A Women's Volleyball Announcer For Georgia Southern Dropped The Most Long-Winded 9/11 "Joke" Of All Time
"Also, going back to Cathrine Murray. She has 911 kills. So she’s only 65 kills away from cracking the top 10 in school history and, um, just to note…911…you know, 9...11…so uh…kills…that was, you know 9-11…kills…little joke."
Get it? GET IT!?! Do you guys need to hear it again or something?
Anyway, eat your heart out Al Michaels! I didn't know that 'equality' would sound like a women slowly reminding everyone that 911 isn't just a number but also a date when thousands of innocent people died. As it turns out, however, it's not only men that can publicly make insanely misguided and ludicrously insensitive comments in the never-ending search for a laugh! And what better way to get that laugh than to reference the casualties in the deadliest terrorist attack to take place on American soil in the context of an oddly fatal volleyball statistic!
Tricia Fishbune, ladies and gentlemen! She's not just a broadcaster for women's volleyball at a directional school, but also an edgy comic whose not afraid to take risks with her subject matter. Don't take my word for it though, because she'll be glad to draw out her painful attempts at humor by putting on her social blinders and bypassing every awkward pause that she could have used as an exit on the long, dark road that she took to explaining her "joke". It took her awhile to get there, but everyone knows that it's probably not funny if it doesn't require it's own footnote. I got to say, the ride was rough but she really spiked the landing. Speaking of 'kills', I'm pretty sure part of me died during the execution of the longest zinger in the history of humanity, but isn't that normal with any good tragedy-dependent pun that needs to be broken down by the numbers? Really makes you wonder why they call it a 'punchline' when it's more effectively delivered as a slow burn as opposed to a quick jab.
Somehow, this apology is oddly accurate. I'm not sure I would have taken the "...but I have a black friend" approach to softening the blow of her "erroneous wording" of words that are undeniable errors, but I also didn't think a 9/11 joke could be more "poorly phrased" than "frankly unacceptable". If nothing else, Tricia Fishbune opened my mind to a higher worth of cringe...
A Female Boxer Kissed Her Upcoming Opponent During A Staredown, And The Reaction Won't Exactly Drive Ratings
I guess you can add that to the list of reasons why I have never watched a women's boxing match. A publicized staredown between two female fighters who should be trying to drive viewership as they prep to kick the shit out of one another is pretty much the last remaining place in which am aggressive, nonconsensual display of affection can be considered productive. Unfortunately, the reaction of the person on the other end of it just completely countered that productivity. That one sided peck would have been intriguing if it ignited a full-on brawl, but - considering I'm no longer sold on their willingness to relentlessly pummel the piss out of one another - I am not paying per the viewing of two people who can causally walk away laughing after touching lips.
Come on ladies. At least try to stay in character. That instinctual slap was a great start, but the blushing and giggling that followed? How am I supposed to believe that was a disrespectful assertion of dominance that should make me feel slightly inclined to tune in and watch the kissee exact revenge on the kisser when the kissee was blushing like her crush just gave her a valentine?! I'm fairly certain I wasn't going to watch this fight anyway, but I can say so definitively after seeing that lackluster promotional effort that ended up looking like an awkward scene at a middle school dance. I am all about equality, so - regardless of gender - and I want my boxers to prove to me that they are out for blood before I even think about investing any time in a dying sport.
Reuters- Brazilian police arrested on Thursday the head of the national Olympics committee, who is accused of conspiring to bribe members of the International Olympic Committee (IOC) to pick Rio de Janeiro as host of the 2016 games.
Brazilian investigators say Carlos Arthur Nuzman helped arrange a $2 million bribe to get the games for Rio de Janeiro, where he was arrested early on Thursday. Police said he was being held in connection with crimes including corruption and money laundering.
Marcelo Bretas, the federal judge who authorized his arrest, said new evidence indicated that Nuzman’s role in the alleged vote-buying scheme was “more relevant” than initially thought.
Bretas said in an arrest order that Nuzman’s wealth grew by 416 percent between 2006 and 2016 and that he had assets overseas that were only declared after the vote-buying investigation began.
The IOC said on Thursday it would cooperate in the investigation. Its chief ethics and compliance officer has asked Brazil for information to proceed with its own internal investigation, which is ongoing, the body said.
