I'm not at liberty to say that Anthony Davis is still pissed off by the fact that he missed out on $23 million dollars by getting left off the All-NBA teams last year, but I'm going to say that his performance last night proved that he's not particularly happy about it either. It's either that or someone is reallllly fucking tired of hearing the name Karl-Anthony Towns. I mean, what in the Sam Hill was that?! I'm still having trouble making sense of that box score. If I had no idea who AD was and you had me read his stat line and try to guess what position he played I would be sitting there for 5 minutes scratching my head. A player with 16 rebounds isn't supposed to have SEVEN(!) steals. A player with 4 blocks isn't supposed to have 5 assists. You know how they give some high school football players the 'ATHLETE' tag in the recruiting process? Anthony Davis should just get the 'FREAK' tag. You can't put that man in no box! Seven footers aren't supposed to shoot 94% from the free throw stripe. Big men aren't supposed to pump fake from the 3 point line and dunk on me people off the dribble. Just watch those highlights and tell me it doesn't look like a grown ass man playing amongst children. Halfway to 100 points and I could only count one or two shots where I thought there was an extremely high degree of difficulty. That's a testament to how physically gifted he is and if he manages to avoid sitting out for an extended period of time with a hang nail then it might be time to recalibrate our MVP candidates, because...well...this probably isn't a coincidence...
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Under normal circumstances I would say that it's less than ideal for a fan of the opposing team to give the most motivated player in the entire NBA even more motivation. Especially when the opposing team in question has literally had no motivation to do anything but lose since 2012. This wasn't normal circumstances though. This was opening night in Philadelphia. This was the dawn of a new era. This was 'The Process' finally starting to come to fruition. This was the world premiere of Joel Embiid. As sad and underwhelming as it sounds, last night was relatively special for those in attendance. That's why I can appreciate the old man who was not only passionate enough to make sure he had court side seats for it, but passionate enough to bump his ball-and-chain out of the way to draw birds on one of the best players in the entire league. Ironically enough, I was just thinking about this while watching one of the 8 million fights between people that have no business trying to fight on YouTube the other day. Giving the finger is old hat. It's lost it's luster. Doesn't pack the same punch that it used to. That, however, is only true if you keep your birds close to the nest. As far as I am concerned, the arm extension has a direct correlation to the power of the gesture. So while I don't necessarily endorse going around flipping off NBA players, I do suggest taking some tips from this guy if you plan to do so. Those stubby little arms couldn't have been more outstretched. Those fingers were reaching so high up towards the sky that their foundation (this senior citizen's underarm fat) began to shake. Usually I err on the side of not getting into it with professional athletes, but if you are going to then you better make your damn presence felt. By being two beers short of going full blown 'Stone Cold Steve Austin', one of Philly's finest did just that, so let's all offer a well deserved 'Rest In Peace' to his season tickets. Artis Hicks Says The Vikings Had A Bounty Program In 2009, But Wait...Wouldn't That Mean...10/27/2016 PFT- Artis Hicks, an offensive lineman on the 2009 Vikings, told Jeff Pearlman, the author of a new Brett Favre biography, that the Vikings were doing the same thing that got the Saints busted. “It was part of the culture,” Hicks said, in a book excerpt published by Deadspin. “I had coaches start a pot and all the veterans put in an extra $100, $200, and if you hurt someone special, you get the money. There was a bottom line, and I think we all bought in: you’re there to win, and if taking out the other team’s best player helps you win, hey, it’s nothing personal. Just business.” Brad Childress was the head coach of the Vikings for Hicks’ entire four-year stint with the team. Childress informed the NFL after that NFC Championship Game that he had heard that the Saints had a bounty on Favre, and Childress testified in former Commissioner Paul Tagliabue’s appeals hearing on Bountygate. He has stayed quiet about the matter publicly, perhaps not wanting to say anything that could see him accused of hypocrisy, given Hicks’ accusation. Hey Vikings fans... BOO! Seriously though, I'm going to do Artis Hicks a solid right here. I'm going to go ahead and retract his statement for him. I don't want to question his memory but clearly the Saints gave him so many "illegal" shots upside the head in the 2009 NFC Championship Game that he's still misremembering the stuff that took place in his own locker room. Surely the Vikings couldn't have been running a bounty program the exact same season that their Head Coach eventually went under oath and testified that the Saints were running an alleged bounty program. That simply can't be accurate. I don't know about you, but I don't remember Brad Childress being forced out of football for a year while a litany of his players were repeatedly defending their honor in court. As Sean Payton, Jonathon Vilma, and I remember it, that was the going rate for having non-contracted performance based incentives, no? Plus, that would mean that the Saints didn't gain any sort of competitive advantage from (potentially) paying their players a couple hundred bucks to legally hit opposing players - within the constructs of the most violent sport on Earth - as hard as they possibly could. According to Vikings fans, the only reason the Saints won the Super Bowl that year was because of BountyGate so I have a hard time believing that the only thing that saved from their own BountyGate was an NFL-led investigation that was prompted by the bitterness and hypocrisy of the opposing head coach. Do you how bad it would look if any of this were true? I mean, "part of the culture"? If it were just part of the culture then that would mean that the NFL intentionally targeted a championship team - for a league wide practice - just to make an example out of them. Wasn't Roger Goodell in power at that point? Would he really have comprised the sanctity of the game by making one franchise take the fall as his token act of upholding player safety? That would be a pretty deflating damnation, so I think we should see what Tom Brady thinks about the validity of it before we declare it fact. If only for today, 'vindication' is spelled 'WHO DAT'. Live look at Vikings nation...
