The Devils Managed To Salvage Nico Hischier's Coming Out Party, Though I'm Not Entirely Sure How10/20/2017
First and foremost, hats off (almost literally) to Nico Hischier. Not only was it awesome to watch him go from somewhat snake bitten to a point-per-game player in one single game, but it's a credit to how involved he's been from the first drop of the puck. The goals are great and hopefully they keep coming in bunches, but they are simply a statistical pay off for a kid that was playing above his numerical production. The first overall pick officially arrived well before last night, but he finally announced his presence by pocketing back-to-back goals in the tough areas of the ice. So yeah, I'm with Taylor Hall in thinking it might be time to take his online coat off and stay awhile...
As for the Devils as a whole? Well, they keep cooking up a recipe for disaster, so I'm not entirely sure how it's been so consistently palatable. Unnecessary penalties and a subpar penalty kill generally aren't ingredients that compliment a victory, so I guess that makes a shockingly formidable offense a culinary crutch that would comparatively make bacon look like an unflattering addition. Saying that the Devils are only winning because they are scoring a lot reads like a pretty piss poor dad joke, but it's as true as it is unsustainable. If this team wants to continue to give themselves an opportunity to win games over more experienced teams then they absolutely have to stay out of the box, because I don't need to be an analytics expert to tell you that recent results will serve as the outlier sooner rather than later. It's exciting that they proved they are resilient enough to overcome handing out a half dozen power plays while losing a large majority of face-offs, but - long term - there's not a team in the league that is talented enough to keep pushing the right buttons while turning all the wrong keys. All that pessimism aside, it's been surreal to watch this team take their inevitable mistakes in stride without letting them effect their work ethic. The game tying goal came on a play that even the most biased of fan would have to consider a lucky bounce, but those bounces don't go your way without a relentless forecheck. You can treat Guy Boucher's postgame praise as nothing more than coach speak, but the fact that it reads like a goddamn Ray Shero press release or the transcript of a John Hynes press conference is unbelievably encouraging...
I'm not one to blindly repeat the company line, but the commitment to being fast, attacking, and supportive through the 60th minute has served as the anti-venom to the kryptonite that is undisciplined hockey . Young teams are prone to playing stupid, but if this young team can cut down on the self inflicted wounds then they'll stand a much better chance of continuing to make their detractors - of which there was no shortage - look even more stupid. Player Notes: Taylor Hall - Hopefully those that were overly concerned with last year's point totals are learning how much easier it will be to surpass them now that he has a handful of capable players to pass to...
Will Butcher - Consummate beaut...
John Moore - Extra time extraordinaire...
Cory Schneider - Whew, breathe it deep...
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First of all, are blatantly guilty and disgraced sports figures who are being gifted an opportunity to fruitlessly defend themselves on a national platform solely because it's guaranteed to drive traffic not privy to ESPN's team of makeup artists? Rick Pitino has never been tall, dark, nor handsome, but surely they could have made him up to look a little more put together than Charlie in the episode of 'It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia' where he's convinced he's addicted to eating human flesh. More importantly, I respect the passed polygraph defense , but - unfortunately - I'm not at liberty to buy the bullshit that Rick Pitino has proven adept at selling. I'm sure he actually did ace the lie detector test, but isn't that exactly what an expert liar should do? I wouldn't commend his (now former) players for making their foul shots because that's a fundamental requirement of the role they fill for the program, so why would I grant Rick Pitino some sort of pardon for being able to sociopathically convince himself that he's innocent in building said program? If anything, those results run counter to me taking his word for it. I was already about 99.99% sure that Rick Pitino was guilty, but I'm at 100% now that I know he truly believes he's not. We're talking about the type of serpent that snaked his way to the top of his insanely public profession, and I'm supposed to let the fact that he's cold-blooded in the face of questioning change my opinion of his character? Hell no. I'd be more likely to believe he was capable of using his hypothetical conscience to answer questions if that needle spiked proving that he actually has a pulse for what's right and wrong. Chandler Parsons Is NOT Happy That Grizzlies Fans Boo'd Him After A Couple Missed Foul Shots10/19/2017
LBS- On Wednesday, Parsons came off the bench late in the first quarter and missed his first two shots, which were free throws. Fans could be heard booing him, and they did the same again in the second half when Parsons missed the first of three free throws after he was fouled shooting a 3-pointer.
Rather than taking the high road after the game, Parsons fired back at the fans...
