Paul Pierce Confirmed That He Literally Pooped His Pants During the 2008 NBA Finals While Figuratively Pooping on His Legacy During the 2019 NBA Finals
Why? I know that's not the question I should feel inclined to ask, as I am damn near maniacally appreciative of the NBA's smelliest conspiracy theory being confirmed as the truth by 'The Truth', but why not at least leave the illusion that it was false? That championship, and some of the clutch performances that he contributed to it, were like the last remaining reasons to take Paul Pierce somewhat seriously. So riddle me this, how do you take seriously a man that admitted his most legendary moment as an otherwise proud professional/future HOFer was made possible by what was quite literally a crippling inability to clench his asshole in time to find the nearest toilet?
There were no shortage of shitty suspicions, but there's a very big difference between the allegation of soiled shorts on one of the biggest stages in sports and the confession of soiled shorts on one of the biggest stages in sports. The latter being the type of thing that'll never let you look at someone who was left in this helplessly handicapped state by a shart without hysterically laughing at him ever again...
The following backtrack reads like the desperate damage control of someone who, after uncharacteristically careful consideration, realized that he just discourteously flushed all doubt as it pertains to his legacy being stained by a skid mark. Not even the perpetual punchline of NBA "analysis" would joke about farts gone fecal during the NBA Finals, so - like toothpaste out of a tube - that turtle's head is forever out of its shell as any impending Paul Pierce autobiography just became bathroom reading.