Look, I'm not a religious man, but I owe somebody a prayer because C.J. Spiller getting cut just 4 days before coming back to New Orleans is a blessing so great that is would make DJ Khaled seem atheist. I wasn't surprised when I saw him hit pay dirt on his first touch in those XFL reject jerseys because I think he still has talent. That said, I also wasn't upset because if you can't find a role as a pass catching back in a Sean Payton offense then it says more about you than it does him. I don't know what is holding C.J. Spiller back from being the player he was in Buffalo, but I know that if he was playing on the SuperDome turf come Sunday he would have resembled that player to a T. With Jimmy Graham finally finding his groove just in time to show his former team that he's learned not to be a buttery soft one dimensional player with suspect hands, not having to worry about Jairus Byrd running away from an all-too-familiar (non)threat creeping out of the backfield is a huge weight out my shoulders. Just no way he wouldn't have gotten redemption for the release he almost certainly deserved, and honestly - with the way this season appears to be trending - one player undoubtedly getting vengeance on the Saints is enough. Now, if that non-blocking, self proclaimed wide receiver develops a mild case of turf toe before Sunday morning? I might have to consider going to church...or just getting a tattoo of a crucifix and pretending that I do. You guys remember when Donald Trump first decided to run for President and every stupid thing he said and did was hilarious? It was a time when we could mock him for trying to get Mexico to pay for a wall to keep themselves out and get a laugh whenever he completely FUBARed some sports analogy on the campaign trail. A wonderful period when we could treat politics like the complete and utter joke they have become, and willfully ignore that they could have a bearing on the future of our country. I guess my real question is, can we start doing that again now that it's all but a certainly that Hillary Clinton is going to win the election, or do I have to wait until the second week of November to acknowledge the guilty pleasure I get out of Donald Trump actively sabotaging himself? I'm sorry, but watching The Donald point to some old white woman (who probably peaks suspiciously through her curtains the entire time the American American gentleman she hired cleans her gutters) holding a 'Blacks For Trump' sign and basically saying to himself "I'm going to draw all the attention TO HER" wasn't an act of ignorance. The man is certainly stupid, but he's not THAT fucking stupid. He just doesn't care. He didn't admit defeat by claiming the entire process was rigged because he felt cheated. He did so because he knew that he already done enough to get exactly what he wanted out of this charade - publicity. You really believe the guy that didn't even prepare for nationally broadcasted debates wants to do the grunt work required of the leader of the free world? Get serious. He's intentionally making a mockery of this election because this election was basically begging to be made a mockery of, but he damn sure ain't doing so to win it. So sue me. I laughed out loud when Donald Trump just happened to turn around and stare at one of the Golden Girls blatantly representing a people she would never want moving into Mr. Rogers neighborhood, and I don't even feel bad about it because in a few short weeks this intentionally over-the-top comedy routine will finally be an afterthought. h/t Metro SportingNews- Cam Newton learned the hard way how serious head injuries can be. After a nasty concussion against the Falcons in Week 4 forced him to miss the next game, the Panthers quarterback said he has realized that "concussions are real. It's a real issue."