Oh, come on Chandler. You don't think it makes ANY sense? Like, not even a little? I'm not much of a boo'r so I can't really speak to the exact legitimacy of each and every one. However, I can confidently argue that booing a wildly overpaid and incredibly under-available professional basketball player for missing consecutive foul shots is at least a smidge more logical than whining about harmless heckles while wearing a goddamn 'Death Row Records' t-shirt. Like, can we let Tupac rest in peace? Poor bastard was probably doing backflips in his (hypothetical) grave after hearing that someone who rep'd his label was bitching about mild criticism after failing when all eyez were on him. And I get it, Chandler Parsons is not to blame for giving himself a contract that was already a comical mistake the second it was offered. You're not gonna not sign a $94 million dollar deal when your lower body is as sturdy as that of a new born baby calf. However, when you take to social media and use that unearned money to charter more jets than you've made buckets, the fans that were hoping you'd provide something more than 33% percent shooting in 34 games might let their irritability get audible. Essentially what I am trying to say is that you can't be both injury prone and insufferable, and only one of things can be controlled. I am sympathetic to plight of the fragile athlete, as long as the fragile athlete is sympathetic to the plight of the annoyed fan that doesn't want to open up Instagram and see his steadily sidelined small forward jet setting around the world wearing a 1,000 watt smile and a model on each arm. Is it "tasteless" to boo a human being when the irony of him getting paid to miss free throws becomes overwhelming? Potentially. One thing that it most certainly is not, however, is hard to understand.
"Also, going back to Cathrine Murray. She has 911 kills. So she’s only 65 kills away from cracking the top 10 in school history and, um, just to note…911…you know, 9...11…so uh…kills…that was, you know 9-11…kills…little joke." ---- Get it? GET IT!?! Do you guys need to hear it again or something? Anyway, eat your heart out Al Michaels! I didn't know that 'equality' would sound like a women slowly reminding everyone that 911 isn't just a number but also a date when thousands of innocent people died. As it turns out, however, it's not only men that can publicly make insanely misguided and ludicrously insensitive comments in the never-ending search for a laugh! And what better way to get that laugh than to reference the casualties in the deadliest terrorist attack to take place on American soil in the context of an oddly fatal volleyball statistic! Tricia Fishbune, ladies and gentlemen! She's not just a broadcaster for women's volleyball at a directional school, but also an edgy comic whose not afraid to take risks with her subject matter. Don't take my word for it though, because she'll be glad to draw out her painful attempts at humor by putting on her social blinders and bypassing every awkward pause that she could have used as an exit on the long, dark road that she took to explaining her "joke". It took her awhile to get there, but everyone knows that it's probably not funny if it doesn't require it's own footnote. I got to say, the ride was rough but she really spiked the landing. Speaking of 'kills', I'm pretty sure part of me died during the execution of the longest zinger in the history of humanity, but isn't that normal with any good tragedy-dependent pun that needs to be broken down by the numbers? Really makes you wonder why they call it a 'punchline' when it's more effectively delivered as a slow burn as opposed to a quick jab. Somehow, this apology is oddly accurate. I'm not sure I would have taken the "...but I have a black friend" approach to softening the blow of her "erroneous wording" of words that are undeniable errors, but I also didn't think a 9/11 joke could be more "poorly phrased" than "frankly unacceptable". If nothing else, Tricia Fishbune opened my mind to a higher worth of cringe... — Tricia Fishbune (@triciafishbune) October 17, 2017
First and foremost, this is obviously well deserved. I'm not too familiar with how the other candidates performed, but you probably could have argued that Cam Jordan had made his case when he essentially sacked Matthew Stafford by grabbing a professional offensive tackle - albeit a backup - and tossing him through an NFL quarterback like he was the main character in a 'Marvel' movie...
The one-handed tip drill turned game-sealing pick-6 that served as a heavy-handed dose of Xanax to every New Orleans Saints fan that had entered the initial, 'shock' stage of grief at the prospect of the Detroit Lions completing a 35 point comeback was just icing on the cake. Too be quite honest, the icing on that cake should probably read "I know we don't tell you this anywhere near enough, but thank you for being you!".
Seriously, it's a blessing that the Saints do-it-all defensive end is an easy going guy, because he's damn sure smart enough to know that - prior to the last three games - his teammates have actively sabotaged the illustriousness of his career. If Cam Jordan's love language was 'words of affirmation' then the heart that he displays every Sunday would easily be cold and lifeless by now, because leading a unit that spent three years refusing to follow has cost him no shortage of notoriety. In a league that loves its pass rushers, one of the best and most versatile players doing it has flown under the radar as the trusted pilot of a rinky-dink puddle jumper that has barely been capable of getting off the ground since 2014. It's about damn time he was - at least temporarily - given the wings of a 757 and able to soar, even if a 'Defensive Player Of The Week' award that is limited to his own conference is the bare minimum in terms of the accolades he's actually earned. The main thing that the ever-so-belated competence of their secondary has allowed for is optimism, but the league-wide recognition of Cam Jordan as the absolute beast that he has always been comes in at a close second.
