The Red Wings Are Threatening A Lifetime Ban On The Fan That Christened The Ice At Their New Building With An Octopus
LBS- Nick Horvarth told CBC News that he was ejected from last week’s home opener at Little Caesars Arena and told he is not welcome back after he threw an octopus onto the ice.
“The crowd was going nuts,” Horvath said. “As they were escorting me out people were booing them, ‘Let him go!’ People were high-fiving me, giving me spanks on the butt, slaps on the butt … everyone loved it.””
Unfortunately, arena security was not as receptive to the act, which became a tradition for Red Wings fans 65 years ago. Horvarth said he was told he can never return to a Red Wings home game.
“The two supervisors of security told me I’m done,” he said. “I think it’s very stiff. If they want to fine me I understand, if they wanted to ban me for a year … I can deal with that, but to get banned forever? That can’t happen.”
Why yes, because what better time to exile a loyal fan for eternity than after having moved a team that is predicted to be an abject disaster for the first time in two decades to a new building that is undoubtedly yet to feel like "home"? If there were ever an opening to put the clamps on a tradition that spans over half a century then it would be immediately upon the closing of one of the most decorated venues in the sport. Sure, someone was inevitably going to throw an octopus on the ice at Little Ceasar's Arena. Not only did the building need christening, but the people in it needed at least temporary distraction from the fact that went from having season tickets at The Joe to indirectly investing in the namesake of a Roman midget's atrocity of a "pizza" chain. Still, how can you strongly set the precedent that deceased marine life is no longer welcome without FOR-EV-ER shunning the type of life long supporter who is dedicated enough to smuggle animal carcasses past security?
In all seriousness, I understand why the Detroit Red Wings came to the conclusion that the custom of launching celebratory sea creatures on to the playing surface has run its course, but let's relax with the whole "lifetime ban" nonsense. For one, its an egregious way to treat a fan when your floundering (pun intended) franchise should be doing everything possible to keep each and every one of them in the building. More importantly, it's an impossible thing to institute. How many times have you walked around the concourse at a professional sporting event and seen a "If Spotted: Call 1-800-RentACop" poster featuring a drunken mugshot? You think the apathetic ushers or ticket takers are memorizing the face of every asshole that's been dragged out of the building smelling like an abandoned raw bar? That "lifetime ban" is somehow less effective than just about every policy Donald Trump has put in place to try America into an Aryan nation, so let's not pretend there's a proverbial wall blocking Nick Horvath from entering the 'Pizza! Pizza!' palace.
Can we just call this what it actually is? This dude has been issued a lifetime of probation that he's only realistically capable of violating if he decides that it's worth packing 8-armed squids in the name of tradition at the risk of spending the night in a Detroit holding cell. Personally I think that's a fair punishment, but let's not play with the semantics to make it sound like a worse sentence.