The San Francisco Giants Have A Golden Urinal That Gets Awarded To The Team's Most Hydrated Player

This award goes to #SFGiants best hydrated player (M-V-Pee trophy?) as part of emerging Sports Science program https://t.co/KgwRux87b8 pic.twitter.com/mIQqpniP29

— Daniel Brown (@mercbrownie) March 29, 2017

Mercury- “An area we’re really focused on is hydration. And one of the ways we check players’ hydration daily is through what’s called USG — a urine specific gravity machine,” [sports science specialist Geoff] Head explains.

The Giants value these readings so much that they’ve turned urination into a competition. To be eligible to win the coveted Hydration Domination contest, players must post their best scores before batting practice. The best hydrated player after each series wins an award shaped like a golden urinal. Think of it as the M-V-Pee trophy.

------

It's not fair. It's just not fair. While I think it's hilarious that the entirety of an MLB team is being motivated to down water by the gallon in hopes of being awarded a trophy that reads "I Piss Excellence", it's simply yet another advantage that professional athletes have over the rest of us. Superior talent, seemingly unlimited money, fancy cars, all the girls, and full blown peeing contests - where does it end?!?!

Honestly though, can you imagine how much more enjoyable everyone's work environment would be if they were encouraged to go to the bathroom instead of being shamed for it? All anyone ever wants from their boss (other than more money) is a "good job", and pro ball players are getting that for nothing more than taking moan inducing bladder clearers that could probably wake the neighbors. I know that hydration is essential to avoiding injury when participating in athletics, but it's also kind of essential in avoiding homicidal thoughts about your co-workers while participating in workplace survival. I think every office should hand out golden urinals. Spending a lot of time in the bathroom may not bode well for productivity, but it definitely bodes well for peace of mind. Plus, drinking the amount necessary to need an hourly leak is hardly impressive when compared to the forced friendliness necessary to need an hourly sabbatical on the crapper.