What Do You Get When You Mix A Former NHL Great, An Attractive Young Gymnast, And A Relatively Short Skirt?
Oh baby! Talk about versatility! Not only is Marcel Dionne an NHL legend with over 700 career goals and some proverbial lakefront property in the NHL 'Hall Of Fame', but apparently he's also taken the crown as the king of improv! Seriously, someone get this guy a a guest spot on 'Curb Your Enthusiasm'. You thought he was unpredictable on the ice? Well, just wait until you get him off the script! Anyway, I don't know whose line it is, but I do know that the former Kings' great just put it to shame with a compliment so creative and clever that it froze an Olympic Gold medalist into nothing more than a forced grin and a painstaking chuckle...
"Look at those legs!"
Genius! A stunning combination of wit and charm! Nothing livens up an already awkward interaction quite like some good, old fashioned objectification! An old, excuse me...legendary...white guy straying from an agreed upon dialogue to openly ogle at the physical features of an attractive, accomplished woman who is young enough to be his granddaughter?! Straight up pointing at the skirt of a proud athlete that just recently decided to take the pedestal and carry the torch in the "who the fuck are you to talk about my body" movement? Seems like a great way to endear yourself to your co-presenter if you ask me!
I suppose you could argue that it wasn't entirely appropriate, but I'll be damned if it wasn't inevitable given their demographics. Let's look on the bright side, at least this time Aly Raisman can't complain that she was unfairly judged, because - objectively speaking - those stems could split skulls...whether a retired hockey player whose age lends itself to uncomfortable commentary gawked at them on stage or not.
TheComeback- Faced with the decision between walking with his high school classmates at his high school graduation and playing in a game against an MLS rival, 18-year-old Tyler Adams had a unique choice to make that many could only dream of making. Despite a high school graduation being a once in a lifetime milestone achievement, Adams will be available for the Red Bulls this Saturday.
It was not a decision Adams took lightly.
“Having the opportunity to walk across that stage with all the friends that I started elementary school with, to miss something like that is tough,” Adams said in a story from NJ.com. “But I know that I have a path that I want to cement for myself, and that’s going to be coming from one of these games like this.”
I can't say that I know much about MLS soccer, but I do know this - Tyler Adams has absolutely earned the diploma that he will be too busy playing a professional sport to receive in person. Nothing proves a person's level of intelligence quite like knowing when to tell white lies, and that's exactly what he did by stating that skipping his high school graduation was a tough decision. Credit to him for saying exactly what his parents wanted to hear, but at no point was enduring far too many familiar, monotonous speeches while waiting far too long just to walk across a goddamn stage in front of people he undoubtedly can't wait to forget about a legitimate threat to his playing status.
Never mind the fact that a high school diploma is the bare minimum in terms of lifetime milestones, because the opportunity to stunt on every one of his classmates by forcing them to talk about the actual lifetime milestone he was elsewhere achieving is an opportunity that would have had him absent regardless of their schedule. You know what's better than walking with the friends that you started elementary school with? Reminding them that - relative to you - they are all losers. Tyler Adams isn't skipping some symbolic stroll into adulthood because one game during his rookie season is going to cement his legacy. He's skipping it because ever person that asks "where's Ty?" will spark another conversation about how Ty is killin' the game. Well, that and playing soccer is far more entertaining than trying to fight of a nap while listening to a bunch of teachers that are desperate for second hand pride try to convince you that not getting held back in high school is actually impressive.
Honestly, I feel as though I could have written these tweets myself.
Hold on, let me explain...
In no way do I agree with Grayson Murray's black-and-mostly white opinion on the state of totalllllly non-existent discrimination in the police force. I don't spend anywhere near enough time wandering the oh-so-fairways where this type of innuendo was reinforced via interactions with his extremely diverse and cultured peers on the greens of 'Pleasantville'.
I just think that if given his name, profession, and the picture above, I probably could have typed out - almost word for word - what his thoughts were on the matter. The cliched narratives and baseless, context-free arguments used to completely marginalize the plight of African Americans while blindly supporting the entirety of a profession that historically has a corruption issue? What better time to put them down on a public platform than immediately after the exoneration of a cop that shot a black man dead in front of his wife and kid for legally carrying a firearm?!?