"I ain't never had that feeling," he said. "I don't want it to happen to me or nobody else." Well, I guess it's finally official. Much to the dismay of Jerry Jones, concussions are - in fact - not fake. I'll never view that Will Smith movie where he talks in a brutal African accent the entire time the same way again now that I know it wasn't a comedy. Real shame that debilitating head injuries caused by violent collisions between men of damn near superhuman strength are actually a thing. Can't believe I was just sitting here in my bubble of ignorance with Roger Goodell and his self-appointed doctors thinking that they were just a myth perpetuated by the premature deaths of dozens upon dozens of former athletes caused by severe headaches. Guess we can finally sign off on this being an actual issue now that Cam Newton recognizes it as an issue. After unveiling such a harsh, undocumented truth I can't help but think the depth of his knowledge doesn't begin and end at the realization of head trauma. Someone get Cam on the horn, we need to find out who really shot JFK? Was George W. responsible for 9/11? Someone pull up YouTube so we can get to the bottom of every conspiracy theory ever presented on the internet. Who would know better than the guy that needed to get his bell rung to comprehend that the resulting reverberations might be a sign of a serious problem that surely only recently starting plaguing his sport. Beau Bennett Doesn't Seem To Be Too Concerned That His Name Is Absent From The Stanley Cup10/26/2016
Love it. About time a professional athlete wanted to earn his accolades instead of suckling at the teet of those that actually earned them. Without naming names, the former Mayor of Choklahoma City could learn a lot from Beau Bennett wanting to display championship mettle before being having his name emblazoned as a champion in metal. In all seriousness, I'm sure it sucks for him to see his former teammates' achievements immortalized on the best trophy in all of sports when he contributed very little to winning it, but it's better than seeing his name on there knowing it probably didn't belong. You hear that David West? Keep your eyes on your own paper! There's something to be said for deserving your successes instead of leaching on like a parasite and drawing the glory from those whose play warranted it. Not that there's anything wrong with ring chasing, but it's not nearly as commendable as wanting to be a part of something special as opposed to hitching your wagon to something special. Props to Beau Bennett for taking his exclusion in stride and I have no doubt that just it's motivation for him moving forward. Now let's get that fragile son-of-a-bitch some pork roll and a chauffeur, because being hangry in Jersey traffic is bound to result in a dashboard punch that could leave him hospitalized...
Wait, this is just the internet's way of seeing how easily we can be swayed by groupthink, right? There's a couple people behind this that just agreed to say that they saw oily legs in that picture so they could take a running tally of how many morons they could convince to "see" the same, correct? The gold/white/blue/black dress was one thing, but I think they went too damn far this time. I swear to God, if there's a significant amount of people that were squinting at this photo for more than 5 seconds trying to determine what they were actually looking at then I am officially even more concerned for future of society than I was by the Republican's nomination of Donald Trump. I'm about ready to screenshot this, send it to those that I consider "friends", and delete every trace of the people that don't immediately see white paint. Call me crazy, but I am firmly of the belief that something can't be an "optical illusion" if you would literally have to be visually impaired to see anything else. Fuck the backwards E's, they should use this picture at the Optometrist office. If you see shiny legs then they shouldn't even bother measuring your prescription. The should just give you some Blue's Brother's glasses and a seeing eye dog. Shit, I'm pretty sure Ray Charles would guess right if I explained to him the context of the picture, but let's ignore the fact that this chick is laying next to Hobby Lobby's entire inventory for a second. Even if she was basking on a beach somewhere I would still say that this broad look like she got domestically abused by 'Benjamin Moore', and if you say otherwise than you're giving Hellen Keller's blind, deaf, and dumb ass a run for most handicapped. Can't Help But To Think It's Sheets For The Cubbies After Reading This Indians Fan's Sign10/26/2016 And Cubs fans thought being cursed by the smelly ass farm animal that's most often the victim in beastiality jokes was bad? That's nothing compared to getting jinxed by multiplication. Bet this sign will really want to make them take a trip down memory lane and beat the piss out of the 3rd grade teacher that gave them a 'B' because they failed to show their work. You know who aced that same 3rd grade class? This guy. Yup, the grown man painted like a goddamn baseball just proved - via arithmetic - that Chicago's finest have basically already been mathematically eliminated from Championship contention. I know there's still potentially 6 games to be played, but the numbers don't lie. 108 outs, 108 years. The odds of that happening are just as low as the odds that it can be overcome. Some might say that the Cubs could also win the World Series by GETTING 108 outs and that getting the 108th out to end a 108 year drought would actually be far more symbolic than making a 108th out to extent the drought to a 109 years. However, those people didn't clearly differentiate every step of their problem solving on a poster board so they don't get the benefit of the doubt.
