Pirates' Pitcher Jameson Taillon Joked That His Teammates Could Pee On His Hand If It Would Help Heal It Faster, Before Quickly Retracting The Offer
TribLive- Pirates pitcher Jameson Taillon is so determined to make his next start he'll try anything to heal the cut on the middle finger of his pitching hand.
And when he says anything, he means it.
Chief among the many suggestions he's received from well-meaning friends and fans is this one that he hasn't tried, but is considering: peeing on his finger.
“I said if it helps, I'll put a sign-up sheet and everyone can come and pee,” he said Sunday, two days after the injury forced him to leave the game three innings into it.
“I don't care. I just want it to go away."
As much as I think he's a bit of a prude for going back on his word, I can't help but agree with Jameson Taillon's decision to clarify that he's not actually soliciting a golden hand-washing from any and all sources, even if it would just be for medicinal purposes. Once again the power of social media prevails, seeing as the only thing worse than being taken out of context or having your tone misjudged is having that annoyance intensified by urgently anxious and overly hydrated men showing up at your locker looking for a welcoming hand to relieve themselves on. As any female co-habitant will gladly tell you, while joking about an additional public bathroom line is not a laughing matter, pissing anywhere but directly in the toilet should remain a personal problem.
Now, if Jameson Taillon cared about the members in a clubhouse of whom he just denied the opportunity to tinkle on their teammate then he would absolutely, positively take a leak on his own laceration. After all, there is plenty of reason to believe that a messy encounter with the contents of his own bladder isn't unchartered territory for someone named after an affordable Irish whiskey. Therefore, he better be walking around with so much Aquafina coursing through his urinary tract that he could heal a stab wound with one prolonged touch from his liquid lunch. If walking around smelling like the restroom on the concourse hours after a hot and humid day game has concluded is what it takes to get back on the mound then his impending entrance into the room should be tipped off by the faint aroma of digested asparagus until he's back in the rotation.