Great. Grand. Wonderful. You won't believe this, but I actually woke up this morning thinking to myself that the one thing the sports' world needed was for another prominent member of the Patriots to find himself wrapped up in a wildly overblown scandal that could be used to further intensify the entire organization's persecution complex. That was intended to be sarcastic, but - after giving it a second of thought - listening to a franchise that had been to three straight Super Bowls rant and rave about a lack of respect from intentionally contrarian gasbags en route to their fourth straight Super Bowl was a wee bit pathetic. For that reason, rallying around their beloved owner being labeled as some sort of sexual deviant for efficiently getting both heads cleared at once would be a change more welcomed than the clientele at a massage parlor that has more stars on Yelp! than fresh towels. Especially if asinine takes, like that of Bart Scott, are really going to continue to be a thing...
Just think about it. The Patriots, with the help of the idiotic NFL, turned a suspension over two pumps of air from a football into two-three years worth of fuel on their war path. They might...ahem...milk a slanderous "solicitation" allegation over two puffs of smoke from an old man's penis until Tom Brady's kid is old enough to start making out with people other than his father. Honestly though, if the alternative storyline is a dynastic organization bellyaching about no one believing in them then I'll gladly debate the morality and the legality of the rub-and-tug, as well as its extremely loose affiliation with prostitution, so exhaustively that it'll make DeflateGate seem as speedy and harmless as a professional hand job. Literally anything that puts to eternal rest New England's ridiculous claims of widespread doubt, that's my happy ending.
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