I almost didn't want to go to sleep last night. It felt wrong to waste even a single second of what is sure to be the most depressing three day stretch of the Warriors season. I just wanted to get all the jokes off before the most hatable team in professional sports inevitably righted the ship and sailed that shit right through the rest of the league with ease. Not just because every time one of them speaks it becomes exponentially easier to dislike them, but because they have created the most insufferable, entitled fan base currently in sports. Yes, that includes you Yankees fans. For once you can finally sit back and get a first hand look at the reason literally everyone has hated your fucking guts for all these years. Looking for a place to start? How about Draymond Green's mother's twitter account. If calling a 73 win team that just picked up one of the top 3 players in basketball "broken" after a single game against one of the best teams in the league isn't the ultimate sign that Warriors fans aren't living in reality than I don't know what is. There will be all-too-many instances that the cockiness of Golden State fans will be 100% warranted, and that's why we need to take advantage of each and every time they receive a public colonoscopy on national television. Make no mistake, that's exactly what the Greg Pop and the San Antonio Spurs gave them last night. Only men with shit shoved up their ass could look as vulnerable as the Golden State Warriors did as their defense got sodomized so badly that their "loyal", totalllllllly not bandwagon fans couldn't even stand to watch until the final buzzer...
P.S. At least they didn't get punched in the...nvm...
What you call getting lucky, I call getting rewarded. What you call an absurdly fortunate bounce off Adam Henrique's skate, I call a 30 goal scorer's "shooting" percentage making it's way back to it's mean. What you call a desperate, weak wrist shot trickling through a third string goalie's legs with two minutes to go, I call the odds that someone - over the course of an 82 game season - would finally finish a perfect set-up from Taylor Hall working in the Devils favor. What you call a blatant assist from a referee that would probably put him somewhere in the top 5 as far as Devils scorers go, I call an official actually being in a convenient position for once. Did the Devils play perfect last night? Absolutely not. Did they need Cory Schneider to be peak Cory Schneider for the first 5-10 minutes of the game? You're goddamn right they did. That said - aside from letting Oliver Ekman-Larsson stand by himself and tee one up like he was the old curmudgeon at the driving range that demanded he be left alone - the Devils put forth a hell of an effort last night. They surely needed some puck luck, but I also don't think their play dropped off enough in the 3rd to warrant blowing a two goal lead. Anyone that remembers the days of Peter DeBoer remembers a Devils team that refused to be up late in the game without looking like they had an in-locker room gambling ring where they solely bet against themselves. Despite how that scoring summary might read, that wasn't the case last night. The fact of the matter is that the Devils deserved that win. That's why you won't find me apologizing after Travis Zajac scored a pair of perfectly underwhelming Travis Zajac goals. A game winner and an insurance tally to move him to second on the team in scoring and they were just 'meh' enough for the uneducated Devils fan to continue calling him an offensive black hole while completely ignoring how crucial literally every other aspect of his game is to the lineup that has it's fair share of defensive deficiencies. Not every player is going to have the playmaking ability of Taylor Hall, but not just any player can make the Taylor Hall's of the world look more well rounded than they actually are with their play in their own end. Not only am I glad that the Devils have both, but I'm glad that their hard work showed up on the scoresheet - even if one was exponentially more awe-inspiring than the other.
Josh Brown Denied Hitting His Wife In A Public Statement, Altered That Statement, And Got Cut10/25/2016
Statement Given From Josh Brown To ESPN:
Well, I'm sold. Nothing speaks to a man's innocence like waiting a week to defend himself against chilling allegations that had the entirety of the sports world tearing apart every fiber of his character. Can't say I have any experience with being incriminated of unforgivable transgressions, but I would definitely silently sit on my hands for awhile so I didn't cause a distraction to an organization that was strangely prolonging the inevitable, obvious choice to axe me. If Josh Brown says he didn't place his hands on his wife then I think we have to give him the benefit of the doubt here. After all, he was there so he would know better than any of us. That's probably why he didn't say anything until now. Just waiting to make us alllllll look silly by proving us wrong with an incredibly timely statement exonerating himself of guilt. Boy, do we look stupid after jumping to the conclusions presented to us by the haunting journal entries that served as evidence of his extensive history of domestic abuse. Typical media, just using the written words of the accused and undisputed facts to exaggerate the truth and push the factual narrative about a guy who clearly beat his wife. Oh...but wait a second...
