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Two Minutes, Well Worth It

BRB, Getting Goggles Permanently Affixed To My Face After This Basketball Player's Eye Left His Head

1/26/2017

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No. No, no, no, HELL NO! If you haven't already watched the video above then save yourself the second hand trauma, because it'll probably give you the urge to wear a fishbowl over your head for the rest of the month. Some will painfully remember the Kevin Ware incident and say this isn't even the most gruesome injury they've seen on a basketball court, but I'd rather be looking at compound fractures of every bone in my body than be looking in two completely different directions as I felt my goddamn eyeball outside of my face. I haven't played pickup hoops in far too long, but I think it's time I either announce my retirement or go full "Horace Grant". Either way, Coach Taylor can suck every inch of my dick because I'll take the loss if it means I don't have to give my 'full heart' in rebounding a ball with 'clear eyes' ever again. There's no shortage of ball shriveling deformations whose viewing will shoot you straight into the fetal position, but none more so than a grown man turning into the most detailed of Halloween costumes. 
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