Let's make one thing crystal clear, by continuing this dumbass, nonsensical tweet's circulation on the internet, I am giving the author of it exactly what she wants....attention. Somehow, spreading her cheeks for every Tom, Dick, and well-hung Harry wasn't enough in terms of explicitly promoting herself, so she decided to go with the tried and true method of immediately using a disturbing, season-ending injury as the impetus for a joke that's somehow more bad than it is insensitive. The joke clearly fell on enthused ears because the comparison it made showed such a weak command of American History that the ghost of George Washington considered putting a musket in his mouth, but I'm pretty sure that was the whole point anyway. I suppose I could ask why two teams who have traded their way into an inevitable rivalry would need/want a reason to "unite" during the opening stages of the first game of long overdue season. I guess it bears mentioning that "sacrificial lambs" are generally used to put an end to conflict. However, looking at this through a logical lens would already be giving it too much credit as an actual thought. The only thing guaranteed to go more viral than a "too soon" is a "too soon" that is too stupid, so congrats to Mia Khalifa on marketing her new show with Gilbert Arenas in a way that would literally only make him proud, by speaking directly out of her overused asshole to stay relevant. I'd tell her to close her legs and open up a book but instead of wasting the eloquence, I'll just leave the only response that this deserves to Al Horford's sister...
Oh, and most importantly, here's to hoping that Gordon Hayward eventually comes back better than ever. On a night that was supposed to be used to celebrate the return of the NBA, the NBA took a disastrous hit and that has to considered depressing to an basketball fan that didn't achieve notoriety with a cock in their chest cavity.
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