Police raided Nuzman’s home in September, accusing him of conspiring with politicians to buy the right to host the 2016 games. Sergio Mazzillo, a lawyer for Nuzman, said then his client was innocent.
I'm all for the upholding of justice, but something about the timing of this arrest feels disingenuous. That's not to say that whatever sentence Carlos Arthur Nuzman is given for financially fixing an institutionally corrupt voting process wasn't totally, 100% percent earned. It is, however, to say that every single person that stood by the lighting of that torch so that they would be safer from disease-carrying mosquitos became an accomplice once it started billowing smoke.
Honestly, there was always something fishy about a crime ridden, South American city winning the bid to host the World Games, and it damn sure wasn't their bodies of water because no form of marine life could survive that shit. You're telling me that we just became suspicious that Rio's campaign may not have been clean when they got a majority of people to vote in favor of bringing millions of people to a country that can't run a clean facet? There were athletes that spent four full years perfecting their craft that opted out of competing for a gold medal because they didn't want their pregnant wife to even be mildly associated with the word Zika. Maybe it's fitting this reads as though I am an eternal pessimist, because if you tried - at any point - to tell me the process that brought us the Rio Olympics was more pure than the disturbingly green water used to pool the world's best divers then I would have said "over my dead body".
Honestly, this arrest just feels like a retroactive excuse for how poorly an international event went when it was destined to go poorly the second the IOC allowed the host city to get determined illegally. It's like getting coerced into allowing the couple who always shamelessly fights in public to host 'Friendsgiving', and then assigning them all the blame when 'Friendsgiving' predictably turns into a two person mud-slinging contest that's as awkwardly silent as whatever the fuck was taking place in Ryan Lochte's head that night. That doesn't acquit Carlos Arthur Nuzman from being an unlawful asshole that put a whole hell of a lot of people in danger by doing what was necessary to bring them to a place that obviously wasn't fit to adequately handle their arrival. Just don't let that distract you from the fact that (::channels inner Jay-Z::) the I-O-C been running this fraud shit.
So, I guess I am glad that the "mastermind" who was able to purchase the ever-flexible votes of a committee that's historically as ethically unsound as FIFA is behind bars? Although, when you call Rio De Janeiro home, a cell might not be all that unsafe of a place to rest your head at night.
TheComeback- Well four referees in Malawi have been banned for life for accepting a bribe to fix a cup match in the African country. But the story just starts from there.
In a national cup match in Malawi, refs Aziz Nyirenda, Limbani Chisambi, Stephano Gomani and Jimmy Phiri were given $20 by Nchalo United to defeat Chitipa United. The problem was that Nchalo wasn’t able to defeat Chitipa. The two teams drew 1-1 and Nchalo lost in penalties. Because Nchalo didn’t get what they paid for, they demanded their money back. And after the refs could find only $15, Nchalo reported them.
Because referee behavior has been a problem in Malawi, penalties are strict, and the four officials would be banned for life. Chisambi denies any wrongdoing but is still connected to the referee crew, so it’s irrelevant whether he did or didn’t engage in the fix. At the moment, Nchalo hasn’t received punishment for bribery, but the team is being investigated.
Well I, for one, am absolutely stunned that soccer referees in Malawi accepted a bribe to fix a match without having a lenient refund policy in place. Just outrageous that the type of people that would be willing to compromise the integrity of their sport for a $20 handshake wouldn't have the integrity to return that $20 when failing to uphold the stipulations of that handshake.
Look, I don't know how good of a job these officials did in fixing this match. Considering that Nchalo United felt compelled to pay-per-'W' in the first place, it's quite possible that they are bad beyond bribery. That said, it wouldn't have mattered if the officials pocketed their whistles right along with their new found finances, because purchasing calls is like purchasing drugs...you get what you get and you shut up and make the best out of it. I don't know how the standings work in African soccer leagues but the team that couldn't buy their way into the win column should probably just be happy that the referees kept it close and got it to penalty kicks, because they weren't even required to do that after that money changed hands. An oral agreement is about as binding as every word that comes out of the mouth of Donald Trump, so you might as grab your proverbial pussy and go home if your looking for a rebate from racketeering referees.