Statement Given From Josh Brown To Giants:
Is that what it took? Josh Brown outright denying that he physically abused his wife like a week after everyone read his dairy in which he, himself, wrote about physically abusing his wife? That was finally enough for the Giants to be like "you know what? I think our insanely average kicker might have some personal issues and mental problems that are reflecting poorly on this organization. Maybe we should cut him because every day we don't we might seem like we are accepting of his behavior". Nothing before that was a fireable offense? He literally had to back track on his admission of guilt days after the fact for a previously well respected organization to be like "ohhhh, I see. He's an out-of-touch lunatic that really doesn't quite grasp the severity of his actions, nor does he even truly understand that he was fully responsible for them". I honestly don't understand how it took an NFL franchise getting slapped across the face with the harsh truth countless times before finally deciding to turn the other cheek. I guess this can serve as a benchmark in an awful, ass backwards way. If NFL teams want to know how to handle allegations of domestic abuse in the future just do the exact opposite of what the Giants have done this past week, because it simply doesn't get any more tone deaf than that. The Saints Are Exponentially More Fun To Follow When Their SuperFan Jarrius Robertson Is Around10/25/2016
Click the link to see more highlights of Jarrius' week/weekend with the Saints (because the NFL doesn't want their product to be widely seen unless it's hardly watchable, nationally broadcasted football). Trust me, it's worth it. Is it weird that I find it significantly less exciting to follow the Saints now that a 14 year old kid is no longer "covering" their day-to-day operations? I feel like that's definitely a weird thing to say, but it couldn't be more true. I would rather listen to Sean Payton rattle off Jarrius Robertson's list of contract demands then listen to him reference the ever growing injury report. I would rather listen to him answer overly vague, childish questions from an actual child who is genuinely interested in the answers than grown men in suits asking questions of the same difficulty that just want to spin the answers into a story. Are we sure we have to send him back to school? Speaking as someone who completed every step of my education, I feel like it's slightly overrated - especially for a kid who couldn't possibly enhance his people skills. I'm pretty sure Jarrius has done a better job getting people to stay up-to-date with Saints social media accounts than the person whose job it is to run the Saints social media accounts. Don't think I have ever been as invested in the team Monday-Friday as I was when I had a daily video or six that would undoubtedly put a smile on my face to look forward to. I am even more lenient with my criticisms of the team's performance after Little JJ spends the week bullshitting with them. With their effort on Sunday, that's some pretty invaluable damage control. Oh well, back to the reality of 2-4 and the nauseating repetitive chatter about this team's fatal flaws I guess. Considering the presence of Steve Gleason and the fan support of Jarrius Robertson, one thing this team definitely isn't lacking is unbelievably engaging sources of inspiration. Now follow @Jarrius, donate to the cause, remember that it takes lives to save lives, and get your t-shirts. I know I got mine on the way...