Those nauseatingly repetitive talking points that used nitpicked numbers and shameless victim blaming to claim that the long standing concept of racial profiling is as real as the "threat" that Trayvon Martin served as don't belong anywhere in society. However, if there were a place where they could feel at home it would be on the Twitter feed of a professional golfer named Grayson who was once forced to play without a tooth, recently fired his caddy mid-round, and has used social media to publicly hit on a naive teenager who quickly learned why he's so detestable...
I know I am in the minority here, but I'm rooting for the minority here. I just think Conor McGregor's incessant, over the top trash talk is going to get pretty fucking old as this "fight" grows closer. I love senseless bickering and unsubstantiated machismo as much as the next guy, but it packs a much bigger punch (pun intended) when there's higher than a snow ball's chance in hell that it gets validated. I get that most people are on the side of the self absorbed loudmouth that stands just north of virtually no shot whatso-fucking-ever of beating the wealthier, more accomplished self absorbed loudmouth. I just really don't know if I can take two months worth of potshots seriously when they come from a guy whose dream sequence of a mural could come to fruition and he would still probably lose.
Honestly, Conor McGregor could catch Floyd Mayweather clean across the jaw (as pictured) and it would probably go down as nothing more than one punch landed on the scorecard that was immediately responded to with a quick 20 jab combo that had it's recipient looking like he took a full bottle of Jameson off the forehead. All due respect to the artist, but it's for that reason - and that reason only - that I am having a tough time keeping my eyes from traveling up into my head and right back down in response to thee most lifelike portrayal of a chin check that is more than more than likely never going to take place. I don't need (or want, for that matter) athletes in combats sports to turn humble because then this fight would offer almost nothing in terms of entertainment, but the grossness with which the wall of that training facility misrepresents the upcoming fight is almost too egregious to laugh at. Plus, I'm pretty sure 'Benjamin Moore' would have donated those cans of paint to literally any respectable cause if they knew they were going to be wasted on something that needed to be quickly coated over come August 27th.
I'm not going to beat around the bush that my ball is constantly lost in. It was tough to watch Justin Thomas casually line up perpendicular to the hole and hit the ball with the confidence of Rory McIlroy playing putt-putt. I mean, I was over here thinking that my inability to drive straight, chip with any consistency or accuracy, and rock bright pink pants that could be seen from space were the only things holding me back from finishing in double digits, but apparently a lack of testosterone can be added to the list.
Simply put, it takes balls to intentionally shoot away from the green. I don't care how many times he got on bended knee to accurately judge the break. The ghost of Arnold Palmer could have been whispering tips into my ear and I would have been singing "LALALALA" as loud as I could to drown him out, because there's no way I would have risked making myself look stupid. That could have been the most honest lie in the history of world, and I still would had my ball traveling seven feet east of the hole after refusing to take it at face value. I guess it's not surprising that having an unquestioned belief in one's eyes and hand-eye coordination makes a good golfer, but I never thought I would see the day where I would argue that having testicles that tickle the grass was something integral in picking up that seemingly unattainable thing they call a 'birdie'. I guess I just had to witness a professional golfer sink a long one while looking like a blind person to the untrained eye before I did.
Safe To Say That Conor McGregor's Former Sparring Partner Isn't Betting On Him In His Fight With Floyd Mayweather
You know - in slight defense of the guy that got his ass bullied around the ring by a bored, out of shape boxer - the old "I even beat him when I sucked" analysis can be flawed. The transitive property of defeat doesn't hold up in professional athletics because styles and favorable match-ups can come into play - especially in a sport where having a chance can be predicated on a single punch.
Unfortunately for Conor McGregor, his fight against Floyd Mayweather is not remotely close to being considered professional athletics. This isn't even a sporting event. It's a fundraiser for two millionaires that's being poorly disguised as a publicity stunt. Mayweather is basically going head-to-head (for hundreds of millions of dollars) with a heavy bag that talks shit when you hit it like it's an Irish, x-rated children's toy. Floyd could have an epileptic seizure during the first round and he would probably still be able to shake the subpar punches of an MMA fighter masquerading as a boxer for an egregious sum of money.
