This Dude Who Tried To Break Into A Building With A Baseball Bat Couldn't Crack A Little League Lineup
While I don't think there's much of an argument to be made against the idea that even the attempt at using a blunt object to bust into a building is a crime, I can't help but think we are giving this dude far too much credit by treating him like a criminal. I honestly can't tell what was more broken, the law or his spirit, and - for that reason - he'd be my first and only cut if I were putting together a beer league breaking-and-entering team. I don't even think it's an exaggeration to say that cut couldn't even produce enough airflow to knock a ball from a tee, never mind force it's way through through literally any type of blockade, so considering him as a fugitive is kind of like considering a group of mothers jogging around the neighborhood a team of athletes. His actions fit the mold, but his effort? Well, let's just say that Ozzie Osbourne is exponentially more inclined to draw first blood with a bat in his hand. I can't imagine a scenario in which I would offer someone who faded so meagerly under the bright red light of a surveillance camera a pinch hit out of pity if I were trying to gain entry into a place I didn't belong. Therefore, it better come at the very bottom of the dispatch order if his at-bat is going to count as a crime, and - whatever you do - please don't let the Mets call it in.