Dale Weise Thinks That P.K. Subban Was Used As A Scapegoat And I Refuse To Believe Such Blasphemy10/25/2016
"I would say no, I might be a bit biased because we are close as friends. But I never saw a problem with it. I think they were looking for an excuse, and I think he was the guy that could be easily targeted as a guy that could be a distraction. You see his personality, you see who he is. He is who he is all the time. What you see on camera, on the ice, that's PK Subban all the time. He doesn't change. I never saw one guy have a problem with it in the locker room. I think the team was looking to make an excuse. I think he's an easy scapegoat." - Dale Weise Wait, what? No. No, no, no. It just can't be. P.K. Subban was used as a fall guy by an organization that drastically underperformed expectations last year? A franchise as tried and true as the Montreal Canadiens handled things with a star player poorly? I don't know. I would have to have a chat with Patrick Roy first, but that sounds like a reach to me. I guess the fact that they lost one of the best starting goaltenders in the whole league to a serious injury could be what's really to blame for derailing their playoff hopes, but I'm much more inclined to say that their most talented skater's personality is what truly sabotaged their season. With a track record of being such an effervescent jerkface, I'd bet my bottom dollar on him as the odds on favorite to terrorize an entire team into mediocrity. Just no chance that a coach with the upmost job security of Michel Therrien would try to unjustly point fingers at the easiest target just to take the pressure off himself. In fact, I would say that Dale Weise's enabling of his teammate's all-too-divisive, fun loving attitude is probably what got him shipped out of town too. Can't have a bunch of guys conspiring to distract their teammates with energy and laughter. That's why they almost had to get rid themselves of P.K. Subban in exchange for the older, less exciting version of him. Sure, skill-wise it may hurt them down the line, but that's why they brought in an exciting glue guy like Alexander Radulov whose history hasn't raised a single question about his character. Just look at their record! 5-0-1? Undefeated in regulation!? Clearly they made the right decision and the only thing that was holding them back from reaching their potential was their one player who had limitless potential. I don't care what Dale Weise says. He must have been in a different locker room, because the one that P.K. Subban was removed from was one that was torn apart by his passionate celebrations and generous displays of showmanship. There's a time and a place for captivating charisma, and I think all hockey fans would agree that the rink on game day is NOT it. I don't want to take away from the moment here. I have to believe that this was one of the more exciting athletic achievements that has ever taken place at Eastern Tennessee State University. That's an assumption based on the fact that two players hitting back-to-back half court shots is extremely unlikely, but it's also an assumption based on the fact that they are a state school that only represents a select region of one of the smallest states in the continental United States. Call it a hunch, but I feel pretty comfortable saying that this video is the most impressive thing that the casual college basketball fan will see from ETSU all year. That said, you know that someone sitting behind a desk running numbers in their Admission's Office was PISSED when it got sent to their e-mail. I'm sure it was their idea to get their limited fanbase involved with a promotional stunt that would bring the student body together. No doubt they even put enough money aside to cover a lucky undergraduate's tuition in case it was successful. What they definitely didn't plan for was flipping the bill for TWO free tuitions. Watching a bunch of half-drunk kids that will probably ignore the basketball team for the foreseeable future go bonkers in the crowd was pretty damn awesome. Knowing that there may have been some budgeting director standing at the end of the bleachers that let out a "you gotta be fucking kidding" under his breathe as that second shot ripped twine? For someone - like myself - that appreciates anything that costs colleges money, the mental image of him potentially schlepping back to his computer to move some decimal points around after his half-hearted gesture of good will was more pricey than he had planned is what really puts a diabolical smirk on my face. What I am about to say is coming from someone that loves nothing more than instigating an opponent verbally - there comes a point when talking shit says more about you than it does about the person it's directed at. I don't mind this British dude - who desperately needs to give up on maintaining a hairline - trying to get in his competition's head mid-hand, but somewhere around the two minute mark of him not getting any reaction whatsoever his own insecurities became pretty obvious. I could appreciate him chirping while playing with his chips if it - in any way - seemed to be aiding him in potentially increasing his stack, but that didn't seem to be the case. That's why I couldn't have been pulling more for the guy in the Blue Jays hat... ...until he spoke. Just when you think the person who won't just shut the fuck up and play is an insufferable asshole the person who he's yapping at goes full "safe space". I don't know enough abut the 'World Series Of Poker' to say whether they intentionally create characters for viewership, but this dude was almost too stereotypically "2016" not to be scripted. Verbal abuse? Bullying? Isn't this dude a little too old to be one of those perpetually offended hippies protesting on college campuses? I mean, are we talking about grown men competing in a poker hand worth a significant sum of money or a kid getting picked on during recess? Who would have thought someone that was so concerned with "being nice" would choose a career as cutthroat as professional fucking gambling? I'm not exactly sure when it was, but sometime between calling his rabble-rouser "mean" and demanding that he "check his privilege" I couldn't have begun rooting harder for a 'King' to pop up on the river. The sensitive Sally who riled up the crowd by basically saying "loving yourself is more important than winning" before having one of his buddies mend his hurt feelings with a man-to-man massage didn't deserve to take that pot. Hell, nobody deserved to take that pot, because both people in it were equally responsible for one of the most unbearable interactions I have ever forced myself to watch to completion. TheBoombox- NBA legend Scottie Pippen has filed for divorce from his wife after 19 years of marriage. According to PEOPLE, the 51-year-old NBA Hall of Famer submitted divorce papers in Florida last Tuesday (Oct. 18) and Larsa was notified of the filing on the following Thursday (Oct. 20).
