I'm not dumb enough to think that lugging around a gas mask like a conspiracy theorist that's convinced we could be seconds away from biological warfare at any and all times is anything more than an act of symbolism, but I'll be damned if I don't love the thought process behind it nonetheless. In fact, if we are being completely honest, I think they should double and triple down on the overly literal use of inanimate metaphors. Why not pack their lockers with month old swiss cheese just to remind themselves of how easy they've been to pass through and how egregiously they've stunk? Does it not fit the budget to make them trudge through a ball pit filled with nothing other than yellow penalty flags to get to the practice field so they can't possibly forget the litany of sins they've committed defensively over the last few seasons? Would it be over-the-top to hire a Brandon Browner doppleganger (or just Brandon Browner himself, I'm sure he's free) to stomp around the locker room yelling his list of career accomplishments at everyone? I want the lowest of lights from the last three years playing on a loop in the locker room over the backdrop of Rob Ryan screaming non-sensical obscenities. Anything to make this suddenly rejuvenated unit hungry and desperate to avoid the shame of historically piss poor defense's past. Those old habits need to officially be declared dead, even if that means throwing them a figurative funeral. So let's hope they are wearing those facial respirators as diapers because if they are serious risk of letting smoke get blown up their ass after their first three game stint of relative success since 2013 then I'm probably going to need to borrow Laremy Tunsil's gas mask come Sunday.
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