Now, I'm obviously still going to begrudgingly tune it. Not only because repetitive baseball highlights will have me starved for even the most non-competitive competition by late August, but because I can't hypocritically skip out on predetermined entertainment having just spent two months watching the NBA Playoffs. The pageantry of this circus alone will be more than enough to cover the cost of the PayPerView. That doesn't mean I won't hate myself for purchasing it after the fact, but that sense of self loathinfg will will be worth it to see just how eye-openingly lopsided a boxing match can be between the best, most technically sound boxer of a generation and someone whose technique appears to be that of the loudmouth drunk slurring his words from the end of the bar.
Some Argentinian Soccer Player Inexplicably Admitted To (Literally) Needling An Opponent During A Match
BBC- An Argentine football player has caused outrage after admitting that he used a needle to hurt his rivals during a cup match on Sunday.
Federico Allende, a defender for lower-division club Sport Pacifico, bragged in a radio interview about using the needle several times against strikers from top-division club Estudiantes.
Pacifico's president Hector Moncada vowed to expel the player. "We are devastated. This incident has tarnished the team's good work. I will expel him from the club," Mr Moncada told Clarín newspaper.
Pacifico won the match 3-2, knocking Estudiantes out of the competition in a major upset.
Allende gave Cordoba's Vorterix Radio an interview on Tuesday in which he said "you need to play dirty" to beat big clubs like Estudiantes de La Plata.
"I kept piercing the Estudiantes strikers with a needle," said the Pacifico defender.
"We know that top division players don't like contact, they don't like if we waste time or if we play dirty. So that was the way to do it. Football is like that. Football is for the clever," Allende said.
South American football expert Tim Vickery told the BBC that Allende had hidden two needles in his shin guards. One broke but, when the referee was at the other end of the field, Allende used the other to poke Colombian striker Juan Otero several times.
Allende said on the radio: "I completely nullified Otero. He must hate me."
Was that wrong? Was Federico Allende not supposed to steal supplies from his grandmother's sewing kit in hopes of invoking some fairly common fear of needles from his opponent during a competitive sporting event? I know here in the states we frown upon intimidating the opposition by piercing them away from the play, but - considering how proudly he spoke about his on-pitch tailor work - I think Federico Allende is going to have to claim ignorance on this one. No man in their right mind would be that forthcoming about something that is so obviously wrong unless they were completely unaware, so I think I am going to have to pin this on the coach for not making himself more clear when he told his players to "get under their skin".
In all seriousness, this is a move that could work out in favor of Federico Allende assuming that whole expulsion business is temporary. Clearly he doesn't mind being thought of as soccer's version of Sid from 'Toy Story', and that reputation could certainly bide him some possession time. If you're crazy enough to stab someone during a soccer game once then you're damn sure crazy enough to do it again. Don't think that's not something that would be running through the mind of every single striker that meandered their way onto his side of the field. You don't open your ear up to Mike Tyson, you don't spread your legs around Draymond Green, and you don't challenge Federico Allende within a one arm radius. He may never stash another needle in his shin guard for the rest of his career (on the off-chance that he still has one), but the message he literally and figuratively sent by doing it the first time is one with staying power. Human embroidery might cross the line of what is considered gamesmanship, but it's not something that's easily forgotten.
“Since I’m old, instead of taking the booing, what I want to tell you is like, I’m doing the very best I can. If you’re a real fan, you know that I’m not just like…my job is not to sign autographs, right? My job is to drive a car and to tell the crew chief what’s going on. I don’t appreciate the booing. It hurts my feelings. I’m a [expletive] person, you know what I mean? I’m a person, too. I have feelings. When you boo me, it hurts my feelings. Okay? Please just be supportive fans. I’ll do everything I can.”
Danica Patrick, a woman of many hats. A professional race car driver, an adult, and - most importantly - a fucking person. Jeez, it's a wonder she even found the time to lecture some overanxious and entitled fans for engaging in the most harmless, run-of-the-mill heckle with how many roles she's filling as the living, breathing, of-age operator of a high speed motor vehicle! Seriously, who do these NASCAR fans think they are? How the hell is the preeminent female athlete in all of racing supposed to clear enough of her schedule to sign an autograph or two when she already has to devote what little downtime she does have to explaining why she's not required to sign an autograph or two?