“After careful consideration and 19 years together, Larsa and Scottie have each filed for dissolution of their marriage. Although they are no longer to be married, Larsa remains hopeful that she and Scottie will always do what is best for their 4 beautiful children and jointly raise them with love and respect. She would like to thank everyone for their understanding and kindly ask for privacy from the media during this difficult time of transition for her family.” TMZ is reporting that Scottie is divorcing Larsa after he caught his wife hooking up with rapper Future on multiple occasions. Larsa reportedly has been traveling around the country on the Atlanta rhymer’s private jet. They reportedly met at a lavish party in Miami back in August and have been getting “cozy” ever since. According to reports, the divorcing couple have signed an ironclad pre-nup in which Scottie agrees to pay monthly child support that will be determined by a judge. I see a lot of people out there responding to this news by saying "damn, I guess no one is safe". While I tend to agree that it's impossible to guarantee you don't get cuckolded in 2016, I hardly consider this act of infidelity a testament to the fragility of monogamous relationships. Sure, I'd like to believe that a man whose been married for 20 years, has 4 kids, and $50 million in the bank is beyond getting cheated on with some rapper who basically performs in Swahili and has enough baby mama drama to get his own drag down menu on TMZ, but have you looked at the victim in question? I don't want to be too superficial because I know that attractive women marry ugly dudes for money all the time. However, imagine being Larsa and looking in the mirror after getting woken up by your husband's Mr. Ed lookin' face ass clearing his record setting sinuses in your ear every night for two decades. You might be able to suppress that eye-popping aesthetic disparity for awhile, but eventually a women whose clearly familiar with fishing in the celebrity dating pool is going to dip her line back in the water. You realize there's so many famous dudes undoubtedly diving in her DM's that her inbox looks like the VIP section at a Vegas pool party? Scottie Pippen might be worth 8 figures, but she's easily had hundreds of millions of dollars worth of dick offered up to her. Not sure why she choose Future and his lowly $8 million dollar bankroll, but if there's a man whose face made you feel comfortable taking a $42 million downslide then it would be Scottie Pippen's. I do feel for the guy, but I'm not about to treat a reality TV star's decision to fuck around on her ugly husband who hasn't been in the public eye for a decade like it signals the death of the institution of marriage. That's not to say that it's not on life support. I'm just not ready to pull the plug because a gold digger changed her ways in sacrificing finances for relevance by becoming just another "broad in Atlanta". LBS- The Seattle Seahawks quarterback was on the end of one Sunday night, and he suggested a way to break the tie: a field goal contest.
“Let’s say we’re the away team,” Wilson suggested, via Sheil Kapadia of ESPN. “We win the coin toss, we get the ball on the 35-yard line going in. You kick one field goal. You can’t do anything else but a field goal. You make the field goal, the game’s over. If you miss the field goal, the game’s over and the other team wins. “I just think that if you play that long, you’re putting your lives on the line. You should find a way to win. I don’t like ending in a tie.” This idea is so fucking ridiculous that I truly want to believe it was conjured up in jest. Unfortunately, I have seen no proof that wit is one of the tools in Russell Wilson's arsenal. I suppose his sense of humor could potentially be drier than his dick during his engagement to Ciara, but I'm not entirely sure that his native language of never-ending coach-speak accounts for sarcasm. If it does, then he's basically been treating jokes like they were blasphemous towards the God whose sole purpose is to help him win, lose, or apparently tie football games since he first came into the league. That's why I have assume that this was legitimate suggestion for how to "fix" overtime rules that were only "broken" by one of the most inept offensive performances in NFL history. Someone want to do me a favor and grab Russy one of his 'Recovery' waters out of fridge. I know he hasn't gone through concussion protocol, but this stunning display of stupidity is as telltale of a sign of brain trauma as a guy needing to hide under the covers when the lights are turned on. A do-or-die shot from the 35 yard line? Are we trying to decide who gets the ball first in a game of '21' or the result of 1-of-16 NFL games? Russell Wilson basically took the worst aspects of NFL overtime and the worst aspects of college football overtime, threw them in a blender, topped it off with a couple handfuls of horse manure, whipped up a shit smoothie, and acted like he created the elixir for something that wasn't even remotely plaguing professional football. The Seahawks-Cardinals game turned into parody of itself because of the botching of damn-near-unmissable field goals, so when a similar situation arises we should make the