I guess I'm fine with these refs getting eternally kicked out of the league for receiving kickbacks, but the team that rendered their help useless should probably follow suit. After all, by expecting the crooked officials to kick the ball in the net for them they basically did the athletic equivalent of buying a blender and then returning it as "broken" when they failed to hold the top in place as their smoothie sprayed all over the kitchen.
Today In 'Kids Do The Darnedest Things': A Boxer's Son Punched Another Boxer In The Junk During The Weigh-In
Now we're talking! About time these loosely premeditated promos packed a little something more than the empty threat of some violence. For years I have been hopelessly waiting on the edge of my seat for an unofficiated fight to break out during a weigh-in, and I didn't even realize that what I really should have been crossing my fingers for was a direct jab to the dick of one of the participants. That unannounced cup check was the most entertaining clip I have seen of two professional combatants doing nothing more than stepping on a scale with a scowl on their face, and I owe it all to the kid whose height has blessed him with a penchant for punching penises.
And really, this is the best possible argument against birth control. Sure, children are a life changing inconvenience and a bank account draining expense, but they provide one priceless asset that often gets overlooked. That is an abusable innocence that can sabotaged in order to get them to do or say inappropriate shit on your behalf without having to worthy about being held accountable. Of course, I doubt Billy Joe Saunders gave his kid strict instructions to deliver a low blow beneath the bowels of his competition. However, you can bet your sweet ass that evil little asshole learned that move by play-fighting with daddy before dinner, so daddy undoubtedly had to hold back some hysterics after watching the most frowned upon type of "ball playing" finally get done outside of his own house.
I can't believe I am going to say this because a decade is a hell of a long time to be suspended for anything short of premeditated murder, but I don't think ten years is a long enough in this instance.
Let's put aside the fact that assaulting referees is universally frowned upon, because there's no way the guilty party will have recovered from the humiliation of having a recently pubescent official casually eat his fist like it was nothing more than a bee sting by 2027. Seriously, if I were the commissioner of this league I'd banish him forever, because being unable to knock a 13 year old off his feet with a completely blind sucker punch is an awful look for rugby players everywhere. We are talking about a violent sport in which success is supposed to be predicated on brute force and toughness, and they have someone out there representing them that could easily get rope-a-doped by the long lost Jonas' brother? Time to send chubs walking off that field for the last and final time. Making rugby players look like pussies (with a right jab that couldn't even knock out the feeling in an unsuspecting arm) the one time they produce a clip that's worthy of going viral is grounds for an eternal dismissal.
Seeing as the flight pattern of that broken driver basically defied physics to find itself soaring into the first row, I think I might be a little wary of each and every step I took for the rest of the day if I were the guy that almost got head butted by a golf club in thee most unfathomable of ways. Honestly, watching that thing get caught up in the fencing was like watching the scene before the scene in which in someone dies in 'Final Destination'. Just saying, I wouldn't be taking any deep breathes just yet if I were the dude who almost got seriously injured as a spectator of a long drive competition. Who knows what other tricks fate has up it's sleeves if it's capable of delivering warning shots by way of faulty sports equipment with an evil agenda? At the bare minimum, I hope at least one person in attendance stopped letting his eyes follow the ball after they were nearly unceremoniously removed by the tag team of poor craftsmanship and an overzealous follow through.
FTW- After losing her second round match 6-2, 6-7, 6-1 in a tough match against Ekaterina Makarova, which didn’t conclude until after midnight on Thursday morning because of a rain delay, the World No. 5 took a swipe at the U.S. Open for its decision to put her on the fifth court, and Sharapova on center court.
Here’s what she said:
“I think putting out a schedule where the No. 5 in the world in playing on Court 5, fifth match on after 11 [p.m.], I think that is unacceptable. When you look at center court, I understand completely the business side of things and everything, but someone who comes back from a drug sentence, and you know, performance enhancing drugs, and then all of the sudden gets to play every single match on center court, I think that’s a questionable thing to do.”
You know, if you re-listen to Caroline Wozniacki's comments after finding out they came following a loss then they start to sound a lot like this...
Now, maybe that's because Caroline Wozniacki - ironically enough - looks strikingly like the grown up version of Jan, but it's probably more than likely because she's whining about not getting attention immediately she proving she wasn't deserving of it.
