exposed-ebola-nurse/803592/
Elite Daily- But days later, the situation drastically changed. Their flight held Amber Vinson, one of two nurses diagnosed with Ebola after treating Thomas Eric Duncan, and both men had been seated within three feet of her. Now, the pair is in voluntary quarantine. Listen, i have gone on record saying that ebola isn't a real thing in this country. It's the new swine flu. Every asshole with a common cold has 'ebola symptoms' all the sudden. The government will dedicate millions of dollars to it and it will be gone in a month. Jesus Christ, even Nigeria contained it already. You telling me the US of A doesn't have a cure on hand if this develops into a real thing? Regardless. If ebola does actually exist, these two would be the poster boys of it. Ebola personified. I can't think of anyone better. Quarantined for like. In fact, put them behind bars. Take no chances. Execute them even. Maybe a cyanide needle to the back of the neck. Get them off my earth. I don't know these guys, but I know I hate them. Less than zero doubt in my mind. The one on the right actually looks like an 'Ebola'. Like, his parents should have picked him up for the first time and the word Ebola should have instantly came out of their mouths, involuntarily. Male strippers? If they really want to save us from an outbreak then these two won't see the sunrise. No one on the planet is more dangerous than male strippers with ebola. Just waving their ebola cocks everywhere. Windmilling ebola into the air left and right. Somehow the entire state will have it within 48 hours if you don't keep a watchful eye. Seems they will be quarantined for at least 3 weeks. Let's hope for more, but that's 21 days where I am guaranteed not to run into these two is 21 days I am a happier man. http://elitedaily.com/dating/10-ways-guys-try-break-can-sleep/800510/ So my original thought reading this was, who hurt you? I mean, hell hath no fury like a women scorned. That's the realest shit ever wrote. Then, I took a look back and realized it was written by a Paul Hudson. I'm going to take a shot in the dark and assume that Paul is a man. I guess you never know these days, but let's have at it. Originally I was going to go through all ten and tear them to shreds. However, unlike Paul, I am not a social leper. Ain't nobody got time for dat. The real question is where did Paul get his data? I think Mr. Hudson has been friend zoned one too many times. That's really the only way he could develop this many theories. He had to have been talking to far too many women. I guess he could be gay, but this article reeks of jealousy. I'm going straight and very small sexual background. He 100% developed one or two of these theories standing alone in a bar while watching a potential target get picked up. He does make some good points. Yes, men do tease women upon first meeting them. No, it's not to devalue them. Jesus Christ, men have been picking on women since they were in 4th grade dude. You think 10 year old Bob was putting that much thought into talking to girls. I was just trying not to piss myself. Yes, we compliment women. Somehow complimenting a woman hurts their ego. Really went down a strange path with that one. My brain couldn't follow. I think that means I don't do that. Yes, we act disinterested. We do it because it is a red flag to women if we are TOO interested. Maybe try talking to a girl once in your life and you'll learn that Paul. Can't learn the in's and out's if you are standing in the corner with your dick in your hand. That's the extent of him being right, and it is for all the wrong reasons. I am sure these things do happen. To categorize it under the generalization 'men' is lunacy. The article should be called '10 Ways Sociopaths Try To Get You In The Sac'. Maybe I am just speaking for me, but he literally said men do like 35+ different things to get in a woman's pants. When I am at the bar my brain is only computing 2 things. Booze and butts. No more, no less. I'm not talking to her ugly friend to try to get her attention. I'm not blatantly insulting her. I don't talk to one girl then run across the room and talk to another. Well, maybe I do if the first conversation hits a lull. But it's certainly not for leverage. I feel bad for all women who read this. This article makes us seem so much smarter than we are. If I could go to a bar and pull off all of these things in one night I would be a pussy messiah. Yeah, sometimes men are dicks to women. Not like total dicks, mostly just dick-ish. Women LOVE that. Years of research have gone into my claims. Go to a bar and be a complete gentleman to a woman and you will lose their attention faster than I lose my keys after a sip of whiskey. There are two things written in this article that are possibly the most preposterous things I have ever read. 