Inexcusable Behavior From This Jaguars Fan That Got "Caught" On Camera Adjusting Himself In The Pool
Here's the thing, I am never going to be the type of person that tells a grown man where and when he can and can't adjust his genitals in the undying search for testicular comfort. About 99.9% of the time seeking underseas refuge while breaking from obvious social norms is the safe play. That's why I would usually feel inclined to give this guy a pass for innocently grabbing at his junk in front of a crowd like the all-too-evasive masturbating sea creature at your local aquarium.
Unfortunately, I just can't do that in this situation. It's not because I am a hypocritical asshole who thinks there is anything more important than proper ball placement. It's because this guy clearly knew he was on camera when he decided to slip that leather-skinned hand of his down his appropriately floral board shorts. I admit that literally getting caught dick-in-hand is an occupational hazard of taking care of manly business. That's why every case should be considered circumstantial. This case - which featured a man fixing his glasses, staring directly at himself on the Jumbotron before voluntarily deciding to cop a quick feel, and acting like it wasn't premeditated before the camera inevitably switched off to some uncoordinated kid dancing in the aisle - does not get the benefit of the doubt. You want to make sure your .5 seconds of fondling get blasted all over the internet then be my guest, but at least have the self-respect to make it look candid. I know it's Florida, but even the most perverted of Jaguars fans prefer their glimpses at overexposed, overweight old men to be truly voyeuristic.