Ken Griffey Jr. Nearly Convinced A-Rod To Sell His Sperm As A Rookie

SportsIllustrated- The year before, he’d pulled a subtler prank on another teammate: Alex Rodriguez, then an 18-year-old rookie shortstop who, like Griffey, had been the top pick in the draft. Griffey enlisted Seattle’s trainer, Rick Griffin, to convince Rodriguez that the club’s stars—including Buhner and Randy Johnson—were involved in a scheme to sell their sperm to the highest bidder, as if they were thoroughbred stallions, and that Rodriguez might himself attract an appreciable stud fee. He brought in a fake doctor. “Dude, you got great genes,” Griffey told the rookie. The callow Rodriguez was skeptical at first. Then he started to come around. “How much money do you think we could make?” he asked. Griffey, mercifully, pulled the plug before donations were to be harvested. “Everybody has rookie hazing,” he says. “That was his.”



Rookie hazing? A prank? Umm, who's laughing? This sounds like the business opportunity to end all business opportunities. Someone get a financial planner on the line and let's get these wheels in motion. I'd easily pay a handsome sum for some A-Rod cum. Hell, I'd get on all fours and milk Ken Griffey Jr. like a fucking Clydesdale as long as he let me leave with that invaluable money shot. There's not a price tag too high for some professional athlete genes. You think I want to bring a child into this world with the potential that it could turn out to be the last kid picked in kickball? No fucking thanks. Pretty sure the microscopic possibility that they could produce a vastly superior athlete is the only pipe dream that makes men even remotely open to the idea of reproducing. I'd put that baby batter in it's very own freezer and sneak Junior's bun right in the oven as soon as I found a suitable life partner. Probably spend the next 9 months trying to figure out how to explain the inevitable mixed race decathlete that popped out. I really want to make fun of Alex Rodriguez for being gullible and needing Griffey to stop him before pumping a dixie cup full of his (then) natural ability. Unfortunately, the thought of watching my very own beautiful bi-racial baby with a picturesque swing crank balls through every last one of my neighbor's windows is a dream that seems far too attainable to let die.