'He'll buy you drinks or bring you to his table'. Uhhh. Okay bro. try flirting with a woman in a bar without buying a drink. It's a virtually impossible task. Not paying for her next drink is the easiest way to insult a woman. Why do you think they leave the house on Fridays? If women had to buy all their drinks they wouldn't go out nearly as much. Annnnnd now, for the kicker of all kickers…… 'Men can't increase their value from conversation alone' I admit men are kind of scummy. OF COURSE we can increase our value off conversation alone. Literally the entire one night stand scene is based on that very premise. You think women will let a man in between their legs on the first night based on the God's honest truth? Fuck.And.No. Men lie, women lie. It's a social contract we make as human beings. People don't leave the bar together after 2 hours of knowing each other having a complete picture of who their counterpart is. We both accept that we have a glorified view of who the other person is. That is based COMPLETELY off conversation Pauly boy. Now take a step off the ledge and get yourself a prostitute. You're making our gender's job much, much harder. P.S. Even if he is right( he's not). Way to sell us down the river bro. Have a little respect for the game. http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/college-student-raps-stealing-flamingo-zoo-article-1.1972407 DailyNews- Devin Nottis, 19, posted a video on Snapchat where he admits to taking a Chilean flamingo from the Hattiesburg Zoo on Tuesday. He was arrested and suspended from the University of Southern Mississippi. The flamingo he allegedly stole "GiGi" and her mate "Reese" died as a result of the prank, and the fraternity he was pledging has also been suspended. Link to flamingo rap here: http://www.wdam.com/clip/10682403/alleged-flamingo-bandit-made-rap-video-about-incident 'Yeah brah. You wanna be in Si Alpha Sigma Delta Zeta? Bend over and touch your toes. I'm gonna paddle that ass and then you're gonna head over to the zoo and take a picture with a flamingo, brah' Any rational person's response to that is 'fuck you'. Seriously, this isn't even a matter of whether the frat was at fault for this entire incident. Truthfully they're not. This 19 year old douchebag and his buddies are. All they had to do was take a picture with this thing. Instead they bagged it in a fucking t-shirt, and scaled over a 10 foot fence with it. Take a quick look at a flamingo. You think that things scrawny little limbs are gonna survive being stuffed in a medium Abercrombie shirt? No fucking chance. Besides the morons that stole this thing, there is one other party at fault. The entire frat culture. You know why they stole this fucking flamingo? To impress their frat bros. 'Yeah bro, I bet if we bring the thing back with us they will totally love it and definitely want to be friends with us.' What a completely idiotic way to look at life. If you need to be an upper classmen's bitch for a semester just to have friends then you don't deserve friends. There was a 1000% chance he was going to send a snap chat rapping to his bros about him kidnapping that flamingo. He already knew he was doing that before he got back in the car. It's 2014, if it isn't posted on social media, it didn't happen. If you don't rap shirtless about stealing a flamingo then that flamingo never existed. That's just facts. Definitely needs work on his bars though. Slick move dropping the N bomb in there too. Over/under on the total number of black people the frat members have met in their lives is at 7.5. P.S. "Shortly after the bird died, her mate passed away from depression and trauma related to the theft."…..Wait….What? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2793863/cough-medicines-waste-money-better-trying-honey-lemon-say-doctors.html#ixzz3GEJHCM3G
DailyMail- Cough medicines are waste of money, doctors declared today.Both NHS bosses and leading GPs have dismissed the products - and say traditional home made remedies with lemon or honey to be the best approach. Oh, goddamn it. Listen I knew that cough medicines didn't work all that well. That's why you always end up with a cough for like weeks on end, sick or not sick. The shit doesn't work at all though? Hats off to these people tricked the whole damn nation for decades. 28 year old me? Pretty indifferent on the matter. 10 year old me is throwing a fucking temper tantrum. Do you remember how bad cough syrup tastes? I will NEVER forget that. It's probably more memorable than the first time I had sex, for all the wrong reasons. Had to chase me around the house for an hour to get me to take that crap. Now it turns out my parents could have just given me lemon or honey? Better yet, they should have just given me some whiskey and called it a day. Tastes just as bad, but guaranteed to do the job. Assuming the job is to get your child to pass out and shut the fuck up. Whatever, I haven't actually tried to treat a cold in like 15 years. Toughen up and let the cold fight itself. Do you really even consider yourself 'sick' when you have a cold? The last cold that got me to call out of work sick was a hangover. In fact, I think they all were. It's not like you can go to the doctor now anyway, everything is fucking ebola. http://ftw.usatoday.com/2014/10/amare-stoudemire-red-wine-bath
USAToday- New York Knicks forward Amar’e Stoudemire is only 31, but he’s entering the 13th season of an NBA career that has seen plenty of miles on his surgically repaired knees. So it’s understandable that the veteran big man would spend plenty of time this preseason in the training tub, although maybe not one filled with red wine. So Amar'e, Sooooooo Amar'e. The only reason I am surprised is because I am surprised that this surprised me. What the fuck is going on in the NBA? LeBron swearing off carbs for two months? Amar'e bathing in 1,000 bottles of red zinfandel? Sac up boys. You're professional athletes, act like men for me, one time. Of course Amar'e bathes in red wine, of course he does. He has the knees of a new born baby cafe. He is softer than the finest of linens. He's basically made of paper mach'e. My research says that bathing in red wine does not make you stronger in the paint. At