I'd choose a hell of a lot of other hills to die on before I even thought about scaling an unforgiving mountain to argue on behalf of Maria Sharapova's playing ability, so perhaps it is "unfair" that someone who gave a black eye (or a broken nose) to women's tennis immediately regained it's spotlight. I just think there is a better time to bitch about the inherent injustices of the business side of things than immediately after coming out on the ass end of the athletic side of things.
Admittedly, I would be pissed if I was the 5th ranked player in the world and was getting served table scrapes in terms of time slots because the disgraced 146th ranked player in the world made for better eye candy. I just wouldn't display my envy in front of a camera until I made that shitty time slot my bitch. Her point which, all things considered, is a pretty fair one instantaneously loses it's luster when the circumstances surrounding it make it sound like the manifestation of a middle child's inferiority complex.
Simply put? Just win baby...then worry about calling the hot girl a morally corrupt piece of shit whose occupational legitimacy is skin deep.
I hate to break it to everyone that is going to automatically call Nick Kyrgios a liar, but he's absolutely, 100% right in passionately denying that he swore.
I mean, I may read lips at a 4th grade level, but - since I already knew what "fuck" looked like heading into 3rd - I can definitively say that was indeed a "fuck". Unfortunately for all of you assholes tsk-tsking from under your high hats, a curse can't be recognized as voluntary without a target. Like, of course the most polarizing player in tennis doesn't believe that he used profanity. He's a jackass, not a psychopath. You know what type of people can recall every explicit conversation they have ever had with themselves purely out of frustration? The type of people you genuinely should be keeping a close eye (and ear) on when a crowd is present, because their mirrors would have called the police on them ages ago if they had the capability.
I don't know all that much about Nick Kyrgios but I do know that he's not shy about owning the fact that he's kind of a prick. Why would someone that admits to being a prick refuse to admit that he used an obscenity that has audibly come out of the mouth of everyone that has ever picked up a racket? I'll tell you why, because he genuinely doesn't believe that he did. Plus - unless you play for the Kansas City Royals - a "fuck" should be irrelevant hearsay that is without consequence when it's shared between you and your hand.
Oscar De La Hoya "Went Out On A Limb" By Saying Canelo Alvarez Would Have Knocked Out Conor McGregor In Round 1
Wait just a gosh darned minute here. Do you mean to me that a 27 year old power puncher in the prime of his boxing career would have been better equipped to take out an unorthodox MMA fighter in a more timely fashion that the 40 year old, formerly retired boxer that prides himself on defense and is just there for a massive payday? Well, that's certainly something I never considered when watching a fight between two money hungry, race baiting assholes that don't even participate in the same sport! Who would have thought that massive differences in age, style, and time away from the sport could have such an effect on the outcome of an athletic competition?
I get that Oscar De La Hoya is just trying to pump the tires of one of the only remaining stars in his sport while putting a fight that could have only been of detriment to said sport in the rearview. Still, it's probably best he just let go of his age-old beef with Floyd Mayweather, refuse to acknowledge last Saturday's circus, and stick to discussing a fight that doesn't have to pander to society's current racial discomfort to sell PPV's. Comparing the timing of Canelo's hypothetical TKO to that of Floyd's actual TKO only stands to further exacerbate the myth that Conor McGregor is a professional boxer. It would be like feeling it necessary to passionately argue that Kevin Durant would shutout Kevin Harvick in a game of 1-on-1 after watching the NASCAR driver nearly beat Dikembe Mutombo in a promotional free throw contest. It's a waste of words that can only justifies the legitimacy of what was simply a pure, unadulterated spectacle.
A Couple HS Cheerleading Coaches Are On Administrative Leave For This Video That Shows Them Forcing Girls Into Splits
GlobalNews- Cheerleading coaches and school administrators in a Colorado district have been placed on leave, and Denver police are investigating amid a series of videos showing high school cheerleaders screaming in pain while being pushed into splits during practice.
KUSA-TV reports the videos show eight cheerleaders at Denver’s East High School repeatedly being pushed into splits while their arms are held up by teammates. In one video, a girl identified as freshman cheerleader Ally Wakefield, sobs in pain and repeatedly asks her coach to stop.
“Please stop! Please stop! Please stop!” she is heard pleading with her coach in the video, which was allegedly shot at the start of cheerleading camp last June. KUSA says the videos were shot on the phones of two team members and were sent anonymously to the station.
