There Is A 'Yelp!' For People App Coming Out, And I Ain't Got No Worries

Washington Post- You can already rate restaurants, hotels, movies, college classes, government agencies and bowel movements online.So the most surprising thing about Peeple — basically Yelp, but for humans — may be the fact that no one has yet had the gall to launch something like it.

When the app does launch, probably in late November, you will be able to assign reviews and one- to five-star ratings to everyone you know: your exes, your co-workers, the old guy who lives next door. You can’t opt out — once someone puts your name in the Peeple system, it’s there unless you violate the site’s terms of service. And you can’t delete bad or biased reviews — that would defeat the whole purpose.

You must also affirm that you “know” the person in one of three categories: personal, professional or romantic. To add someone to the database who has not been reviewed before, you must have that person’s cell phone number. (The app was originally supposed to scrape names automatically from Facebook, but the site’s API wouldn’t allow it — to Cordray’s visible annoyance.)


Ha! You think I am worried about people I know rating me? This app hasn't even launched yet and I already know my rating. I am solid 3 all the way. Kinda attractive. Kinda funny. Kinda good in bed. Kinda an asshole. Kinda selfish. Kinda irresponsible. Everything about me SCREAMS 3, and if we are being completely honest that's exactly the rating for which everyone should strive. You want a percentage breakdown? 70% of people will find me to be a decent human being and give me a 3, the 15% of people that have either dated me or played hockey against me will give me a 1, and 15% of people that happened to catch me on a good day will give me a 5 (okay fine, 4). Regardless it all balances out to a 3. We are talking about people here, not chinese food restaurants. Why would anyone want to be anything other than a 3? You know all those 5's are just sociopaths that are really good at hiding all of their flaws, and the 1's literally don't have one single redeeming quality. I don't want to date anyone other than a 3. I don't want to have a beer with anyone other than a 3. I don't even want to fucking talk to anyone other than a 3. 3 is perfect. Under a 3 you are fighting an uphill battle, and over a 3 brings unwanted expectations. I am totally fine be the personification of a C+. It's only natural to have high volume of people that think you're okay, a couple people that hate you, and a couple people that love you for no apparent reason. 


Positive ratings post immediately; negative ratings are queued in a private inbox for 48 hours in case of disputes. If you haven’t registered for the site, and thus can’t contest those negative ratings, your profile only shows positive reviews. On top of that, Peeple has outlawed a laundry list of bad behaviors, including profanity, sexism and mention of private health conditions.


This app is a complete fraud anyway. Positive reviews are automatically posted, but you get 48 hours to dispute any negative reviews? Not only that, but profanity and sexism are exempt from judgement? I think I have to take back my original opinion, I am a 5 motherfuckers. My most negative characteristics aren't even allowed to be talked about on the site. It's like I designed the fucking app myself. Oh, you can rate me, but you can't talk about my truck driver vocabulary or all the women that I haven't done right by. Fuck it, can I sign up now? This is right up my alley. I can basically just glorify all the good things people say about me and ignore all the bad things. It's a narcissist's dream. By the time I am done disputing my 'Peeple' profile will just look like an online dating profile minus the candle light dinners and long walks on the beach. Anyone typing my phone number into an app to find out if I'm a shithead deserves to think I'm a 5 anyway, because they clearly can't fucking think for themselves. We can already eat, get to the bar, get home from the bar, date, and fuck more conveniently. Do we really have to venture into casual face-to-face human interaction as well? Aren't we looking at our phones enough?