UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT
  • Blog
  • About
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT
Two Minutes, Well Worth It

Has Anyone Considered That Maybe Red Panda Should Take Some Responsibility For The Theft Of Her Unicycle?

1/31/2018

1 Comment

 
Picture
KTVU- Someone took off with a 7-foot unicycle from the woman behind the legendary “Red Panda Acrobat” at San Francisco International Airport, and now her agent is offering a $2,000 reward, no questions asked.

And since its disappearance on Jan, 24, Rong Niu, the solo San Francisco unicyclist who juggles and balances plates on her head at NBA basketball games and universities across the country, has not been the same.

“She’s heartbroken,” her agent, Pat Figley of San Francisco-based Farallon Entertainment, told KTVU on Wednesday. ”It’s like her baby was kidnapped. She’s had that unicycle for 30 years.” 

As Figley tells the story, Niu had landed at SFO from Denver and was waiting for her bag – filled with her 7-foot unicycle  –  to come off the conveyor belt. She saw it from a distance. But as she was about 10 to 15 feet away, someone “must have grabbed it,” Figley said. He said it's possible someone even took it by mistake, and if so, he's hoping they return it, no questions asked.

​-----

Hm, feels like Red Panda's baby was kidnapped, eh? I can see how she might consider the insanely unorthodox mode of transportation by which she has become the most preeminent provider of halftime heroics to be like a child to her, but you know where a baby has never been stolen from? Baggage claim. I agree that her unicycle should be her most prized possession, but you know what you shouldn't do with your most prized possession? Trust its well-being with an organizational entity that hasn't found a trustworthy way to tell the difference between Listerine and biological warfare.

Perhaps I'm drastically overestimating the earnings of a person that goes from city-to-city shocking and awing audiences by kicking cereal bowls onto her head, but if I were her coach my first tip would be to never fly coach. My sympathies go out to her for losing that which she held so dear for the last 30 years, but it's a goddamn miracle it took this long for disaster to strike. Both her one-wheeled bike and those bowls should have been priority baggage, and knowing their whereabouts at all times should've been a concern so primary that it never be left to hands that were secondary. 

And I don't condone holding people ransom, but a paltry $2,000 dollar offer for the returning of an oddly famous woman's livelihood? If I were currently in possession of that unicycle I would be  sending grainy videos of myself in a ski mask holding that damn thing outside a nondescript scrap metal yard out of principle alone. How dare she disrespect the intelligence of an airport thief! It probably costs $2,000 without factoring in the interest of three decades of sentimental value. Better up the damn ante Red Panda, because - while I would hate for it to happen - Markelle Fultz is proof positive that you can  lose it overnight if you're not careful. 

1 Comment
custom papers writing link
8/22/2019 02:46:05 am

Red Panda is a world-renowned halftime entertainer who has become a fan favorite in the basketball community over the past few years. Her act is relatively simple, but incredible. She performs incredibly difficult acrobatic tricks from her unicycle on a routine basis, balances with one foot, and uses the other to flip bowls onto her head, which somehow she manages to stack perfectly. She is an extremely talented human being. In 2018, Red Panda had a knee injury, broken arm, has her unicycle stolen, and fell off her unicycle. Great to see that she recovered and finished the performance on a strong note, despite the tragedy.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Categories

    All
    Dumbest-of-the-stupid
    Footy Fisticuffs Etc
    Hardball
    Hoops
    Jersey's Team
    Pigskin
    Pop Cultured
    Puck
    Scarlet-knights
    Who Dat Nation

    Archives

    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Blog
  • About
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy