This Pittsburgh Reporter Would Have Rather Been Anywhere Other Than Covering The Penguins Stanley Cup Celebration

“Well, I’ll tell you what, Bob, they’re having a marathon celebration out here in the streets. They’ve been screaming, jumping up and down, ‘Let’s go Pens,’ all that stuff. Here we go. All night. Since the end of the game. It’s really funny because…it’s really, really crazy. …I’m not mad or anything, folks, but they really need to tone it down and let us do our thing, because it’s been tough. But they’re just having such a great time.”

“And it’s been great that the Pens won, I’m real happy for them, but this celebration is ongoing. I don’t think they want to go home. They have to be out of here in 90 minutes because that’s what the police department ordered, and they’re going to bring the horses out here sooner or later to get these folks off the street. But in the meantime, they’re having a great time. There’s all these mock Stanley Cups around. Now you hear them chanting. We’re going to let you go back, because this has to end.”

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This is exactly how I imagine Bob Allen's face looked when he was told he was chosen to report on  the drunken degenerates that make up the vast majority of the Penguins' predominantly white fanbase so late on a Sunday night that it would probably be more accurate to call it Monday morning...

This video really begs one question and one question only: Who the hell did Bob Allen piss off at KDKA in Pittsburgh? Not only do I know - for a fact - that he didn't sign up for that gig, but I am pretty sure it was given to him knowing exactly how "not mad" it would make him. I couldn't be more certain that this assignment was a punishment, because his lack of patience with Penguins fans was not characteristic of the type of person that's openly discussing Crosby's legacy around the office. 

I know from watching him work at his craft for all of 90 seconds that Bob Allen is about as talented as covering up his true emotions as he is at covering the championship celebration of a sport he undoubted spends 10-11 months of the year ignoring the existence of. I could practically see the internal clock in his head counting down the minutes until the streets needed to be cleared. Pretty sure he only went back to the studio because the next person that jumped in front of the lens was going to have him catching a case. I don't know the pecking order at KDKA, but I would imagine Bob Allen is towards the bottom of it with how desperately he wanted to be anywhere else in the world at that moment. Just no way his boss is unaware of how much he loathes hockey fans, because Bob Allen is about as see through as the transparent broad that tried hog the camera time that he gladly would have pawned off on any literally any other co-worker.