least throw some ice in that tub. I've seen those NFL ice baths. That shit looks awful. That will put some hair on your nuts, not your fucking estrogen tub. However, what else do you do when you have made millions upon millions of unearned dollars? What are you going to bathe in? Water? That shit is free. Water is for poor people. Amare won't even drink water unless it's been blessed by the Pope. Drinks holy water, bathes in the blood of Christ. Most religious person on the planet. What else would those crosses all over his body stand for? Plus, how can he expect to go bankrupt by the age of 45 if he is doing normal people shit? P.S. Is there anything more ridiculous than Stoudemire mean mugging the nation while sitting in a vat of wine? I guess maybe if he had his goggles on, that's about it. Beats By Dre Co-Founder Does Not Give A Single Fuck That His Headphones Are Banned In The NFL10/16/2014 http://www.si.com/nfl/2014/10/16/beats-dre-co-founder-exposure Sports Illustrated- Beats by Dre co-founder Jimmy Iovine said he likes the exposure of having NFL players wear his headphones. Bose replaced Motorola earlier this year as the league's official sponsor of headsets that coaches wear on the sidelines. Bose first partnered with the league three years ago sponsoring home audio systems and speakers. San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick was fined $10,000 this week by the NFL after failing to cover the Beats logo on his headphones during a post-game interview. Sucks to suck Bose. You know what demographic you need to cater to when it comes to headphones? Kids and young adults. You know what appeals to kids and young adults? Street cred. A face behind the brand. How's Dr. Dre for a face they can relate to. The guy who was in one of the most controversial rap groups in history, NWA. The guy who was responsible for the song 'Fuck The Police'. The guy who brought you classic albums like 'The Chronic' and '2001'. Really, no other brand stands half a chance. I don't know a person under 40 that owns a pair of Bose headphones, that's the God's honest truth. Bose didn't really think this through, huh? They really thought attaching themselves to the NFL brand would make that much of a difference. Incredibly short sighted business plan. Of course players would continue to wear Beats By Dre. The players love them, and they hate Goodell, it's win-win. We all still watch, we always will. The product is too entertaining, but hating Roger Goodell is the 'in' thing. You think if Colin Kaepernick or Richard Sherman basically flip him the bird and turn up the tunes that kids won't flock to that? The players are their heroes, not the front office. Jimmy Iovine should be ecstatic. 'Oh, you're going to promote my brand for me and I don't have to shell out advertising dollars? Please and thank you.' The owner of Bose should fold Jimmy Iovine's laundry and make him a sandwich, because he's officially his bitch. "What happened there, you have a tech company that’s culturally inept"…..BURN. Now cue the motherfuckin' music…. http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/soccer-dirty-tackle/mls-commissioner-attempts-to-scold-jurgen-klinsmann--makes-himself-look-ridiculous-215622438.html
Yahoo- MLS commissioner Don Garber held a remarkably entertaining teleconference with the press for the sole purpose of sniping back at U.S. manager Jurgen Klinsmann for his most recent criticisms of the league and its star attractions. It did not go well. Garber was upset by comments that Klinsmann made before the U.S.'s draw with Honduras on Tuesday in which he repeated his long-held concerns about the U.S.'s top players leaving the top leagues of Europe to return to MLS. Yawwwwn. Yeah, we get it Donny boy, you are running a business. You don't want people that are highly involved in your sport speaking out against your brand. You have the right to be upset. However, short of calling Klinsmann a jerk face or a stupid head, you can't really do all that much about it. Don Garber 'demanded' that Klinsmann stop making degrading comments about the MLS. I hate to inform you Don, but Jurgan doesn't work for you. He's a grown ass man that can say whatever he wants. He doesn't have to stop just because it offends you. Jurgan Klinsmann is the head coach of the USA soccer team. He has one goal, and one goal only, to help make the USMNT as good as they can possibly be. He doesn't have any obligation to grow the sport of soccer in the United States. He's German for Christ sake. Other than coaching his team, he doesn't give one single fuck about this country or it's subpar soccer league. That doesn't even take into account that what Klinsmann said is absolutely right. Try playing a sport against mediocre talent for years, and then jump directly into playing the best the world has to offer. No matter how prepared you think you are, your abilities aren't as sharp when you aren't challenged as much as you should be. I've experienced it enough in hockey to know. I completely agree with him. If I had my way I would have Dempsey and Bradley continue to play overseas as well. I need my boys sharp for the 2 weeks I watch soccer every 4 years. http://jezebel.com/john-grisham-viewing-child-porn-isnt-really-that-bad-1646869812
