Spurs' Davis Bertans Tried To Throw An Alley-Oop Last Night, With 'Tried' Being Far And Away The Most Operative Word

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— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) January 28, 2019

Look, it's entirely possible I'm being imprisoned by the moment. However, my memory took a longer jog than that of a suburban housewife on this fine Monday morning and I didn't come across anything quite as caucasian as what Davis Bertans, aka 'White Vanilla', did in finishing his overly optimistic alley with the most unfortunate of "oops".

I know he's technically Latvian, but I can't help but think that prayer being answered in a way that could convert any professional athlete to Atheism is a bad, bad look for every melanin-deficient NBA player. Like, someone toss Luka Doncic the rock because we need to re-do all the progress that Davis Bertans un-did in coming up even shorter than he does in the showers by going long to himself like a lonely, uncoordinated grade-schooler. As if missing the backboard so aimlessly that he literally had to duck for cover didn't draw enough attention to the transparency of his skin, that self-disciplinary double-slap on his own hips really drove home the caucasity of someone who probably should've taken a few more lessons from the 'The Professor' before trying to drop an ad-lib on an 'And 1 Mixtape'. 

I don't know that you can call it a double standard, as this has to be the single instance in which an NBA player of any race, color, or creed has managed to peg himself in the back of his own head with the ball, but you have to tread lightly as the whitest dude on a basketball court. Needless to say, Davis Bertans should probably stick to nailing 3's at a league-leading rate, because clumsily stumbling his way to the wrong side of the risk/reward that is the blooper/highlight reel as a near seven-footer whose skin tone could make those sensitive to light squint isn't all that inconspicuous. I'm all for the hilarity of it, but it's best to stay in your lane if you don't want to avoid being victimized by internet traffic and the rubbernecking that comes along with it. Especially since Gregg Popovich has very few gray hairs left to spare.

Gregg Popovich called a timeout after 16 seconds □ pic.twitter.com/8KuYcy7vCT

— Def Pen Hoops (@DefPenHoops) January 28, 2019