Let's take it back to last year real quick. When a drive-thru doze off resulted in a pitcher's DUI and a pitcher's DUI resulted in this odd press conference in which the Kansas City's GM, Dayton Moore, chose to irrelevantly denounce pornography and allllll the domestic abuse that it's baselessly responsible for... In the moment, you may have thought it to be a deflection mechanism that was just preposterous enough to shift the focus from Royals' starting pitcher Danny Duffy, who got a hankering for a Happy Meal after taking down a 12 pack of Heineken. Well, if that's all it was, as opposed to a true and genuine stance against taking temporary pleasure in watching strangers have sex, then I'll be damned if they haven't stuck to that strategy more tightly than the pages of a repurposed Victoria's Secret catalogue...
You see, the picture above is not of an organization being taught the dangers of drugs and alcohol after one of their own ignored the existence of Uber and put the lives of innocent people in jeopardy by driving when he was too drunk to keep his eyes open. Nope. This might be tough to tell given the sternness of the looks across their faces, but it's actually a group of grown ass men in their early 20's to late 30's being told that the substance that's most likely to put a strain on their relationships is the semen they've been self-inducing since middle school. Professional athletes, who may have wives and girlfriends whose access pales in comparison to that of temptation, being scolded for using a readily available muse for their masturbation. Never mind that those same guys could walk into a bar and seduce a sultry stranger using that very same internet to Google themselves. Traveling all throughout the country as well-off and in-shape borderline celebrities to play 162 games a season (plus playoffs) isn't the real killer of love and monogamy, living vicariously through the well-endowed and uninhibited while clearing both their pipes and their head is! Oh well, at least one open-minded team has their priorities straight and is fighting the good fight against "the new drug" that is carnal instincts and sexual desires. It's not like the old drugs are still altering minds to the point in which one might find the risk of basic human safety to the reward of freshly fried chicken nuggets to be a worthy one.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Categories
All
Archives
January 2020
|