Teddy Bridgewater Is Finally Back At Practice, So Let This Video Lift Your Spirits After Last Night10/18/2017
And with one career being momentarily sidelined by a grotesque, catastrophic injury, another career is re-born. Oddly enough - considering they are athletes of varying relevance in completely different sports - this dramatically produced montage of Teddy Bridgewater handing the ball off a couple times is exactly the type of thing I needed to see after watching Gordon Hayward's foot and fibula temporarily hit a town called Splitsville. I don't even care that the score sounded like it was the illegitimate lovechild of 'The Golden Girls' theme and the song that Will Farrell twirls the ribbon to in 'Old School'. The reminder that it's possible for professional athletes to come back from traumatic, puke-inducing fractures was worth enduring the soundtrack of each and every generic church lobby. Sucks that it will probably be an entire year from now, but it will be a great day in sports when the Boston Celtics are able to release an equally overdone video of their star player doing routine things that didn't seem possible when he was laying helplessly on the ground in agonizing pain.
I'm not dumb enough to think that lugging around a gas mask like a conspiracy theorist that's convinced we could be seconds away from biological warfare at any and all times is anything more than an act of symbolism, but I'll be damned if I don't love the thought process behind it nonetheless. In fact, if we are being completely honest, I think they should double and triple down on the overly literal use of inanimate metaphors. Why not pack their lockers with month old swiss cheese just to remind themselves of how easy they've been to pass through and how egregiously they've stunk? Does it not fit the budget to make them trudge through a ball pit filled with nothing other than yellow penalty flags to get to the practice field so they can't possibly forget the litany of sins they've committed defensively over the last few seasons? Would it be over-the-top to hire a Brandon Browner doppleganger (or just Brandon Browner himself, I'm sure he's free) to stomp around the locker room yelling his list of career accomplishments at everyone? I want the lowest of lights from the last three years playing on a loop in the locker room over the backdrop of Rob Ryan screaming non-sensical obscenities. Anything to make this suddenly rejuvenated unit hungry and desperate to avoid the shame of historically piss poor defense's past. Those old habits need to officially be declared dead, even if that means throwing them a figurative funeral. So let's hope they are wearing those facial respirators as diapers because if they are serious risk of letting smoke get blown up their ass after their first three game stint of relative success since 2013 then I'm probably going to need to borrow Laremy Tunsil's gas mask come Sunday. Odd slip of the tongue or extremely generous description of a penalty that required a whole hell of a lot of ineptitude. Either way, I couldn't be more certain that they got this call semantically correct. Never mind this being a shockingly egregious example of a 'Too Many Men On The Ice' penalty, because the fact that they couldn't even break out of their zone with an additional player involved in the play is proof positive that they also had about six 'Too Many Gentlemen On The Ice'. Christ, would it kill the Carolina Hurricanes to put a damn body on somebody? It's natural to wonder how they didn't realize they had too much support when a third of their active roster ended up huddled within a 10 foot radius of their crease for an alarming amount of time. If I were a Cane-iac, however, it'd be slightly more concerned that not a single one of them could win a battle or create a safe outlet. Like, how far down the bench would we have to go before finding a player that was willing to grab the puck by its proverbial pussy instead of helplessly waving like they were trying to hail it a cab in the rain? I'm absolutely stunned they were able to score the victory when their late-game pursuit of the biscuit looked destined to have them stuck in the (friend) zone for the rest of the night.
TheBigLead- Bobby Portis punched his Chicago Bulls teammate Nikola Mirotic in the face at practice on Tuesday, fracturing his face and giving him a concussion. Knowing only that it seemed like Portis was about to get in a lot of trouble. However, Peter Vecsey and Adrian Wojnarowski both reported that Mirotic was the aggressor. Via Vecsey’s Patreon:
Mirotic initiated the skirmish. “He was the aggressor, not Portis,” I am informed. “Mirotic shoved Portis twice, maybe three times. When Portis retaliated with a hard shove, Mirotic charged him. Portis put him down.” The players had been talking trash to one another in practice, going back and forth before those exchanges escalated into a physical encounter, league sources told ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski. Mirotic charged at Portis twice before Portis threw a punch and connected with Mirotic’s face, league sources said. Mirotic dropped to the floor and lay there for several minutes before getting up, league sources said. ------ Being that he grew up in war torn Yugoslavia, there's not a doubt in my mind that Nikola Mirotic is one tough son of a bitch. Unfortunately, there's a big difference between tough and fucking crazy. Bobby Portis, by his own admission, is very much the latter...
