The Astros Held A Funeral For Carlos Beltran's Glove Since He Hardly Uses It Anymore

Carlos Beltran hasn't played the outfield since May 16. The Astros are holding a funeral for his outfield glove. pic.twitter.com/H0ncP06YAp

— Jake Kaplan (@jakemkaplan) July 17, 2017

All in good fun!@astros hold funeral service for @carlosbeltran15's glove, which has not seen the outfield in two months. pic.twitter.com/Ce2USEieIl

— Cut4 (@Cut4) July 17, 2017

Brian McCann dressed as a priest to deliver the euology.

— Hunter Atkins (@HunterAtkins35) July 17, 2017

Ah winning, the ultimate elixir. Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with a bad baseball team having some fun by taking time out of their monotonous schedule to lay to rest the quickly antiquing equipment of their quickly antiquing outfielder. However, there are definitely some fans and media members out there that take umbrage with athletes that have a good time off the field despite their failures on it. 

Shockingly, those people tend to shut the hell up when the team has a .667 winning percentage and is 15.5 game lead on the next best team in their division. If there is a time where a fictitious funeral is objectively funny to even the most skeptical pessimist with the sharpest of sticks up their rectum then it's when the congregation is 62-31 and proven they can do absolutely no wrong on the field. Never mind burying a glove, they could bury a body and the Houston faithful might still be inclined to turn a blind eye to the Astros' extracurricular activities. They could all show up to the ball park half in the bag and reeking of the cheap perfume found only on the undergarments of scantily clad women of the night and they would still be lauded for their ability to find entertaining ways to come together as a team. You win games and every thing you do during your down time is considered bonding, but if you lose games then literally everything you do during your down time is considered a reason as to why you are losing. Essentially, the media will let you mourn a mitt without criticism....you just have to have far and away the best record in the American League first. Good thing that's exactly what the Astros have or Carlos Beltran's days in the field would have died the loneliest of deaths.