To be quite honest, I've always been pretty neutral on Bryce Harper, so my opinion on him didn't have too far to travel towards baseless hatred once he decided to sign the rest of his career away to a loathsome sports' city and start shamelessly pandering to its most drunken degenerates. I say that only to prove objectivity in stating that if there were a ever a fitting time and space for a bat flip that damn near broke the space-time continuum, the new and soon-to-be polarizing Phillies' star found it. After getting booed out of the box while striking out swinging in his first two at-bats back in D.C., Bryce Harper owed one to a fanbase that he was hours removed from showing public appreciation for on the internet...
Of course, the Nationals' faithful had every right to open their mouthes in booing a former fan favorite who bolted to a division rival for the contractual equivalent of a lifetime. Unfortunately, it left them vulnerable to having the tips of their toes shoved forcefully against the back of their collective throat as Bryce Harper proceeded to give his big stick such an impressive spin that it somehow distracted from the fact that the ball he had just hit traveled through the stars to the cheap seats he used to help fill. The sheer physics of the proverbial mic drop might have been more impressive than the moonshot itself, which is saying something since that home run served an entire (half-filled) stadium a generous portion of humble pie straight out of the oven. If a bat flip that gave a new meaning to the term "dizzy bat" could talk then it would be screaming loudly, proudly, and directly down at the lifeless corpse of an attendance that received a retaliatory knockout punch after flicking the wrong ear one too many times. Bryce Harper turned his homecoming into a home-wrecking in giving the home fans exactly what they instigated, which was pimp slap of a pimp job of epic proportions. Whether you like/respect Philadelphia or not, credit is definitely due to their future Phailure of an overpaid free agent signing for letting his bat talk the talk before taking his sweet old time walking the walk.
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