Wakefield says she didn’t expect to be “forced” to do elevated splits, forced down by her coach and fellow cheerleaders. “[The coach] was pushing like with his other knee on my back to try and keep my posture straight,” Wakefield told KUSA. “It was tearing my ligaments and my muscle at the same time.”
“This is a grown man pushing my 13-year-old girl so hard against her will while she’s crying and screaming for him to stop that he’s ripping tissues in her body,” Ally Wakefield’s mother, Kristen Wakefield, said. “I don’t understand why this man is still employed there.”
I have a question, and shockingly it's not "how did this grown man not come to the conclusion that he was doing someone wrong as he forcibly placed his hands on 13 year old girl in a physical manner while she screamed for him to stop?". Granted, that's a pretty important one to ask of the (now former) high school coach that took his job to mold the young cheerleaders of tomorrow far too literally. I mean, I feel like this one is just too obvious to consider an oversight. Training is one thing, but instructing a group of kids to follow your lead by pushing and pulling at the limbs of a teenage in an effort to contort her into a more effective cheerleader is quite another.
Nevertheless, what I really want to know is, isn't this what tryouts are for? I can understand expecting your whole squad to be able to do a split, but maybe - just maybe - it makes more sense to cut the girls who can't? Call me crazy, but that seems much easier - and far less illegal - than recreating a scene that absolutely had to take place in an episode of 'Criminal Minds'. I could be way off base here, but I feel like you don't necessarily need to be able to touch your crotch to the hardwood to vocally support the bums on the JV team. Certainly Ally could have better honed her flexibility for her sophomore season by making arm letters next to trolls that wouldn't even split a calzone to get moved up to varsity.
Long story short, if the bodies of young athletes were as malleable as their minds then I'm pretty sure that youth basketball teams would have started grabbing their mildly overweight small forwards from both ends in hopes of stretching some skill into the power forward spot. I don't want to discourage high school coaches from pushing kids past their comfort zone, but I also don't think that high school cheerleading practice should sound like it's taking place in a dungeon basement. Not to cut this coach off at the knees that he has buried in this girl's back, but if the kid you're looking after sounds like a Sandusky victim then you're probably overstepping your bounds as someone in a position of authority.
What can I say, I love the dedication shown here. Some might think I am just referring to crafting a salami and house vodka sub with extra 'T' in an effort to smuggle cheap, esophagus burning spirits into a place of business. However, I'm also appreciative of the initiative shown by the security team in unearthing Glen's bottle of liver cirrhosis. That's the type of honest competition that keeps the world turning.
As a 20 year old, I would have considered it my own personal hell to run into such committed group of ass patters and bag searchers, but that's just because apparently I didn't want to illegally take free shots out of the bottle badly enough. Some might think that carrying around a 4-pound sandwich was a pretty elaborate, proactive way to binge drink while watching the ponies, but a great defense is beating a good offense every single time.
I hope that having their vodka confiscated doesn't turn these poor, sober bastards off to the sport of sneaking booze into sporting events in the future, because the true greats would treat it as a lesson learned and institute it the next time they go back to the cutting board. After all, if being too young and excessively drunk in public were that easy then everyone would do it.
LBS- Results of the toxicology report from Woods’ DUI arrest in May were made public on Monday. The report shows that five substances were found in Woods’ system, including two painkillers, a tranquilizer, a sedative, and THC.
The two painkillers he was on included Dilaudid and Vicodin; he was on Xanax, a tranquilizer typically used to combat anxiety; he used Ambien, a sleeping pill; and THC was found in his system, which is found in marijuana.
The results of the toxicology test were made public because Woods pleaded guilty to reckless driving and agreed to enter a diversion program, meaning there is no longer an active criminal investigation. Woods can have the charge wiped from his record once he completes the program.
So, we can throw out the theory that the professional golfer who has completed as many back surgeries as golf tournaments over the last 5 years was - in fact - not just an innocent victim of irresponsible dosing, right? I'm not exactly a doctor, but even I am familiar enough with a vast majority the toxins in his system to say that Tiger Woods was very much complicit in fucking himself all the way up before getting behind the wheel.