On one hand, I am glad to learn that an NBA player didn't temporarily knock a teammate into an alternate universe by way of a blindsided sucker punch. On the other hand, if the person throwing said punch envisions the face of his mother's hypothetical assailant on every player that wrongs him like he's in a much less comedic version of 'The Waterboy' then I hesitate to think the result would have been any different if he had caught him while he wasn't looking. Obviously the real story here is that this year's Chicago Bulls are so hopeless that multiple players on their team have already said "I can't take this shit anymore, let's fight" before they've even tipped their season off. However, I want to use this time to make a PSA to all professional athletes. Some of your peers used the motivation of a very loose connection with reality to beat unrealistic odds to get to the highest level. Simply put, you better make sure it's not short a couple of branches before barking up the wrong tree, because whatever lies behind the eyes of the individual below is somehow a hell of a lot scarier than it's 6'11, 250 pound frame. Don't poke (...or shove) the bear when the bear's admittedly flagrant temper doesn't even have to consider (non-existent) expectations before going very, very foul.
Let's make one thing crystal clear, by continuing this dumbass, nonsensical tweet's circulation on the internet, I am giving the author of it exactly what she wants....attention. Somehow, spreading her cheeks for every Tom, Dick, and well-hung Harry wasn't enough in terms of explicitly promoting herself, so she decided to go with the tried and true method of immediately using a disturbing, season-ending injury as the impetus for a joke that's somehow more bad than it is insensitive. The joke clearly fell on enthused ears because the comparison it made showed such a weak command of American History that the ghost of George Washington considered putting a musket in his mouth, but I'm pretty sure that was the whole point anyway. I suppose I could ask why two teams who have traded their way into an inevitable rivalry would need/want a reason to "unite" during the opening stages of the first game of long overdue season. I guess it bears mentioning that "sacrificial lambs" are generally used to put an end to conflict. However, looking at this through a logical lens would already be giving it too much credit as an actual thought. The only thing guaranteed to go more viral than a "too soon" is a "too soon" that is too stupid, so congrats to Mia Khalifa on marketing her new show with Gilbert Arenas in a way that would literally only make him proud, by speaking directly out of her overused asshole to stay relevant. I'd tell her to close her legs and open up a book but instead of wasting the eloquence, I'll just leave the only response that this deserves to Al Horford's sister...
Oh, and most importantly, here's to hoping that Gordon Hayward eventually comes back better than ever. On a night that was supposed to be used to celebrate the return of the NBA, the NBA took a disastrous hit and that has to considered depressing to an basketball fan that didn't achieve notoriety with a cock in their chest cavity. Let's assume the biggest pitfall of having a young team is the likelihood with which they tarnish an otherwise promising performance by sprinkling in a couple dumb, almost unforgivable mistakes. If that's the case, then the fact that the Devils were able to bear down and overcome what likely should have been fatal errors in toppling one of their conferences most formidable foes must make them a pretty damn good young team. Between gift wrapping a go-ahead goal for someone who has never needed to be done any favors in the offensive zone, to taking thee most egregiously unnecessary offensive zone penalty with two minutes left in a tie game, to going down a man in overtime and giving an absolutely lethal powerplay even more room to maneuver, the Devils easily surpassed what was a small margin for error. The fact that it didn't cost them one single point is not only a credit to their resilience, but also a credit to their uncanny maturation process. Most fans who are rooted in reality are still waiting for the other shoe to drop in what is - objectively speaking - supposed to be another rebuilding year, but I'll be damned if the Devils haven't kept that shoe lodged deeply in our throats with what has been nothing short of a stunning start. The season is still young, but a youthful roster that's been completely remade appears wise beyond it's years. To be 5-1 with contributions coming all throughout the entirety of the lineup had to be considered a pipe dream, and it's been a goddamn blessing watching them actively avoid their wakeup call. Sooner rather than later they are going to stop facing backup-"quality" goaltending, but it's been encouraging to watch them light it up quicker than whatever Miles Wood smokes before he speaks publicly. Going toe-to-toe with a talented Tampa Bay team that's been on a tear would have been no small feat - no matter who was in net - and the Devils somehow managed to pull a victory out of the jaws of defeat. Six games into the season is still far too early to make any declarative statements about long-term potential, but I feel pretty confident in saying that this team has a far stronger mental makeup than the one that missed every branch in their abrupt plunge into the abyss of NHL irrelevance. Player Notes: Pavel Zacha - I don't want to pile on the guy because I think his