— James Crepea (@JamesCrepea) August 20, 2017 If you want to make sport of a college football coach for becoming so repetitive in the spouting of empty cliches that are poorly disguised as answers that they could easily be edited together to produce a clip that makes him sound as articulate as a 'Tickle-Me Elmo' then I can't really fault you. It's impossible not to find yourself relatively astounded by the sheer amount of times that Gus Malzahn has gotten caught delivering bland, lukewarm water from the same damn well. It's actually pretty stunning that it took until now for someone with an in-depth expertise of Auburn's media coverage to splice this together, because apparently the mouthpiece of their program has been teething on that very same preemptively ambiguous response for years. Still, you won't catch me being overly critical. Sure, the production on this video makes Gus Malzahn out to be unintelligible, but that can be said of most men who are asked to commit to something on the spot. Hell, I have a hard time putting a label on a one-on-one relationship with a person I'm sleeping with, so who am I criticize a college football coach for wanting to keep the strings unattached while building a depth chart of over 90 players? If I were as openly noncommittal as Gus Malzahn I would probably save myself a lot of the stress I incur from blindly making plans that I only half-heartedly plan to follow through on. Auburn's coach is a lot of things, but he's not RSVPeeved with himself for checking off boxes that his ass can't cash. "I'm not ready to...." might become laughable when it's said on loop by someone whose occupation requires them to be prepared for anything. However, (if you ignore the fact that Gus Malzahn's job is probably on the line after three straight underwhelming seasons in the SEC) then his ability to be forthright in his indecisiveness is something we should all strive for.
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