The Harvard Men's Soccer Team Had An Online "Sexual Scouting Report" Of The Harvard Women's Soccer Team

NYPost- Harvard University has condemned a sexually explicit document that members of the 2012 men’s soccer team called their “scouting report” of the women’s soccer team.

In the nine-page document, which was uncovered this week by The Harvard Crimson student newspaper, a member of the men’s team rated the physical attractiveness of new recruits on the women’s team, and also included their photos and lewd comments about many of them. It was circulated online among teammates.

The author, who was not identified, assigned each female recruit a nickname and a sexual position, writing that one “looks like the kind of girl who both likes to dominate, and likes to be dominated.” The college paper reported that other terms used were “missionary,” “Doggy style,” “The Triple Lindy,” and “cowgirl.” They circulated the missive on a website that could be accessed by the public until recently.

In the document, the author refers to another “scouting report” from the year before, and The Crimson reported that it appears to have been an annual tradition among the men’s team. The 2012 version says the previous year’s “consensus” that one player “was both the hottest and the most STD ridden was confirmed.”



And somewhere in a First Class jetliner with his hand resting aggressively on an unsuspecting woman's thigh, Donald Trump's tangerine tinted ears just perked up. Yup, that's right. It's that all-too-infamous "locker room talk" we've been discussing, and it turns out you don't have to brag about clutching women by their vaginas to engage in it. 

If you're asking if I have a problem with male athletes assigning female athletes their own sexual positions behind closed doors then the answer is no. Those with primarily internal genitalia will likely consider it sexist that college soccer players have a sexual scouting report and that's with good reason, because it absolutely is. It's misogynistic and  it's the objectification of women, but most importantly - it's reality. Men - while in the presence of other men - generally thump their chest and glorify their sexual exploits. I don't know what to tell you. I'd love to say some of us are better than that, but that's just the way the world works. We're all just horny pieces of shit with overactive imaginations and the undying need to know what certain women are like in the bedroom. That doesn't mean Trump-ing them behind locked door and finding out for ourselves, but it does mean that Susie the striker might have some "dick sucking lips" and Michelle the midfielder might be considered a great lay off "that look in her eye" alone. If you asked Seth from 'Superbad' then the ability to look like you can take dick should be considered a compliment, though I'm sure the lovely ladies on Harvard women's soccer team didn't take it that way.

​Now all that being said, I don't endorse the behavior of The Harvard men's soccer team in the slightest. Locker room talk is locker room talk for a reason. Don't these brainiacs have enough on their plate as creme-de-la-creme student athletes without putting the time and effort into drawing up a full fledged thesis on the potential fetishes of the members of the women's team? Is this like one of those situations where these kids are too intelligent to have common sense? I would assume that a roster that's at least 50% future defense attorneys would realize that everything is hearsay until there's physical evidence backing it up. If my understanding of the First Amendment is correct then you can say all the fucked up shit you want. It's when you literally author a 9 page book filled with nothing but baseless gossip and publish it on the goddamn internet that you're going to undoubtedly create problems for yourself. I know this sounds disingenuous considering it's coming from someone cracking mildly offensive jokes on internet everyday, but - Jesus Christ - just be smarter you 'Ivy League' sons-of-bitches.