struggles are overblown, but he's only digging himself deeper by trying to make up for those struggles. Theoretically, I appreciate him doing what this team has made a point of doing in sticking up for a teammate. In practice, dropping the gloves with two minutes to go in a tie game as retaliation to a missed high stick is not the time, place, or circumstance to prove your worth. Especially since it was almost guaranteed to result in taking an offensive zone penalty for the third straight game when the second straight game earned you a two period benching. Whatever shrink made Jesper Bratt's balls drop quicker than his now-egregious descent to the 6th round could easily earn his commission with Pavel Zacha, because his worst enemy has been whatever has been going on in his own head. It's not abnormal for a 20 year old to have confidence issues, but he has to stop letting them put his team in bad spots. Steve Santini - Not sure even the most eternal of optimist could have drawn up a better start for him. When it became painfully clear that filling the holes on defense was going to be more costly than tearing down your entire house just to add an extra bathroom, the organization appeared to cross its fingers in hopes that giving someone like Santini more responsibility would aide in his development. That prayer - as well as the begging and pleading that convinced Will Butcher to sign in New Jersey - has paid off in spades. Andy Greene and Damon Severson - They are obviously in over their head as a top pairing against a top line like Tampa's, but they have to do a better job making it harder on them than they did last night. In essence, they are expected to contain players like that as opposed to completely stopping them. However, Damon Severson did neither in dry humping Cory Schneider's net like he was trying to get rid of his red rocket on the back of the couch as Andy Greene left a loose puck sitting casually in his own crease. Nico Hischier - Doesn't need to change a single thing. Just got to get his first one out of the way before his luck changes, and - like Rick Pitino in an Olive Garden bathroom - it's coming...quickly. The "Vets" - The youth movement has been getting a ton of praise - and rightfully so - but Adam Henrique, Kyle Palmieri, and Taylor Hall have undoubtedly made it easier on them. You need your best players to play like your best players when your other players are still learning how to best groom the hair on their balls. Henrique has made noticeable contributions in every game, which is something you definitely couldn't say last year. Palmieri has honestly looked like a player possessed since the preseason. Hall has given them what the rest of the roster partly prohibited him from giving them last year. Watching the latter two continue to abuse the seam worse than an overweight woman in yoga pants has been glorious since it begun when they switched wings on the powerplay last season. Chris Paul Has Uncovered The Big Secret, The Clippers Problem Was That He Had The Ball Too Much10/17/2017 LBS- In clips from his new mini-documentary series for ESPN that were released on Thursday, the Houston Rockets guard criticized the culture of his old team, the LA Clippers, and also expressed displeasure with the role he played there.
“The whole thing with our team, a lot of people see the wins and losses and stuff like that, but it’s the culture of our team,” said Paul, per The Disorderly. “If you ain’t trying to contend with the Warriors then what are we doing? You know what I mean? The Warriors haven’t lost in the playoffs. If you’re not trying to contend with them what are you doing? “I had the ball in my hands way too much,” the nine-time All-Star continued about his time with the Clippers. “I’m tired of dribbling and having to do so much. I would love to be able to get on the wing and shoot the ball.” ----- And in today's chapter of revisionist history, we discuss how the Clippers basically sabotaged themselves by entrusting the their former control freak of a future HOF point guard with the outcome of too many possessions. Yeah, I know it's weird that the "author" of said chapter was the same person repeatedly demanding the ball and yelling at his teammates to get into position while dribbling the goddamn air out of it, but who am I question the legitimacy of this ridiculously retrospective literature? After all, if there's anything we learned from the long, successful stretches in which Chris Paul was injured it's that Blake Griffin was totally hesitant and not at all capable of taking command of the offense when given the opportunity. That's obviously why the puppeteer of said offense absolutely had to do what he loathed the most which - according to him - is basically whatever the fuck he wanted to? I guess? Look, I don't doubt that CP3 feels a weight off his shoulders in being able to hand the ball off to James Harden and become nothing more than an extremely dangerous, stationary shooter from time to time. That's a role he should be embracing considering his age and his usage rate over the last decade. That said, I temporarily thought my eyes would never roll back into place after reading him say that he had the ball too much like he wasn't grasping it tighter than the elementary school kid who sooner rather than later started spending recess shooting hoops by himself.
YardBarker- A high school football coach has found himself in hot water and could be facing criminal charges after a video surfaced that showed him punching one of his players in the stomach.
