Let me make one thing clear, until the 76ers publicly address the elephant in the room with something other than a loose translation of "huh, how did that mastadon sneak in here?", I am treating every mildly substantiated theory regarding the ruthless roasting of their own roster as if it is undeniably factual. Partially because it's more fun that way, but mostly because the organization isn't offering me any other alternatives with their silence. Therefore, given the above Clue, I have no choice but to conclude that the wife in the washroom with the WiFi is the solution to the mystery of who anonymously murdered Bryan Colangelo's job security. That is my truth for the time being, and I'll be damned if it doesn't make false the notion that even the deepest and darkest insecurities should be shared between life partners. If absolutely nothing else, this is an irrefutable reason why men in even the most loving of heterosexual relationships suppress their sensitivities. It's not just that we, as a gender, are too hyper-masculine to show vulnerability, although that's definitely part of it. It's also because with every good woman comes her inherent fixation with fixing things (which is evidenced by the formation of every doomed relationship), and the damage that can be done by most hard feelings is sometimes beyond repair. Honestly, I don't have all that much of a problem with most of the viewpoints that were originally expressed anonymously through those burner accounts. If I were Bryan Colangelo, I too would be upset that Jahlil Okafor went from a lottery pick to the type of dead weight that couldn't bait the most famished of fish on the trade market. I'd be absolutely pissed that Joel Embiid was dancing on stage at a concert on the brittle legs that, to that point, couldn't bounce up to grab three consecutive boards without incessantly aching. Frustration wouldn't even begin to describe what I'd feel if the first overall pick I unnecessarily traded up for flat-out forgot how to play basketball over the summer. Imagine the amount of resentment that was built up inside the common ass carpenter that had to take over for Jesus Christ. That had to be comparable to what was bubbling inside Bryan Colangelo as his fanbase was fawning over a fired General Manager turned martyr. I see all of those as completely understandable grievances to grip to, as long as they stay buried in a place in which they never see the light of day. By swapping marital roles to use his wife as a sounding board for his self-doubt in the workplace, the Sixers' President compromised the safety of his secrets. Behind every successful man is a strong woman, and strong women will stop at nothing to protect the nest. Apparently, not even secretly-run social media accounts that reflect their loved one's inner-most insecurities in a futile and counterproductive effort to alter a nationally accepted narrative. The good news is that Bryan Colangelo is in a loving relationship with a wonderful woman that will literally do anything to defend his honor, but the bad news is that he's inevitably out of a job because he either knowingly or unknowingly gave her enough defensive responsibilities to overwhelm an entire army of Jahlil Okafor clones. He trusted his wife with insider info, and she trusted her ability to use it to make everything better. That's at least one reason why the most common male response to "how was your day?" is a flat and uninformative "fine".
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