Can't we just leave her poor feelings alone so that she doesn't have to waste precious minutes publicly speaking on their behalf? If she were young it would be one thing, but everyone knows that with age comes the incessant need to be unconditionally loved by even the most needy, selfish, and simple minded of people at all times! With each passing day I totalllllly find myself more and more concerned with the thoughts and opinions of complete strangers, so I can definitely see why Danica Patrick couldn't just brush it off and go about her business (that she seemed rather quick to state the importance of) once a single person said "boo". Some might call this reactionary dissertation a sign of oversensitivity, but they simply don't know what it's like to a public figu...I mean....person...or something like that...
“Now, I’ll be 100 percent honest with you. These guys out here are absolutely the best athletes on Earth. I don’t care about the NBA Finals, I don’t care about football. These guys are professional athletes in everything.
“Thank God that I got this win. Thank you Lord for the glory in that. Me, personally, I’m just out here having fun. I had pneumonia a couple weeks ago, I wasn’t supposed to be here. I’ve had people praying for me. This is for everybody in Pine Hills, Florida. My coach was a dentist. Nobody believed I was supposed to make it. My swing is ugly. I got a hitch like Charles Barkley. My coach is a dentist. I wasn’t supposed to make it, but by the grace of God, I am here and I’m gonna keep going. I’m gonna keep going for the people who have no voice. That’s why I’m here.”
Talk about playing to an audience. I mean - despite the claim of 100% honesty - I have very little doubt that Maurice Allen didn't believe a damn word he just said about athletes that are physically more gifted in everything other than hitting a small ball a long way, but you know who kinda, sorta did? The heavily tanned, mildly overweight white dudes that served as his welcoming congregation. There is at least a handful of them that fell for that wrestling promo and believe they are 100 or so yards on their drive away from claiming the title of 'Best Athlete On The Planet' away from LeBron James.
Hell, why wouldn't they? Even the African American guy on the course said it was true! If Maurice Allen's black ass doesn't care about the freakish specimens (that could jump clear over every long driver in the competition) participating in the NBA Finals then why should the guys that only go to the gym to scope out trainers and air dry their testicles? He just became their source when they start this very same stupid argument with others by saying "well, my one black friend thinks...", and that's all they really needed to legitimize their decision to hit the country club multiple times per week.
A Nebraska Youth Soccer Tournament Disqualified A Team Because They Didn't Believe One Of Their Players Was A Girl
WOWT- Mili Hernandez is 8 years-old. She loves soccer - and her short haircut. Mili told WOWT 6 News: "When my hair starts to grow I put it short because I've always had short hair. I didn't like my hair long."
Mili plays soccer for Omaha's Azzuri Cachorros girls club team. She's so good that she plays on the 11 year-old roster even though she's 8. Her father, Gerardo Hernandez, couldn't be more proud. He told WOWT 6 News: "It's what she likes. It's what she always wants to do - play soccer."
This weekend Mili helped lead her team to the final day of the Springfield Soccer Club girls tournament. However, before taking the field on Sunday, Mili and her team were suddenly disqualified. Springfield soccer organizers insisted Mili was a boy.
Mili added: "Just because I look like a boy doesn't mean I am a boy. They don't have a reason to kick the whole club out."
Mili's family claims they showed her insurance card to tournament organizers in an effort to prove she's a girl. It wasn't enough.
Mili's brother, Cruz Hernandez, told WOWT 6 News: "They didn't want to listen. They said the president made his decision and there wasn't any changing that."
Middle America, for the loss! I suppose assuming that more...um...understanding regions of the country aren't capable of mistaking a short haired girl as a boy based on looks alone is a dangerous proposition. However, being presented with official documentation and responding by essentially saying "uhh, we know the difference between boys and girls, idiots!" just seems very characteristic of the type of person walking around town with a piece of straw sticking from their mouth.
Like, if this happened in the Northeast then some organizer easily would have let a 'Jawanna Man' situation take place just to avoid being taken to task over gender generalizations. If this had happened in California the tournament officials would have been like "you are whatever you say/think/or believe you are". In Nebraska, on the other hand, even children have to check all the stereotypical boxes of their birth sex or not even a government issued identification can save them from being put in a gender specific box. I don't mean to say that every person whose residence is commonly flown over doesn't realize that every little girl isn't running around with hair half way down her back while wearing a shin-length dress, but it's certainly a viewpoint that is more likely to be held in the heartland.