According to Tony Shin of NBC 4 in Los Angeles, Beaumont High School football coach Will Martin has been placed on administrative leave after an anonymous parent released the footage. The parent says Martin disciplines players by making them close their eyes, put their hands above their heads and take a punch from him in the gut. The parent who released the video says he or she was told Martin has done the same thing to dozens of players. Beaumont Unified School District has turned the footage over to police for investigation of potential criminal charges. Some players have defended the coach, with one parent saying she believes people are overreacting to the punch. “If it’s so bad, why are the kids laughing? Why are the kids thinking it’s funny?” Jessica Taylor, whose son plays for Martin, told NBC4. “I don’t see a problem with it. My son says there are drills where you get hit like that, and my son says, ‘Mom, it’s football.'” -------- I don't mean to be a wet blanket because I do think the culture of a sports' locker room can breed some traditions that the general public couldn't possibly understand. That said, I think we are going to have to abide by a pretty common rule of thumb here and declare that it's never a good idea to hit high schoolers whose health you've been entrusted with. Judging by the uproarious laughter, a vast majority of the team seems cool with the punishment by torso punch treatment, but - when you're technically using your authority to assault teenagers - all it takes is one uncomfortable kid and the camera lens on his cell phone to get you canned. Simply out, for every Mrs. Taylor that raised her son to have a strong core and a tough attitude there's going to be a Mrs. Anonymous that raised her son to have a weak spine and a loud mouth. That's why it's probably better to not deliver half-hearted uppercuts to the midsections of semi-developed children. I don't think it's worthy of criminal charges considering the context provided by the video, but it's definitely worthy of a county-wide search for a new, less controversial football coach. When the best excuse that can be made on your behalf is "if it's so bad, then why are the kids laughing?" then it's safe to say you're putting yourself at too much risk, because the collective moral compass of teenage boys who may or may not be succumbing to peer pressure is a pretty juvenile last line of defense. Not trying to be the fun police, but - if job security was my concern - I think would err on the side of disciplinary wind sprints as opposed to blows to the ribcage of defenseless receivers. TheComeback- Quarterback Gyree Durante was removed from the team after he decided to take a knee during the playing of the national anthem. He was removed from the program for what the school claimed was a definitive stance against the team vote to kneel before the national anthem during the coin toss and stand during the anthem. Two other players were then removed from the team for not fully kneeling during the coin toss when the team had voted to take a knee in a show of unity.
“What we understood to be shared agreement among players, student leaders, and coaches has not been adequately supported,” Albright president Dr. Jacquelyn Fetrow said in a released statement. “As a result, each of the students dismissed from the football team for failure to comply with the team’s shared agreement established for that day has been offered reinstatement to the team.” ----- What?! No! You don't say? The no-name Division III school that's about 600 miles away from anything that can be legitimately considered modern society went back on the decision that placed them somewhere amongst the periphery of an insanely polarizing nationwide controversy? The college whose football stadium seats 5,000 couldn't withstand the disproportional amount of backlash that resulted from turning a non-reimbursed teenager into a victim of free speech? I can't believe they had to succumb to the pressures of a public that slightly outnumbers the 275 overly conservative fans that were made uncomfortable by a player kneeling during the National Anthem. Seriously, who could have possibly seen that story blowing up to become far bigger than an institution of higher education that enrolls just north of 2,000 students was able to handle? Oh well, whatever Albright College's Athletic Department lacks in resolve that clearly make up for in obedience. I mean, that was just about the most submissively worded backtracking in the history of dumbass decisions that were almost guaranteed to backfire. They honestly might as well have released a statement that simply said 'uncle', because "has not been adequately supported" reads a hell of a lot like "....okay fine, I'll do it. Just let me go". Kicking a black athlete off a football team that looks to be predominantly African American for peacefully protesting on behalf of a racially driven cause. Seems pretty stunning that wasn't met unanimous approval. Who would have thought it would have behooved them to take the temperature of the room - or really, the entire political climate as a whole - before going full-snowflake and kicking a couple players out of it? This Chicago Bulls Commercial Features Their New Players Introducing Themselves By Way Of Name Tag10/17/2017
What this commercial lacks in hype and excitement it easily makes up for in realistic expectations and full disclosure, which - in my opinion - is the perfect way to relate to Chicago Bulls fans prior to a hopeless season. After all, what else was WGN supposed to do? Try to sell the collection of spare parts they got from trading their superstar for less than he was worth as household names? No reason to give a false sense of optimism by pumping up your prospects who are sure to be part of a pessimistic rebuild. Especially when you can actually do something with staying power by having them introduce themselves to an audience that would undoubtedly rather grow to hate them by name like corporate shareholders at a company-wide conference. In actuality, each of their tags should read "Hello, My Name Is: Darkness" since the organizational dysfunction of the Chicago Bulls is almost guaranteed to make sure they become old friends, but it's good that they've got their collective 'nice to meet you' out of the way before the season's greetings affectively got hit with a depressive disorder. I guess you can add that to the list of reasons why I have never watched a women's boxing match. A publicized staredown between two female fighters who should be trying to drive viewership as they prep to kick the shit out of one another is pretty much the last remaining place in which am aggressive, nonconsensual display of affection can be considered productive. Unfortunately, the reaction of the person on the other end of it just completely countered that productivity. That one sided peck would have been intriguing if it ignited a full-on brawl, but - considering I'm no longer sold on their willingness to relentlessly pummel the piss out of one another - I am not paying per the viewing of two people who can causally walk away laughing after touching lips. Come on ladies. At least try to stay in character. That instinctual slap was a great start, but the blushing and giggling that followed? How am I supposed to believe that was a disrespectful assertion of dominance that should make me feel slightly inclined to tune in and watch the kissee exact revenge on the kisser when the kissee was blushing like her crush just gave her a valentine?! I'm fairly certain I wasn't going to watch this fight anyway, but I can say so definitively after seeing that lackluster promotional effort that ended up looking like an awkward scene at a middle school dance. I am all about equality, so - regardless of gender - and I want my boxers to prove to me that they are out for blood before I even think about investing any time in a dying sport.
