BRB, Getting Goggles Permanently Affixed To My Face After This Basketball Player's Eye Left His Head

No. No, no, no, HELL NO! If you haven't already watched the video above then save yourself the second hand trauma, because it'll probably give you the urge to wear a fishbowl over your head for the rest of the month. Some will painfully remember the Kevin Ware incident and say this isn't even the most gruesome injury they've seen on a basketball court, but I'd rather be looking at compound fractures of every bone in my body than be looking in two completely different directions as I felt my goddamn eyeball outside of my face. I haven't played pickup hoops in far too long, but I think it's time I either announce my retirement or go full "Horace Grant". Either way, Coach Taylor can suck every inch of my dick because I'll take the loss if it means I don't have to give my 'full heart' in rebounding a ball with 'clear eyes' ever again. There's no shortage of ball shriveling deformations whose viewing will shoot you straight into the fetal position, but none more so than a grown man turning into the most detailed of Halloween costumes.