AwfulAnnouncing- One of the most blatantly inappropriate behaviors from an interviewed player in some time came at tennis’ French Open Monday, where 21-year-old French player Maxime Hamou grabbed Eurosport reporter Maly Thomas while she was trying to interview him and started kissing her head. Hamou was already out of the tournament after losing 6-3, 6-2, 6-4 in the first round to Uruguay’s Pablo Cuevas, but Tuesday saw the French tennis federation announce that his accreditation for the rest of the event was revoked following his “reprehensible behavior.”
I know it's exceedingly dangerous to think everyone is on the same page in regards to any potentially inappropriate act in the year 2017, but I think anyone of sound mind with even the slightest of interests in equal rights can agree that this was not okay. I don't want to paint with a too broad of a brush here, but kissing anyone anywhere without their consent is usually not going to work out in your favor. Never mind when you do so multiple times in under a minute while "working" in a professional capacity.
Maxime Hamou legit had the look of a guy that presumptuously sauntered up behind an unsuspecting freshman at a frat house, and he did so on television in broad day light. To be that tone deaf, disrespectful, and threatening almost requires an amount of intoxication that one can only find at the bottom of a bowl of grain alcohol-infused punch. I almost hope that the handsy 21 year old is a lush that tried to drown his disappointment in the liquor of his choice, because it that's how he acts while sober then he's going to a be red dot on a computer screen before he's even old enough to rent a car. As someone that didn't understand a single word that was said during that "interview" I don't want to tell the French tennis federation how to handle their business, but they probably should have scheduled their boy for about a dozen workplace harassment seminaries while revoking his accreditation for putting a reporter in an aggressive, sexually charged head lock.
FoxBusiness- Pro golfer Tiger Woods disclosed to the Jupiter Police Department a variety of prescription drugs that he may have taken after he was arrested for a DUI while asleep at the wheel of his car.
In the probable cause affidavit, first obtained by The Palm Beach Post, Woods said he has prescriptions for four drugs, Soloxex, Vicodin and Torix. He also listed an anti-inflammatory drug Vioxx, but noted he had not taken the drug in over a year. Vioxx, which was manufactured by Merck (NYSE:MRK), was pulled off the market nearly 13 years ago after allegedly being linked to cardiovascular issues.
Whew, here I was thinking that Tiger Woods knew the danger he could have been to other drivers when he got behind the wheel, but nope - he just had an inexplicably bad reaction to a handful of pills that undoubtedly resembled the prescription equivalent of a mixed bag of Skittles. What a relief that it wasn't alcohol that was that was to blame! Those gosh darn side effects. You just never know when they are going to creep up and bite you in the ass at the worst possible time. Especially when there's three (maybe 4, but who is counting?) different lists of them that could come into play to counteract each other. I mean, seriously....who would have guessed that taking multiple painkillers would leave someone woozy and at risk of an untimely nap?
Jeez, now that I know that Tiger Woods didn't negligently wash down his drug cocktail with a beer I almost sort of feel bad for him. He's not a criminal that knowingly swallowed a pharmacy before hopping in what basically amounted to a high velocity death contraption. He's just a victim of modern medicine and the problems that result when you try to talk advantage of everything it has to offer....at the same damn time. Poor guy. There better be some doctor out there that loses it's license after such a gross act of treating an adult like responsible adult. Someone needs to admit fault, and I'll be damned if it should be the guy that left the house looking like he either got repeatedly hit over the head with a bottle of one of the only substances not in his system or fell victim to another golf club.
Some Russian MMA Fighter Got Brutally Beaten, And Then His Mom Waltzed Into The Octagon And Slapped Him
I honestly must have screamed "stop the damn fight!" like 3-4 times before the official felt it necessary to intervene in the defenseless beating of this teenager's face. If that doesn't prove to you just how cold and heartless Mother Russia can be then the much more literal example of an actual Mother from Russia slapping her 100% concussed kid upside the head should do the trick. Putin may have inspired a type of love that comes a little tougher, but I'm pretty sure that poor bastard had already begun the initial stages of CTE before the lady that brought him into this world did her part to take him out of it ASAP. Never mind adding insult to injury, this crazy broad subtracted years from his life span.