Vicodin, Xanax, and Ambien?!? Using a little green as a garnish on his cocktail of capsules?! Tiger Woods wasn't just high, he was as high as you have ever been...if you took ate two more weed brownies after hitting your peak. I was super skeptical that he "accidentally" reached a point in which he ceased to be a functioning human that could formulate words, but you can't really benefit from doubt when your toxicology report reads like the prescription that a frat brother brings to his street pharmacist.
Christ Tiger, how about mixing in a type of medicine that every stay-at-home mother hasn't heard of? Couldn't at least give your fans the appearance of your innocence by taking one of the thousands of pain killers that has a scientific name with 19 consonants and side effects are unknown to the average idiot? Preferably a disgraced a professional athlete wouldn't be treating his medicine cabinet like Augustus Gloop treats his Halloween candy before deciding that the foot he couldn't feel should be on the pedal of a motor vehicle. However, if he was going to do it then he should have at least left us open to the possibility that gross negligence was mildly responsible for his reckless endangerment. Can't really make that argument when you mix three of the most popular pills in the world with a little bit of reefer like you're some basic ass college burnout, but hey - look on the bright side - at least he wasn't drunk, right?!?
In What Was Likely The Last Individual Race Of His Career, Usain Bolt Lost The 100M For The First Time In Over A Decade
FTW- Usain Bolt had not lost in a decade, and with such consistent dominance over the rest of the sprinting field, it was assumed the Jamaican runner would cruise to his 12th world championship and win his last 100-meter race before retiring.
But not only did Bolt lose, he finished third to Americans Justin Gatlin and Christian Coleman in a shocking upset and sour end to the GOAT’s career.
And in an unexpected - if not ironic - turn of events, life has finally gotten it's revenge on Usain Bolt. It got it's chance to come at him fast after he had spent the vast majority of his career casually cruising through it with the quickness of a coked up gazelle with a rocket up it's ass, and it most certainly did not disappoint.
Seriously, is there a better example of just how difficult it is to go out on top than the superhuman athlete that's been making fellow Olympians look "Special" since George W. was in office losing (likely) the last individual race of his career? When we talk about aging stars on the downside of their career we usually euphemistically say that they have "lost a step". When you consider that Usain Bolt set the 100M record at 9.52 in 2009 and got handed a bronze medal (that might as well be a novelty penny relative to his current trophy case) for strolling in at 9.95, he quite literally went from the top of the world to the bottom of the podium with the slightest of downticks in foot speed. The same guy that was literally smiling in the rearview during the heat of the best competition in the universe less than a year ago is going to bow out as something we never thought we'd refer to him as...a mortal.
I know the tone of this thus far has come across as vengeful, but that's simply symbolic of just how unforgiving the combination of age and athletics can be. Sure, (as the following photo showcases) this result serves as a metaphorical passing of the baton to the next generation of sprinters. However, it also serves as a reminder that 'Father Time' has a twisted sense of humor and would make a hell of a distance runner because he's guaranteed to catch up to you at the end if you give him enough of his namesake.
No Sergio, NOOO! Never let 'em see you sweat, bud!
I think anyone that's ever picked up a golf club can relate to the feeling of wanting to use it as a weapon towards an in animate object, and every person walking this planet can relate to causing themselves pain in an extraordinarily stupid way. You just can't let observers know that you've done both at the very same time when your every move is sure to be caught on camera. If Sergio Garcia had waited until the next hole before he self soothed the shoulder that he injured out of anger than he could have pointed to any number of swings as the cause of his injury, but doing so immediately after trying to decapitate the shrubbery left no room for ambiguity. Showing weakness in a sport like golf isn't the worst thing in the world, but you certainly shouldn't be doing it at after taking unnecessary hacks at the hedges. Just got to grin and bear it in that scenario.
Although, if there's a person who has bought themselves some leeway to worry about nothing for the rest of the year, it's Sergio Garcia...
Whew, what a relief. I thought my fear of missing out was going to have me pissing away money on a lopsided "fight" that's so shamelessly predetermined that Vince McMahon might as well have promoted it. After seeing the two combatants - whose motives definitely aren't strictly monetary - engage in their own personal forms of preparation, I can't believe I was such a worry wart! I may have originally thought this was one ill-prepared athlete trying his half-speed hands at a foreign sport against one of the most dominant to ever play said sport, but it's starting to look to me like sparring style - and not an asinine difference in skill - is the only thing separating these two.
