I can't. In fact, I simply won't. In the growing wake of recently viral racism, I promised myself to always side with the minority in situations with which the cops were called on them by a white(r?) person for a patently absurd reason, but I'm already breaking that promise. Granted, it's easier to do so with this overblown and unnecessary altercation looking as though it was result of a difference in skin thickness as opposed to skin color, but that's not really the point. The point is that, while I don't condone alerting the authorities of personal fouls committed against one's ego, I'd rather spread my cheeks and sit on an actual fence than get fully behind someone who shows up to a gym in a headband wearing two (2) more camo shooting sleeves than any self-respecting person should ever own. The way I see this is as follows. Every action has an equal, but opposite reaction. When that action is as insanely over-the-top as a dude ripping the tags off his militaristic attire and showing up to the court straight from Dick's Sporting Goods to set crack-back picks in a game in which the score doesn't go higher than 11, the reaction is bound to be just as inexcusable and preposterous. Based solely off his fit, I have very little doubt that the accused party was treating an LA Fitness on a random Monday night like it was the goddamn Staples Center during a Game 7 of the bully ball era. That, of course, shouldn't have been anywhere near enough to encourage the accusing party to use the number 9-1-1 when calling a foul. However, in the battle for biggest asshole in the gym, my guess would be that the guy dressed like he was ready to play the four in a foxhole made a competition that included a person who invoked the services of local law enforcement to officiate a pick-up game as close as it could possibly be. I'd rather have the wanna-be Kevin Garnett on my team than the bitch who cried crime, but - as for who shattered more social norms - the score might ironically be close enough to justify the use of an illegal screen.
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