As if bleeding from 3-5 different parts of his face wasn't enough of a shot to the ego, now this guy has to build his self esteem back up after catching an openhanded left from his own damn mother in front of an audience. I guess the good news is that he'll really know that he wants to be an MMA fighter if he's able to get back in the octagon after suffering that all out embarrassment. The bad news, on the other hand, is that he'll have to find a new striking coach following the inter-household homicide that's going to leave his current one buried in the backyard.
However this shakes out, I think we can all agree to hide this story from your local baseball parent that's known to drag his kid off the field by his ear following a strikeout, because lord knows he would feel like Phil goddamn Dunphy by comparison.
You're not going to find me claiming that body shaming isn't a very prevalent issue in society. That's partially because it's quite obviously something that effects many people, but it's mostly because I am not sure I could handle the emasculation if Aly Raisman challenged me to an arm wrestling competition for saying it's not.
That being said, I think we should consider the context of this rude interaction between an Olympian gymnast and a TSA agent before we rush to judgement. I don't want to make it sound like those who are held responsible for vetting every irritable commuter during the most annoying part of their trip should be given free reign to be an objectionable asshole, but I definitely understand why they tend to be. I hardly even want to talk to myself when going through the process of boarding a flight, never mind talking to every self-important person that (understandably) thinks their time is more valuable than that of everyone else. That's why I have let it slide every time my intelligence has been insulted after saying "what?" to someone that is already occupationally obligated to repeat themselves hundreds of times per shift.
Now, I clearly can't imagine what it's like for Aly Raisman to be viewed as weak simply because she's a woman when she's undeniably stronger than a significant number of men. I'm sure it happens far more often than we'd like to believe. I just can't - in good conscience - treat it as an all-encompassing indictment of society at large when the guilty party is someone that has to feel up pissed off passengers of every shape, size, and undoubtedly dim demeanor all damn day. I don't personally know the guy manning security at whatever terminal she was flying out of and he may very well be a sexist prick, but the possibility that a long day of being fake nice to testy travelers simply took it's toll on his attitude absolutely exists.
A College Golfer Had To Strip Down And Go Swimming To Find His Ball Because Of Some Stupid NCAA Rule
JacksonvilleUniversity- The day reached a tipping point on the fourth hole, the 13th hole of the day for David Wicks. The senior from Bexhill, England, picked up his ball after his first putt finished around three feet from the hole and placed it in his pocket. While waiting for the other golfers in his group to finish their putts, Wicks backed up towards the bunker, which has a lake just behind it. Wicks went to pull his scorecard out of his pocket, and as he reached for the card his ball fell out of his pocket, kicked off his shoe, and fell into the lake. NCAA rules state that a golfer must find their personal ball in order to continue the hole without any penalty. Wicks stripped down to his underwear and dove in with a five-minute time limit.
"David probably found 20 balls in the stretch of five minutes, but he never could find his," said Blackburn. "It was just a stroke of bad luck. After the five minute period ended the rules officials gave him a two-stroke penalty, which really could've hampered our comeback. But David rebounded, finishing the day with five straight pars to keep us in the race."
The NCAA and golf - talk about a match made in a gamesman's personal hell. Hey, the governing body of the most self-important sport on the planet might make a college kid bob for Titleists like he's participating in the most low budget gameshow off all time, but at least they won't have any rules - no matter how ludicrous - get broken on their watch! I suppose you could argue that having a momentary, mid-round bout with your hand-eye coordination while spectating shouldn't reflect poorly on your score, but dumbass regulations that will never be corrected solely out of stubbornness are simply par for the course when it comes to the NCAA and/or the PGA.
I don't know why David Wicks didn't just drop a little white lie and say that one of the two dozen balls he found was his. I think he's a maniac for being that devoted to the code (assuming there were no cameras that could prove him wrong), but I can respect him for internalizing his anger instead of going full-Elin Woods on the official that notified him of his two stroke penalty while he stood there smelling like swamp water. If that were me then Jacksonville University would been wishing they gave my scholarship to Happy Gilmore instead, because I would have been fishing for my ball with that referee's face as the bait for as long as it took for his body to go limp. So credit to David Wicks for taking it in stride and recovering to give his team a fighting chance at the finals.