Sure, Conor McGregor's punches look like they are literally moving in the slowest motion provided by even the most high priced of DVR in comparison to those of his opponent, but clearly Floyd Mayweather's weighted gloves are aiding in that perception. Plus, having the sporadic, awkward footwork of a person that can't choose a side when walking head-on into stranger in public is the perfect way to counter balance deliberate upper body movements that could be seen coming more easily than the money shot in a POV blowjob porn. You say Conor McGregor is tipping his hand worse than a professional poker player wearing mirrored glasses? I say the gratuitous effort he exudes with literally every blow is enough to paralyze a competitor that's so, so historically prone to being hit. I mean, just look at how little that heavy bag moved once stung with the grunt fueled strikes of a guy who was obviously born to box if not for that pesky MMA career.
Let's be real, the only thing that superhuman speed kills is the gas milage on a guy that totally looked every single second of 40 years old while avoiding a quickly rebounding punching bag that he obviously memorized the movements of over the years. Technically speaking, that routine was probably fundamentally flawless, but when has decade after decade of practice ever made perfect once the bell rings? I suppose it's possible that Floyd Mayweather could still win, but - if you ask me - it would be solely because Conor McGregor can only throw a finite number of long winded haymakers per two minute span, and not because he's laughably more talented in a craft where he remains undefeated.
The Real Problem With John McEnroe's Comments On Serena Williams Is That No One Knows A Damn Thing About Tennis
I'm playing a dangerous game by assuming that everyone is on the same page in 2017, but I think it's fair to say that most people understand that men are athletically superior to women in terms of size, strength, and speed. Consider all technical skill, awareness, and mental toughness even, and the fairer gender is taking the 'L' every time in the 'Battle Of The Sexes'. That's just simply how biology works.
That said, I also think it's fair to say that most people think of Serena Williams as a transcendent athlete regardless of her gender. It would be pretty difficult ( i.e. sexist, stupid) not to considering she's so superior to her genetically similar competition that she won the 'Australian Open' with a human fucking being living inside her.
That's why I don't think it's John McEnroe's message that people have a problem with. After all, how could they when it's a message that Serena Williams herself has publicly echoed previously?
There is one thing and one thing only that has people readying their pitchforks for a full fledged takedown of a brutally honest former athlete who was probably a bit hyperbolic - although also pretty complimentary - in promoting his new book, and that is the number 700.
I'll admit, when I first read that John McEnroe would have Serena Williams slated behind hundreds upon hundreds of her male counterparts I was a bit taken a back. That's because - if given approximately an hour to research - the average person (myself included) might be able to rattle off about 17 penis-carrying tennis pros. Hell, if you asked me how many proud, racket carrying males are on "the circuit" then my guess would have been about as accurate as predicting how many gum balls fit in a 757. When it comes to name recognition, the 30th ranked men's tennis player in the world might as well be the 30th ranked shark fisherman in the Florida Keys. For those of us who are unfamiliar with the sport - which is the vast majority of people - men's tennis might as well have as many eligible participants as the NBA playoffs. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself here, but when I initially saw the number 700 I assumed that John McEnroe would take Billy Fuckstick from East Cowtip Community College over the best women's tennis player of all time.
Apparently that's not the case and there are - indeed - a hell of a lot more tennis players than the handful that I could pick out of a police lineup. Pretty shocking stuff really. Just not nearly as stunning as the amount of oblivious people lighting their torches to defend an objectively awesome female athlete against a completely arbitrary number prior to doing the math.
A Female UFC Fighter Literally Got The Crap Choked Out Of Her, And I Don't Know If She'll Ever Truly Recover
It would be disingenuous of me to deny Justine Kish the credit she deserves here. Granted, she didn't have all that many options, but not just anyone would have it in them to immediately own up to literally leaving it all - including her lunch - on the proverbial field. The shit streak that served as the trail of previously digested breadcrumbs had a very obvious point of origin, but - as anyone that's gotten busted clogging a toilet that wasn't their own can attest - embracing your most shameful of bowel movements is more honorable than doing a crappy job hiding from them. Hash-tagging herself as the guilty party wasn't at all necessary from a "who dunnit?" standpoint, but laughing at herself could potential help her to recoup some of the dignity she left messily painted across the canvas.
