The Miami Heat Played 5 Lefties At Once Last Night And Somehow It Was The First Time In NBA History

IT HAPPENED. Heat had five left-handed shooters on the court at the end of the first quarter: McRoberts, Bosh, Johnson, Winslow, Dragic.

— Tim Reynolds (@ByTimReynolds) November 6, 2015

Confirmed: Heat having five left-handed shooters on the floor at one time is an NBA record that will never be broken.

— Tim Reynolds (@ByTimReynolds) November 6, 2015

Wait, wait, wait...WHAT!?! The FIRST time in NBA history that five lefties have played at once occurred in 2015? How is that even possible? I know that right handed players dominate basketball. Hell, they dominate all sports. They dominate all walks of life as a matter of fact. Still, the fact that this has NEVER happened until now is blowing my mind. Do you realize that there is a movie, that came out damn near 10 years ago, based on a basketball team from damn near 50 years ago that had the first all-black starting lineup in college basketball history? Meanwhile half a century later we just put 5 lefties on a basketball court at once for the first time ever? I don't want to say that lefties are more discriminated against than African Americans, but maybe the prejudice just isn't at obvious. Is anyone keeping the stats on how many lefties are being admitted to certain colleges? Maybe cops have been paying attention to which one hand we've had on the steering wheel for years. Who is to say that people haven't been rejected from jobs for smudging the ink on the application with their hand as they filled it out? We spend all this time talking about institutional racism, but what about institutional handism?

We need to make people aware. Move over Democrats, we are giving a new meaning to the "leftist movement". Fire up the signs! #LeftyLivesMatter. Someone get Reverend Al Southpaw on the line. We have got a goddamn movie to make. 'Inglorious Road' featuring Chris Bosh as the lead. We need to bring awareness to all the marginalization that lefty people have endured without anyone, including themselves, even noticing. A fucking 7'3 Latvian guy just got drafted third overall above Justice Winslow, a black athlete who proved himself at the college level. What's the only explanation for that? Oh yeah, the black player happens to be LEFTY! There is just too much evidence of the existence of this type of bigotry. Thank God the NBA is finally doing something about it. You think James Harden earns those foul calls against him? Hell no, those ticky tack whistles are reparations for years upon years of holding the lefty man down. James Harden is Jackie Robinson. The 2015 Miami Heat are the 1966 Texas Western basketball team. History repeating itself. Put your left fists up. Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty their free at last!