I Finally Feel Vindicated Hearing That 'Subway' Jared's House Got Raided For Child Pornography

13 WTHR Indianapolis

WTHR- Federal and state agents raided the Zionsville home of Subway spokesperson Jared Fogle around 6:30 a.m. Tuesday as part of a child porn investigation.

Subway released the following statement after noon:

"We are shocked about the news and believe it is related to a prior investigation of a former Jared Foundation employee.  We are very concerned and will be monitoring the situation closely.  We don’t have any more details at this point."



Vindication! I knew there was something off about this guy. You don't just eat 'Subway' every single day of your life and always have a smile on your face. Shit, If I ate 'Subway' two days in a row I would probably be one unfortunate mood swing away from intentional carbon monoxide poisoning. That's why I have always believed that Jared is a pathological liar. He can peddle all the fabrications that he wants, but you simply don't lose weight from eating a bunch of stale bread layered with 3 slices of low quality 'meat'. Actually, I take that back. You might lose weight, but you still end up looking like 'Man Tits Magee' over here. Did Jared or his wife rear his children? Ha! Trick question. It just looks like Jared was alone in doing the literal and metaphorical rearing. Hell, those fun bags look so packed to the gills with milk that Jared could crossover and start doing 'American Dairy' commercials. 

I am not saying I knew this guy was a pedophile, but I'll be damned if I am surprised by it. The guy that ate the same thing everyday for like 20 years just to go from a really fat guy to a regular fat guy while avoiding a treadmill also has a fetish for vulnerable children? Shocking really. This tub of goo has been preaching for years to work hard to accomplish your goals (ironically by promoting a company that now has a fucking 'Frito' sandwich), and now he is being investigated for sexual misconduct against the easiest of prey. The writing was on the wall, I just had a hard time reading it.
Whether it be sexual gratification or a smaller pant size this fucker has never worked hard for anything in his life.

P.S. If there is one thing to take away from this it's that if you have a foundation dedicated to the well being of children then we should always assume that you are trying to fuck them until proven otherwise. We'll call it the 'Sandusky Rule'. Might not always be true, but it's better to be safe than sorry.