outcome more reliant on field goals? If we are actually going to consider this a rational solution to a fictitious problem then I would like to submit my equally thought out proposal which is that team captains go to mid-field and play Russian roulette to completion. Surviving team wins, and the best part is that the losing team won't even have to deal with the agony of watching their kicker shank away a sure victory. I suppose that impinges on player safety, but - let's be honest - that's as much of a farce as Russell Wilson trying to bend the rules to better fit his team's occasional incompetence. How About Patrik Elias Just Casually Sitting In The Stands During The Devils Home Opener?10/24/2016 If this picture isn't cloaked in symbolism than it's very apparent that I don't know what the word 'symbolism' even means. The one thing that has gone almost eerily unspoken by the Devils brass is whether or not Patrik Elias has any intention of playing once he gets healthy. You could say that his potential return is hovering silently over the team. Ya know, sort of like he is by - somehow unassumingly - taking a seat amongst the poor folk and enjoying a winning effort by the team he's been a vital piece of for the better part of two decades from afar. I can honestly say I have no idea what his or the Devils plans are for the immediate future, but - if this snapshot is any indication - then I think we can rest assured that he'll be a part of the organization in some capacity. I'm assuming that there is still a lot of uncertainty surrounding his status and that's why he's chilling in the lower bowl looking like an accountant that came straight from the office instead of potentially causing a distraction by being around the team. That Patrik Elias, never fails to do what he thinks is best for the logo on the front and not the name on the back - even if it means slumming it in the cheap(er) seats. Now all that remains to be seen is whether he (and the organization) thinks that's what's best for the team is eventually joining them on the ice or helping to run them from the front office. My heart says his playing says aren't over, but my brain is significantly less sure. Either way, it's good to know that he's being as inconspicuous as a (probable) future 'Hall Of Famer' can be in the arena he's called home since it's doors opened while keeping up with day-to-day performance of his...uhhh....former(?) teammates. There are worse things than having the consummate professional (and prototypical Devil) invested in the success of the franchise that he helped bring multiple championships to as they work back towards achieving that same goal. h/t Reddit This KHL Player That Got Injured While Scoring In A Shootout Certainly Could Have Handled It Better10/24/2016 PuckDaddy- Jon Blum scored the only shootout goal for the KHL’s HC Admiral in their loss to Salavat Yulaev on Friday. While the goal was nice, the end result — aside from the loss — for Blum was not a good one.
The 27-year-old defenseman, who’s played 110 NHL games between the Nashville Predators and Minnesota Wild, got tripped up by Salavat goaltender Niklas Svedberg and crashed hard into the end boards. Blum knew immediately something was wrong and was later diagnosed with an arm injury and will miss 5-6 weeks according to the team. I can't - even in my cold, black heart of hearts - crucify this guy for getting hurt after roofing a slick little backhander in a shootout. Honestly, how could I? The arrival of that goalie's pesky poke check was so late and sure to be catastrophic that it makes the leaking of Donald Trump's pussy grabbing tape one month before the election seem timely. Can't fault a guy for barreling into the boards skull first after he had a stick stuck in his skates as he was heading full speed towards them. I can, however, criticize him for how he handled the aftermath. As we just learned, you can definitely get hurt scoring in a shootout. What you can't do is let people know that you got hurt scoring in a shootout. I don't know how much pain this guy was in, but I'm assuming it was quite a bit since it ended up being an injury that's going to keep him out of the lineup as many as 6 weeks. That said, the only way to not end up as part of one of the few KHL "highlights" that NHL fans are going to see - and likely mock - is to gather your belongings and promptly join the rest of your bench until the game has ended. Has this guy learned nothing from the 'Mighty Ducks'? Taking the fall and acting hurt is how you get indignant. Don't you value your dignity, Jonathan Blum? I don't care how hard it is to hide an arm that is in multiple pieces, if you don't want to go viral then you'll pretend you're 'okay' until you get back to the locker room. Create a scene by leaving your stick on the ice and bolting from the playing surface as soon as possible and the vast majority of people that are going to watch a video of it are only going to be watching to see you writhe in pain. We likely wouldn't even have seen your goal if you kept it together until you hit the trainer's table, and - in this case specifically - that's a best case scenario - no matter how silky smooth your finish was. |
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