I don't really know how to beat around the bush here so I am just going to come out and ask it. Is it even possible for a German person to passionately scream in order to motivate a group of people without giving off a serious Hitler-esque vibe? It's probably just my limited familiarity with the language and it's inherent aggressiveness, but - putting aside my cultural insensitivity - any person that was in that room and didn't understand what was being said would follow strictly out of fear. Any non-German speaking Jew (soft J) that heard this guy's voice bellowing from the opposing locker room would "sprain his ankle" tripping over a blade of grass before he even got out on the pitch. I don't want to make it sound Carsten Rump is a superiority complex and a broken moral compass away from being capable of dictatorship. However, those subtitles read like someone that is calling for his players to treat a soccer match like the outcome determines the fate of their families so really, how attached is he to reality?
I guess we should just let the past be the past, but - historically speaking - that inspiration speech had an undeniably oppressive tone. Which I suppose, in turn, means that German is a dialect whose reputation will never be fully reparable.
Alright, let's get the pleasantries out of the way. I'm glad that Chris Froome is no worse for the wear after some crazy asshole intentionally rear ended his bicycle. I'm just picturing that situation in my head and I can't fathom how someone would come away from it completely unscathed. It's ridiculous that a person literally ran a motor vehicle into a 3x 'Tour De France' winner and the only real damage that was done was done to an inanimate object. It's undoubtedly great news that he's not in a hospital bed somewhere. Not only because what happened to him was incredibly fucked up, but because the use of his extremities will make it much easier for him to look up the difference between "impatient" and "inconvenienced".
Maybe there's some cultural differences here, but I'm assuming "pavement" just means the street, correct? Some impatient driver followed him down the street? Those things that were built for cars to go from one place to another in a timely fashion? I apologize if I'm underselling the road rage that took place here and someone actually popped up on the sidewalk to take out a cyclist 'Grand Theft Auto' style, but this sounds like Chris Froome was just casually pedaling along like the world was his race course. That doesn't mean it's okay to clear the way with your front bumper, but it does make him seem a bit self important when he implies that waiting for a biker to get the hell out of the way is a necessary evil of driving. I personally wouldn't get vehicularly homicidal because a guy added 10-15 seconds on to my trip, but I sure as shit would scream a bunch of obscenities at him. Again, I don't know exactly what happened but if this took place how I picture it then I hope it's an unfortunate experience that teaches Chris Froome to stay in his damn lane going forward, because it sounds like it was a "get off the track when the train is coming through" situation.
A Brazilian Soccer Player Was Arrested On The Field For Kidnapping And Extorting A 67 Year Old Woman
TheComeback-You would think someone wanted on four arrest warrants would keep a low profile. But Brazilian soccer player Marlon Nataneal de Lima Alexandre decided to keep on playing for Sapucaiense in the Campeonato Gaúcho Second Division.
During a match on Wednesday, police showed up while Lima was sitting on the reserve bench, promptly cuffing him and taking him into custody.
According to Gaúcha, a local news outlet, Lima allegedly participated in a violent kidnapping of a 67-year-old woman in October. The perpetrators held her at gunpoint outside a mall and then spent about $1,400 on her credit cards.
Police had trouble tracking down Lima until they learned he played for Sapucaiense. Club president José Luis Rech Cristianetti said he was unaware of Lima’s past and called the arrest “a sad surprise,” according to Gaúcha.
You know what, I'm glad this guy got cuffed on the field in front of everyone. Obviously he deserved it after racking up his 4th different arrest warrant by kidnapping a grandmother, but that's not even the point. The point is that a regular, behind-the-scenes jailing wouldn't have been nearly shameful enough for someone that couldn't even properly extort a 67 year old woman for $1,400.
They should have pulled his pants down at mid-field and let Ms. Daisy walk out with her wooden spoon to give him one whack on the bum for each dollar stolen. Marlon Nataneal de Lima Alexandre (say that 5 times fast) deserved all that embarrassment and then some. The only thing more pathetic than kidnapping a senior citizen - for what has to be considered chump change relative to the crime - is not even having the decency to do it well. Do you know how much intimidation you have to lack for an old lady to walk straight down to la estacion de policia after having a semi-professional backup soccer player hold a gun to her head? All of it. All the intimidation.
These idiots tried to pick the low hanging fruit and still bit of more than they could chew. How are you going to threaten the life of someone whose a few years away from needing help crossing the street and still not be able to keep her goddamn mouth shut? Not only is that a ringing endorsement of how fearless women are while shopping is at stake, but it's an indictment of the scare tactics of the saddest kidnappers of all time who still got busted after having the gall to push aside a women's AARP card to empty her bank account.
