Christians Are Boycotting Starbucks Because Their Red Holiday Cups Don't Say 'Merry Christmas' On Them

Mirror-  Christians are upset by this year's Starbucks festive cup design - because the plain cup doesn't have any reference to Jesus.Evangelists have accused the coffee chain of declaring "war on Christmas" with their new minimal design.
This has led religious types to boycott Starbucks who, they claim, "hate Jesus".
A religious leader has called for a worldwide boycott of the brand after he claims they want to take Christ out of Christmas.


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There's only one course of action for Starbucks to take here. They absolutely have to call their bluff. Slap '666' on the side of that cup. Mark of the beast motherfucker. No more red cups. Make that shit Hannukah blue. Does Kwanza have a particular color or logo they associate with? Throw that bad boy on there too. That's the only way to prove the fruitlessness of this 'boycott'. Does anyone believe a bunch of outraged coffee drinking Christians are going to follow through on giving up their right to pumpkin spiced lattes? Okay, sure. We believe you. People blacklisting Starbucks because their coffee cup doesn't say 'Merry Christmas' and bear the likeness of Jesus Christ is like a sports fan saying he's not going to watch football because Greg Hardy is playing. You know to boycott a business you have to, like, stop contributing to that business, right? Constantly bitching about a product while you continue it's consumption isn't boycotting. Something tells me these Bible thumping assholes are going to walk in, pick up their caramel macchiotos, and bring them outside to drink while they protest. 

Say what you want about the kids in Missouri that got the university president unceremoniously fired, but at least they gave up something they love. A football team threatened not to play football. One dude didn't eat for 4 days! You think some Pastor is going damn near a full work week without his extra shot of expresso? Fuck out of here. Those sermons would be so boring that his congregation would be ready to covert to Judaism by the second Psalm. Starbucks is like the coffee shop equivalent of the NFL. The product is too popular. The reach too strong. No one is going to stop indulging. They are just going to continuously bitch about it as they do. I firmly believe that Starbucks could write 'Fuck God' on the side of the cups, hang a baby Jesus doll by it's neck from their ceiling fan, and it wouldn't have a distinct effect on their bottomline. It's one of the untouchables, and no amount of whining is going to change that.

P.S. ​Let's forget for a second that the cups, which are red, clearly symbolize Christmas. My biggest problem with them isn't that they don't have a huge, unsightly cross on the side, it's that they they completely ignored the existence of Thanksgiving. Can I get a little holiday relevance please? Can we put off the undying need to get irrationally upset about Christmas cups until December 1st? This is like holding a 'Save The Turkeys' rally in August. Be patient. The time will come for people to cry about the appropriateness of holiday greetings, but that time most certainly isn't here yet.