Oh no. Oh no, no, no. Unless this was just an elaborate scheme in which to save money on hockey sticks by getting their children to take up sports that can be played alone behind the sanctity of bedroom doors that will now remain dark and forever locked, this was a terrible idea. Like, might as well throw those pictures together in a magazine and title it Mommy Issues, because there is no unsubscribing from that lifetime subscription. To be clear, I'm all for women with children continuing to embrace their femininity, but...goddamn...invest in a spa day or something. Hit up a nude beach and plant your freak flag right next to your umbrella. I know Europe is a hell of a lot less repressed sexually, but I have my doubts about it being so progressive that barely pubescent hockey players are mature enough to accept, understand, and embrace their mothers' desire to express themselves by way of showing the bodies in which they were produced. I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of this photoshoot was, but if it was to fundraise then I think I speak for the entire team in saying they'd much rather stand outside a grocery store with a tin can and puppy dog eyes. Hell, they'd probably rather raffle off their own organs on the black market if the alternative was to give their friends and foes a visual aide to refer to in half-joking about fucking their mom. At that age, seeing the chick from Varsity Blues in a whipped cream bikini was life changing for all the right reasons, so I'd imagine seeing your mom in a glove and blocker bikini on a public platform is equally as impactful for all the wrong reasons. I feel bad for these kids now, but not nearly as bad as I'll feel for them when they are undergoing bi-weekly therapy sessions as adults that can no longer watch a hockey game without having a manic episode.
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