Ahhh, the pitfalls of pregnancy. Ya know, people constantly refer to childbirth as a miracle, but they seem to forget that most miracles don't require you to clear your schedule for 9 months. A little time off seems like a small price to pay for starting a family....until that time off directly correlates with your company undergoing a massive house cleaning. Sara Walsh thought she was exercising her God-given right to motherhood, and in time it took for two fetuses to turn into identical human beings she went from peeing on a stick with job security to bloated and expendable. There's no doubt that having a baby is a blessing, but I think we can all agree that it would really be more convenient if they grew quicker than the contracts that inevitably changed a multi-national corporation's entire landscape.
And how about ESPN just waiting until the day she's set to return to work to deliver (no pun intended) the news that she's now a full-time mommy? I don't know who was responsible for laying people off, but their face must have turned white when they read that Sara Walsh was set to return from maternity leave. The transition from the "Congrats! How are the kids?" conversation to the "so, about your employment" conversation is about as smooth as the cut to the crowning scene in 'Knocked Up'. You remember when you were in school and you just completely forgot about project until 6 hours before it was due? I imagine that sinking feeling was the same one that hit the director of the firing squad like a ton of bricks when he realized he had to follow up the birth of twins with a much more unpleasant discharge. I guess I can't really fault ESPN because they laid off people with much more prestige than Sara Walsh, but something tells me that the avoidance of the most awkward interaction of all time should have expedited her to the top of the call sheet.
Congrats to the happy couple though! Those bundles might even become more joyous when they are joined by a severance package. ESPN: The Worldwide Leader In Stalling.
Tennis Finally Has A Villain, And It's The Former Pro That Made A Racial Remark About Serena Williams Unborn Child
TheBigLead- Ilie Nastase, the former world no. 1 tennis player, is (was?) the captain of Romania’s Fed Cup (an international women’s tournament) team, which had a home match against Great Britain this weekend. At a press conference, one of Nastase’s players was asked about Serena William’s baby, and Natase interjected, “Let’s see what color it has. Chocolate with milk?”
Nastase was quickly removed from the weekend’s festivities in disgrace after making public sexual advances towards a female tennis coach, harassing a female reporter in the press room, making racist remarks about Serena Williams’ baby, and verbally assaulting players on Great Britain’s team during a match on Saturday.
Those details reportedly included calling a reporter “stupid” and “ugly,” and calling two Great Britain players “fucking bitches.”
I want to make one thing clear. Though I am only going off of one report's worth of evidence, I think it's pretty safe to assume that Ilie Nastase is an insufferable, despicable excuse for a human being. The whole "chocolate with milk" thing wasn't the most racist thing I have heard uttered about an expecting interracial couple, but - ironically, given the deliciousness of chocolate milk - it was clearly in poor taste. I can't remember the last joke I heard that used diary products to attack the potential complexion of an unborn baby, but I would imagine that doing so is pretty universally frowned upon. Combine that with sexual and verbal assault and it becomes pretty easy to declare that he is definitively a dickhead off of one day's work.
It's actually pretty impressive if you ask me. Maybe not the most honorable accomplishment, but the unhinged bastard went through three strikes faster than Tim Tebow during a Major League audition. Other than that, I honestly don't know what to say about the guy other then he is....exactly what I would expect out of a 70 year Romanian who looks like he should immediately be cast as Hans Gruber's grandfather in 'Die Hard Or Bruce Willis Can't Afford A New Vacation Home'.
Is there any chance this bag of bones has made it through a single 24 hour stretch in the decade without polishing off a fifth of vodka? I'm not trying to make excuses for his villainous behavior, but I would be lying if I said he didn't appear to be embracing the role with open arms. There's something to be said for sticking with what you're good at, and - as a menacing, half dead son of a bitch - there is nothing he is better at then polluting Grand Slams with his public displays of discrimination. Maybe tennis wasn't looking for a bad guy, but at least now they can say they legitimately have one instead of shaming Nick Kyrgios for throwing fits, talking shit, and being just about the most entertaining person in the sport. He may have some attitude, but he's not the root cause behind social media posts like this....