NOLA- After New Orleans Saints defensive end Cameron Jordan produced a sack in the third quarter of Sunday's playoff victory, he began shouting at the Carolina Panthers offensive line. Jordan wasn't upset about something that happened on the play. He was just relaying his thoughts about Panthers left tackle Matt Kalil's blocking skills.
"I was actually talking more to the other Kalil brother," Jordan said after the game. "I don't know his first name, Speedbump. Let's call him Speedbump McGee. That guy." The Saints beat the Panthers, 31-26, to advance to the divisional round of the playoffs, and after the game, the boisterous Jordan shared some comical remarks about both Kalil and Carolina quarterback Cam Newton. "You beat the Carolina Panthers three times in a year, I'm gonna have to send this guy a wine bottle," Jordan said of Newton, pointing to a bottle of wine in his locker. "I appreciate him for being that good ol' quarterback. I'm gonna send him a nice little bottle of Jordan wine. No, it's not mine, but I have been drinking it for years. So, I'm going to send him some sauce." Jordan and Newton have exchanged trash talk for years on the field, but this season, it extended into interviews. After the Week 3 game, Jordan made some jokes about Newton's fashion choices. Leading up to the Week 13 game, Newton remarked on Jordan's fashion and joked he could "send him some sauce." When a reported noted that Jordan's sauce comment was a callback to Newton's joke, Jordan said, "Petty, right? ------- As a general rule of thumb, I don't empathize with even the most defeated member of a division rival. Football is hard, so - en lieu of my deepest sympathies - I offer Matt Kalil the suggestion to wear a helmet and protect his neck from the most cutthroat of ruthless mockery. That being said, if I were to change my stance on postgame compassion, this would probably be the circumstance that would get me to do so. Like, if I felt feelings on behalf of players from a team with which I don't harbor an admittedly irrational emotional investment, this one might hurt. As if strategically being lined up opposite the spot he consistently manned in becoming a First Team All-Pro defensive lineman wasn't enough of a kick in the dick to the person with which he was being intentionally under-matched. As if getting put through the ringer - over-and-over again - by the guy that bullied his way to a sack before taking his talents to the other side of the line and all-but-sealing the victory with a double-team splitting swim move that would make Michael Phelps take a gulp mid-lap wasn't enough of an emasculation...
Just when you thought Matt Kalil couldn't feel any worse about his evening, he gets nicknamed after an inanimate lump of asphalt. 'Speedbump McGee', as he will be referred to going forward, got reduced to a road-wide obstacle by someone who plays the game like the athletic equivalent of a supped-up pickup whose suspension allows him to heed not the most immobile of obstructions. If I were capable of seeing the world through the eyes of someone that shares a side of the football with Cam Newton I might commiserate with the professional athlete that was granted less respect - both on and off the field - than a turnstile. Since I don't, the best I can do to muffle my laughter at Cam Jordan's "sauce" call back until the slow-witted target of the joke understands that his season ended with a punchline...
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