The UFC News You've All Been Waiting For: Ronda Rousey Wishes She Was A Dolphin

NYPost- The only animal I’d want to be is a dolphin, for a couple reasons — this isn’t directed at you, I’m just saying, in general. I think dolphins are one of the few species on Earth that has sex recreationally,” Rousey said. “And they have really complex social systems and they’re really sweet to each other, ya know? Dolphins, like, kinda cuddle and caress each other. I don’t know, it’s just I watch the documentaries, and it’s just like — that lion (expletive) is mean, okay? That’s like a really terrible relationship and I don’t wanna be in a lion relationship. Like, ‘Hi, I’m the new guy in town, I’m going to kill your babies and (expletive) you in the forest.’ Like, what? No, I don’t want that, I want to be a dolphin.



Here's a little heads up: I posted the video above, but I DO NOT recommend watching it. Nothing will make you want to beat your own ass just to rid yourself of the frustration quite like watching Odell Beckham Jr. and Ronda Rousey discuss marine life. If that video had lasted two minutes longer I would have gouged my eyes out with a screwdriver and made Van Gogh's self mutilation look like the plot of a PG movie just so I didn't have to listen to these clowns pinpoint their spirit animal anymore.

More importantly, I have good news. I figured out what it will take for me to like Ronda Rousey again, and it's a complete, eternal detachment from all things UFC. I can get down with a shitty actress that's semi-hot and a huge fan of recreational sex as long as that's the personality she promises to embrace from now on. If you really think about it I am just looking out for her safety, because if Ronda Rousey steps in the ring thinking about herself as a cute cuddly porpoise she's going to get that reconstructed face punted right back to the Emergency Room. I enjoyed when she was breaking bitches arms in approximately 15 seconds flat too, but that Ronda Rousey would never besmirch the good name of the lion. That Ronda Rousey wouldn't hesitate to eat a a few young if it meant getting what she wanted. That Ronda Rousey was a savage who thought about nothing other than inflicting the maximum amount of pain on her opponents. This Ronda Rousey is worried about sensitivity and sex, and that's all fine and dandy as long as she's not expecting people to fear her when she steps foot in the octagon. Basically what I am saying is that being a warm blooded killer is a full time job, and this Ronda Rousey - the one who idolizes Flipper's affability - doesn't appear to have the aggressiveness and tenacity to fulfill it's requirements anymore.