Dwight Howard Being A Recovering Candy "Addict" Makes Perfect Sense

FOXSports- Lakers nutritionist Dr. Cate Shanahan told ESPN that when the club acquired then-26-year-old from the Magic in 2012, his diet was quite alarming.

“You name it, he ate it,” Shanahan said.

According to the story, Howard’s craving for junk food was a major issue, as he ate everything from Skittles, Starbursts, Rolos, Snickers, Mars bars, Twizzlers, Almond Joys, Kit Kats and Reese’s Pieces. He would stash the candy all over his house and eat it at all hours, consuming as much as 24 chocolate bars’ worth of sugar every day for as long as a decade.

Howard’s sugar intake was so bad that he began experiencing tingling in his legs and fingers, symptoms Shanahan believed was due to his diet. Howard ditched the candy in lieu of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and the tingling symptoms subsided.

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This poor nutritionist. She undoubtedly went through many years of schooling to reach the top of her profession. Getting the opportunity to make sure the most gifted athletes in the world kept a diet that lent itself to performing at their physical peak was probably her dream job, and in walks a guy that has to be tricked into filling himself up on bread so he didn't go around devouring candy by the fundraiser box. All those late nights up studying in med school and for what? To get the chance to tell an NBA player to stop eating like Augustus Gloop? 

Seriously though, all this time I have been saying that Dwight Howard is an overgrown child and I never even knew how true it actually was. Apparently the 7 footer that is built like a Greek god really is the inverse 'Jack'. I don't know what rate he actually aged at. I do know it's nowhere near the rate that his body developed at, because there is no bigger sign of someone having the mental capabilities of a pre-teen than needing to be force-fed PB&J's just to wean them off of a candy "addiction".

This gives me reason to believe that if Dwight Howard was born a dog then he would have passed away from old age long before learning not to shit on the carpet. Of course he comes off a sociopath that's incapable of normal, genuine interactions with people his own age. Only a person with the brain of an 11 year old would require the help of someone with a PhD to draw the obvious link between a daily sugar intake that send Willy Wonka into a diabetic shock and the abnormal sensations tingling throughout his body. I can't believe I gave him a hard time for being a shitty father. Children are supposed to suck as raising children. He probably only has 10 baby mammas because he's intellectually one grade away from sex education. The lack of will power that it takes to consume 24 of anything per day is reminiscent of someone that still gets send to timeout. It's legitimately a good thing he's chiseled from stone or all stranger danger would have had to do was offer him a bitesize 'Kit Kat' to 'Celtic Pride' his ass during the 2009 NBA playoffs.