Jezebel- "We have prisons now filled with guys my age. Sixty-year-old white men in prison who've never harmed anybody, would never touch a child," he said in an exclusive interview to promote his latest novel Gray Mountain which is published next week. "But they got online one night and started surfing around, probably had too much to drink or whatever, and pushed the wrong buttons, went too far and got into child porn." What? You've never come home after 5 too many drinks, fired up the MacBook and gotten lost in the depths of the internet. Maybe woken up with stained boxer shorts and a 16 year old naked girl on the screen. I thought that was commonplace. People make mistakes, right? All seriousness, did someone ask him a question about child pornography or did he just have to get this off his chest? Not really a good look for him. I mean, he wasn't being questioned on kiddie porn charges, why bring it up? Kind of like waving an unnecessary red flag. Someone check this guy's search history immediately.That's one of those things where you just keep your mouth shut if you know your opinion differs from basically EVERYONE else. The person interviewing him must have been like 'he's not gonna say…is he?….can't be…and there it is'. This whole topic kind of reminds me of the Desean Jackson gang affiliation story this past summer. Was Desean guilty of being an actual gang member? Probably not. However, if you throw up gang signs on national TV, and name your rap label after a gang slogan than people are probably going to get a little suspicious. He was definitely guilty of acting like a gang member. Is every creepy old fuck that watches underage girls on the internet a pedophile? No, but it's better safe than sorry. They are definitely guilty of doing pedophile things. Not one of those instances where you can blame the alcohol. 'I get drunk and watch kids have sex' isn't a socially or judicially acceptable response. P.S. This quote, "pushed the wrong buttons, went too far and got into child porn", is certified platinum. The classic old man response. 'I don't know how these things work, I just hit the wrong button'. Below is a loosely translated Facebook post from Jags: "Is 11.15 at night. Most probably already asleep and I with 15 one vest, finishing the last exercise. Usedám on the bench to rest and zahledím in the mirror. After a while, I think of a question. Is it still worth it? Unfortunately I can't answer unambiguously. I really don't know. I'm thinking on .... You're alone, with no family, you work like a horse, no one on you at home waiting-hmmm, that doesn't sound very hopeful, I think....., and now I can think of another question ....And why the hell are you doing? ..... But on this question, I know the answer right away. Because I love it. :) Yes, once again I see that love is the most beautiful, the most powerful and the most amazing, what a man can feel. Love is the greatest power, love is the best drive, love knows no limit, with love can do everything what you wish for." You read this and your first thought is that it is equal parts admirable and depressing. Jagr will be 43 years old at the mid point of the season and does not have a wife or children. Then you realize that Jagr has run through a baker's dozen of gorgeous European women, some of which he dated for years at a time. It then becomes evident that he has never loved anything as much as he loves hockey. He doesn't continue to play because he has nothing else to fall back on, he plays because there is nothing he's ever loved more. Forty two is ancient in hockey years. In previous years, playing 2nd and 3rd line minutes for Dallas and Boston, it seemed that Jagr was experiencing a decline. Almost unbelievably, he has managed a resurgence in New Jersey. Last year Jaromir managed to be a catalyst on an offensively deficient Devils team. In fact, most nights he was the best player on the ice. Not only was he a physically dominant presence, but he made players, such as Zajac and Zubrus, better. It was like the 1st line and power play minutes served as motivation. Almost as if he got more youthful and energetic with any given shift. There is one thing that every professional athlete is blessed with. That is extreme amounts of talent. No matter how hard a player works, they all have a God given ability that has allowed them to excel to the top of their sport. The training, and persistence, they put into that talent dictates how far they let it take them. While his age ascends high above that of most players, Jagr's dedication and love for the sport dwarfs that of those same players. Jagr's training program, at a young 42 years of age, puts that of much younger players to shame. The picture in the beginning of this post shows that. Alone in a training room decked out in ankle weights and a weighted vest, he truly embraces his commitment to excellence.
Generally speaking, players retire for two reasons. Either their age surpasses their talent, or their age surpasses their ability to maintain that talent. Jagr is an anomaly in that sense. Every passing year insinuates that he will retire when he wants to retire. He's built like an ox. The above picture is a visual testament to that. He has played an extraordinary amount of games the last few seasons. His discipline to his fitness won't let his age dictate his health. I think what every hockey fan respects about Jagr is that he loves the sport more than any of us love anything. He talks about his love for the sport as if it were a person. Like hockey is a significant other or an immediate family member. Can you say you love an activity that much? I know I can't. If love is the best drive and love has no limit, then the only thing stopping Jagr is Jaromir himself. |
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