Here's what we are going to do. We are going to make a pact to suspend disbelief and act like this girl legitimately sent in this paper. I know it doesn't make sense that some blind drunk chick had the wherewithal to remember she had an assignment due and the motivation to complete that assignment, but not the consciousness to proofread it first. I know nothing about that picture proves it was actually part of a legit email. Still, this blog would be boring as fuck if you opened it up and it just said "FAKE". So with that said, it's time to give this little attention seeker a grade...
Hard, hard F. I wanted to give the girl a 'D' for giving it the old college try, but there's just too many damn flaws. I would be inclined to forgive her for the part where she basically admits to her teacher that she's wasted and then gives her a sobriety update, but this paragraph is too poorly constructed to curve it on the pity scale. Even if you gloss over the idea that a 'Criminal Justice' professor likely didn't create a writing assignment with the premise of getting his/her students thoughts about kissing on trains, I still can't call this anything but a failure. Why, you ask?
I still have no fucking idea how this girl really feels about kissing on trains. Is it romantic? Is it dangerous? Does the fact that it's dangerous make it romantic? Goddamn it McKenna, it's not about whether (with an 'h') you're right or wrong, it's about arguing your point in a consistent fashion. Hell, I wouldn't even mind if she presented both sides of the debate, but at least separate it into different paragraphs. I went from thinking I've been missing out on swapping spit on the Amtrak to thinking it could be the cause of my death, and I didn't even get a short pause in between.
There's a microscopic chance this was actually sent but IF it was then I hope the professor responded with a middle finger emoji as a sign of unreciprocated love, because this paper is about 3 Advil, a dozen waters, and a six hour nap away from sucking on a 'C' level.