Roger Goodell Is Reportedly On The Verge Of Getting A 5 Year Extension, And No One Should Be Surprised

Reporting today in @sbjsbd NFL close to extending @nflcommish contract for another 5 years thru '24. Goodell's current contract ends in '19

— daniel kaplan (@dkaplanSBJ) August 21, 2017

New @nflcommish contract similar 2 old 1 in few mil base salary w/ bonus tbd by comp owners. Total package exceeded 35 mil annually in past

— daniel kaplan (@dkaplanSBJ) August 21, 2017

I never thought I would argue that a noted buffoon whose most redeeming quality - from an occupational standpoint - is his ability to completely ignore the obvious truth would be deserving of an extension that will pay him more than 35 million dollars per year. Unfortunately, that's the going rate for an NFL Commissioner, and I can't think of anyone whose experience makes them more aptly suited for the role of tone-deafly protecting the monetary interests of the wealthy white males that own NFL franchises than Roger Goodell. 

Seriously, just take one look at his stupid, genuinely disingenuous face while he talks about the head injuries that are routinely taking decades off the life spans of his "manual laborers" as if they are as hypothetical as Jerry Jones' ability to get it up without PEDs. Can you really tell me those hauntingly tiny lips aren't the perfect size to bite the bullet on behalf of billionaires? Listen to Roger Goodell discuss marijuana like it's the downfall of a society that's in the process of legalizing it while completely ignoring the danger of the pharmaceuticals that make the increasingly crappy product he sells possible. I bet you can't come away from it telling me that there is a better spokesperson for patently false "facts".

People need to stop looking to Roger Goodell to "protect the shield", because - despite repeating that very same goal a nauseating amount of times - that's not actually his responsibility. The idiot in question literally is the shield, and that's a perfect thoughtless job for a man whose bargain basement moral compass just recently started pointing to domestic abuse instead of end zone dances. Being the punching bag for an inherently corrupt business model that acts outside the constraints of the criminal justice system is a difficult job.  If there's anything that we should have taken away from the rise of Johnny Knoxville it's that ya gotta be tough if you're gonna be dumb, and the 'Jackass' that created a year and half long spectacle over one pump of air in a football couldn't possibly do a better job of meeting those qualifications.