Unfortunately, I am not sure it can help recoup enough of that dignity to remain a threat in the UFC going forward. In a combat sport in which success can at least partially be determined by intangibles such as intimidation and confidence, I don't know that soiling yourself in front of a crowd ever truly leaves the rearview. I can't tell you I would have the sphincter strength to keep my crap to myself if I was getting the life (and sustenance) choked out of me. However, I do know that being forcefully regressed to the defecation habits of an infant on live television would effect my performance in similar situations going forward. Shit definitely happens, but it's probably best to avoid circumstances in which that saying has proven to become semantically accurate in the past. I guess what I am really saying is...stool me once, shame on you; stool me twice, shame on me.
What Do You Get When You Mix A Former NHL Great, An Attractive Young Gymnast, And A Relatively Short Skirt?
Oh baby! Talk about versatility! Not only is Marcel Dionne an NHL legend with over 700 career goals and some proverbial lakefront property in the NHL 'Hall Of Fame', but apparently he's also taken the crown as the king of improv! Seriously, someone get this guy a a guest spot on 'Curb Your Enthusiasm'. You thought he was unpredictable on the ice? Well, just wait until you get him off the script! Anyway, I don't know whose line it is, but I do know that the former Kings' great just put it to shame with a compliment so creative and clever that it froze an Olympic Gold medalist into nothing more than a forced grin and a painstaking chuckle...
"Look at those legs!"
Genius! A stunning combination of wit and charm! Nothing livens up an already awkward interaction quite like some good, old fashioned objectification! An old, excuse me...legendary...white guy straying from an agreed upon dialogue to openly ogle at the physical features of an attractive, accomplished woman who is young enough to be his granddaughter?! Straight up pointing at the skirt of a proud athlete that just recently decided to take the pedestal and carry the torch in the "who the fuck are you to talk about my body" movement? Seems like a great way to endear yourself to your co-presenter if you ask me!
I suppose you could argue that it wasn't entirely appropriate, but I'll be damned if it wasn't inevitable given their demographics. Let's look on the bright side, at least this time Aly Raisman can't complain that she was unfairly judged, because - objectively speaking - those stems could split skulls...whether a retired hockey player whose age lends itself to uncomfortable commentary gawked at them on stage or not.
TheComeback- Faced with the decision between walking with his high school classmates at his high school graduation and playing in a game against an MLS rival, 18-year-old Tyler Adams had a unique choice to make that many could only dream of making. Despite a high school graduation being a once in a lifetime milestone achievement, Adams will be available for the Red Bulls this Saturday.
It was not a decision Adams took lightly.
“Having the opportunity to walk across that stage with all the friends that I started elementary school with, to miss something like that is tough,” Adams said in a story from NJ.com. “But I know that I have a path that I want to cement for myself, and that’s going to be coming from one of these games like this.”
I can't say that I know much about MLS soccer, but I do know this - Tyler Adams has absolutely earned the diploma that he will be too busy playing a professional sport to receive in person. Nothing proves a person's level of intelligence quite like knowing when to tell white lies, and that's exactly what he did by stating that skipping his high school graduation was a tough decision. Credit to him for saying exactly what his parents wanted to hear, but at no point was enduring far too many familiar, monotonous speeches while waiting far too long just to walk across a goddamn stage in front of people he undoubtedly can't wait to forget about a legitimate threat to his playing status.
Never mind the fact that a high school diploma is the bare minimum in terms of lifetime milestones, because the opportunity to stunt on every one of his classmates by forcing them to talk about the actual lifetime milestone he was elsewhere achieving is an opportunity that would have had him absent regardless of their schedule. You know what's better than walking with the friends that you started elementary school with? Reminding them that - relative to you - they are all losers. Tyler Adams isn't skipping some symbolic stroll into adulthood because one game during his rookie season is going to cement his legacy. He's skipping it because ever person that asks "where's Ty?" will spark another conversation about how Ty is killin' the game. Well, that and playing soccer is far more entertaining than trying to fight of a nap while listening to a bunch of teachers that are desperate for second hand pride try to convince you that not getting held back in high school is actually impressive.