Oh, come on. Is it really necessary to pile on the Browns here? I have no doubts that this story is as factual as it is incredibly fitting of a defunct organization, but the implication that Deshaun Watson (or Carson Wentz, for that matter) would be just as successful playing in Cleveland is absolutely not. Can we at least try to be a little compassionate towards the franchise that would undoubtedly still have found a way to become the butt of every joke regardless of which impressionable product of his surroundings was under center? I suppose you could argue that it's more insulting to the Browns to assume that they could somehow fuck up a wet dream as opposed to making fun of them for passing on the purveyor of the nocturnal emissions that have Bill O'Brien waking up just a little too happy to go to work. That said, it's far more speculative to assume they would get the best out of a promising player than it is to take note of their treatment of DeShone Kizer and attribute his struggles to any young quarterback that was given a leash significantly shorter than the list of failure that preceded him at his position. Simply put, playing football in Cleveland is at higher risk of stunting someone's development than smoking a pack a day in 3rd grade. So let's stop short of acting like Deshaun Watson's success hasn't been aided by studying under the tutelage of "the quarterback whisperer" instead of getting drafted into an occupational nightmare where Kenny Britt plays a more hazard-handed version of Freddy Krueger. SportsNet- The NHL has made a concerted effort to focus on international growth, which has resulted in some interesting ideas being bandied about.
The league and the NHLPA have even discussed the possibility of scrapping the all-star game in favour of potentially holding some type of event overseas as a way to grow the NHL brand in Europe. It’s unclear specifically what type of event the league and Players’ Association might be considering. Johnston also reported that the NHL has recently hired Jaka Lednik — a European-born, Harvard-trained businessman — to oversee the league’s European growth strategy. More meetings between the NHL and NHLPA are expected to take place soon. Speaking of international NHL hockey, Sportsnet’s Elliotte Friedman reported that the Edmonton Oilers have expressed interest in playing games in China if the NHL decides goes back there next year. The Vancouver Canucks and Los Angeles Kings played a pair of pre-season games in China in September — one in Shanghai, the other in Beijing. They marked the first games in NHL history to be played in China. ------ Finally, an event that could grow both the game of hockey and the brand of the NHL overseas! What a novel concept! Almost makes you wonder why there's never, ever been some type of international competition that could simultaneously allow professional athletes to embrace their heritage and fit both those orders of business into an already existing schedule? Oh well, that's neither here nor there. I suppose it sucks that it might cost existing fans the not-at-all overrated viewing experience that is 'NHL All Star Weekend', but it's totally worth the sacrifice if it's going to help market the league globally in the only super vague and non-commitall way possible. That's always been Gary Bettman's biggest concern, and - since he's historically quick to compromise on behalf of his loyal customers - it's only right that we make that respect mutual by conceding our ability to watch the best players in the world display their otherworldly skills in a non-cutthroat environment. Fair is fair, and giving the rest of the world a 72 hour opportunity to embrace the multi-cultural landscape of the NHL without having to worry about the financial ramifications of some 5-ring circus is basically justice in a form so pure that it would bring a single tear to the eye of the most over-protective of enforcer. Honestly, I couldn't care less about the NHL All Star Game, and would actually welcome the extinction of a spectacle that annually feels like a viewing obligation to this hockey fan when a (understandably) half-hearted and defenseless effort inevitably lacks intrigue. That said, I'm about ready to fight to the death to defend it's honor if the NHL is going to pull a 'Pinky' and insult my 'Brain' by trying to sell a weekend-long, European hockey fair as it's plot to take over the world. They - in counterproductive conjunction with the IOC - lost the benefit of simply doubting their own marketability when they made sure to keep their pockets packed by pulling their players from the Olympics. No matter how many brand awareness booths they setup outside the lightly attended exhibitions they host in Shanghai.
Try - for just one second - to do the unthinkable and put aside your personal feelings toward Colin Kaepernick and the knee that, at least in part, is responsible for his current state of unemployment. I don't care if you think he got what he deserved for starting a polarizing conversation about equality (that was ever-so-adeptly wrapped in an American flag and converted into a nauseatingly circular conversation about Patriotism). I don't care if you think NFL owners simply exercised their rights by considering him too big of a "distraction" to peers who - by and large - supported his initial cause. I don't even care if you think he sucks and his play doesn't warrant a position in the league. You'd have to be without functioning eyesight, HD television, and/or a clean conscious to think so, but that's not the point I am trying to make. You see, I'm not here to argue about whether or not the NFL owners colluded to keep Colin Kaepernick away from their precious cash cow. I'm here to argue that they did such a good job making it look like they did that Colin Kaepernick would have been stupid not to pursue legal action. He's remained completely silent as the summer came and went, while his former employer basically built his case against themselves. Now, I don't think it's a case he stands to win. The justice system loves their semantics, and I can't imagine that "collusion" - by definition - can be proven. After all, I have a hard time believing that 32 old, wealthy white dudes lined up their schedules to meet at some upscale country club during the offseason. Something tells me they didn't put down their Johnnie Walker Blue and bring their wrinkly ass hands in like they were summoning 'Captain Planet' only to vow to never sign a capable quarterback who challenged them to leave their privileged comfort zone and think critically about the current state of race relations. That said, look at the laughable amount of inferior players that have been signed at Colin Kaepernick's position. Go read off a list of the absurd justifications (Ex: He's "too good" to be our backup") for which teams have decided to go in a different direction. Most egregiously, consider the unprovoked involvement of a President whose suspiciously belated threat served as fuel on a dwindling fire and was soon hypocritically echoed by at least one of the handful of owners that he is financially linked to. Painting Colin Kaepernick as a villain for engaging in the inherently American act of peaceful protest is one thing, but you must really hate the shit out of the country represented by that Star Spangled Banner if you're criticizing him for trying to exploit a large corporation for business tactics that - at the very, very least - appear questionable in every sense of the word. Frivolous lawsuits are just as engrained into the fabric of our society as the colors red, white, and blue. Collusion might be a bit excessive as far as terminology is concerned, but it's not nearly as much of a stretch as 99% of cases aimed at paying off "emotional distress". Al Michaels Came In Hot With A (Bad) Harvey Weinstein Joke For No Apparent Reason Whatsoever10/16/2017
I know everyone's first instinct is to bury Al Michaels for trivializing the long-belated unveiling of a serial sexual deviant's history of widespread sexual assault and harassment by putting it against the New York Giants' less than optimal week of football preparation, but you can consider me a little more hesitant to grab the shovel. I mean, just take a gander at the game clock. He made halfway through the broadcast before dropping a line that was clearly heavily weighing on the tip of his tongue. I know we expect more out of someone that's made perhaps the most illustrious of livings behind a microphone, but how long was a man whose filter is almost certainty malfunctioning with age supposed to hold on to that zinger? The fact that it wasn't in anyway prompted or provoked by the context of the conversation leads me to believe that he had that ill-humor burning a hole in his holster before they even went to a scenic overlook of the city of Denver. When you look at it that way, it's actually pretty impressive that he was able to silence it until the second half. In all seriousness, it's slightly ironic that - in lieu of recent events - we would have thought Cam Newton would benefit from enrolling in 'The Al Michaels School Of Professional Public Speaking' only to learn that Al Michaels apparently just graduated from 'The Cam Newton School Of Forcibly Unfunny Comedy'. What I am getting at is that - while it would be guaranteed to piss some people off - I don't think it's entirely impossible to craft a quality Harvey Weinstein joke. As I said when Cam Newton tried to convince me that a female's command of running in preconceived patterns is hilarious, you better make sure your audience's first instinct is to have laugh when being offensive. Busting a topical scandal out of the clear blue in a way that makes losing a football game sound worse than whatever punishment comes of decades of manipulating women? Yeaaaah, safe to say that one-liner needed some tinkering if it was going to tickle any funny bones. Probably not the avenue you want to navigate when you're someone whose foray into edginess pretty much begins and ends at subtly referring to the millions of dollars being waged on the game you're announcing. Oh well, at least he offered a timely apology for making the damage done to Odell Beckham's ankle seem more catastrophic than a professional environment that enabled the long-standing use of an entire gender as work-for-hire prostitutes. In 2017, what more could we really ask for?
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